Diary of a Sim

I'm a Sim. A simulated person in the game the Sims. Many people say we are not responsible for our actions but I'm really not. I'm under your complete control, I'll do anything you wouldn't dare do in real life. And this is my story. A life without control. A life without consequences.


3. Infinite Loops

Being hungry has now become quite familiar. You're starting to leave me more frequently. I am used to my body odour and the smell of fish on my skin, you rarely let me wash anymore. Life is a continuous circle, habits come and go, people come and go, interests come and go. Your interest in me is starting to diminish, so I know I don't have long left. I don't know what will happen to me when you terminate the program. Then again, does anybody know what will happen beyond death?

The Sims is a simulation of real life yet my existance bears little resemblance, I believe. Humans are not left for days on end with only the company of a screaming baby. The program has a bug, the baby will never stop screaming, it will never have it's nappy changed. That symbolises the main difference between The Sims and real life. I am lead to believe, by your lack of letting anything end or stop, that your life is full of beginnings and endings. A cycle of greetings and goodbyes. Whereas my life is a series of infinte actions on loop. My innermost desire is to be able to try my innermost desires instead of yours. That in itself is a paradox.

I cannot help but feel complete as I feel your presence again. I am designed to crave your presence. Indeed, I cannot survive without it. But I long for control of myself and my destiny. As I feel you again, I can sense something has changed. I know I will have to wait to realise your decision.

It seems my mood has been shown to you. I am plonked in front of the TV to cheer myself up but it is a futile effort. I didn't know a simulation could become depressed. I don't think you knew either. I reach for the phone. It's ironic that not even I understand the babble that spews from my mouth. I go to answer the door. A few Sims enter and Bernie turns up the music. As more Sims drift in I start to realise something. I never felt your presence leave. What should I do? I smile and I realise it was of my own accord.

I've finally realised the change. You've initiated Autonomous. Autonomous is the feature where time is frozen until you return. My needs will not cause me uncomfort, I will stay here, partying until you return however as I walk, for the first time of my own accord I realise that what I do at this party is now my decision.

This is an end to the infinite cycle of life yet a start to this infinite cycle of partying. It is an end. And a beginning. I walk over to Ben and apologise. I try to explain but I know it will take time.

In this moment, extending over infinity I am happy. And infinite happiness is heaven. I guess I found out about life after termination. I guess somebody, somewhere didn't hold me responsible for my actions. I guess I'll never fully know.



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