Looking at life through shit tinted shades. Clarke suffers from pretty much everything his doctor tells him to. But then he meets Lilith Humus. Who makes him dip his foot into the deep end.


5. If blood is pouring then i am boring

Let out of hospital.

Still feeling rather dead. I feel how road kill looks. And i look how road kill feels. Well i say feel, i guess it's hard to feel anything after the life is crushed out of you by a drunk driver or a particularly cruel man on his way to a dogging site. 


I once went dogging. Funny story.


I guess.


It was one of those things you do because you want to feel different. Not better, or worse. Just different. I got blown in a bush by a girl who was of questionable hygiene while three men and a woman watched and masturbated. 

It was one of those things you do before you die. Not to tell anyone. Just so you know you did it. Like swallow a toothpick or see titanic. 


Funny story, i never saw titanic. 


It's been three days. And i think of Lilith. 


It's been three days and i want to eat. But i cant. Because the idea of eating hurts.


This is anorexia.

This is starvation.

This is Africa leaking into the first world.


I look at my baguette.  It has ham and cheese on it. I bought it. And now i just want to burn it. It makes me feel sick looking at it. I rarely eat. I eat to live, i don't live to eat. If you can call this living. I am sat in the park. 


I have slit my wrist. Not too much. Just enough that soon i will fall off my bench and someone will call the paramedics. 


Call Lilith.


This is love.

This is love.

This is love.


I see red staining my baguette now. It looks even less appetizing. Never has a baguette made me want to die more. Ironic considering that i am slowly dying. We are all slowly dying really. Whether it's cancer of entropy we are slowly becoming less of ourselves.


I fall to the floor.




I hope the hospital kept my bed warm.

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