Easy El

Eleanor was a normal girl, she went to school talked to her friends and everything was fine, until one little white lie landed her in a lot of trouble. Now the entire school thinks she is the 21st century equivalent of Hester Prynne [The scarlet letter] Now all that’s left for her to do is embrace it.
A novel loosely based on the 2010 film Easy A, A hint of Larry Stylinson and voila this is Easy El, hope you enjoy!

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3. Three

Chapter Three

“If I’d known that Meerkat Niall was going to turn out so hot, I probably would have cherished the moment more. I suppose just that I’m sitting here reminiscing about it means that it must have meant something. Yeah, so anyway - kissing’s not really my thing. That’s what I learned in Jesy Nelson’s closet.”

 “So, I’m feeling like the cat’s ass, because everyone thinks I’ve been deflowered. I’m surprised at how empowered I felt by this prevarication. I wonder to myself, would I feel this invigorated if I had actually let some college kid violate me in his cockroach infested dorm room? Probably not. Ironically, we were studying ‘The Scarlet Letter,’ but isn’t that always the way with these teenage tales? The literature you read in class always seems to have a strong connection with whatever angst-y adolescent drama is being recounted. I consider this. Then I think: Except for ‘Huckleberry Finn.’ I don’t know any teenage boys who have ever run away with a big, hulking black guy”

“Alright, so thoughts?” Mr Payne asked the class, they were in mid discussion over the scarlet letter, a book that now had so much more significance to Eleanor that she ever dreamed to be so.

It was Jade who raised her hand first, Mr Payne called upon her, pointing to signify that she could speak.

“I think Hester Prynne was - excuse my language - a whore.” She said sweetly.

“You don’t see her as a victim?” Mr Payne asked curiously.

“Why should I? She brought it on herself.” Jade responded before whipping her head around to glare at Eleanor.

“Excuse me? What was that look for?” Eleanor snapped in utter offence to the glare.

“Perhaps you should embroider a red A on your wardrobe?” She suggested.

“Perhaps you should GET a wardrobe, you twat!” Eleanor roared, feeling the heat burn against her cheeks as the class, and Mr Payne surprisingly burst out into laughter. Although Mr Payne could see the funny side, this did not excuse her from an afternoon detention.

Eleanor was sitting, arms crossed outside the principal’s office, her detention slip firmly clutched in her fist as she waits, Perrie who just so happened to be an office aid couldn’t help her smile that she had no effort in hiding. 

“Seems as if someone’s on a downward spiral.” Perrie said out loud, her hand firmly pressed against her stapler as she was still working.

“Seems as if someone’s practicing the mundane activities she’ll be saddled with the rest of her pathetic life.” Eleanor snapped back at her.

“You have a chip on your shoulder the size of Australia.” Perrie was not going to go down without her own fight.

“Wow, that’s even bigger than your arse!”

“You’re going to hell. Eleanor Jane.”

“As long as you won’t be there...” Eleanor muttered.

“Oh, I can assure you I won’t..I hope you at least had the good sense to wear a condom.”

“Why? Your parents didn’t.” Eleanor was growing tired of this pointless banter.

“You know, you’re just like –“ She stopped, as the door of the Principal’s office swung open, Mr Murs standing in the door frame as two kids walked out one kid holding a bloodied tissue to his nose, he looks at Eleanor with a pained expression, she couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. The other kid had obviously been the cause for his loss injuries.

Mr Murs gestures her to accompany him inside his office, she walks in regrettably, handing him her detention slip as she took a seat on one of the uncomfortable chairs opposite his desk.

“I don’t know you.” He said with little to no expression in his tone, or on his face.

“Eleanor Calder, Sir..”

“Why are we just now meeting? Using language like this should have warranted a visit to me years ago.” He said with a smirk.

“Well, to be perfectly honest - I’ve never used an epithet like this in an educational arena before. Sir.” She responded quickly. It was the honest truth.

“This is foul.”

“In my defense, I think I meant to say ‘twit.’ It just came out more - what’s the word I’m looking for? Veracious.” She tried to save herself but he wasn’t buying it.

“A young lady with such an extensive vocabulary shouldn’t be stooping to such vituperations.”

“Touché. As serious as a heart attack...” She smiled.

“Wipe that smile off your face –“ He said coldly, looking back down at her slip.

“Eleanor. I don’t tolerate this kind of language. Ever. Consider this your first warning. If I find out you’ve used a word like this in my school again, I will make sure that it’s your last. I don’t operate on a ‘three strikes you’re out system’. You get one warning from me.Think very carefully before you speak.”

“I always do. Are we finished?” She asked innocently, he nodded, pointing towards the door. As she stands to leave he stops her.

“Detention tomorrow after school in Room 704. And, young lady, I don’t want to see you again.”

“Not even in a more positive capacity? Maybe I could win a ribbon or a medal or something. I could conceivably be valedictorian. Or something.”

“Get out of my office now.”

 

---

After school has finished, it’s Danielle who jumped excitedly onto Eleanor in the parking lot, scaring her half to death.”Please tell me the rumors are true.” She squealed into her best friend’s ear, holding onto her excitedly.

“Yes, I’m a big whore.” Eleanor jokes, rolling her eyes as she tries to push her friend off.

“Not that one. The one where you called Jade Thirlwall a cunt and then socked her in the nose.

“It’s not entirely true.”

“Yeah. Like the exact moment you turned into such a BAD ASS? I think I’m in LOVE with you.” She laughed, “Please tell me you at least left a mark on that scrunched-up face of hers. POW! The cunt goes down for the count!”

“I want a car.” Eleanor announced as Danielle started her own, the girls had been carpooling all year, since she did not in fact own her own.

“Please. It’s my only perk. Trust me.”

---

“I got sent to the Principal today.” Eleanor announced at the dinner table that evening, she didn’t know what the expressions on her parents faces meant, but she wasn’t exactly going to ask.

“What did you do?” Her father asked in amusement, Eleanor had never been in such trouble in her entire life.

“I used inappropriate language in English class. But we’re reading a book that I, personally, deem wildly inappropriate for my age group, so I felt that it was actually quite apropos.” She said with a small smile.

“What did you say?” Her mother asked curiously.

.”Let’s just say it was an inappropriate word.” She didn’t feel the need to say such a thing in front of her little sister.

“What did it start with?”

“A snide comment from a snotty-ass girl in my class.” She shrugged.

“I meant what letter did it start with?”

“Oh. Yeah. T.”

Her mother frowned. “T? That’s an odd one. Is this one of those new curse words?” She asked before thinking of a word. She leaned over and whispered her guess into her daughters ear to see if she was correct.
 

“I don’t even know what that means.” Eleanor laughed.

“Yeah. Neither do I.”

“Okay. Noun, adjective or verb?” Her father asked, this was obviously bothering him, he had never looked so puzzled.

“Noun. Definitely slang. Think British,”

“Well, I’m stumped. Whisper it in my ear.” Her mother leaned over, but Eleanor shook her head.

“I can’t. Too weird.”

“Oo! Oo! Spell it with your peas!” Her mother jumped at her brilliant idea.

“Now, THAT’S a challenge.” Eleanor giggled as she tried to maneuver her peas into the right formation.

“Does this have something to do with this rumor you were talking about the other night?” Her father asked as he watched her work with her peas. “Is there something you want to tell us, kiddo?”

“I’m spelling it out for you as quickly as I can!”

“I got a B plus on my spelling test today.” Tina announced, she was jealous of her sister always getting all of the attention although her parents were disinterested in her news.

“Good, sweetheart.” Her mother dismissed.

“Oh, I know what it is!” Her father yelled when he saw what Eleanor was writing on her plate.

.Tina shifted herself to glance at her sister’s plate. “What’s a twat?” She asked curiously.

“It’s a word that will get you sent to the principal’s office.” Her father explained. “It’s not a good word.”

“So, what was the principal like?” Her mother asked Eleanor, wanting to know the scoop.

“The male equivalent.” Eleanor smirked

“Of what?” She asked just as her husband whispered in her ear, explaining Eleanor’s remark.

“Well, it’s the first time since second grade, so I guess we can’t be too hard on you.”

Eleanor nodded, although she was curious. What would my punishment have been otherwise?”

“I dunno. To bed without supper?” Her father asked, trying to figure it all out. Their kids had never been punished, so this was a new concept.

“But I’m already finished. Except for my helpful and profane peas.”

“Uhhhh. This grounding thing seems to be taking the country by storm. No phone, TV or... Or....”

“I’ll help you out. I don’t have anyone to call. I haven’t watched TV since they cancelled ‘The Illegitimate Children of the Real Housewives of Laguna Beach’ and I really only watched that as a joke.”

“Fine. I’d take away your –“

“Books? Computer?”

“Yes! You’re computer!”

“All my homework’s on there. Sorry. You lose. But thanks for playing.”

“I guess then I’m lucky this isn’t a regular occurrence.”Eleanor got up from the table and kissed her dad on the cheek.

“I think we both are. I wouldn’t know how to be grounded any more than you know how to ground.” She giggled.

“I love you. And I’m sure that girl was acting like exactly what you called her.”

“You have no idea.” She nodded, glad her father got it.

“How’s about I go and punish myself?” She joked before running up the stairs and back to her bedroom.

“How come you guys never get mad at her?” Tina complained when her sister was gone.

“Because, pumpkin, of our three darling children, we love her best.” Her mother joked, causing her husband to erupt into an annoying cackle.

“Just kidding! Now eat your dinner.”

--- 

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