Unspoken Confession

This is directed at somebody, but I don't think I'd ever have the guts to say it to them.


1. Unspoken Confession

You know whaat friends know you as? Damnit, damnit, damnit. Simple emough to understand. I regret my decision about you two years ago. Two years, only hearing from you sporadically, and i still think back, and regret it more than anything I've ever done. Or not done for that matter. 

The time was right. We were  both going through something terrible, and we somehow managed to come together. We just clicked. In my state, and considering I am who I am, there was no reason you should be drawn to me. You are so, so far out of my league. But for some reason, whether it was because i was weak, or because you were, it happened. And so fast. We had only texted and talked at work. Next thing we know we're watching a movie together. That was great enough. It only got more unbelievable. We kissed. For a long time. Honestly, it was amazing. You looked beautiful, and you were looking at me. How could I not fall for those eyes, those lips, that heart. I still look back on it and I can almost relive it. It's one of my most vivid memories. 

Two short weeks. You even tried playing Gears with me. What other girl on earth would do that? I'll admit, I was head over heels. You kept saying we shouldn't show any affection until your divorce was final. But damn, that was hard. Two Fantastic, amazing, beautiful weeks. And that bitch had to screw it up. I huess i was the weak one. But hell, I was engaged to her. I had decided to marry her. I was still so confused, and such a wreck. It was too easy to trick me and sabotage me. I should have known. It's such a simple decision. Anyone would have stayed with you. I mean, duh, you're super hot. She was decidedly less so. Butmy stupid heart couldn't defend itself. I left. After coming so quickly into your life, i leave just as quickly. I'm such an idiot. 

Things fell out after that. I wasn't happy with her. It didn't take long to figure that out. She sucked. Pain in the ass too. I tried to come back, but I had already blown my chance. After what i did and said, how could I think I could just come back? I did stupid things and i regret them to this day, two years later. 

Every time I hear from you, I hope again. I play it as cool and rational as possible. Compliments, jokes, anything I think would charm you. And I start going crazy again. It all comes flooding back. The enchantment, fantastic memories, and the foolish mistakes. Mostly the regret. I kinda stalk you on Facebook sometimes. I monitor your relationship status. You look amazing, as always. And there he is with you. You're both happy, and I sigh again. He's a lucky guy, but he should be me. It's a long story, but that's  how I feel about it. This happens every time I hear from you. I honestly don't know if this time is worse, because I'm miserable every time. 

But Why now? You never tet me, but that morning you did. Why? We talked all day. You asked if I'm dating anyone. You asked for picture of me. How am I supposed to take that? I'm just waiting for a second chance. Do you still have thoughts like I do? I don't understand. I need something to wrap this up. I can move on. I have before. But I can't with you for some reason. I'm stuck. How does this end? Do I just wait for it to fade away? And if i do, how long do i have to wait? Or what will it take for me to get another chance?  Because, believe me, I'll do it. I just need closure. I need our story to move forward or end. I really want it to move forward though. Really, I mean it. 

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