Back For You

This will be a story that is made up of a series of letter to Alisa's late fiancé. It is a heartbreaking, warming, tear dropping experience of ever feeling Alisa has ever had for Caleb.
"Everyone says he is gone, but he isn't. He isn't because he will always be in my heart.....He will always BE my heart."

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1. When I knew that i loved you

   Hello Caleb,

  Has it month already? I guess it has, I miss you. I miss your smile, your dimples, your laugh, your kiss, your hugs, your everything. I just miss you, your not gone. Your still right here. By that I mean my heart. Do you remember the first time we kissed, in the rain. We were on our way home from school, we were in the ninth grade. I still remember it like the back of my hand.

  I remember that was when I knew I loved you. We were having one of our conversations about our day. Because we liked the fact that we could act like a married couple in the sixty's. You were about to tell me your daily story of how you made our math teacher, who I'm pretty sure hated you, mad. It had already been sprinkling but we didn't think about it, and then there was the clap of thunder. It started to poor, you took off your hoodie and you let me wear it. It was too big on me, so we laughed. I gave you my backpack to put over your head because I felt guilty I had something and you didn't. Nethier of them was working but it was still the thought that counted. You knew how much I loved romantic novels so you would always try to remake my favorite sceans. You pulled us under a tree by a bus stop so we wouldn't get sick. The bus was going to take another thirty minutes if it was on time, unlike normal. We had no signal to call our parents to pick us up so we just sat there on the brick wall separating the grass from the side walk. You looked at me and we leaned in and we just had a perfect moment right there. Most people would think that being wet would make it horrible, but for us it made everything better. It was one of those that seemed to last forever but it was only just a few moments out of our short life.

  Huh, short life, isn't that a true story for you. I just hope that I made eleven out of those twenty-three years worth it. I think about you every day, every night. I try to think of the good times, I don't try to think of the last week I saw you. We had one week to make it count, but we didn't know that. I thought I would see you so much more then that. I didn't know that I had to make that count, because if I did, oh we would have done everything you wanted to do. I wouldn't care if it was wanting to ride the "Ride of Death" on the board walk again. You know how much I hated that, I also know I shouldn't have eaten right before I got on it. But I would do it all again for you. Because I love you. Everyone else is saying it in past tense, loved. But we hated past tense unless it was nessicary to use it in a sentence. I hate people saying I'm sorry, I know that they mean good but it makes me feel horrible. I think back and I am responsible for your death. I could have objected to you going. You told me that you wouldn't if I didn't want you to. I didn't want you to, but I let you do it anyway. I should have said what I really thought before you had turned everything in. I hope that you forgive me, if I knew this was going to happen I would have said no before. I should have. Oh darn, I have a tear stain on the paper now. I need to stop wearing mascrara when I cry. That is another thing that made me love you. You scolded me when I called myself ugly or if I was unhappy with myself. You cared so much. You loved me so much. No you care so much, you love me so much. And I the same with you. Darling I must stop now to go clean the tears stained on my face before Aunt Hannah's party.

                                                                                                    Love,

                                                                                                            Alisa

                                                                                                           

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