It Was Meant To Be

Molly dreams of two things: getting into her first-choice university and finding true love. Music-loving slacker Zayn also dreams of two things:winning the battle of the bands- and winning Molly.He is determined to make her fall in love with him.

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34. Real Experiences

Real Experiences

22nd December, 4.15 pm

Molly's POV

I have no idea why I'm this nervous.

But I am.

I'm like, "So this is my room."

But what it really feels like is, Here's my bed and some other stuff.

"I like it," Zayn says.

Is he looking at my bed? Why does my bed feel like it's the only thing in the room?

"Seriously?" I  say.

"Completely. It's so you."

"It's way too small and this desk is just like..." I make a face like, Who else has a desk like this?

"It's cool. Is that burlap?"

"Yeah."

"Kickin' it old-school."

"Unfortunately."

Zayn looks at the things on my shelves. "You have a xylophone?"

"Oh. Yeah."

"Random!"

"Totally. Yeah, my old babysitter gave it to me when I was, like, five."

"Can you play?"

"Sort of."

"That's cool," Zayn says.  "I haven't mastered the art of xylophone yet. Maybe you can teach me."

"Sure." I quickly check the back of my door to make sure I didn't leave any bras hanging there. "It's an experience you don't want to miss."

Zayn smiles at me. "I have a feeling you'll be showing me a lot of those."

I feel my cheeks get hot. "And..." I go over to my bed. I'm desperately trying to divert Zayn's attention away from my burning face but diverting the attention to my bed was an example of bad decision-making skills in action. Now I'm blushing even more because I'm sitting on my bed. "This is Chez." I pick up my stuffed Koala bear I've has since before I can remember. "It's short for Mr Chester M. Wick."

"I dig his shirt," Zayn says. Chez wears a vintage Late Night with David Letterman T-shirt. "I'm a total Dave fanatic."

"Me, too! Whenever there's someone good on, I record him and watch it after school."

Zayn goes, "Same. Except now I have so much to do...it's quite possible I'll never see Dave again."

"That is just not true. You already have straight A's so far and after your apps are in and your make-up work is done, all you have to do is keep it up. It's easy."

"Maybe for you..."

"It will be for you, too. You'll see."

Zayn goes over to my CD rack. I watch him inspect my CD's. I always thought that if a guy really liked me, he'd make an effort to see what kind of music I was into. Andrew would only pick out the ones he had and then play those but Zayn's really looking at all of them. I hope he likes what U like. Not that we have to like all the same things. I just love how we have so much in common.

"I can't believe you have this!" He holds up Shins. "The Shins are sick!"

"Why can't you believe it?"

"I don't know. You just seem...I didn't know you were into alternative stuff." He picks up another CD. "Who's Nick Drake?"

"Put it on. He's awesome."

Zayn puts the CD on. Then he comes over and hugs me. I lean my head on his chest.

"I want to know everything about you," he whispers.

"Same here," I whisper back.

There's so much I want to say to him. I'm dying to tell him everything I'm thinking but I don't want to freak him out.

Zayn starts swaying to the music. I sway with him, I love the way it feels like Zayn's really with me, like he's not holding any part of himself back. 

The song ends.

"What are you thinking?" I whisper.

"Right now?" Zayn whispers.

"Yeah."

"I'm thinking I can't believe we're finally together." He moves his hand down my hair.

That's when I realize how I feel about him because I'm pretty sure he feels the same way.

"What are you thinking?" he asks.

"I think..." My heart almost stops for a second. "I think... I'm falling in love with you."

Zayn doesn't freak out. He kisses me over and over, barely pressing his lips against mine.

After he leaves, I turn the lights off. I put Disintegration in my CD player and lie down on my bed. I listen to the whole thing, replaying what just happened five hundred times in my head, over and over until I don't know how I'll ever be able to think of anything else again.

*

The next day is the day I agreed to do something totally out of character for me. Zayn said since I turned him on to a new way of life, he wants me to experience part of his old way of life. It will be the first time for me and the last time for him. Since it's the last day before Christmas break and most teachers are doing games and stuff anyway, I don't feel too guilty about our plan. Plus everyone's all hyper, like, wearing tinsel and giving out candy canes and cards, which is annoying and makes me want to leave.

In registration, I'm ignoring Caitlin & Co. They've been ignoring me since Andrew and I split anyway, so it's not that hard but it's pathetic that whether Caitlin talks to me depends on who I'm going out with. So I'm focusing on drawing a blue door in my sketch-book. The thing about this door is that it also comes with two porch lights. They symbolise a source of pure blue energy. I swear I was a moth in another life. I'm drawn to lights, any lights, especially at night but blue lights in particular always make me get this intense feeling.

On my way to gym, I throw my stuff in my locker. There's a neon orange Post-it note stuck up. It says:

M-

Meet me here before class.

Z-

 

I peel of the note and stick it inside my sketchbook. It's already obvious that I'm going to do a page about this day. Whenever something major happens in my life, I mentally design the sketchbook page to document it later but I'm still in the moment, feeling everything, so I put my sketchbook away.

This is too exciting and also scary. What if we get caught? I don't know how I'm supposed to function like a normal person until ninth period.

I can't eat my lunch.

"Aren't you hungry?" Shania asks.

"Nerves."

"Relax," Elizabeth says. "It'll be fab."

"Are you actually going through with this?" Shania squints at me.

"Yes. I promised Zayn."

"I don't know why it's so important to him," Shania says. "Isn't he reformed?"

"The point is to share something about his past life so I can understand where he's coming from better and he says I'll have a ridiculous amount of fun."

"Hmmm." Shania bites into her soggy cafeteria pizza.

"And it's the last time I''ll get to do something like this," I say. "I don't want to graduate and be sitting around on some random porch ten years from now, regretting. You have to live in the moment. You can't let experiences pass you without doing anything about it."

"Preach it, sister girl." Elizabeth waves her hand in the air.

"Can I sit with you guys?"

We look up at Josh. He looks like a lost puppy.

"Um." I look over at Shania and Elizabeth. Sometimes Zayn sits with us, but we haven't advanced to the stage of combining lunch tables yet.

"Uh..."

Shania mouths No! to me.

Elizabeth jumps in. "It's just that we're talking about...girl stuff. It would be boring for you."

"Where's Zayn?"

"I don't know.Somewhere with Mike. They like spending quality time alone together." Josh gives me a look. "I'd be worried if I were you, Molly."

I laugh. Josh is such a case.

"Grimy," Elizabeth says.

There's that big cheesy smile again.

Elizabeth smiles a little.

He goes, "Anyway...later." He lopes off towards the drama geeks' table.

Shania scrutinizes Elizabeth's face. "What's up with you?"

"What?" Elizabeth sips her lemonade. "Nothing?"

"Nooo," Shania presses. "Something is definitely up. I mean, other than Josh's Mr Happy."

"Oh my god!" Elizabeth yells. "I so do not like him!"

"Are you sure? Because it looked to me like--"

"Of course I'm sure. Come on. Josh? Ew."

"Whatever." Shania says.

"Like we don't have more important matters to discuss." Elizabeth fans her face with a napkin, which is completely ineffective. "What's the story with later on?"

"We're going after eighth period."

A roar of general chaos emanates from the jock table. We look over. Andrew is doing something juvenile involving his straw and his nose. How could I have missed the part where he's so fifth grade?

"Hideous," Shania decides.

"Abhorrent," Elizabeth says.

"Ooh!" I say. "More reading the dictionary?"

"But of course."

My nerves twang for the rest of the day but in a good way. It's like I'm actually starting to have real experiences. Ones that actually mean something.

By the time I meet Zayn at our lockers, I couldn't be more nervous.

"Ready?" Zayn says.

I used to have this problem with listening to myself. My soul would be screaming directions, and I'd always do the opposite thing. Normally I would back out of a plan like this and I do feel the old me trying to ignore my heart but the new me goes with the flow.

So I nod.

I can't believe I'm going to cut class.

I've never cut class in my life.

I love how we walk down the hall, like we own it. Like we can leave any time we want. It doesn't matter that we have to go out the side door and sneak to the car park so no one sees us.

It feels incredible to be outside when I'm supposed to be inside. The sensation of freedom is intoxicating.

We drive until we get to the way-back roads. The dirt road we turn on to is a dead end. There's nothing but trees anywhere you look.

Zayn turns the car off. He reaches over and takes something out of the glove compartment. It's crookedly wrapped in the Sunday comics.

"Merry Christmas." He holds the gift out to me.

"Wow. Did you wrap this yourself?"

"Of course not. I had it professionally done."

"Impressive."

"You deserve the best."

I take his gift out of my bag. We agreed to exchange gifts today since we'll be stuck doing family things for the next few days. I made him a mix CD and gave him a black lightbulb.

I unwrap my gift. Of course he made me a  mix CD, too but then he also gave me the new White Stripes album.

Zayn pushes around all these tapes and CDs covering the back seat.

I look at them. "Is there any kind of music you don't listen to?"

"No. Well, opera maybe."

"Who's Jane's Addiction?"

"They're phenomenal. You can borrow it."

"Ok. Thanks."

He goes, "Here's that R.E.M. I was playing before."

I love how he said 'before'. I love how we have this history.

Zayn hands it to me. "Borrow it for as long as you want."

I examine the cover. "Why's the cover orange if it's called Green?"

"Stare at it."

"I'm almost positive it's orange."

Zayn takes the CD and holds it in front of my face. "Just stare at it."

I stare at it. I try not to laugh.

"Now look away really fast."

I refocus on the glove compartment. A splotch of green hovers over it for a few seconds.

"Oh! Cool!"

"Complementary colours."

"Yeah."

We both sneak a look at each other at the same time. Then we quickly look out at the trees.

"So, um...I hope you like the mix CD," he says. "I put 'You Are the Everything' from Green on there - that was the one you liked - and there's some Journey and live James Taylor...Oh, and some of that Led Zeppelin you liked--"

"Yeah!" I love how he always remembers what I like. "Thanks."

Suddenly I feel that pull towards him. A tingly feeling spreads along the back of my neck when he kisses me. My brain frizzles.

"Want to get in the back?" Zayn says.

"OK." I don't even care that it's freezing.

We climb over the seat into the back. The back seat is huge. His whole care is huge. I remember how Matt made fun of it one day in the car park. He was like, "What's this Titanic joint supposed to be? His car?"

Zayn says, "I'd turn the heat on, but if my battery dies we're screwed."

"It's OK."

"Wait." Zayn runs out to the trunk. He runs back in with a blanket kind of smells," he says. "Sorry."

The blanket smells kind of like gasoline, but I've always liked that smell.

"It's fine."

Zayn spreads the blanket out on the seat. He kisses me.

"Are you comfortable?"

I forget the word yes. I nod.

He starts kissing me again. His lips feel amazing.

It seems like five minutes later, but I know it's more like an hour at least. It's getting dark out plus the windows are all fogged up and my lips feel puffy.

I love how his hands feel on my body.

"Molly," he whispers. "You feel so good."

I kiss him over and over.

He moans. I want to take his clothes off...to know what it feels like but it's still too scary.

He says, "I can't take it any more."

I love how I'm making him this crazy and the best part is that he never pressures me to do anything.

Zayn stops kissing me. I put my arms around him. We lie next to each other for a while.

Eventually he says, "I don't want to do this, but...I guess you have to go home."

But I don't want to go, either. I want to stay here with him, like this, for ever.

He holds my hand the whole ride to my house.

And now we're supposed to go back to our normal lives. That's what people do. They have these amazing experiences with another person, and then they just go home and clean the bathroom or whatever.

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