Just A Game We Play

Eleanor is dead. But she's really alive...but she's also dead.
The problem is that Eleanor can't stop dying but she can't stop living either- so where does that leave her? An ongoing cycle is the answer.
Everytime Eleanor dies she becomes something from an animal, to a newborn baby, to a full grown human in their prime; she has the power to inhabit a body after her death for a short amount of time before she once again dies.
It might sound fun, and admittedly, there are some points she does enjoy, but there is one big problem.
Eleanor has the chance to pause on just one of the lives she lives, only one, and once she pauses on it then she will live that life till she dies properly- and only darkness awaits after that.
And the worst part? The time she spends as each life is getting shorter, she'll have to pick a life soon. But how do you choose out of a list of endless possiblities?

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1. Prologue

The unmistakable light covers my eyes in a flash too bright as I am whisked away from life once again. I have done this so many times now that it just feels natural, but I was enjoying myself and now I'm back to square one. 

The light fades and my vision returns; I don't have a clue where I am- all I can see is blue sky and a rolling field in front of me, I turn my head and find it strange, but slightly familiar. A thought is nagging at the back of my head; something about food, water and running, but I ignore that for now. This is my new life for a short time so I need to figure out who or what I am. 

Instantly, the part of me which still remains human and always will, tells me to use my logic and look down- to see what my body is like. Looking down, it's easy to tell and if I was human then I probably would have laughed out loud right then and there for the whole world to see, but instead a snort escapes my surprised lips and a longer one follows shortly after. I am a horse. 

A big, bay horse standing in a field is what I am, and I'm beginning to enjoy it more and more as slowly my horse instincts take over my human ones and I bend down to take a chunk of grass from the ground. My human side tries not to be sick as I chew and swallow the plain green food, but the horse side finds it rather tasty and convinces me to bend down once more and go for another bite. 

I realise then that this will be my life until I die again like I always do, and that could be as soon as tomorrow. 

It used to be that I would live at least a year as one of my lives, on one occasion I even lived for ten years in the same life- but I got too attached so in some ways the shorter time is more beneficial. Even so, at the moment I was liking this calm way of life and sort of wanted my life to stay like this forever. But then I thought better of that idea; I only have one pause to use, and when I die after using that pause I will die for real. I know time is running out and a big part of me wishes I had pressed it years ago, but right now my horse instincts are telling me to flee from this annoyance, even though running will do nothing when the annoyance is inside my head. 

So for now, I let go of the troubles plagueing me and decide to relax as much as possible with my time as this big, beautiful creature I had always admired. I would have to pick soon, but now was not the time nor the place- that could wait, but running down the field to where my friends were playing could not. 

With one last final chomp of grass, I picked up my feet- well hooves now- and raced away, as fast as the wind I ran further into my bliss, and at that moment, I found it incredibly hard not to say the word I had been longing to since I first died. 

But then the human part of me fully slipped away and the horse in me took over, and the horse didn't care much for words. 

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