Diary of a Sim

I'm a Sim. A simulated person in the game the Sims. Many people say we are not responsible for our actions but I'm really not. I'm under your complete control, I'll do anything you wouldn't dare do in real life. And this is my story. A life without control. A life without consequences.

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2. Eyes never lie.

I wake up rich. You've found a cheat and now I'm rich. I don't have an opinion on the matter, my opinion is your opinion, but I can't help but wonder who the money must have come from and why you get it so easily when everyone else has to earn it. I am glad not to have to go fishing though.

I am walking again. Into town and out the other side. I realise where we are going. The garage. The garage where Ben works. Sometimes when you leave me without going to sleep I have time to think. I think about the other Sims, and I have a theory that they can think, have their own emotions. I remember every time I sleep with someone's husband and fight their wife. They can never break up, they just have to live with the consequences of my actions.

I see Ben and I experience something very rare. To experience anything for me is rare, in fact this is the only feeling I have of my own. I look into Ben's eyes and a part of me thinks he can see that what I do is not my fault. Then I walk up to him and insult him, slap him and then buy a car and walk out. I desperately want to look over my shoulder, to try and tell him just with a look that I love him. My head remains fixed forward and my legs keep walking back into town. You don't want me to love Ben. Therefore I can't love Ben anymore.

As I am taken in my new car back to house I know what normally comes next. Any time you get money you redecorate the house. You love buying new things, again it makes me wonder about you're real life.

A sensation comes over me. It's familiar yet it still fills me with dread. You've gone. When you leave I sit here until you come back, I can only do the last task you set me until you return. Yet you have not set Autonomous. This means I have no food, no water, I cannot go to the loo, I cannot wash until you come back. I literally sit here, waiting for you to return. I literally sit here, hoping you'll return before it's too late. You've been almost too late before. My thoughts are my own until you return. It's almost worse than remaining blank as the only thing I can think about is my growing needs for the basics, my growing deterioration.

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