Wanting What's Wrong

Two years have passed since Sophie Miller escaped. Two years since she was One DIrections private possession. Trying to get her life back to normal, Sophie heads to Mullingar. The boys of One Direction find her and drag her back into their messed up lives. Feelings start showing here and there, making Sophie confused. Is it really okay to start having feelings towards your kidnappers? Afterall, there is a very thin line between love and hate...


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19. 10 Things I Hate About You

“What do you wanna watch Soph?” Niall questions loudly, a few feet away from me.

“Say scary movie! That way you can huddle with us!” Louis begs excitedly.

“No way. I hate horror movies.... If I watch one, then tomorrow morning one of you might find me hidden in their bed sheets.” I sigh, rubbing my eyes from the low energy I had left.

“Well that sounds like an okay conclusion to me.” Louis smirks. “A perfect one I might add.”

“Louis... This is about Sophie. She gets to choose.” Harry chuckles, sitting on my left.

“Then say Grease! Say Grease!”

“Stop pressuring the poor girl. She wants to watch Toy Story.” Liam intervenes.

“Oh I’m not feeling pressured at all right now...” I mock, toying with the ice cream pot with uncertainty. Should I eat it or should I not?

“Guys leave her alone... What do you wanna watch, love?” Niall chuckles, a smile finally forming on his lips.

“10 things I hate about you.” I answer. I didn’t want to sleep through a movie I didn’t see... That just sucks.

Harry frowns.

“Any particular reason?”

“I just found the title fitting.” I shrug. Fatigue was starting to kick in from the loss of blood and lack of sugar, but I pushed it away, not wanting to eat the fatty frozen dessert.

“And what about the content of the movie?” Harry interrupts my drowsy state.

“Never watched it.” I lie.

“Then how do you know about it?”

“Emily.”

“And why would s―”

“Could you two stop arguing so we can actually watch the damn movie and finish it before midnight?” Niall snaps suddenly.

We frown at his outburst, and his cheeks immediately take a soft pink colour in realisation.

 Something is definitely off with Niall...His edginess can’t be good...And wasn’t he wearing a t-shirt just a few minutes ago?

The six of us are all frozen in puzzlement, until Niall shrugs his shoulders and installs the movie, acting like nothing had just happened.

“Well... That was entertaining,” Louis chuckles, digging his spoon inside his ice cream before taking a large bite.

“He’s gonna have a brain freeze,” I mumble to Zayn, a smile on the corner of my lips. The darker boy nods, also beaming. Seconds later, the blue-eyed boy drops his spoon and rolls to the ground, clutching his head in pain.

“Oww.... Brrraaiinn freeezze,” he groans as Zayn and I burst out laughing. Whoa... Zayn and I laughing together.... That’s a first, I realise silently. Is it normal to laugh with someone who raped you? I dunno.... But Zayn’s clearly changed since this Perrie girl...Why does everything always have to become so perplexing all the time... Why can’t they either be always nice or always mean? This way I could stay sane with my emotions and actions....

“It’s not funny... It fuckin’ hurts.” Louis protests during my mental debate, eyes shut tightly in pain.

“You’re such a child for a twenty-two year-old Lou,” Liam teases, ruffling the latter’s hair.

“Oh you did not just say that!” Louis retorts tackling Liam playfully to the ground. “I’m not a child... I just don’t like to act all adulty and boring like you!” He continues, pushing Liam into the floor jokingly.

“Adulty isn’t even a word!” Liam laughs from under the older boy.

“See! No one except you could have cared that I invented a word!”

“Not true!”

Just as the opening scenes of the movie start, their brotherly tackling rapidly turns into full on shoving. I stay immobile in Zayn’s arms, fascinated by how fast things went. I’m clearly not the only one as the other three’s gazes are also locked on the fighting mass of limbs in the middle of the floor.

“Guys. Guys. GUYS!!” Niall exclaims after a moment, pulling them apart. “Could you two try not to kill yourselves right now?”

“Don’t worry Nialler... I was only trying to make Li Li realise why everyone calls him Daddy Direction... It’s because he’s too mature and serene and all that boring stuff,” The cheeky boys exclaims, giving Liam another shove, to which he responds identically.

“Can we just watch the movie now? I think the evening been eventful enough...” Harry groans, sighing as he slouches into the couch.

“For once since the last hour, I agree with Hazz.” Niall approves huffing. The blonde grabs a Ben & Jerry’s from the mini fridge, which sat beside the sofa and sits on the floor in front of me, placing the frozen treat on his lap. There are cushioned sofas and he sits on the floor... in front of me...what?

“Are you sitting in front of me because you want me to play with your hair Niall?” I enquire while toying with wisps of his bleached hair, wanting to evaluate his response.

“Sure, if ever the need is there,” The Irish lad shrugs carelessly. My relaxed mood drops.

He’s cross at me. Niall you’re driving me crazy. One second he’s shouting at me because I don’t give him as much forgiveness as Harry, and the next he’s sorry he hurt my feelings, but he’s really not because all he said was the truth... Niall, Niall, Niall... What am I gonna do with you? What am I gonna do with myself?

“Hey Zaynie! I want you to play with my hair too!” Louis exclaims, sitting beside Niall and in front of Zayn.

“Only if you don’t call me Zaynie, Boobear.” The darker boy retorts, tousling the older boy’s hair affectionately with his hand that isn’t around me.

“Yeah Hazz I’d offer you to play with my hair also... but I haven’t got much...” Liam chuckles, also sitting beside Niall. I suddenly decide to remove my hand from the blonde’s hair.

“Oh don’t worry Li, I’ve got Soph here to keep me company,” The curly-haired boy replies while opening his arms for me to snuggle in. “Right Soph? You’ll cuddle with me?” He says, obviously not giving me a choice. But I’m fine with Zayn right now...Why is he always so possessive?

From the corner of my eye, I see the boys move a little uncomfortably, anxious to see if I’ll stay with Zayn or obey Harry.

“Nahh Harry. I’ll just sit straight if that’s how you’re gonna play it.” I frown, closing my eyes a few times as Zayn helps me sit straighter up.

“And what exactly am I playing at?!?” Harry demands incredulous.

“The domineering, overprotective and jealous kidnapper.” I snap, crossing my arms over my chest. “Showing everyone I belong to you. Yeah well the thing is, Harry, they know it very well already. The only people who don’t know are the rest of the world! What would your fans think? Why don’t you show them you kidnapped me?!? ”

“I am n―”

“Guys can we just eat ice cream and watch a movie, without the arguing? You know, be normal?” Zayn cuts, exhaling loudly.  Yeah, like eating ice cream in front of a movie with your kidnappers is normal....What is wrong with me? I should make them hate me. I should be locking myself up in that special bedroom they gave me, hide under the covers, ignore them completely and starve myself to death. And it’d be easier for me to hate them, because they’d hate me for not listening to them. Then maybe they’d realise how much effect they have on me.

“I hate you.” I mutter trying to convince myself, taking my head into my hands in exasperation, leaving the frozen dessert laying on my lap.

“Who?!” they all chorus, heads spinning around to look at me. Harry’s face was angry as well as Liam’s, but Niall’s was more confused and hurt, Louis's sad and deceived and Zayn’s more understanding.

“I hate all of you. For being able to make me happy and comfy when I shouldn’t be.” I mumble. Their faces change immediately.

“The hate is reciprocal then.” Louis shrugs after a moment of thought. “And I think I speak for everyone here when I say that we hate you too, because we can be ourselves around you. You make us lose control, which makes us dangerous for you.”

“I hate that you’re attention grabbing,” Zayn continues. “You make us act possessive way too easily.”

“What?” I frown.

 Zayn shakes his head in disbelief. “Clearly you don’t see all the heads that spin your way when you enter a room, because you don’t know you’re beautiful and you think it’s okay for you to hurt yourself.” And great he’s quoting his own song...

The boys all very visibly flinch at the fresh memory Zayn just sent them, but all I can do is stare at my melting ice cream in silence. What was this sharing session for? Make it harder for me to hate them again? Why?

“I hate the fact that you aren’t hateable for long.” Liam adds.

“I personally hate the fact that you aren’t just another girl we can let go.” Harry agrees. Louis, Liam and Zayn nod.

“Okay so now that everyone has poured their feelings, can we watch the fucking movie?” Niall snaps suddenly in irritation. That made everybody shut up in surprise, but we did stop talking to watch.

Harry snaps his fingers and the lights dim. Classic Harry.

“And Sophie... Don’t forget to eat.” The Irish boy ends, giving me one stern glare. I nod slowly, catching the glimpse of hurt in his baby blues into the darkness just before he turns to face the screen.

As we get into the movie, I find myself practically sleeping, my head lolling sideways once in a while and my mind getting drowsy with lethargy. The loss of blood was gradually getting to me.

It’s barely the beginning that Louis decides to talk again, jolting me awake from my little nap. I take notice we are right in the middle of the part where Julia goes to Ms. Perky’s office, where that last one is writing an erotica novel.

“Hey guys! You know what?” Louis calls out.

“No, but I have a feeling we’re about to know.” Zayn mumbles. Louis dismisses his comment sassily.

“This part reminds me.... I found Soph’s major turn on today!” He claps excitedly. Oh no.

“What is it?” Harry asks curiously. He shoots me an interested sideways glance. Can’t they stop? Can’t they see I’m not in the mood? Louis, what the fuck?

“She likes the dirty talk. Like a lot. I bet we could make her cum just by whispering dirty things into her ear!” He continues, sniggering. Oh no...He didn’t... “Right Soph?” Louis demands, spinning his head around to look at me directly in the eyes.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I lie, huffing in annoyance before crossing my legs. He cocks his eyebrow up challengingly.

“You sure? You don’t remember writhing on the desk, as I whispered what I was going to do to your dripping pussy with my fat cock?” He tempts, one of his hands sliding slowly up my legs.

A spark of arousal tickles my insides at the words he just pronounced, but I push it away grimacing. Today had been full enough. I won’t willingly let them do things to me while I’m in this state. His hand keeps going higher as thoughts invade my mind.

“Stop Louis.” I warn, pushing his hand away as well as the nasty images.

“See. I got you all flustered using only words.” He chants cheekily.

“And your hand.” I point out in irritation.

“Want me to try without the hand?” he challenges as Niall, Harry, Liam and Zayn get their eyes fixated on the screen again.

“No thanks, I think I’ll pass.” I reply dryly. He smirks and returns his attention on the movie.

The rest of the film goes pretty fast, due to the fact I slept through the rest of it. I’m very lucky neither Harry nor Zayn noticed I didn’t touch the food. I wake up just as the end song starts blazing into the speakers.

“Hey Sophie!” Louis says noisily.

“What?” I question groggily, before yawning loudly.

 Louis is the only one that rotates around to face me and his eyes turn into slits as he looks forwards and back to my untouched ice cream and me. There’s a long silence, apart from the movie credits. And then:

“Why haven’t you touched the sugar, even though you’re getting sleepy?” Louis demands very seriously. “Did you dare to sleep during the movie?” The boys’ heads spin around rapidly to verify what Lou just said. I gulp nervously. What?

“I ummm...no... maybe...” I struggle to find words. What if I did?! I was tired... I could sleep. They won’t be the ones that decide on my sleeping hours now won’t they?

“You did didn’t you?” Louis chides, standing up. His form towers over me, making me hug my knees to myself protectively. “You slept.”

“And what if I did?!?”I give up sighing, looking up at him.

“Yeah Louis what if she did?” Liam questions, agreeing with me. Oh good. So I’m not the only one thinking that way. Nice Liam is in the place.

Louis spins around to look at the younger boy, hands on his hips likes the sassy lad he is.

“C’mon Li you know why she can’t sleep!” Louis states.

“Well would you enlighten me? Because I really don’t know why we couldn’t let her sleep. I know for a fact that when someone loses a lot of blood, they need to eat and sleep in order to regain their forces.” Liam elaborates. “Your mother is a nurse Louis... You should know these kinds of things.”

“Yeah well like you said, my mother is the nurse, not me.” Louis snaps, a little pissed Liam was correcting him. The older boy turns back to face me, his fury going to me instead. “Anyhow, Soph you didn’t eat!”

“I was tired!” I protest. “And with reason!” I add, voice elevating to meet his.

“Yeah well maybe if you wouldn’t have gone cutting in the first place, all this wouldn’t have happened!”He explodes.

That was a low hit.

“I can’t control it.... You don’t understand... I just have to do it...” I whisper, tears stinging on the brim of my eyes.

“That’s bullshit!”

“Louis!” The four boys warn.

I burst out heatedly: “You can’t understand! You and your fucking perfect life! You guys don’t understand! You can’t! Because you haven’t been through what’ve been through since my father left! ” I end angrily, before shattering into broken sobs as I hugged myself and hid my face. Zayn takes me into his arms but I stay curled into a ball even as he tries to nudge me out of the position.

“So stubborn,” he says it under his breath but I hear him anyways. He starts caressing my hair. “Look don’t stop now Soph. Let it all out. Tell us what you’re thinking. It’ll do you good. Keep talking and you’ll stop crying.” Why do you always make things seem so easy Zayn!

 “Fine! My dad fucking left me and my mother, then she became alcoholic and then suddenly I was all alone to deal with everything! So I blamed my dad’s departure on myself...I started cutting with the kitchen knife one night, when my mother was an unconscious drunken mess on the floor, convincing myself that I was what went wrong with their relationship throughout every slice. I kept telling myself that I was a good for nothing daughter!” I hiccup, exhaling shakily as I dug up old scars.  

I see every guy squirm uncomfortably but I pursue what I was saying. “It’s when I found you guys, your songs and all the cute way you treated fans ... It was all that lovey dovey shit that made me stop the cutting because I thought I had the chance to have a perfect relationship with one of you, just like any other fan. But then I’m with you, forcefully, and your songs are nothing but bullshit to your eyes in the end because clearly you don’t treat me like you would treat the girls in the songs.” I continue, lifting my head up for mere seconds. “It’s all an image you give yourselves.” My teary eyes meet with Louis’s sorry ones. “Why does reality always have to be so harsh....?” I whisper.

“I’m sorry Sophie. I didn’t know much about your past but you get me so worried sometimes... I overreact, fueled by anger, emotions and confusion. I become that monster again.” Louis soothes, making a sour face as he called himself a monster. “And I don’t like being wrong.” Louis chuckles softly. I nod, and my stomach growls.

“So Sophie... You got your sleep but you have to eat now. Will you eat love?” Niall sighs, leaning his head back so our eyes could meet. He even pouts his lip. “For me?”

I mumble negatively, and hide my face into my legs once more; not wanting to give in to Niall’s his charm. Especially with his bipolar emotions of tonight, I couldn’t trust him. His bipolarity reminds me of Harry....

“Why?” Harry enquires gently. “Why don’t you want to eat? We won’t poison you if that’s what you’re thinking...”

“S’not that...” I nuzzle into Zayn but he arranges me back around so they can all see my face.

“What is it then?” Harry continues.

 “I’ll be fat.” I give up.

They all exhale in exasperation.

“Why all these insecurities suddenly? You were fine with eating this morning!” Niall explodes, scaring me.

“You guys bring them out.” I respond slowly, slumping my shoulders in shame. I’m usually able to keep everything to myself, stay strong, but it seems as they really do bring every fiber of me out of the darkness. It’s like I’m constantly naked in front of them... no walls... no barriers to protect myself.

“Keep them in then.” Niall says dryly.

“Niall!” Harry reproves.

“Why do you keep being sweet to me Niall? Hmm? If you hate me that much.” Why are you so unpleasant if you said you felt for me, yesterday night?

 “Shut up Harry.” The blond retorts, ignoring me. “You’re the one who started this shit in first place.” Niall says lowly before leaving. Harry disregards him and his comment as I watch the blonde leave almost sadly. What’s happening with Niall? Something has to be wrong with him. Something I did really pissed him off.

Unexpectedly, I yawn.

“Clearly your still tired cupcake... But we won’t let you sleep until you eat a couple bites of that.” Harry says, pointing the ice cream.

“How many?” I surrender exhaling. I really wanted to sleep again... My mind was fuzzy and worn-out.

The boys all spin to look at Liam. Like Liam will know... It’s not like he worked with health stuff...

“Five. One for each one of us.” The brown-eyed boy shrugs.

“Oh can I feed you?!” Louis squeals excitedly, grabbing the abandoned Ben & Jerry’s pot and the spoon.

“Are you mental? I’m eighteen. I can feed myself.” I scowl, grabbing the pot and spoon.

“Hey boys I got another idea!” Louis states as I open the ice cream.

“When don’t you...” Zayn laughs. “But shoot.”

“We could try the Daddy kink one night!”

“Is there a part of the day where you’re not thinking about sex?” I mutter, digging the spoon in the frozen treat.

“Yes. When I’m with family... That’d be awkward.” The older boy admits and I roll my eyes.

“So if I eat five spoonfuls of this fat―”

“Sugar,” They correct at the same time.

“Fine fatty sugar,” I resign making a face, “I can go to bed and have a nice relaxing sleep. With none of you part of it. Right?” I did not want sex or any of Louis freaky kinks.

“Right.” Liam, Harry and Zayn agree.

“But who says you won’t dream about us?” Louis contradicts. “Then we’d be a part of your sleep no?”

“Whatever.” I puff out exasperatedly, before rapidly gulping down the five needed spoonfuls. “Here. All done.” I say, giving the bowl back to Louis as I stand up wobbily, legs all mushy from my weird positions.

“Here baby cakes... I’ll take you back up to your room.” Harry proposes, before cradling me up in his arms. “’Night lads!” He calls out before carrying me back upstairs and to my room.

“I could’ve walked,” I tell him as we walk down the hallway, yawning once before pressing closer to his torso for more body warmth.

“Sure, but carrying you is so much more amusing,” The curly-haired boy replies, flashing me a dimpled smile when I looked up at him to roll my eyes. I hear a door slam and try to spin around to the sound source but Harry’s arms constrict around me, immobilizing my body.

“S’only Niall making us know he’s angry... But don’t worry he’ll come around.” He adds when he notices my scared look.

Harry somehow manages to open a door with his arms full and we end up in his room. Orangey, like the one he had two years ago. He passes right through and enters my room, setting me on the bed. He goes to my closet and pulls out comfy pyjamas.

“Here. Good night.” He ends, backing up. He looks me up and down and bites his lip.

“What?” I question, rubbing my eyes.

“Can I kiss you?” He asks shyly.

“N―”

“Please? C’mon sugar-lips...” He almost begs. Sugar-lips? Baby cakes? Cupcake earlier? What is it with these boys and their terms of endearment? “Just a little peck right there.” He continues, sliding his thumb on my lower lip.

“Maybe another time.” I turn him off, grabbing the pyjama.

He huffs and nods, before leaving. I stop him before he’s completely closed his door.

“Why did you text Niall earlier? Why did you want me to join you in your room?”

“Just never mind,” He sighs shaking his head negatively, “I would’ve saved you from a couple scars if it wasn’t for that text,” He ends regretfully before shutting the door.

I sulk and undress rapidly, not caring that the boys could see me through the mirrors. I had one goal and it was to sleep. Tomorrow, things would be better, I think as I shut off my lights and slide into my sheets, clutching Padgett.

“I have quite a lot of things to put into you Padge,” I mumble sighing, before falling into slumber.

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