The Nerd (Complete) *RATED R*

*Read at your own risk*

I never knew I would mean so much to one boy..but it happened.
I never knew I would fall in love so fast..but it happened.
I never knew the real feeling of loving someone so much it hurt..but it happened.

I fell in love with the school's outcast..Justin Bieber,I was the only one who looked past his nerdy personality,but that was the best part about him.

He was beautiful inside and out..and I was lucky to finally call him mine.

Well for a little while anyway.


37. ''I have my reasons.''


Tori's POV:


*I slowly opened my eyes only to instantly close them again due to the harsh light from the lampshade directly beside me and the headache pounding in my head*



Where am I?



*I slowly opened my eyes again this time squinting at my surroundings,a frown instantly forming on my face*



I-I thought I was in an alleyway not so long ago?


*I sat up in the bed I was placed on causing a pain to shoot up my legs,I gasped just as my hands slipped,causing me to hit my head on the head board,I scrunched my eyes up and re positioned myself so I was lying on my side with my head resting on the headboard as I glanced around the room*


How did I get in my room?




*I frowned and shifted in the bed as a sudden urge to pee came over me,I slowly climbed off the bed,trying to ignore the pain from my lower legs and arms,I instantly clutched my head causing me to loose my balance slightly,I grabbed the nearest cabinet and leaned on it whilst I collected my breath and the dizziness subsided,I closed my eyes for a moment before I re opened them and looked down,letting my eyes rest from the harsh light blaring at me from the corner of the room*



Just as I was about to open the door to the bathroom I noticed a puddle of blood forming at the door..I frowned and pulled my head close to the door to listen out for anything unusual.



Why is there blood on the floor...and where is Justin?



*Just as I was about to turn the handle small sniffs and sobs were heard from inside the bathroom,I frowned and pulled the door open slightly to see through the crack*



My heart strings instantly tugged when a glimpse of Justin came into my sight,his focus was on his wrist which he was clutching in his other hand,a small sob escaped my lips when my eyes travelled down to his bloody wrists,a pained expression on his face.



*I swung open the door just as Justin was going to cut again causing him to jump and swipe the blade across his rist*



''F-Fuck.'' He stuttered,rocking back and fourth as he held onto his wrist.



''Justin,what are you doing?'' I whispered,tears forming in my eyes.



''I-I thought you were asleep.'' Justin whispered,a tear escaping his eye.



''Justin! why are you doing this to yourself?'' I croaked,rushing forward dodging the blood puddle and lunging forwards,trying to ignore the pain in my lower half before I grabbed the blade and threw it in the bin.



''I have to punish myself.'' Justin muttered,tears spilling down his cheeks.



''W-Why? you've done nothing wrong!'' I cried in frustration. ''You need to stop doing this to yourself.'' 



''I deserve every cut to my skin.'' Justin hissed,looking deep into my eyes.



*I shook my head before I leant over the sink,grabbing at my hairline furiously*



''Give me the rest of the blades.'' I whispered,looking at the blood mark on the sink.









''That was my last one.'' Justin croaked.



''Don't lie to me.'' I whispered,turning to face Justin again.



*Justin just looked at me,his eyes full with tears*



''Please,just don't lie to me.'' I repeated,shaking my head slightly as more tears fell.



*Justin wiped away his tears before he pointed to the basket under the sink,I picked it up and rummaged through it,I found a small bag full of 4 blades,I closed my eyes and shook my head*



''I don't ever want to see you do this again.'' I whispered.



''I have my reasons.'' Justin spat,regret immediately coursing through his face.



''Look we need to talk,there's obviously something going on here and we need to get to the bottom of it.'' I muttered,walking out the bathroom.



Why is he doing this? what's going on?




*I walked into the bedroom and grabbed my plaid pj bottoms to cover my lower half of my body,I changed my tank top for one of Justin's plain t-shirts and slipped it over my head before I sat back on the bed,clutching a pillow to my chest as Justin walked out of the toilets*



''Tori,before I tell you,I wan't to let you know that I love you no matter what and I'm sorry,it's all my fault and I should of never said anything to you to make you walk out.'' Justin croaked,sitting on the bed opposite me,clutching his bloody arm.



''Justin,you need to clean that up,it's dripping over the covers,you can tell me what's going on after,I want to make sure nothing get's in the cuts.'' I muttered.



*I jumped off the bed and walked around to him,I grabbed his other hand and led him back into the toilets,I crouched down onto the floor and grabbed some paper roll to scrunch up to clean up the blood puddle,Justin placed his hand on my back causing me to turn back to look at him*



''You shouldn't be cleaning up my mess,you have a mild concussion so you should really be resting Tori.''



''I don't care.'' 



''Tori please,your hurting.'' Justin whispered,pulling me up.



''How do you know?'' 



''Because I caused it,just please rest your legs and relax,I don't want you passing out.'' 



''I won't pass out,I'm fine,let me help you.'' I answered,picking up the soggy tissue and throwing it into the bin.



''Tori,please...just stop.'' Justin pleaded,tugging on my arm.









''No! let me help you god dammit! you have blood all over you and I know your hurting,and I want to fucking help you! but your claiming that I'm too weak to help you! I'm perfectly fine! nothing's happened to me..I'm still the same Tori.'' I shrieked,throwing my arms to my side.



*Justin just gulped and sat on the toilet seat,I sighed and crouched down next to him,trying to ignore the pain from in between my legs*



''Babe,I'm sorry for shouting..just,please...just sit down and let me help you,your cut's are deep and there not going to stop bleeding for a while so I need to dress them properly so you don't bleed overnight.'' I whispered,stroking his face.



*Justin winced and pulled my hand away before he fixed his gaze to the floor*



''Stop it.'' Justin whimpered.



''Stop what?'' 



''Stop being so nice to me,I hurt you so bad and your pretending like it's nothing.'' Justin sobbed,trying to wipe away his tears but completely failing.



''Justin,you haven't hurt me..what are you talking about?'' I frowned,wiping away his tears.



''I'll tell you when we talk,I don't want to do this to you right now.'' Justin croaked.




*I just nodded and kissed his wet cheek before I began to look for my first aid kit,I smiled when it appeared and pulled it open,I grabbed the dressing and the alcohol to clean out the cut,I placed it down next to me on the cabinet and crouched back down next to Justin*



''Baby,this will hurt...just try and bare the pain,it will help the cuts from getting infected,okay?'' I replied quietly,watching as Justin's facial expressions emitted pure regret.



What is he regretting? the cutting? or is there something behind this whole cutting issue that I don't know about? 



''Okay.'' He whispered.



*I waited until he unclasped his arm and placed it on his knee,palm facing upwards so I could clearly see the cut,I unscrewed the lid from the alcohol and grabbed a cotton ball from under the sink,I poured the alcohol onto the cotton ball and slowly began dabbing it over the cuts,cleaning all the blood and dirt from his cuts,Justin flinched but he soon got used to it*



''I don't know why you do all this for me.'' Justin muttered. ''If I were you I wouldn't even want to see me again.'' Justin finished,looking down on the floor.



''Look,whatever your talking about stop making me feel guilty for something I don't know about...I mean,is this the reason why you were cutting?'' I asked,glancing up at him.



*Justin slowly nodded,not taking his eyes off the floor tiles,I sighed and shook my head*



''Honestly Justin,you shouldn't take your anger out on your body,self harming is serious and It can be addictive,please just promise me you won't do it again.'' I whispered.



*Justin sighed before he shook his head,another set of tears falling from his eyes and landing on his bare feet*



''I can't promise you that Tori,I've already broken a promise I made with you and I don't want to break another,besides...this helps me take away my pain.'' Justin croaked,shaking his head slightly.



''Justin,please...for me.''



''I can't,I'm sorry.'' 



*I let out a small sniff before I resumed to cleaning his cut,once I was done I unravelled half of the dressing and placed it up his arm,I cut off the extra and tied it tight around his arm,I cleaned up all of the items I used and put them back in their original  places before I walked straight out the bathroom,I sat on the end of the bed and stared right in front of me*



What promise did he break?



''Tori baby,I'm sorry.'' Justin murmured,walking in with fresh tears streaked down his face as he crouched in front of me''



*I ignored him and scooted back,I grabbed the pillow I was clutching earlier and held it to my chest as I nervously bit my thumbnail,Justin sighed and got up before he sat on the other side of the bed facing me*



''I know it was hard for you walking in on me doing what I did and I know your frustrated because you don't know what's going on but I think its best for you not to know,I hurts me so bad,I wouldn't be able to stand how hurt you would be when I tell you why i've been harming myself.'' Justin replied,placing his hand on my cheek.



*I merely stared at him before I closed my eyes,I opened them again and a tear spilled down my cheek,I shook my head slowly*



''Just tell me,I want to know what's making you so sad.'' I whispered.



''You know I love you Tori,but I'm sorry...I really don't think I should tell you..It will affect you in the long run and It's not fair that this happened to you,I don't want you remembering what happened,it would be best if you didn't know what went down last night.'' Justin croaked,wiping away my tear on my cheek.



No way am I letting this pass,Justin will tell me what's making him cut if it's the last thing I do.








emotional chapter there guys:'(

















Stay beautiful<3


Peace,love and rubber gloves<3

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