Wanting What's Wrong

Two years have passed since Sophie Miller escaped. Two years since she was One DIrections private possession. Trying to get her life back to normal, Sophie heads to Mullingar. The boys of One Direction find her and drag her back into their messed up lives. Feelings start showing here and there, making Sophie confused. Is it really okay to start having feelings towards your kidnappers? Afterall, there is a very thin line between love and hate...


26. Sketches


 I spin around, only to realise I had been sleeping on Zayn’s chest. Didn’t I fall asleep on Harry? I’m panting madly, and he looks at me with guilty eyes.

“Sorry?” he attempts, biting his lower lip. “But I took it you were close so I had to wake you up.” He looks away. Zayn? Why was he the one that woke me up?

“Why?” I almost sob. “And please don’t say because Harry told you to, because I’m ripping your head off.” I menace. I’m sexually frustrated right now. And I can’t lessen it; I’m on my period for God’s sake.

“Ok Harry didn’t tell me to.” He denies.

“You’re lying.” I shake my head, plunging my hands into my hair in disbelief. I needed friction. Or a turn-off. “Harry told you to... I heard it. I think...” I continue, uncertainty lacing my voice.

“Okay so yeah I lied...You see I wanted to keep my head attached on my neck thank you.” He nods slowly.

“Zaynnn... ” I sigh exasperatedly after a couple seconds. I realise he stiffens a bit, but I continue. “How would you feel if you didn’t reach climax hmm?” I demand, looking at him intensely.

“I guess I’d live with it, and wait until it passes.” He shrugs, crossing his legs and placing his arms behind his head. “Ya know... control myself? Or find someone to help me...” He wriggles his eyebrows suggestively.

I roll my eyes.

“Well you obviously don’t want the second option sooo... live with it and wait until it passes. Control yourself like I can control myself.”

Right, like you expect me to believe that rubbish... I bet you wouldn’t control yourself if you had a forced dirty dream with lots of dirty talk.

Wait did I say rubbish? No... I thought about the word rubbish. My thoughts are British? These boys are rubbing off on me with their British terms...And why the hell am I having this discussion in my head? Focus Soph.

 I huff and shut my eyes, pulling my hair a little. I bet it’s the dirty dream that converted my thoughts into British ones...Because dreams are thoughts and all...Ooh... Light bulb.

“Ok I’m gonna rectify the question.” I say slowly, looking up into his amber eyes. “How would you feel, if I grabbed you spontaneously, right now, and stroked you hard? How’d you feel, if I tied your hands to a head post and played around with you dirtily, only to prevent you from cumming at the end? ”

“I don’t know Soph because it’ll never happen.... Because you’d never have the guts to do that. And you’re way too innocent to try.” He smirks, straightening himself up a bit on my bed. He uncrosses his legs, revealing the beginning of a small tent in his trousers. Bingo.

“Is that a challenge, Malik?” I cock an eyebrow up.

“Maybe, Miller.” He retorts, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Zayn....” I heave, shaking my head. I look down at my nails.

“What Soph?”

“Zaynnn...” I groan a little louder. I gaze back up at him with hooded eyes.

Clearly uncomfortable, Zayn bites his lower lip, his eyes locked on me. “What.... Soph?” He seems uncertain.

I lick my lips, wetting them, and sigh again. “Zaynnn. Pleeeaaseee” I whine.

“What...?” He gulps, unsubtly trying to hide the growing lump in his pants.

I shut my eyes and groan, squirming a little. I had managed to arouse myself with the little noises...Weird. “I’m gonna go take a cold shower.” I sigh brusquely, getting off the bed.

He grabs my wrist, keeping me near the bed.

“I’m sorry.” He shakes his head, biting his lip nervously. “You won the challenge and you barely did anything... But now can you just...” He trails on, looking down at his present erection.

“Sorry’s not gonna cut it Zayn.” I chuckle, knowing he wanted me to help him with his growing problem. “You did wake me up just before climax, remember?” I add, pulling my arm away from his grip slowly. The soft touch of his fingertips on my skin stirs unwanted images in my head, making the lower part of my stomach suddenly warmer. “So technically, we’re equal now.” I carry on.

“Fair enough,” he heaves, sinking into my pillows morosely. He fidgets a little, arranging himself on the bed. “Yeah you’re right. This is quite uncomfortable, frustrating and highly unsatisfying.” He agrees frowning. “So since we’re both... stuck... can we solve the problem together?” He attempts.

“And on this note, I’m gonna go shower while you, and I quote, live with it, and wait until it passes.” I smirk, turning back around to leave. I stop suddenly and spin back around to face him. “And you’ll be able to tell Harry that even if he continues injecting hormones into my system at night and wakes me up before orgasm; I won’t give in to my desires because I’m on my period and that’s just gross.”

“Wait.” He groans as he gets off the bed. “I’m coming with you.”

“Echh...Sounds tempting but I’ll have to pass.” I reply sarcastically, refuting his presence with me in the bathroom. No way José, you’re not going in there with me.

“In fact, you can’t pass.” Zayn denies. “I’m not leaving you alone in a room. Doesn’t mean I’ll shower with you, even if I’d really like that, but I’m gonna be sitting on the sink counter. Or the toilet top.” He says, taking my hand.

I take the time to look around as he drags me through his room. It was neat, to my surprise. The bed was made and there weren’t many clothes strewn on the floor, the very opposite to Louis’s disorganized room. The three walls were painted with different streaks of dark blue, and they had little black drawings here and there.

I’m about to question him about them but I don’t have the time as he tows me outside and into the corridor. He stops in his tracks, his face thoughtful.

“What kind of shower do you want?” He asks me. “Spacious? Luxurious? White? Colourful? Name something.” He enumerates.

“Anything Zayn, as long as it has cold water... I just want to have a cold shower.” I respond, not seeing the reason behind the question. I mean, a shower is a shower, right?

“You shouldn’t have left the choice to me babe. But hey I’m fine with that anyways.” He smirks and takes me down the hallway. We walk beside Niall’s bedroom door, making it now possible for me to identify where we were in the house and where we were possibly going. The washroom where I cut myself that second day... Oh boy today’s the fourth day I’m with them right? Wow...

Zayn makes us turn right instead of left.

“Umm... Wasn’t there a shower in the washroom over there?” I ask, frowning. “You know... The washroom where I cut myself.” I add more softly. He very visibly flinches.

“Yeah but I don’t want that one.” He shakes his head, taking me farther down the hall.

Oh I have to ask him about what happened with Niall yesterday, I recall as he opens a door.

“Here ya go.” He says smirking, motioning me to go in.

I’m cautious as I step inside. And with reason.

“No Zayn.” I refuse and back up as soon as I see the glass shower. It was completely transparent.

“Yes Soph. I’m not giving you anything else.” He pushes me inside and shuts the door. “Now undress and wash in front of me.”

“Zayn that’s not you... That’s the kind of move Harry or Louis would pull. Not you. Or at least, not the new-found you. ” I say, trying to shake some good sense into his probably horny thoughts, judging by how the tent in his trousers hadn’t descended very much.

My comment visibly ticks him off. “Okay fine... I won’t look.” He pouts a little and walks to the end of the bathroom, before sitting on the counter and looking out the window. “Now take your shower.” He huffs, waving me off without looking.

 I sigh and start undressing slowly, my eyes locked on Zayn’s back to make sure he wouldn’t turn around.

He lets out numerous noisy exhales as he hears my clothes drop to the floor, but I ignore him as best as I can, before jumping into the glass case and opening the water.

“Can I look now?” he pleads from his spot.

“Nope.” I respond, popping the ‘p’.

“It’s not like I haven’t seen all of it.”

“Exactly... No need to see it again.”

“But it’s pretty. You have a really appealing body with that gorgeous creamy skin and your round breasts and―”

“I get it Zayn. You like seeing me naked. Doesn’t mean I like being naked.”

He groans once more. “And how am I supposed to get rid of my own problem?” He asks loudly, wanting to be heard over the running water.

“Wait ‘till I’m done.” I retort as I grab the bottle written body wash. “Or wank.” I add.

“You could’ve just touched yourself too you know.” He defies.

“Hello... Bloody lady bits.” I counter, rolling my eyes.

“But would you have done it otherwise?”

“None of your business.”

He stops talking after that, and leaves me alone while I wash my body and hair. I shut the water once I’m done, looking for something close to dry me off. From inside of the shower, and realise the pile of towels is near Zayn. I breathe out and roll my eyes. I bet he did that on purpose.

“Zayn?”  I demand, opening the glass door.

“Yes love?” he spins around rapidly. I hunch and cover myself swiftly, shutting the shower door at the same time.

“No! Keep looking away!” I protest. He rolls his eyes and turns back around.

“Then why say my name if you didn’t want me to see?” he complains.

“Could you hand me a towel? Please. I’m dripping here...”

Wait what? I face slap myself, taking in the double meaning of my sayings. Zayn chuckles, also catching the double sense.

“And how am I supposed to give it to you if I can’t look in your direction? I can only look one direction...” He trails on.

“Ha-ha. Your pun isn’t funny. Just shut your eyes.” I gripe.

“But what if I bang into a wall?” he whines.

“Zayn.” I reply dryly.

“Ok fine. I now know you don’t care if I walk into a wall.” He grumbles, grabbing a towel. He turns around to face me; his eyes shut, and holds the towel out for me.  He takes careful step towards me, keeping his eyes closed. “You do know the other boys wouldn’t have given you a choice, right?” He says as he continues advancing cautiously.

I grab the towel and wrap it around me, before answering.

“I’m pretty sure Niall would’ve reacted quite similarly to you. Harry probably would’ve wanted the little favour to cost something like a kiss and Liam and Louis well I guess I’d depend on how they’d have been feeling.” I answer. “Or something similar to that. I swear nothing can be foreseen anymore with you guys.” I say, shaking my head as I tightened my grasp around the towel.

And then, just like that, Zayn drops his pants and boxers in front of me, groaning.

My gaze averts from his naked lower half and my cheeks become warmer in embarrassment.

“What are you doing?!?” I exclaim shocked, keeping my eyes from wandering to unwanted places. I decided to keep them locked on his face instead.

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m taking a cold shower.” The dark boy shrugs as he takes his shirt off. “See... I’m not shying away from your gaze am I?” He flaunts, showing off his body. I keep my eyes away from the lower part of his body as he enters the shower.

“Yeah well you’re well built.” I mutter once he’s inside. Still clutching the towel, I take a seat on the basket that rested peacefully near the counter.

The water starts running and Zayn groans as the cold water touches his skin.

“What was that?” He asks.

“What was what?”

“What you said just before I started the water... Something about my body.”

“You’re well built.” I repeat. “And since you’re a guy, it’s easier.”

He turns around so he’s side to the jet and face to me, arms crossed on his muscular and tanned chest.

“It’s not easier because we’re guys.... And Sophie if you have so many difficulties accepting yourself...” He stops and rephrases, “Sophie, would work outs help you? You know, if you feel that you are helping yourself to become the image you wanna be, would it make you feel better about yourself?” He asks, water gliding on the outlines of his body.

“Zayn turn back around and wash.” I deflect.

“Not until you answer. Because we talked about that yesterday when you were asleep and Liam volunteered to help you with your body image issues.”

“Is it like one of your habits? Talk together at night about me when I’m not awake to hear it?” I avert his question.

“Yes. Now please answer the question. I’ll talk to you about what happened with Niall yesterday if you answer me. Would you stop feeling bad about your image if you did something to help it? Apart from cheerleading of course. But you don’t do enough of that for it to actually have an effect...”

“I do a lot of cheerleading thank you and it’s a sport that demands a lot of physical effort and―”

“Just answer the following question with a yes or no? Would you like Liam to help you work out?”

“I guess I wouldn’t mind.” I mumble.

“Good. I’ll make sure to let the others know.” He turns back around and this time I stop looking all together, the sink suddenly very interesting. After barely five minutes of silence, I look back at him, without shame. Just not purposefully staring at his waist and lower, as soapy water trailed done his body. He was already almost finished washing his hair and body.

“What happened with Niall yesterday Zayn?” I question softly, but loud enough to be heard over the running water. He sighs, and takes his face into his hands, splashing water on it. He repeats the motion before answering.

“First of all Soph, I wanna know since when has Nialler had a cutting habit?” He requests very seriously.

“I found him in tears and blood early yesterday morning.” I respond miserably just as he cuts the water off. “It was his first time, and hopefully the last.”

He sighs, passing his hand into his wet hair once. The subject was touchy; both of us could feel it. We were cautious of what we were gonna say, and how to say it.

Zayn gets out of the shower and grabs a towel, enclosing it around his waist. “C’mon.” He says, motioning for me to follow him.

Rearranging the towel around my own body, I stand up and pursue him into the corridor.

“Zayn did Niall cut himself again yesterday?” I ask him as we walk on the carpeted floor.

“If he did, what would you do? Cut yourself again?” He opposes. “Because that’s what you two agreed on right? If you cut, he cuts and if he cuts, you cut? Do you even realise how stupid this actually sounds?” He continues angrily.

“Zayn... Did Niall cut?” I ask again, voice trembling. He sighs, maintaining his anger level to a minimum as we continue advancing down the corridor to his room.

 “No.” He answers finally. “I stopped him just before he could do it again. Because I know it’s once you do it the second time that it’s impossibly hard to get someone to stop.” He continues. “Sophie, I really hope you are starting to realise the effect you have on us. Especially on little Nialler.” He adds.

I look down in shame. I’m such an awful human being...

Zayn stops walking and lifts my chin up with his free hand, forcing me to look into his eyes.

“And before you think you’re a bad person for making us feel that way, because I know that’s exactly what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours; tell yourself we have done worse to you alright? Just stop feeling guilty for everything. Please. You’d be doing everybody a huge favour, including yourself, Emily, Ashley and all those who care about you.” He finishes his gaze lingering a few seconds on my lips before he starts walking again.

But I’m trying... That’s what you can’t grasp. It’s not an easy flick of fingers....

Zayn walks us back to his room, opening the door for me to enter first.

“Zayn did you draw these?” I question him just before we reach my room, gesturing in admiration all the little sketches on his walls.

“Yup. Painted my room myself.... ” He nods, looking around. “Do you draw?” He enquires after quick thinking.

“Nah. I just doodle in my notebooks here and there. I suck at drawing. My best drawing is a stick figure in a dress.”

He bursts out laughing.

“I don’t believe you.” He says amused, shaking his head. “Go and dress yourself, I think I found what we’ll be doing today.” He says, urging me to my room.

“We could explore this huge house and do lots of the many things this house provides, but what you wanna do is see my drawing skills? How does that make any sense?”

“You can’t visit the whole house yet love...Where would be the surprises? Just go change.” He grins.

“Okay okay...You won’t look if I change?” I ask, just before shutting his door.

“No. But you should change in the walkthrough closet just to make sure I won’t get tempted yeah? But also...Be aware of the fact that I trust you won’t go into any of the other boys’ rooms, and try to get out of the house.” He cocks his eyebrow up.

“I won’t... I’d get lost in the house and you’d end finding me eventually and then I’d get punished.” I reply. Whoa...

“Good to see you’ve caught on.” He smiles. “Oh and we brought some girl stuff for you... its somewhere in your room...in your closet I think.”

 I shut the door, a little shocked. I got brainwashed by these boys, I realise. Anger bubbles up inside me.

“No... That can’t be...” I mutter, shaking my head as I headed to the closet beside Louis’s room top find some clothes. I shut the closet doors and open the light. “But maybe it’s true.” I whisper in horror, as I start searching for comfortable clothes. “It took them four days to change my mentality? That’s crazy...” I mumble, grabbing what I wanted: bra, panties, sweats, socks, a tank top and a little jean jacket without sleeves. The last item wasn‘t necessary, but it was good-looking so I decided I wanted to wear it.

I get dressed and take care of my girl stuff, before stepping out of the wardrobe. Fate was there, waiting for me.

“Hey there gorgeous,” I coo, taking her into my arms. I rub her head lovingly, and hug her. “Have you been here all along?” I ask her, obviously not waiting for a reply. She purrs as I continue petting her ginger fur. “I’m so sorry for dropping you yesterday and letting Liam taking you upstairs...” I continue, using my ‘baby’ voice. “He was nice wasn’t he? And Niall took care of your litter right?”

“Umm... Am I interrupting something?” The voice has a mocking edge.

I spin around to see Zayn leaning on his doorframe, a smile on his lips and a mischievous look in his brown eyes. He had a dark jumper on with dark jeans, hair placed messily on his head.

“Nah... I’m just rambling to my cat. It’s not like she can understand me anyways but it’s always fun to talk to someone just as vulnerable as me ya know?”

“You have some great motherly love.” He notices, ignoring the last part of my statement. I stiffen.

“Don’t think even about it.” I snarl, suddenly stingy. “I don’t want to be a mother. I don’t want to end up like mine. I don’t want you guys leaving me for another girl while I’m pregnant because you wouldn’t be able to use me for my initial purpose, sex! I don’t want my child to lose its father!” I word-vomit angrily.

“Whoa calm down love. It’s way too early anyways to be pregnant: there’s no way I’m letting you be pregnant at the age of 18. And we wouldn’t leave you if you ended up pregnant... C’mon...We’re not heartless. We’ll just wait a little longer for pregnancy possibilities an―”

“And there’s no way at all you guys decide when I’ll be pregnant alright? So get the protection methods going.” I snap. “If you don’t like condoms, find something else because I certainly don’t trust your ridiculous little pills.”

He laughs. “You’re in a bad mood suddenly huh? I’ll leave this talk with you and Harry.”

I shoot him a look.

“Fine fine... And no it’s not fine because I don’t know what to tell you.” He shakes his head, crossing his arms over his chest. “Condoms are just... disturbing.” He shudders. “On a totally different note, c’mon downstairs. We’ll draw down there.” He says. “And yeah Louis would totally disagree with the color accordance of your outfit.”

I look down at my green and orange socks, then to my neon blue sweats, and my white tank top. I roll my eyes.

“Well he’s not there.” I sigh, caressing Fate’s head once more. I’m about to ask Zayn if Fate can come too but he beats me to it.

“And yes, you can bring Fate.” He says.

Zayn takes me downstairs, to the area where Louis and Harry immobilized me yesterday. The room that had a view on the pond and the ducklings.

I take the time to look around. It’s very cushiony, and open. There was a rectangular-shaped couch on the side of the room, except the rectangle had a missing chunk in the middle, leaving room for a little table.

“Wait for me right here, I’ll get the stuff.” He instructs, before leaving me alone.

Keeping Fate in my arms, I advance to the window, looking outside with longing. Fate though, seems curious.

 Zayn is back in a matter of minutes.

“Zaynnn.” I whine, turning around.

“Soph I learned my lesson. Please, don’t arouse me again.”

“Can we go outside?” I plea. “Just on the patio at least...”

“Oh... umm... okay. Sure. Why not?” He shrugs and carries the stuff outside, placing it on the table. I place Fate on the ground and she runs to go see the ducklings. I feel freer outside. It feels good.

“Now...Draw me... And I’ll draw you alright?” He directs once were sat down and ready. He hands me a sheet and pencil.

I draw a stick figure with a quiff.

“Tadaa! Finished! I exclaim, holding it up for him to see.

“How can you? I haven’t even started and...” He takes a good look at my drawing. “Soph...” He shakes his head. “You can do better.”

 “Okay fine.” I huff and crumple the sheet, taking a new one. Biting my lip in concentration, I start drawing.

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