Lost and Confused in Time

Scared and confused, 13 year old Madison Russel tries to find the meaning of life. Read her story as she struggles to get rid of her bipolarism, depression, bullies and all the sad things in her life.


1. Introducing My life, My problems and I

         I've always been the kind of person who's afraid of the outside world. 5 years ago, I was like any other normal kid out there who likes to dream about life , play around and watch as the world move. I'm 13 years old now. I'm a totally different person you see from 5 years ago. All my happiness and dreams are crushed into pieces and became the person I am you see today. You're wrong, I'm not an emo, I'm a bipolar. No sir, I didn't become a bipolar because I want to.  The environment and society that I'm living in completely changed my life upside down. Some people think that I'm just trying to be all cool and those stuffs, honestly they are wrong and seriously mistaken. Being a bipolar is painful. It's a mental illness, a mood disorder.


       I always try to hold back all my anger and tears but I always end up going to sleep with my eyes red filled with water. It hurts a lot you know, no one ever understand my pain. I feel like I'm trapped. I'm not able to be the person my heart wants me to be. I just can't. It may be possible, but its certainly impossible for me.


       Whenever someone hurts me or criticise me for being the person I am now, I just smile broadly and pretend like as if I don't care when I actually do. They never knew that their words are one of the reason why my heart is breaking apart. I know its just "words" I shouldn't take it seriously but these bad and hurtful words feel like as if 10 swords are trying to slay my heart in two. To be more honest, I'm starting to think I have a depression and a bipolar disorder, or maybe both? Oh I forgot to introduce myself! My name is Madison Russel ,and like I said, I'm 13 and is probably diagnosed by many weird diseases and is suffering with many kinds of phobia that you,yourself, might not believe.




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