How to kill an accountant.

Freddy, a somewhat depressed city accountant finds himself tangled up in a web, chasing after a woman he doesn't need, want or know. But there is something about her presence that attracts murder and sin. And it all leads back to Freddy.


1. Smoke and Scarlet lips.

The silhouette of a man stood depicted in the doorway like a shadow puppet.
“What’re you doing Freddy?” he asked, his voice low and gravelly from years of smoking and drinking. A thin trail of smoke left my mouth as I replied quietly;
“I’m having a smoke, listening to some music, and looking at your ugly mug wishing you were a beautiful woman.”

“But why in the dark? Why alone in your office? Why not go to a club where there will be beautiful women?” He replied, stepping out of the doorframe and opening the blinds with a sharp click.
I winced as the light cut across my eyes and reflected off of my scotch glass.
“Because they aren’t women Pete, they’re little girls with no place to go.”
“But what about Daphne?”
“Daphne wasn’t like them. She was a lady who needed to live a little.” I replied smoothly, staring hard at Pete as I took a sip of scotch and felt it burn down my throat.

“You’re wrong about her Freddy. She was exactly like the others. She was just a better actress.”

I stood up and put my glass down on the side-table. Then I put my cigarette back to my lips and inhaled slowly.

“Get out of here Pete.” I muttered after a few seconds silence.

Pete knew that he shouldn’t fuck with me when it came to Daphne. He hightailed it out of my apartment before I had even reached for my glass again, closing my door loudly behind him and causing the calendar hanging on the wall to tilt slightly.

I walked slowly over and straightened the calendar before returning to my chair and closing the blinds again on my way.

I liked my office to be dark. And I liked to listen to Chopin whilst I drank. It made me feel classier. Like I wasn’t just some lousy accountant, sitting in a 10ft by 10ft room, wasting my life away with alcohol and seclusion.

But there I was, sitting drinking and smoking. Allowing the cold darkness to swallow me up as I drifted into a scotch-induced sleep. Finally engulfed by silence. Finally content.


I was awoken by a loud slamming noise, and watched with blurred vision and throbbing head as a figure strutted into my room and opened my blinds. Like some deep-sea creature I flinched and recoiled in my chair.

“Wake up Freddy. You’re supposed to be at work remember.” She said softly in my ear before placing a glass of water on my desk and holding out two white aspirin pills. Her fingernails where painted a deep turquoise and she had implacably pale skin.

“Thanks Tracy. Got any mail for me?” I asked her slowly, sitting up and trying to look her in the eye.
“Not unless you want to start paying your own rent.” She replied bluntly, taking a seat on the other side of my desk and leaning forward with her elbows on piles of paperwork.
“So what’re you doing here Tracy?” I asked her, finally managing to focus on her big blue eyes and her glossy red curls.

“Pete said you were drinking pretty heavy last night. I came to make sure you hadn’t killed yourself or something stupid.” She announced promptly, pulling out a cigarette, placing it in her holder and waiting for me to offer her a light.

“Pretty girls like you shouldn’t smoke Tracy, good guys don’t like it.” I informed her, offering her a light none the less.

“Well it’s a good job I don’t have to worry about attracting good guys anymore ain’t it? I’m a married lady now after all.”

I raised an eyebrow at her and lit myself a smoke. “When did you tie the knot?” I asked after a few minutes.

“Last Tuesday, it was a small thing. He’s a business man.”
“So what should I be calling you now?”
“Mrs Stone.”
“Nice name.”
“Not really, but who can help the name?” she commented, the left corner of her scarlet lips curling upwards.

I stared at her in silence for a few minutes as she unfastened the top three buttons of her sky blue dress.

“So you’re going to be one of those women now?” I asked her quietly as she put out her cigarette and walked around the desk and sat facing me directly. I could see the tops of her stockings as her skirt rode up slightly.

“I was already one of those women Freddy. But now I can justify it.” She announced, pulling me up and closer to her by my tie.

“How’s that?”

She kissed my neck softly then moved upward to my ear before whispering;

“The bastard’s cheating on me too.”

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