Easy El

Eleanor was a normal girl, she went to school talked to her friends and everything was fine, until one little white lie landed her in a lot of trouble. Now the entire school thinks she is the 21st century equivalent of Hester Prynne [The scarlet letter] Now all that’s left for her to do is embrace it.
A novel loosely based on the 2010 film Easy A, A hint of Larry Stylinson and voila this is Easy El, hope you enjoy!

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1. One

Easy El

Prologue

Eleanor stared blankly into the webcam sitting on top of her computer. She didn’t have much time, her live broadcast was only seconds away.

Five

Four

Three

Two

“Let the record show that I, Eleanor Calder, being of sound mind, ample breast size and the occasional corny knock knock joke, do enter this video blog into evidence in the case against me. Because I’m being judged by a jury of my peers, I will attempt to insert ‘like’ and ‘totally’ into my confession as much as possible. So here it goes...” She sighed, resisting the urge to hold her head into her hands, she resisted the urge to run and hide from embarrassment.

“ I confess I’m, in no small part, to blame for the vociferous gossip that has turned my Varsity letter scarlet, but - for anyone hoping that the sizzling details of my sordid past will provide you with a reason to lock the door and make love to a dollop of your sister’s moisturizing lotion - you’ll be gravely disappointed.” She took in a deep breath, looking at the number of viewers increasing after each and every word.

“Look, I just need to set the record straight and what better way to do that, than to broadcast it on the Internet. So, here it is -- Part One: The Shudder-Inducing and clichéd, however totally false account of how I Lost my virginity to a guy at a community college in a neighboring town.” She closed her eyes, avoiding the numerous comments already being made about her on the screen.

“Let me just begin by saying that there are two sides to every story. This is my side, the right one.” She finally opened her eyes once again, looking the camera in the eye as if to say ‘I mean business.’ It was as if she was on display from now on, and it scared her, something about Eleanor had always been quite strange, her sense of humor had often been misinterpreted, and maybe some people might have found her next words strange, but hell she needed to somehow make herself relax over this whole crazy ordeal, so with a small hair flip and a roll of her hazel toned eyes, those two words were spoken.

“Like, totally.”

 

 

CHAPTER ONE

Eleanor wasn’t ever going to conceal the fact that her and her circle of friends weren’t exactly A list material in their school, it wasn’t as though they weren’t liked, or as if they weren’t pretty enough to be popular, they just weren’t.

Lunch time in the crazy hell hole parents and outsiders liked to call the lunch room, she was enwrapped in one of many peculiar conversations she often shared with her friend, Danielle. The two girls were always either in some sort of whacked out argument or they were on the verge of starting one with somebody else.

“Fuck off!” Danielle exclaimed with a throaty laugh.  “George is not a ‘sexy’ name. George is like what you name your teddy bear, not the name you wanna scream out during an orgasm.” She shrieked, unable to contain her absurd bounds of laughter. Eleanor wanted the floor to swallow her up deep inside until there was none of her left to ridicule but of course, it was in her nature to fight back, to prove her best friend wrong. 

“That’s bullshit. There are lots of sexy Georges!” She said in protest, banging her tiny fist against a table that used to once be white.

 “Name three” Danielle challenged, that fierce look in her deep brown eyes. Eleanor starts to say something, but Danielle interrupts her rudely, wanting to make it harder for her friend.

“Besides Clooney. Too easy” She laughed at the look on Eleanor’s face, obviously that was exactly where she had been about to start.

“Shouldn’t that alone be enough?” She asked, hoping Danielle would retract her newest rule to their game. To her delight and slight relief, Danielle took in a deep breath before letting her know with her eyes that she had been defeated.

“Fine. That’s one. Number two?”

Eleanor thought for a moment, names flashing through her mind, but none of them sounded like real people, to her they were probably just names she was throwing together and hoping they were real people. When a name finally flashed forward she finally caught on that it was the perfect answer. “Oh! George Reeves!” She exclaimed excitedly, banging the table yet again, this time from excitement.

“Who’s that?” Asked the very puzzled Danielle, Eleanor let out a high giggle, leaning over to pat her friend’s hand in a sort of sincere bound of comfort and confusion.

“Superman. From way back. He was real fit.” She said in one of her absentminded dazes,

“No way. Teddy bear.” Danielle snorted, causing Eleanor to pull back from her hand holding embrace.

“Bullshit! Ben Affleck played him in that movie!” She added with her own snort, to reveal how her attitude was slowly changing to match that of her friend.

“So what? Charlize Theron played that butt-fucking-ugly lesbo serial killer. Besides he’s from another century. 2 more, we’re speaking present day. I mean, Jesus, Mortimer was probably a sexy name in some era.” She pointed out, nibbling on the ends of one of her chips, dipping the other end in her sauce cup as she awaited Eleanor’s response.

“George Stephanopoulos” She recalled the name from out of nowhere, she had no idea why that name came to mind but she went with it anyway.

“What are you? Fifty?” Danielle scoffed, pushing her plate over to Eleanor, who gladly took one of the potato chips to her mouth, nibbling upon it as she tried her hardest to think of another George.

“George…” She muttered, hoping the more times she heard the name, the faster a face would appear in her mind.

“Bush? Yeah. He’s one hot mother fucker. Just face it. There’s no such thing as a sexy George.” Danielle taunted, she was always one to gloat, and she couldn’t stand losing at anything, pointless arguments included.

“Well, mine is. So, I think we should just put this conversation to bed” Eleanor huffed, folding her little arms against her tiny chest, this whole ordeal had been pointless, and she was still trying to work out the whole story behind it, she couldn’t even remember how they had wandered along this topic, that’s how it always went, an argument would amount from nothing until they had forgotten exactly what they started arguing about.

“Fine, don’t come, I hate you.” She pouted.

---

That evening when Eleanor was back in her room, hiding out from her family and pretending to do her homework, it was her phone that made her jump, and nearly hit her head against her bed frame, in the midst of various swear words, she lunged to grab her phone which was inconveniently parked on her bedroom floor. With a few bends and an out stretched arm she finally held the thing in her hand, answering the phone call with a sigh. 

“PLEASE. Please. I’m begging you.” Danielle moaned, as soon as she noticed Eleanor had answered.“I’ll pay you” she added, as if that was a deal breaker.

“Dani, I can’t. I told you I have plans” She sighed, wishing she had just ignored the stupid vibrating phone, wanting to bang her head against the headboard this time for being so stupid and answering a phone without checking for caller ID.

“You’re lying. You’re a lying bitch and I hate you so much right now.” Her friend snapped, Eleanor could hear Danielle walking around, possibly pacing her bedroom in anger.

“I’m not lying. I promise I’m not. I really would love to go camping with your family this weekend.” She lied, running a hand through her wavy chestnut hair, she didn’t want to go camping, no not at all. Danielle’s parents creeped her out, heck, they creeped everyone out, “I had fun with your family last year” she added sarcastically.

Her mind wandered to a time almost exactly a year ago, she was sitting in front of a campfire just across from Danielle, as her best friend’s parents, the couple were staring off into the flames with a strange expression on their faces, one that caused Eleanor’s skin to crawl. Their smiles were so creepy, she didn’t know what to think.

Danielle’s father interrupted the eerie silence, turning his attention over to Eleanor,

“Would you like a marshmallow, Ellie Belly?” He asked, Eleanor almost choked on air, nobody called her that, and by nobody she meant absolutely nobody.

“Ellie Belly! How cute.” Mrs Peazer giggled her high pitched voice still ringing in Eleanor’s ears as she tried to avoid their odd stares.

“No thank you, Mr. Peazer” She answered politely, hoping they would leave her alone.

“You can call me Mortimer, Ellie Smelly” Mr Peazer said with a smirk, he turned to his wife who was now giggling again. This earned them a snort from their loving daughter, before the couple returned to their awkward silence, smiling away into their campfire.

 

Danielle was getting impatient on the phone, she couldn’t take it anymore. “Why don’t you just say it? You don’t like my parents. You think they’re hopelessly pathetic and devoid of souls and wish that you could live with normal people who didn’t meet at a Star Trek convention!!” she groaned, burying her face into her hands from sheer embarrassment of what she had just blurted out.

 

“Dani, I like your parents. They’re sweet. But I can’t go camping this weekend” Eleanor sighed, she felt bad, but she just really did not want to go, like ever again.

 “Quick. Hurry and make up a lie.” Danielle begged, wanting to let her friend off this once.

“I have a date.” Eleanor said sweetly, rolling over so she was on her stomach.

“Ugh! Liar!” She scoffed through the phone line.

“No. I really do.” Eleanor persisted on living her lie.

“Oh yeah, with who?” Danielle asked suspiciously, not believing her a second.

“Erm, You don’t know him.” She lied, blushing at how stupid that cover up sounded.

“And neither do you, you selfish bitch!”

“I’m serious. He goes to the community college with my brother in Doncaster!”

“What’s his name then?” She asked curiously, starting to believe the lie.

“Who? My brother?” Eleanor asked pushing her innocence card out to play the field.

Danielle laughed at this, she could see straight through her lie, no matter how realistic it seemed to be. “Stop stalling. You’re totally trying to come up with a name. Just say it.” She snapped, only to find that Eleanor had already ended their phone call.

---

 

Early Monday morning, after the weekend, that same weekend where Eleanor had spent alone in her room, while her best friend had trampled the woods with her crazy parents, the two girls who had soon made up after Danielle had finally started to believe in Eleanor’s sham date. The pair of them were walking side by side down between a row of locker filled hallway.

Danielle stopped mid hallway, grabbing Eleanor’s arm with excitement. She made sure her friend stopped walking too, looking into her eyes, wanting her to be truthful, “So how was your weekend?” She asked a little giggly for Eleanor’s liking.

OLIVE

“It was nothing short of perfection” She replied with a silly expression on her face, one she had seen on those other girls she had seen bragging about their hot dates.

“Details, bitch. Wait, first I need a scope of reference. Who would play him in the movie of your life?” She asked excitedly, squeezing her hand possibly a little too hard.

“Ryan Gosling, definitely” she played along.

Danielle nodded in approval. “That works, now spill!”

“He was charming. A real gentleman” She said dramatically, burying her head against Danielle’s chest for effect.

“Are you going to see him again?” She pestered, causing Eleanor to move her head back to eye level. Really she hadn’t expected her friend to be so nosy, yet again it was Danielle after all.

“Probably not. It was just one of those weekends.” She said with a lazy shrug, not really considering how that could be interoperated.

“The whole weekend?” She asked in surprised.

“Yeah” she shrugged still not getting what the big deal was, Danielle surprised her when her hands forcefully grabbed at her tiny shoulders.

“Wait a minute. You didn’t...” She trailed off with a smirk,

“No, of course not.” She blushed, she couldn’t believe Danielle would think that! Especially about a fake date.

“You fucking liar! You totally lost your virginity to him.” She screeched excitedly, whacking her arm a little too hard. People were stopping and staring at the pair of them, making Eleanor want to be swallowed by the floor once again, she didn’t like the way they stared at her, like she was a piece of meat. She didn’t like being the centre of attention, ever.

“I did not” She insisted, trying to quiet down her friend, but of course it didn’t work.

“Yes you did, you lying fucking whore!” She laughed, wanting to jump up excitedly, but at the same time wanting to slap her friend so hard for giving her virginity away so easily.

“Tell me everything and spare me the coquettish ‘just-the-tip’ bullshit. I know you did it! I know you let him put it inside you, so just tell me!” She squealed once again, causing Eleanor’s teeth to clench, she wanted to slap her friend for being so vulgar, but at the same time she knew it was her own fault for starting this all.

She took a deep breath, shaking her head innocently, “I’m not that kind of girl” She retorted in a nice calm, lady like voice.

“The kind that does it or the kind that does it like a fucking porn star and then doesn’t have the balls to talk about it?” Danielle hissed, getting that her friend wasn’t comfortable discussing such a topic in the school halls, instead she has an idea, pulling her by the skinny arm into a nearby bathroom.

“I want every perverted detail. now, bitch” She says aggressively, jumping up to sit against the basins, admiring herself in the mirror as she waits for a dignified response.

“Okay. Fine. We did it.” Eleanor lies, acting like she was having a hard time admitting it. Danielle buys it eagerly.

“You lost your virginity! Fucking finally! Now, you’re a super-slut like me!” She jokes, clapping her hands together happily.

“Dani. Blowing Nick Grimshaw once behind the Pizza Hut doesn’t make you a super-slut” She giggled, checking her phone discreetly

“There were people walking past!” she protested, before shaking it off. “Whatever, this isn’t about me. This is about you. What did you let him do?” She asked, obviously not letting go, and Eleanor had to keep lying to build it all up, to make sure her story was solid, she felt awful, but it was hard to stop after a while.

“It was... Normal. Nothing freaky. It was sweet. He was sweet.” She said sweetly, looking up into her friend’s eyes innocently, hoping she was buying it, and she was.

“Was he big? Did it hurt?” She pressured.

“No. It was great. Like I said” She smiled lazily back at Danielle as if they were bonding finally.

That’s when they found out something. They weren’t alone in the bathroom not at all a flush of the toilet brought both girls to the realization that someone had been listening in. If it had been anyone else, maybe Eleanor would have been slightly okay with it, but it wasn’t just anyone else, it was born again, goody two shoes, Perrie Edwards whose eyes greeted them as she turned on the faucet that sat between the two girls, she didn’t contain her disgust filled eyes as she looked both girls up and down.

“What the fuck are you looking at, Perrie?” Danielle asked rudely, she didn’t like this girl one bit.

“Nothing. Just a couple of admitted whores” She responded with dignity before wiping her hands on the disposable towels, before rushing out of the bathroom in silence.

“So, how was your weekend?” Eleanor turned the question back on her friend. 

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