Wanting What's Wrong

Two years have passed since Sophie Miller escaped. Two years since she was One DIrections private possession. Trying to get her life back to normal, Sophie heads to Mullingar. The boys of One Direction find her and drag her back into their messed up lives. Feelings start showing here and there, making Sophie confused. Is it really okay to start having feelings towards your kidnappers? Afterall, there is a very thin line between love and hate...


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45. Letting The World Know

My mind is completely off subject in class, always wandering to my tender ass. And the dream with Niall and Harry. And Louis’s spanking. And how Niall has emotion problems now. And how Harry’s also been quite moody. And how Zayn’s distant, just like Liam. And basically the whole day yesterday. Whoa it felt like yesterday was a full week.

I swallow a groan as I feel my bottom throbbing slightly every time I make a too rough movement on my seat. I was now sitting in Maths, the last period before lunch. And boy let me tell you I was hungry. Thank God Louis let me get a coffee and a muffin this morning, I would’ve starved.

I suddenly squirm in my chair, my butt stinging in pain once more. But also, fuck you Louis.

I start chuckling silently to myself, imagining his reply if he had heard me, No Sophie, I fucked you.

Ugh why are these boys growing on me? I take my head in my hands and shut my eyes, paying absolutely no attention to what was happening at the board as I tried imagining another one of Louis’s replies.

No we’re growing in you Sophieboo. It’s not quite the same. I giggle to myself, and I’m positive I got a couple weird looks from the people beside me.

You’re going bonkers, having your mind playing Louis’s voice and your own into an argument. Plus you have Stockholm syndrome Soph; you might as well go and get admitted in a mental hospital. I shake my head in disbelief, and look around to realise I’m the only one left in the class. I’m pretty sure they’d accept you in a mental hospital. I flinch at the thought.

“Sophie Miller? Are you alright? You can go to lunch now, the bell has rung about a minute ago,” the teacher frowns, waiting for me to leave in order for him to lock the door.

Standing up from my chair I wince slightly, grabbing my stuff before leaving the classroom to head to the cafeteria in order to find Emily.

I find her seated at our usual spot, with whom I presume is Kyle. My friend waves me over. I walk over to them, quickly noticing many eyes on me accompanied by low buzzing of voices. I pay barely any attention to it.

“Hey,” I say, sitting down.

“Sophie you know Kyle right?” Emily asks, motioning the boy beside her.

“Yeah I’ve seen him a few times. Hi.” I smile.

“Hey babe,” Kyle extends his hand over to me and I shake it. “I remember you... You’re the Canadian that was in advanced French classes last year no?” Kyle realises after a few seconds of starring at me.

“Yeah.” I say a little embarrassed, placing a strand of hair behind my ear.

“So you’re the Sophie Miller Emily keeps talking me about?” The boy continues.  

“Yeah that’s me. Em’s told you good things I hope?” I enquire while speaking wordlessly to Emily with my eyes.

 “Yes of course.” The dark-haired boy smiles. “But... I’m curious. It’s true? You and One Direction huh? All of them?” The blue-eyed boy probes.

I subtly kick my friend’s foot under the table, surprise clear in my face.

“Oh no she’s not the one who told me that.” Kyle shakes his head, chuckling.

Guess my kick wasn’t so subtle after all.

“I’m going to let you two have your girl talk. I have soccer practice. See you later babe,” He kisses a blushing Emily on the cheek and leaves, blowing a kiss her way before exiting the cafeteria with some of his friends.

“Emily what the fuck do you want to kill me?” I whisper heatedly, trying to avoid other people hearing us. “If the boys learn you told someone, we’re both as good as dead!”

 I take a quick look around. The earlier whispering has gone up to a normal talk and I manage to hear a few words like my name, accompanied by slut, whore, One Direction, and deserves to die. I feel like I’ve been kicked in the stomach multiple times.

 “Em did you tell the whole school?” I ask horrified.

“Sophie I swear I didn’t. This magazine did.” She says, pulling out a bundle of papers from her bag. She hands me the magazine and I gasp.

“When did you get this?”

“It was in the mail this morning... And I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who received it. Someone wants to make One Direction’s life miserable, because I never subscribed to this magazine... I got it for free.”

I take a good look at the magazine. The headlines we’re: One Direction Found in Mullingar, With What Seems Like a Girlfriend For the Five Below the headline there was the picture taken of me and Harry walking in the streets hand-in-hand, along with another one of me and Niall cuddling together at the hospital, me and Louis arriving together in the car, and a last one of me and the boys in the waiting room. How do the paps even get those pictures?! It’s called privacy!

“Oh my God this is bad.” I groan. I go to open it but Emily stops me.

“I have a feeling you’re about to burst if you read more.... C’mon let’s go to the washroom. You’ll attract less attention. You certainly don’t need more.” Emily advises, guiding me out of the cafeteria and into the nearest bathroom as my eyes stayed glued to the cover of the magazine in my hands.“Now go ahead. Read.” She nods.

I flip through the pages, reading the big headlines rapidly. Niall Horan hospitalized. One Direction Hiding From Media? New Tour About to Start In January. New Girlfriend or Personal Slut? Insider Reveals Sophie Miller is the Mystery Girl Living With Them.

 “Oh my God.”

“Yes. But this could turn out positively you know? Maybe paps who managed to get this much information will find the house and One Direction could be arrested. And you’d be free of them no?”

I immediately think of poor Niall in jail and I flinch. He wouldn’t deserve this. Zayn either. And Liam, Harry and Louis as well. None of them deserve prison.

“The thing is... I don’t want them arrested.” I frown. “I have no other home but over there, even though it sucks most of the time.”

“Earth to Sophie, we have a flat remember?” My friend rolls her eyes.

“I know but... What I really don’t want is them ending up in prison because of me. They changed. They’re not who they we’re.”

“After all they did to you, you want them to be safe and happy?”

“I don’t want to destroy their lives! I’d feel bad if I did. I’d feel guilty Em! And I don’t deal well with guilt.” I say morosely, reflexively looking down at my left wrist. “But you’ll understand me when you see Louis.” I continue, trying to get her to see my side of things. “He’s trying to get a girlfriend, to change his ways... And it’s become hard for him to act harsh towards me. And he’s a little less pervy honestly. Emily they’ve changed. It wouldn’t be fair to them.”

“Wait... When will I see Louis?”

“He’s my buddy for the double date.”

“Sophie this isn’t right. What you’re doing to them. Toying with their feelings and such.” She shakes her head. “First Niall, then Harry and now Louis? If you don’t pick one soon, and the right one, you’re all going to get hurt.” The fucking dream. Didn’t Niall say something familiar in the dream? Dreams are made of long lost thoughts of the brain no? So they’re like the result of many evaluations of the brain? So deep down my subconscious wants me to choose? I can’t! I need them all somehow! But why is Emily saying this?

“So it’s okay to send them to jail, but not to toy with their feelings? Emily I’m lost.”

“You need to figure this out by yourself.” The brunette shakes her head. “Anyways, changing the subject completely, Kyle and I will be waiting for you at 9 pm Saturday at the park near our flat okay?”

“Sounds perfect.” I nod.

 “I’m going to go eat lunch... You coming?” Emily sighs.

As if on cue, my stomach growls but I shake my head negatively, thinking of how just a few minutes ago, everybody was looking at me, saying horrible stuff.

“You know what? I think I’m going to head home. School isn’t doing me any good right now.”

“Oh. I can share you my phone if you want to call? You know because the boys took yours and you might want to call one of them to pick you up?”

“Yeah thanks that’d be appreciated.”

She smiles, and fishes into her pocket for her phone, before handing it over to me.

“Thanks.”

I take a good look at her phone, eyeing the numbers warily. What are their phone numbers though? They never told me...

“I don’t know their numbers. Of any of them.” I realise out loud, giving Emily’s phone back. She places it back in her pocket, biting her lip.

“Want my car?” She proposes.

“But you? You have to go back home at some point.”

“Kyle won’t mind driving me home.”

I stay silent, thinking carefully before talking again.

“Look. It’s okay Emily I’m just going to go wait for the day to end outside. I need fresh air anyways.”

“You sure? Because you’ll have to wait a good three hours outside, alone. And it’s getting chilly out.”

“I’ll be fine. If I get too cold, I’ll just wait by a window somewhere in the school. Or in a bathroom if I’m that desperate.”

“Be careful.” Emily stops me as I turn around to leave. “Don’t listen to what the others say okay Soph? I saw how the comments affected you... You’re not a slut, you we’re used against your will most of the time.” She ends, a sorry look on her face.

“See ya Em,” I nod, before leaving the washroom.

Most of the time. The four words keep haunting me as I walk down the corridors to go fetch my stuff. Most of the time. I try to shake out the nasty thoughts as I head outside. Most of the time. Sighing, I sit down in front of the school, taking my head in my hands sulkily. Most of the time. Maybe the article is right. Maybe the others are right. I am a slut. Maybe I deserve to die after all... I look down at my un-casted wrist. Maybe it deserves more scars...

“Oi Sophie!”

My head snaps up and I wipe away the tears forming in my eyes with the back of my hand.

“Sophie get in the car!” A British accent rings as a vehicle pulls up to me. I stand up and back away. Oh no they’re going to kill me. Somehow they found out about the magazine and they’ll blame it all on me telling it to Emily.

The window rolls down to reveal Zayn.

“Zayn? What are you even doing here?” I hiccup, my voice shaking with fear. “How did you know I’d be here?”

“Sophie please get in the car, we need to talk.” The Bradford boy counters seriously. That’s it, I’m dead.

“Zayn I-I-I swear I didn’t do anything!” I plea.

“I’m not going to murder you Soph; can you please get in the car with your stuff?”

“How did you know I’d be here?” I repeat.

 “I knew you’d get your hands on the magazine, mainly because you’re the magazine’s center. So I decided I would pick you up from school because I’m starting to know how you react to different things. I knew you’d be an emotional wreck as soon as I learned about the contents of that nasty paper. I was just about to go and fetch you inside but you came out instead. Now get in.”

“How’d you know about it?” I ask, getting in the car. “The magazine. How did you learn about it?” I say again.

He sighs as he starts driving out the parking and away from the school.

“Louis called home because he saw copies of it in the city during his date with Eleanor. Liam and Harry are trying to arrange stuff with management and the publishers of the magazine. So far copies have only been given to this city. We’re hoping it won’t go worldwide. But now what about you?” He looks at me briefly. “Talk to me. Get your mind off what makes you so disturbed. Tell me why you we’re crying just a few seconds ago.”

“I wasn’t,” I mumble.

“Don’t lie. I saw you. Just spill it all out. And be honest.”

“Fine.”

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