Starless Sky [completed]

After having spend the summer with the Cullens, in LA and with Charlie; Melody gets back to Forks High School. it's a brand new year full of unexpected surprises and things you'd never thought were existing.

After a small incident, things go wrong - Bella gets depressive and Melody runs away.
But what happens if the past all comes flooding back? is there danger lurking?

What if she can't protect her family from herself and the ghosths of her past? And worse.. how will Edward react?

Starless Sky is the sequel to Moon Girl

IMPORTANT:

This story is RATED 18+ / NC-17 which means the following:

- violence
- angst
- cursing
- sexual acts/ suggestive themes

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12. Girl Time + Cravings + Overthinking

My last class for the day had ended and I prepared myself to go out with Bella. she proposed we’d go shopping in Port Angeles and then have dinner. When she asked about dinner she felt unsure if I’d like it, since I never ate. Somehow, my voice agreed with her.

                Just as I was putting on my winter jacket, my phone rang. I pulled it out of my pocket and checked the caller-ID. With a feeling of remorse, I ended the call.

                “Who was that?” I heard from behind me. I quickly turned around and saw Bella leaning against the lockers on the other side of the aisle.

                “Scarlett…” I admitted in a soft, monotone voice. Bella sighed. ‘Melody, they’re worried about you. If you don’t want to go there you should at least let them talk to you.’

                “No, Bella, I don’t want to talk about it. let’s just ..shove it away and have..fun.” I replied, ignoring her thought.

                Since she found out about my mindreading ability, she treated me differently. Of course the shrew was still there when it came to wanting Edward or Jacob, but it felt like she started to handle me like sisters should do.

                “Okay, fine. Let’s get a move on shall we?” she said, pushing herself away from the lockers and walking to the entrance of the school. I followed her, almost falling over again from the heavy bag. Damn books.

               

                We drove separately home so we could drop our bags before taking the truck and heading to PA. it was silent at first, but I didn’t like it, even thought the silence had kept me enduring the pain.

                “So, how is your relationship with Jake?” I asked hesitantly, looking out if the window.

                Bella looked at me swiftly before answering, “It goes. I mean,…he’s acting a little weird since we found out about your mindreading thing. But for the rest is quite awesome. It’s so different than with…” she stopped before speaking his name. it was useless because I already knew.

                “Anyway, I think Jake is the one. Well, if he start acting normal again, that is. He seems distant.” She finished, looking in her rearview mirror. We were almost there but I didn’t feel the excitement of a shopping trip I used to feel. Maybe everything just broke inside me. My emotions, feelings, my senses.

                We started at a shop with normal, casual but nice clothes. I wasn’t really in the mood, but I needed new stuff. During hunting over the past months, a lot of clothes became bloodied, torn and messed up. I found a section with black clothes. Black had become my favorite color lately and it completely fit with my eyes.

                I grabbed a few things with the colors, black, deep blue and dark purple. It were just pretty colors, even in my daze I could see that.

                “Hey, do you think this will suit me? I mean, I like it but maybe it’s too…smart?” I turned around and saw Bella, also with a stack of clothes on her arm, holding a deep purple, wide blouse with a black ribbon bow at the round neck line. I think you should try it on, Bells. Then you can see.” I replied, trying to ignore the zombie tone in my voice. Bella nodded, turned around and went back to the section she’d gotten it, making me frown. When she came back to me she held another one in her hand, my size.

                “You said sisterly bonding right? Well, maybe this is a start?” she questioned. I sighed and nodded, ”Okay, let’s try it then.”

                Together we went to the fitting rooms and I suddenly thought that it was actually quite fun to do this together. We both got a dressing room and tried on the purple blouse Bella had chosen. Underneath I out on black jeans with lots of tears from the upper leg until the ankles. I got out and waited for Bella. when she came out behind the curtain, she started giggling and tugged me towards the large mirror. I couldn’t help but smile just a little myself. Now we really looked like each other, even though I was much more tiny and was to equalize to  a skeleton.

                “We  totally having those! Agreed?” Bella enthused. I nodded. It looked nice and Charlie would be very happy with the slightest progress we’d made.

                We went further with fitting the other clothes we’d gotten from the hangers.

                When I got out in a dress that I’d picked out in the hope to wear it with Christmas, Bella gasped.

                “Wow! It’s so cute! You really should wear it for Christmas!” she squealed. I frowned.

                “So I don’t look like a creeper in this?” I asked back, picking at them hem of the green dress. It had this Lolita style you’d frequently find in Asian countries. It was pale green with white accents, getting an A-shape from the waist. The hem ended upon my thighs.

                “What? No! it really suits you. You should take it.” Bella reassured me. in her mind I heard she meant it.

                “Okay, I’m taking it. what about you?”

                Bella wore a deep red dress that fir tightly around her curves. It had quarter sleeves that were puffed and made of chiffon. The creases were spread all over the bodice and fit with the sleeves. Bella turned around on her spot, showing it. ‘What do you think?’

                It looked great on you. You should take that one for Christmas. I’m sure Jake will like it.” I said, adding y last comment to encourage her. She smiled brightly and nodded.

                We dressed back in our normal clothes and went to pay for our new clothes. I’d gotten the jeans with the tears, along with the purple blouse we both bought. To make sure I wouldn’t get too cold this winter, I chose a white woolen, tight sweater with blue Scandinavian print. The dress for Christmas was also in my paper bag when we left the shop. The December air cut in my cheeks. It was cold, probably below zero degrees. It was getting dark outside, the sky cloudy and starless. I cast my eyes down. it was like me without Edward. A sky without stars – starless sky.

 

                We went to a few other shops for jewelry, shoes and makeup. I was distracted enough not to think about him, which made me feel slightly better but worse at the same time. to make everything even more confusing, I felt the urge to cry again. the tears were streaming down again, before I could realize it and Bella gasped upon seeing my cry-face.

                “Melody what’s wrong?” she asked, worried, taking my hands in hers in an overly sister manner. It made me only cry more.

                “I don’t know!” I sniffled, wailing out the words. “I feel like crying for no reason all the time! it’s crazy!” I wailed further. Bella sighed. ‘it’s quite normal I guess…for what you’re going through. It’s okay.’  She thought reassuringly. I dried my tears and let out a deep breath.

 

                “Hey, I’m thirsty. You’d like something to drink, too?” my half-sister questioned, changing the subject to distract me even more.  I hesitated. I would’ve said no immediately if I hadn’t felt the dry tingle in my throat. My body craved it very suddenly. I nodded vaguely and Bella tugged me towards a small, nice looking café. We took as seat in the far back, getting warm next to the hearth close to our table and ordered. Bella wanted a Coke and I choose a banana milkshake. I didn’t know why but I just wanted one. I suddenly started thinking about the weirdest milkshake flavors – hamburger milkshake, cookie-dough milkshake, spaghetti milkshake and I surely didn’t forget to mention blood milkshake.

                I was really losing my ever so smart mind here. Why was I suddenly obsessed with food?

 

                When the waitress brought our drinks I eagerly sucked the ice cold milky goodness through the straw. The sucking apart made me think of hunting. I closed my eyes as the first taste hit my tongue and surprisingly moaned softly.

                “Uhm…Melody? Are you okay?” I heard Bella ask. I quickly stopped drinking through the straw and looked at her. Bella held a wary smile on her face. ‘don’t be embarrassed. I can imagine how good it must feel to finally get some sustenance after weeks.’  

                “I’m sorry…I just..got a little caught up in my milkshake moment I guess.” I replied scratching my head. Bella giggled, taking a sip of her Coke.

                “You want to eat something now and then head home?” she asked in return, taking another sip of her Coke. I thought about it for a minute. I glanced at my wristwatch, seeing it was past seven. We’d been shopping pretty long.

                “sure.” I said, grabbing the menu from the table. I should eat, I wanted too. Hell how many delicious food can you place on one menu card! It’s not fair. After a while I chose for a small chicken burger, hoping my stomach wouldn’t reject it. Bella ordered a chicken burger also, along with salad. We chatted about normal things, not touching the ‘forbidden’ subjects. When I smelled the food, I was done for. Bella chuckled at my sudden silence as I followed the burger. I was getting absolutely crazy. When the plates stood in front of us and the waiter left, I looked at Bella.

                “Enjoy your meal,” she said. I nodded and replied with a ‘you too’, before feasting on the burger. I tried not to moan which succeeded in.

                When I’d eaten it completely and licked of my fingers, I sat back in my chair. I felt my body strengthen obviously and sighed in contentment.

                “That was delicious.” I said.

                “Melody, it was just a mini-chicken burger.” Bella stated matter of factly, with an amused expression. I rolled my eyes. I waited until she was done eating, and let my hands drift down to my lower belly to rest there. when I neared the space just beneath my belly button, I gasped loudly.

                There was a bump there, just slightly, scaring the crap out of me.

                “What’s going on?” Bella noticed my gasp, standing up since we were ready to leave.

                “I…I…I’m just tired, that’s all. I was startled by the scraping of someone’s stool against the floor.” I told her.

                Off course a slight bump wouldn’t mean anything – it was rather common for some teenage girls to have that during puberty.

                But why did I think it was something else?

 

We were almost back in Forks, the silence in the round cabin of Bella’s truck hung tense in the air. After we left the little café, Bella kept shooting me with questions via her mind. when I finally snarled I was fine, she huffed but stopped asking.

                Fine wasn’t exactly the right word – I wasn’t. Let’s just say I felt less than terribly worse. Maybe Charlie was right, that I should ask for help. But I didn’t want my siblings to drown along with me – they didn’t deserve it. I preferably suffered on my own than to poison someone else’s life.

                I tried very hard not to think about him, even though flashbacks of the night we shared came back to me, making me realize again and making it difficult not to. It was awful and fantastic at the same time – it hurt too only have the memories, which would fade with each second of a day, but it was great to have evidence and proof that he existed and that he was the one to make a woman of me. I closed my eyes, leaning against the window beside me. God, how I missed him. it was indescribable and could only be told by the way I acted and the gaping, burning black hole in my chest. He’d taken my happy half with him, leaving me with the garbage.

                I let out a sigh of relief as Bella passed the welcome sign. She glanced at me sideways, frowning.

                “Before you start to think what happened in the café was your fault, I’ll stop you, because it’s not.” I said, softly, like my brighter voice from this afternoon was taking a nap or stuffed itself back in a dusty closet.

                “How can I think not? The one moment you seem…better. And then you suddenly are back too moping again.” she sneered, frustrated by it. I squeezed my eyes. The moping talk again?

                “Bella, honestly, I had a nice time this afternoon – I needed the distraction. It’s is, and I swear, not your fault right now.” I said.

                “not right now.” she stated. “so it is my fault you’re acting like this from the very beginning?” she’d raised her voice, hitting the right nail on the head. I didn’t want to say her she was partly right – it her fault after all that I never got the chance to be with Edward.

                “Bella…not entirely. It’s…Edward’s fault. “ I whispered, feeling the tears well up. it never seemed to stop and it was making me tired. Bella gasped.

                “Oh my God! Melody please don’t tell me you and Edward were cheating on me behind my back!” She bellowed. My mouth hung open at her reaction. Well how fucked up is that? Where we really going to fight about this again?

                “Stop the car.” I said, monotonous and empty.

                “No, you’re going to tell me the tru – “

                “I said STOP the DAMN car!”

               

                Bella was startled by the sudden dark snarl in my voice, and did as I said. She parked the truck at the side of the long road, dropping her hands from the steering wheel. I was so, so furious. If she was going to play innocent girlfriend here, I’d tell her the truth.

                “Listen to me Bella, you want the truth? Then you can get it!” I snarled further, sitting more right in the seat. She cringed at my tone and I set my jaw together.

                “Yes, it was you! Because YOU wanted to fuck Edward to get a major status at school! Because YOU made sure I didn’t get the chance! And now he’s gone! And it’s killing me!” I yelled through the small space. I saw Bella shrink away with each harsh word.

                “You want to know how I really feel? I’m surprised you even want to!” I roared further, swallowing the tears that were streaming wildly. She didn’t reply, only her mind showing she wasn’t feeling guilty in the slightest. That didn’t matter to me – she just needed to know. I softened, feeling guilty myself for yelling at her like that. It was crude after all.

                “I’m tired of yelling.” So I stopped to do it.

                “I’m tired of crying the whole time.” I sniffled.

                “I’m tired of pretending that I’m fine, because I’m not.”

                “I’m tired of being sad all the time, tired of being alone.”

                “I’m tired of being stuck, needing help and wishing to start all over.” I wailed, sobbed and cried.

                “I’m tired of feeling worthless, empty and remembering all those memories! And I’m tired of not being able to let all of this go! Because I CAN’T!” I screeched, hysteric. I took a deep, painful breath, feeling the gaping hole sting awfully at my ribcage and surrounding the place where my heart lay. I glanced at Bella with watery eyes. She was in tears too, just a little drop here and there.

                “I’m tired of dreaming about a life I’ll never have….” I whispered, looking at my sister.

                “And most of all, I’m tired of being tired. I want to be myself again, but I can’t. not without them. Not without Edward.”

 

                There it was. I’d said it. I told her how I really felt and even this all were huge understatements. I covered my eyes with my wet hands, wet from the tears that I already wiped from my face.

                We stayed silent for another five minutes. Bella’s mind was a whirlwind but I blocked her out of privacy. She had difficulties with thinking what she actually wanted to think.

                “I didn’t know.” She finally said “I had no idea that your friendship with Edward was so close. I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions so fast.”

 

                I sighed. If she actually thought that was true, I let her believe it. without saying another word, Bella started the engine of her ancient truck and we finished our trip, again in silence.

 

                “Hey girls! Did you have a nice time together?” Charlie boomed as we entered the living room. Before I left the truck I made sure to check if my eyes weren’t red and blotchy.

                “sure, dad, we went shopping for Christmas and then we had dinner in a café close to the boulevard.”Bella answered, feeling better again now she thought we’d solved the issue. Well, it was far from resolved.

                Charlie’s surprised expression caught my attention. “You ate?”

                I nodded and shrugged, as if it wasn’t a big deal. Reminding me of food again, made me hungry for something right at the time.

                Suddenly, Charlie’s arms were around my shoulders, hugging me to his chest.

                “I’m very proud of you, you know that?” he whispered in his familiar gruff voice. Ever since I was a little girl, my father had been my safe place, wherever I was or how I felt. And now I felt horrible for treating him like I didn’t need his fatherly hugs or kiss on the forehead. I relaxed into his warm, human arms and for a minute I forgot the worry in the back of my mind.

                my mind and body were playing some sick game with me. Like it wanted to tell me something I wouldn’t want to know.

 

                We showed Charlie what we bought in the shops and he smiled brightly the whole time. it made him truly happy to see us, his daughters, getting along nicely. I’d do anything to let him believe it – even if I still had to pretend, forgetting the tiredness of it.

                I was glad to finally fall down on my bed. my body molded with the soft mattress and my eyes fell close immediately. I missed my sleep today and now I could catch up with it. I discarded of my clothes and found a pajama before crawling under and falling asleep almost instantly, forgetting the rough talk with Bella, the shock from feeling the bump and the awful changes of moods.

 

                I went further like this for a few days more. I’d wake up, feel worse, but when I started eating I was all happy. I was afraid I might get fat someday. I’d go to school with Bella and we made small talk during the class changes and lunch time. the distraction, food and mood swings made me daze the reason I felt bad. I didn’t have to think about it the whole time and I was glad with that.

                What broke my better moods were the constant calls and texts I got from LA. Every time my phone would chime, I pushed the red button, ending the conversation before it even had a chance to start. The text I got, I deleted instantly. I didn’t even listen to the voice mails they spoke into my phone. When Charlie asked me about it I didn’t answer, feeling myself slip away into the deeper shades of darkness again. I just wasn’t ready for talking about it yet – not again. 

 

                It was Christmas, which I was celebrating at Charlie’s for the first time in years. I had been looking forward to it since I got here in the beginning of the year, but now I felt a bit uneasy when I thought about it. Or maybe I just felt uneasy about everything.

                It was past three at midnight, the white snow making the air light up. Great weather for Christmas. Why I was awake however, I didn’t understand. I’d been sleeping for hours every time I even got the chance to lay down – which was a lot. I woke up when I felt my belly tighten, a weird feeling and slightly uncomfortable. The danger of being awake, was that I was thinking over just about everything that went wrong. the unmanageable heartache was something I’d probably had to get used to. The heavy feeling on my chest, like I was carrying a brick wall against it, was there every day.

                I also felt guilty for not letting my family know how I was. of course Charlie already told them the story over the phone, but like that they wouldn’t understand it. I felt guilty that I hadn’t replied any of their text since I refused to read them. But now I started hesitating. My phone had chirped quite a lot already, announcing the waiting messages. It was Christmas after all.

                With a heavy, somehow scared, sigh, I picked up my IPhone from the bedside table. I opened the first message, which was from my brother.

 

                                 

 

N.C.Swan:  Melody, please! I know you don’t want to read our messages, but can you at least tell me you’re fine? Layla and Faith miss you too…

 

The salty drops were already stinging at my eyes, and this was only the first message. I missed them so much, making me think that I was selfish not to go back to LA. I tapped the screen to reply his message.

 

M.H.M.Swan: reading them now. Sorry. Merry Christmas, though.

 

I couldn’t tell him what he wanted to know, but I knew that if he saw the message he’d be satisfied for now. I moved on with the next.

 

S.H.S.Johnson: Baby sis, we’re worried about you! I want to know how you feel and if you’re even celebrating Christmas. Please don’t let Charlie down and remember you’re strong! You’ll get through this eventually. Chris and Alana send you hugs. Miss you little crazy stuff. Skye, Chris & Alana

 

Somehow I knew that Skye understood where I was going through. When Scarlett and Nathan both mated, she’d felt lonely too. off course I was there, but she was older and ready for a mate. If she only knew what the real story was – that it weren’t just my friends, not human and immortal. That Edward wasn’t just my buddy.

 

M.H.M.Swan: I know, I know. Don’t be, though. You should celebrate Christmas together too.  hug them back for me. Merry Christmas.

 

 

D.J.Bright: Hey, Mom says you feel bad and probably don’t want to hear it, but I want to wish you Merry Christmas. You deserve that. X Denim

 

I smiled slightly at his message, glad that he didn’t listen to his parents for a change.

 

M.H.M.Swan: You too, Den, you too.

 

Dr.A.Z.Bright: Melody, I don’t understand why you refuse to come back. It’s not like you can wait forever for your friends to return. Sorry if this sounds hard, but your sister and I are worried sick about you. You haven’t been like this for months and we don’t want to lose you again! please reply, if only you say you’ve read it we’re happy. Adam & Scarlett

 

I wiped the tears from my cheek, wanting to see what I typed on the screen.

 

                M.H.M.Swan: Adam, don’t try to. It’s hard to deal with and I kind of get that you’re worried but you don’t have to. Read your message.

 

                I dropped the phone on the duvet, wanting to catch up sleeping again, which eventually happened. I slept dreamlessly, tight and restless, as if there was something changing majorly, again. My body noticed, my mind knew but I didn’t. I tossed and turned, laying my arms around my belly, curling up to keep the warmth beneath the duvet.

 

 

               

                “Oh….no…” I whined, almost tripping out of the bed, as I struggled to get out. My stomach clenched violently, while I was overwhelmed by a very extreme flurry of nauseas. I whimpered as I stumbled and tripped to the bathroom, dizzy as hell and seeing double. I opened the door, slammed it close behind me and hung my head over the toilet seat. I gagged loudly before I vomited heavily, that it pained my chest from scraping against my gullet. I retched and spewed three times more before it stopped. Still terribly dizzy I sank against the cold tile floor beneath me, trying to relax my breathing and my buzzing head. The cold sweat that had broken out started to lessen quickly after I calmed down a bit. And then just as suddenly the nausea attack had come, It was gone. I wondered where it had come from – I hadn’t puked in a few days and especially not since I started to eat again. then I remembered it was probably because of my period which had to start sometime – I wasn’t sure anymore when since I forgot counting since…the breakdown.

               

I felt dirty and everything smelled like vomit, so I decided a shower would do good. I scrambled up from the floor trying to stay upright because of the dizzy feelings and went back to my room to grab fresh clothes.  It was the twenty-fourth of December, which meant we weren’t going out today or having something special. Maybe we’d do some games or watch a movie together but that was about it. I felt wobbly legged and sweaty so I chose for my favorite grey sweatpants again with a navy-blue long sleeve.

It was a long time ago that I enjoyed my morning shower. The warm water washed the cold sweat away and relaxed my muscles. And for the first time in weeks, my banana shampoo seemed to calm my senses too. it wasn’t that I was happy and had gotten over it – the pain was still there, still gaping, still stinging. But is wasn’t as unbearable as it had been. Like there was something that lightened up my world, but I had no clue what – only E. But he had left my dreams after he’d said the first letter of his name. I wondered if I’d scared him off with all this food I ate. I was hungry all the time and just thinking of it made my stomach rumble again.

I stood under the shower until the water had run cold. Normally someone would bounce the door and yell that they wanted to shower. But it was peacefully quiet in the house. Maybe this all was because of Christmas.

I finished my morning shower routine by getting dressed, drying my hair and pulling on my warm ankle-high slippers. I left the bathroom, still with jelly-legs and went downstairs, gripping the railing tightly to make sure I wouldn’t fall. Once down I was surprised when I saw Charlie and Bella having tea-time in the kitchen. I squeezed my eyebrows together.

 

“Ah, there you are sleepy head! We started wondering if you were ever going to wake up.” Charlie joked as Bella giggled with him. Huh, it was only nine o’clock right? I stepped into the kitchen and glanced out of the window. The streets, trees and everything that could possibly held it, were white with snow and yet it was still snowing. I wasn’t getting any wiser with that.

“What time is it?” I asked bewildered and still dizzy.

“Like we said, you’re a sleepy-head – it’s past two in the afternoon.” Bella answered, smiling. my eyes went wide. I woke up much later than I’d expected. Talk about fucking weird. But that means that I must’ve slept for…

“….seventeen hours!?” I whispered in shock. Charlie and Bella nodded in confirmation. “you did. Strange actually since you sleep a lot lately.” Charlie remarked. I stayed silent. There was something going on but what?

“would you like some hot chocolate too? it’s snowing outside so it fits the weather.” Bella suggested. I nodded at her dazed, before walking to the refrigerator. The one moment I feel deadly heartbroken, then I’m sleepy, followed by being hungry all the time and not to forget I vomit once in a while. I was one complete mess – that was for sure.

Opening the refrigerator, I grabbed jelly, peanut butter and milk. I placed it on the counter. From the cabinets I grabbed the box cereal, bread and chocolate sprinkles. Bella stood next to me preparing the cup of hot chocolate and studied me. ‘hungry again?’ she thought. I nodded, not paying attention on her as I laid down four slices of bread and started to smudge them with the peanut butter. Bella shrugged and shook her head before heading back to the table where she picked up her book again. Charlie was reading the news paper as usual.

On top of the butter, I smudged the jelly following with the chocolate sprinkles. I needed more on it….

I went back to refrigerator and took the plastic package out. I opened it and peeled two slabs of cheese out, and laid them down on the already thick plated sandwiches. I pushed the two empty slices of bread on top and grabbed a plate from a cabinet beneath me to place them on it.

Grabbing a bowl from the same cabinet, I filled it with milk while I sneakily relished from the Christmas cake slices that lay a bit away from me. I threw in the cereal, picked up the bowl and the plate before walking back to the table. Damn I was hungry. When I sat down, stuffing a piece of the sandwich in my mouth, two sets of eyebrows along with thoughts made me aware that they were looking at me.

‘What the hell? Is there seriously cheese on it? Are you nuts Melody?’ Bella started giggling, as Charlie shook his head. ‘Well, I don’t think it tastes delicious, but at least she’s eating.’

“Whut?”  I asked, my mouth full of the soft, creamy breakfast. Charlie chuckled along with Bella.

“Looks like it, that you are already priming for your next winter sleep.” Charlie commented, still snickering, his mustache happily up high. Bella didn’t hold it anymore and busted out laughing.

“I don’t get what so funny? I’m just hungry, let me be.” I argued, taking another huge bite from the bread.

 

 

They let me eat further, snickering each time I stuffed a piece of sandwich into my mouth or slurped the milk from the spoon. When I’d eaten everything, I sat back in my chair, sighing in some sort of contentment.

“Wow. I can’t believe you just ate a sandwich with jelly, peanut butter covered sprinkles and cheese! Not to forget the huge bowl of cornflakes. I won’t be surprised if you’d start puking. Not on me please.” Bella snarked, smirking. I rolled my eyes. “for your information; I already did puke this morning, so don’t worry.” I said back, cleaning the table thinking of what I could do for the day.

“Again? Are you pregnant or something?” she joked leaving the kitchen. I froze, almost dropping to the floor. No, no that was impossible – Edward was a vampire and I was on the pill. I immediately shut my mind down and stopped thinking about it. it was absurd , impossible so not worth the thinking. I shook my head and stepped up the staircase. Halfway, my stomach went tight again as I felt the need to relieve it.

“Oh come on! not again!” I whined, running up and practically flying into the bathroom the throw up my breakfast.

I felt like I could hit my head against the walls, when I heard a knock on the door. “Melody? Are you alright? can you please open the door?” Charlie’s worried voice drafted through. I sighed and got up to open the door after I flushed the toilet. Charlie’s eyebrows shot up before they creased together. ‘My, you look really sick Mells. I think it’s better if you stay in bed today.’

Now it was my turn to frown. “What do you mean? I only threw up – I’ve that a lot before.”

Charlie shook his head and pushed me in the direction of the mirror. “Look.”  he said, making me face my reflection. I stifled a gasp.

My face was reddish and ashen pale – not blushing red, but fever red above the pale white skin. And from the looks of it I was suffering form a big time fever. But stranger was that it felt good. I didn’t feel like I was having a fever at all.

                I brought my eyes to the same height so I could look at them. There were dark shadows beneath it and they looked slightly puffed. The color of my irises surprised me – they were still black, but a small ring of gold enclosed it along the side.

                “Huh, you might be right.” I said. Charlie patted me lightly on the shoulder, where the scars from the horrendous birthday were healed. “I’m going to check your fever and then you’re going to bed, lady.” He stated before leaving the bathroom. He didn’t give me the chance to sputter against his plans.

                No ten minutes later, Charlie had packed me in bed with thick clothes, two hot water bottles and two layers of blankets above the duvet. I was wondering when he would come along with a hat, scarf, loves and ear warmers. 

                “Dad, it’s Christmas! We were going to decorate the tree today!” I whined. Now I suddenly felt like a toddler that didn’t get what she wanted. I was sure E would agree with me about wanting to decorate the tree – it was fun.

                “Melody no. you’re staying in bed to make sure you can accompany us during dinner tomorrow and if you get better faster, you can still cook and prepare it. I don’t want Jake and Billy to get sick because you didn’t sweat out the fever, got it?” he said sternly which meant – no arguing, I’m the boss. I frowned about he ‘Jake and Billy’ comment.

                “What do you mean?”

                Charlie sighed audibly, squeezing the bridge of his nose. ‘Shit, she doesn’t know.’

                “I invited Billy and Jacob over for dinner since they are alone this year. And Bella went completely ecstatic when I mentioned that Jake came over. “

                I didn’t say anything and shrugged. Charlie said that if I needed anything I should call out for him or Bella and left. I lay down in my bed, looking relaxed but in my head I exploded.

               

Could this get any worse!?  First my sister fakes to be in love with the vampire I really fell in love with. Then said vampire kissed me on my birthday and ignored me. the horrible birthday wasn’t even the damn worst but still terrible. Then they decide they don’t need me anymore by keeping me on a death end by not letting me hear of them.

And suddenly Edward is there and decides he wants to fuck me before he leaves me forever. My eyes shot open when realization hit. He didn’t love me, want me or cherished me! He only wanted to fuck me! That was only it! He wanted to make sure Emmett wouldn’t pester him anymore about being a ninety year old virgin. He used me. Dumped me. and broke my damned heart. I tried to recall any sweet words he might’ve said but there weren’t any. No soothing when he broke through my hymen, no waiting a minute when I cried form the pain. No word after and only an ‘I’m so sorry’ before leaving.

No, that couldn’t be. Edward wasn’t like that! He wouldn’t do such a thing. But the memories, the words, the heartache were the only evidence I had to come to this painful, true conclusion.

I silently cried the tears that I needed to let go of while my chest contracted unbearably tight once more. I tried to keep breathing.

 

On top of all this Bella and Jacob ended up as a happy couple and now the damn dog would be here to ruin my Christmas. Jacob was nice and my friend in a way, but when I found out he was one of the Quileute tribe, one of the wolves, the shape shifters, our friendship had taken a turn.

The Quileute tribe had its old legends, one of them was the story about the cold ones Jacob told us on the beach over a year ago.  The legends said the people of the tribe descended from wolves, real huge wolves. They changed when their enemy was close – vampires. I’d read it in my book, Mythical Humans. It had become some kind of guide to me when I had no clue of what to do. I hadn’t touched it since they left though, not wanting to live any further. I still didn’t but I had no choice. I couldn’t just hurt my family like that. Not again.

 

It was the most horrible day I’d had after a small week of slight happiness. Even the food didn’t cheer me. I kept having fits of nauseas and throwing up all day while the crying moods wouldn’t stop either. I had my reasons for feeling like this even though Charlie was distraught. He thought I was on a good way to get over it, get over him. but that was far, so far from the actual truth.

I was never getting over this. And never was going to be a very achingly long time.

 

 

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A/N:  Hello? where are you guys??? :$ :$

 

 

 

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