The Benefits Of Being A Weirdo

Well, this is my autobiography! My life is pretty weird so I thought to myself 'Hey, I find my life weird, so other people might enjoy it too!' because I do enjoy my life, I really do. So go ahead! Read all about the benefits (and...ummmm...not so beneficial benefits) of being a weirdo.

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2. The Early Bits I Don't Really Remember Well

I was born in Bedford (England) at around 10:15pm on the 16th of December, 1999. My mums name is Valerie, my dad’s called Lee and I have a big sister called Elysia (don’t ask where my parents got our names from, we may never know). Well, really that’s not entirely correct; it’s Valerie-Jayne, Lee Roland and Elysia-Jayne. And I’m Kezia-Rose (just got to be different, don’t I?).

Anyways, Elysia was born on the 12th of February, 1997. My mum’s birthday is the 11th of March, 1961, and my dad’s is the 22nd of June, 1969(yes, my mum is older than my dad, deal with it).

My family’s actually pretty big so I’m gonna stop there, okay? Awesome.

The story of how my mum and dad met is actually really cute. At least, it is if it’s the truth.

My mum used to love to go on cruises and my dad used to work on a cruise ship. I think my dad worked behind the bar or something like that. Anyway, one night my mum had a seriously sore throat and needed some ice cream; thing is, it was shut! But my dad got his hero swag on and reached through the bars to get her some. You’ve got to admit, that is pretty cute.

Their engagement on the other hand is super dull. They were eating and dad was like “Maybe we should get married?” and mum was like “Yeah, sounds cool.” Or something along those lines. My mum had been married once before, but that’s all I really know.

After the wedding, like, quite a long time after, mum got pregnant with Elysia and then, a few years later, with the little foetus of pure awesomeness that was going to be me. A while after I was born, we all moved from Clapham to Renold. We lived in a massive house with a huge garden (but all I really remember of it includes bouncy castles, disgusting red carpets and having to sit in the little room between the front door and the hall when I was naughty).

My grandparents on my mums side (the others lived in Farnborough so didn’t see us much) decided that it was best if me and Elysia went to a private school. About three or four years after I started, my mum and dad split up and our house got flooded. Since everything was too expensive for my mum, we moved house again.

We rented this nice little bungalow for a while and we also stayed with my mum’s boyfriend Gerry for a bit until we could find a house. Gerry sounds posh; like let-us-go-and-drink-tea-with-the-queen posh and he used to make me feel really uncomfortable because no one I knew ever spoke like that.

While all of this was going on, my dad had moved in with Elysia’s best friend’s mum. My sister took it all really hard, maybe I just didn’t understand because I was little. In the end she left him and took all his money and he’s been kind of skint ever since.

We finally found a house, this big three story one and we started going to state school, and that’s where I started to find myself.

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