Forever 15

I became more and more unsure on whether life was really worth living.
Suicide was a big question that I debated on.
So. I decided. I made my choice.
I was going to do it.
I was gonna take my own life.
I would be 15 forever..


1. First Year

"Congratulations Ms. Jaynes. You have a healthy baby girl." I was handed off to my mother. I was just born only 10 minutes ago. My mom had tears fallling down her face. "I'll name you.. Bethany." I stared at my mom and smiled. After that moment, my mom and I were inseparable. I never met my father.. But I didn't care. As I grew older, my mom and I bonded even more. I remember the first time I got mad at her. I was only here for 1 month.. and she took me to my Grandma's house. And she left. It was a long day, and I finally got tired so I slept. When I woke up, I was home. With my mommy. I was so happy. She held me, fed me, and played with me. This is what I wanted. This is what I loved. Every day was better then the last. When I reached 6 months, she taught me to move around. I started moving around like an animal.. On my hands and knees. But my mommy could move like that, and she could walk with just her legs. I tried to, but I kept falling. But I didn't stop trying. And one day, she came home. And she had balloons. And a cake that had a rainbow polka dot theme with the words "Happy Birthday Bethany!" on it. It looked good, but I didn't understand.. What did 'happy birthday' mean? I waited. My mommy dropped a few decorated boxes and bags, then grabbed me. "Hey Beth. Are you excited for your first birthday?" I smiled and clapped my hands. My mom laughed and sat me in my play pen. She started decorating the house with different colored strings, balloons, and banners. She sat the boxes and bags over on a table, and took my cake into the kitchen. I sat down and played with my toys, and watched some silly cartoon show. My mommy was cooking food. 5 minutes or more passed and I heard a knock on the door. My mommy yelled "Hold on!" and walked quickly to the door. There stood my Grandma, Grandpa, Nana, and Aunt. They all came in, and took some more decorated bags and boxes to where my mommy sat her bags and boxes. They all came in here, then they all went into the kitchen, Except my Grandpa. He came and got me out of my play pen, and sat with me in a chair. He played peek a boo, pattycake, and sang to me. More people came,  and food covered our table. My mommy came and got me and my Grandpa, and we went to the dining room. I was sat in my high chair, and we all ate food. However, my food was different from theirs. Chicken nuggets and macaroni and cheese was my dinner, everyone else at weird foods. After we were done eating, my Auntie and mommy went and cleaned up the plates and everything. We went outside and played. I had a lot of fun. A while after, my mom called everyone in. I was taken up to my room and was changed into a new outfit. Then we went back downstairs. I was sat back into my high chair, and then everyone sang to me. I clapped and smiled after they ended the song. They all had their phones, cameras, and video cameras out. Bright lights flashed and it hurt my eyes. My mommy sat a plate with some of the cake on it on my table. I grabbed a handful and ate it. Everyone said "Awww" and took more pictures and videos. Then we all ate the cake, and washed up afterwards. Then I got to find out what those bags and boxes were. My mom helped me open each and everyone of them. I got money, cards, toys, and clothes. My mommy even got me a doll. After that, people started to leave. My Auntie was staying the night, so she stayed. My mommy asked her to take me upstairs and give me a bath. I didn't refuse or cry, because its what my mommy wanted. After that, my Auntie dried me off, and put a new diaper on me. She put my pajamas on, and brushed my hair. My mommy came upstairs and sang to me. As she sang, I drifted off. Soon, my eyes were completely shut, and I entered dreamland.

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