The Arts

FanFiction about Mazzi Maz.
Sex....sex and more sex.
Violence as well. ;D

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41. Loud Thoughts

A/N: I'm sorry . . . 

Marceline’s P O V

I remember. I remember everything of last night’s mishaps but I can’t envision it or hear it echo in my mind. Everything is pitch black and silent. I can’t hear anything . . . not even my own thoughts. I’m left with silent memories; pure silence.

Usually when this happens, I’d know how to act but last night was different. I didn’t feel right. I didn’t feel like myself. I’m always used to having complete control of my body but yesterday made me feel weak. My God how I hate that word. I know I’m not weak but I’m not always strong; no one ever is.

Thankfully Maz was there to ensure me that I was protected. When he hugged me I knew I was in good hands. I recognized his arms. Whenever he’d hug me, his left arm would swing around my waist; just above my bum and his right arm would either be perfectly placed on my upper back, on my neck or my cheek. The contours of his arms and hands would complement my figure and hug my every curve.

But when I was sat down and separate from his heat; I couldn’t function. I couldn’t act normal without his touch. I felt ill, wrong, weak; I could hardly speak, I thought anyone who wasn’t Maz was out to get me. I remembered being hauled away from him and hooked up to tons of machines. I’d bash my head to the rails hoping, begging for my vision to come back; but nothing, nothing happened. I’d punch myself on the sides of my head waiting and anticipating for my hearing to become avid; and again, nothing happened.

I was yelling Maz’s name, why wasn’t he there? Where did he go? Who ripped him away from me? Why did they rip him away from me? I’m not a virus. What I have isn’t contagious. I’m not a monster, I know I’m not. I know it.

I felt someone’s presence in the room; my guard is up and ready for anything . . .

Maz’s P O V

Like an animal, I slept on the floor. I laid there, dead, waiting for Marceline to come back to me. I waited for her to fade back to me. I sat up and saw her lying down on the gurney with her eyes open. The way her eyes aimed at nothing made me realize that she still hasn’t gotten her senses back. I could tell she remembered what happened yesterday, I’d see her murmur things to herself. Plus, she didn’t freak out or tried to do something rash like last night.

I felt like complete shit yesterday for being separated from her. Seeing someone in pain and having no power to do anything about can surely tear you apart. And that’s what happened to me; I was torn. But thankfully, she didn’t see it. I reckon she didn’t have to, she could feel it. I was there when it all happened, she knew I was. We were physically here but mentally gone.

Seeing her hit herself and bash her head to things just- I don’t ever want to witness that again. I don’t want to see her in pain again. I don’t want to see her down again. Ever again. My angel, my love, my everything . . . torn, tortured . . . faded. She’s gone through so much but rewarded so little. All she ever wanted to do is get an education; that’s it. Nothing more, nothing less. She didn’t deserve this; none of it. I’d sacrifice my senses in exchange to have her life a happy life. Marceline needs a break or else, she’ll break.

“Excuse me young man, are you friend of Ms. Konn” asked a Doctor behind me.

I didn’t jolt up or stood up. I sat there on the cold, light-blue checkered floor and simply nodded. My hands stiff, my legs stiff . . . my mind stiff.

“Right, well, as you may know Ms. Konn is temporary blind and deaf. I’m sorry to inform you but it seems she’s losing her hearing as well as vision at a faster rate than expected. She might have weeks, months, and maybe days ’til those two senses completely lose its function. Perhaps lose all her senses; we aren’t sure yet about that factor. In addition, from her previous records, we learned that Doctors predicted she’d lose her senses at age 26-30; they should’ve lowered their standards” the Doctor stated.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing; she might completely lose her vision and hearing at any given moment.

Continue, was all that I could manage to choke out.

“We are still not sure why this had to happen and there is no cure. She’ll be able to live, no doubt about that but we are trying to slow this down. Ms. Konn is rather young to be going through such thing and since we still are testing on her, it’s best she stays here for a while” the Doctor breathed.

May I see her now? She’s wide awake. I whispered; my voice cracking.

“Yes you may just try not to scare her” he suggested and left. I didn’t make a sudden move until I heard the tap of his oxford shoes fade away from the halls.

I slowly stood up and slowly walked to the door. Hopefully she could speak, I need to hear her voice. I have to know how she feels about all this.

I walked in and her head immediately aimed towards the door. I’m not gonna lie I was scared when she turned. She kept blinking hard, hoping she’d gain that sense. But still, she had nothing.

“Maz?” she spoke. I sighed in relief. She finally spoke.

Marceline, baby, can you hear me? I said with my fingers crossed.

She cried.

She didn’t speak; she just cried.

At first, she sobbed but then her sobbing turned to loud cries. Her loud cries were cries of help, fright, weakness and most of all, torture. I could tell she was tired of it all. It almost looked like she wanted to give up but I wasn’t going to allow that to happen.

I couldn’t see her like this; never like this. Seeing her cry makes my stand weaken and break down with her. It pained me to even see her cry. It’s even worse for me because I can’t do much about it. I felt useless and stressed. This is all too much and I just don’t know how to cope with it all.  And all I could do was hug her; hug her and hope for the best.

I wasted no time and pulled her in for my warming embrace. This made her cry even more. Her hands would roam endlessly, only to recognize who I was. She missed me; all of me. Not only my body but my spirit, she needed me there completely but I felt so fucking useless. I just can’t deal with all this. I’m having trouble, I just need some time to deal with it all yunno?

 As I hugged her I could almost feel the sadness being poured out of her body and soul and onto my chest. Every tear hitting me like a bullet, every cry hitting me like a punch . . . every time her grip tightened on my me was like she was pulling me down with her only to show me what she was going through and yunno what? It worked. I felt it; all of it.

“I-I could hear you” she managed to choke out through her cries. This made me loosen up a bit but not as much.

Marceline, I whispered into her hair.

“Maz, why did you leave me?” she wept. She clung to me like a frightened child in the night, afraid of the dark and ‘hear noises coming from under the bed’.  

Marceline I wasn’t allowed near you. I don’t know why but I just wasn’t. I also had a nurse hold me back from breaking into the room. Baby, I would never leave you; never.

“B-But why didn’t it come back? Why was I given this disease? What did I ever do to deserve this, huh? I’m tired of it all Maz, what’ll be my purpose if I can’t see or hear anymore?!” she bawled.

Marceline, no-

“Why can’t I, for once, live in peace? I have people after me, I lost a friend, I made enemies- why me?!!” she shouted.

It’ll get better-

“How?! I know I’ll be completely blind and deaf soon! I’ll be another Helen Keller for fucks sakes! I’m better off-”

Don’t you dare finish that sentence Marceline! I stood up from the gurney.

“Why?! Are you afraid of the truth?! Huh, are you?! Well guess what Maz, I’m better off dead. Yea, that’s right, DEAD! Cold, stiff, emotionless, breathless, no pulse, lifeless; the list goes on! I wanna die! I wanna die! I wanna die!

Shut up! Shut the fuck up Marceline! Don’t ever say that again, you hear me?! Why are you so fucking selfish?! You’re this tough girl with a sweet side to her but has so much self-concentration; enough! Think about me for once, please!

“Fuck you; you don’t know how I feel! You don’t know how it’s like to have no vision or hearing! You wanna know how’d you feel? I’ll tell you; useless. You feel fucking useless to the world and most importantly to yourself! I’m selfish because I didn’t have many people to care for! And for fuck sakes Maz, I always think about you! I had to sacrifice things for you, shit, I almost died for you. I’m fucking sorry, did you want more? Was my near to death experience not enough for you? Was it not enough proof to prove to you that I always think about you and that I’m sometimes stupid enough to do certain things for you?!”

Marceline, I don’t have to go through what you’re going through in order to feel your pain. Imagination is close enough alright. You’ve gone through shit, I get it but you shouldn’t feel superior to others when they have a problem that was less severe than yours! A problem is a problem and you wanting to leave me and die aren’t silly fucking problems! I didn’t mean that you never do things for me but you saying things like that make me worry. You want to leave me and go with death; how do you think that makes me feel? If you leave, what do I have left? Nothing. You complete me and I complete you Marceline. So stop saying stupid things and just try to relax!

She couldn’t see still but her eyes pin pointed the exact location where I was standing. My voice led her eyes to me; good. 

There was silence in the room; no words were said between her and me. It wasn’t that uncomfortable silence, no, this was worse. This was tension; tension that weighed us both down, tension that could make us or break us. With the way things are going, I wouldn’t be surprised if one of us decided to end things.

It’s just too much pressure.

“What is?”

Fuck, I thought out loud. How would I sound saying it to her, ‘Mars, this might not work out because it’s all too stressful. I need a break from you, I don’t know for how long but I do. The longer I stay like this, I just don’t know what’ll happen. Know that I’m not the only leaving you but I’m leaving myself. It’s all complicated. I’ll still be here for you and I’ll never stop loving you but I need this. I trust that you’ll be fine because I know you won’t kill yourself but I can’t be like this anymore or else I’ll break. I’m afraid if I break, no one, not even you could glue me back together. I’m just confused right now and I don’t know what I’m even doing. What I’m trying to say is . . . I’m breaking up with you’.

“Huh . . . ?”

Lexi’s P O V

I sat on the edge of my window sill, dragging the butt of my cigarette along the brick walls. For the first time in years, I feel calm and rejoiced. I feel empowered and confident in myself. Confidence, haha, something I haven’t felt in a long time. But now that I own it, I’ll be wise with it. I’ll be wise about everything and plan six, no, twenty moves ahead from everybody else. I’ll be strong, I’ll be powerful, and I’ll be unbreakable.

But for now, I gotta keep practicing my boxing and I have to lay low.

------------------------------------

Ever since yesterday’s mishap with that idiot, I realized how much of a resource he could be for me. I could use him as a ‘partner in crime’ or bait to get what I want. Now, I can go boxing with a major goal in mind.

“You’re here?!” that idiot gasped.

I looked at him with an unimpressed facial expression, Looks like.

“Look, about yesterday, I-”

I wanna train, so shut the hell up and train.

He nodded slowly but still surprised about the fact that I’m back. We got on the ring and my practice began.

----------------------------------

Once practice was over I went straight to the locker rooms. Practice was great, we didn’t even talk and that’s what makes everything better. I could feel his eyes on me and I would catch his worried expression but that made me all warm inside. Knowing what the silent treatment can make a person do or feel makes me feel powerful than them.

As I left the locker rooms, I bumped into him. “Can we talk?” he pleaded.

Talk or shove your tongue down my throat?

“*sigh* Look, I’m very sorry about yesterday. I don’t know what happened to me”

I think I know. Since you aren’t usually turned down by girls you ride through life like nothing but the fact that one actually turned you down upset you. Therefore, it resulted in you acting like an aggressive asshole.

“Makes sense, I guess but I really want another chance. No, not to kiss you or do anything disrespectful but to just talk to you as a *gulp* friend

Fine.

“C’mon, all I want is a- what?”

I said fine.

“Great! So umm for starters . . . what’s your name?”

Lexi but you can call me Red.

“Oh okay, Red, my name is Theo” he smiled.

I swear that name is so familiar but ehh, it could be anyone.

“Wanna go get something to eat?”

I gave him a deadly stare. “As friends of course” he chuckled nervously.

Sure, let’s get pizza. I demanded.

“Sure, sounds great” he cheered. Yup, this’ll be easier than I thought.

Maz’s P O V

“Huh . . . ?”

Wha- she cut me off.

“Y-you want to break up with me?” she hinted.

My eyes widened in shock. Fuck.

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