A diary of Lilly Hyland recorded from April 2nd 2011. Her tragic yet happy story is with Harry Styles. This story has One Direction, Little Mix, Union J, and more!!


14. Perfect

July 6, 2012 4:45am
The whole night raced around in a blur. 
I sat up.
"Oh My God! I just cheated on Harry!" I said.
"I just cheated on Perrie!" He said. 
"This is a disaster!" I said.
"What should we do?" He asked.
"Never ever speak of this! Ever! Harry and Perrie never need to know this!" 
I was in a state of panic. I took the blanket on top an wrapped it around my self. 
"Did this mean anything to you?" He asked me sitting up.
"Of course it did. I mean of course it didn't! Im dating Harry. He's probably worried about me right now. Did this mean something to you?"
"Of course it did. When you called me over for that date, I came here a fast as I could because You meant something to me!"
I was shocked. He was great but, I didn't love him back.
"I'm sorry Zayn but, this isn't going to work. Forget this ever happened, and never speak of it," I sighed. 
I continued to get dress and I grabbed my keys and drove home. I felt like Harry would find out somehow, and he would brake up with me for good!
While I walked up the stairs I had a plan to act natural no matter what happens. 
While I was unlocking the door panic started coming into my body. 
I finally opened the door and Harry was standing there happy. 
"You made it! The producers just want you to sing live with the girls and alone!" He said while running up to hug me. 
"That's great!" I said. 
"Which reminds me. Where were you last night?" He said while unwrapping is arms from me and heading towards the kitchen.
This was the moment of truth.  Just tell him, he won't be mad. 
"Oh I went to Zayn's place and we watched old 90s kid shows," I lied.
"Sounds fun!"
"Yup it sure was. That's all we did, watch kid shows," 
"Yeah I know. You just told me. Are you okay?" He asked concerned. 
He walked towards me and he took my hands and looked straight into my eyes. I literally almost fainted. 
"Yeah I'm fine. I'm just nervous about the singing thing," I lied.
"Don't be. I know you'll do great," he said while kissing my head. 
"Well I'm going back to bed," Harry said. 
"I'll come with. I'm still exhausted,"
While I was sleeping I couldn't get Zayn out of my head. All I could think about. Not that I liked him, but that I cheated on Harry with him. The moon was still out and I was so distracted by the beauty.  The night sky light outside, shone through the window across the room. The moon looked amazing. I scooted to give him space behind me. He fit perfectly but he had to bend his legs so they were entwined with mine. 
I can feel his hot breath puff on the back of my neck. My breathing was heavy. I caught him, almost wrapping his arm around me to spoon but then pulled back quickly. So I grabbed his hand and entwined it from behind my hand and wrapped his strong arm around my waist.  Maybe this would get me over Zayn. 

July 6, 2012 10:30am
I was wrong. 
I woke up still feeling like I did before. I couldn't shake this feeling. Harry had already woken up and made breakfast.  He made cinnamon buns with strawberries and blueberries on the side. It was one of my favorite meals so obviously I ate all of it. I have never really been conscience about my weight, it just was always there. Never really bothered me at all. 
"Today's the big day!" Harry said while taking my plate. 
"I know! I'm so nervous!" I said standing up. 
"Just sing like I know you can, and you'll do perfect," Harry said kissing me. 
"Well, imma go get ready," 
I ran upstairs and grabbed a black skirt, , a loose top that goes like to the side and stuff, my black and white converse, and black hoops.
My make up was like usual tons of mascara,  little foundation, blush and lipstick followed my lipgloss. I curled my hair and put a little back to put a big black bow in. My purse was a small black purse with a golden bow and strap. I ran downstairs to show Harry. 
"So! How do I look?!"
He looked up and was amazed. 
"So stunning. Beautiful,"
"That's babe!" 
I gave him a hug, which was followed up by kissing, French kissing, and French kissing on the wall. 
"We'd better get going," Harry said while parting. 
I fixed my outfit up and got in his car. When we got to the stage some producers came go greet us. 
"Hello and Welcome. The company just wants to sing Wings with the group and Only Girl In the World by yourself,"
So I did. I thought I did pretty damn amazing. Harry was very proud of me. When I ran of stage I ran into his arms.
"Good job baby!" He said to me. 
I was so happy nothing good ruin the day I was having. Till the company asked to talk to me. Blah blah blah I don't really remember what they said but what I do is 
"We would like you to loose about 10, 15 or 20 pounds to blend in with the girls," 
"By when, oh you have about 2, 3 months?" 
"Oh Okay. Thanks for letting. Know," 
"Your very welcome. See you in about 3 months. Have a nice day,"
"You too," I said sadly. 
I walked out and Harry was so anxious. 
"So how did it go?" He asked.
I wasn't going to tell him what they actually said. 
"They said I will see them in 2-3 months," 
"That's great!" He said while picking me up and spinning me Around. 
"You seem more happy than me?" I said. 
"I don't know why! I'm just happy for you!" 
"Um okay. Can we just go home?"
"Oh sure. What do you want for lunch?"
"Yeah I'm fine," I said looking at the ground.
It's been a tough 2 weeks for me, I really don't like it.
When we got home I told myself to loose those pounds right away. I would do whatever I had to, to get there.  We Got home and I went to the couch and fell down and sighed. 
I took my phone and looked at the Sun magazine website ( I have it bookmarked) 
It has this whole article about me and Harry. It had pictures of us holding hands kissing and one time when I was hanging out with him, I was wearing a shirt that showed my stomach and an arrow pointed to it and said: fat at 20?!
I closed the program and threw my phone across the room. It broke a framed glass picture of me Harry together at prom. I folded my arms together and tears came into my eyes. Harry walked into the room unaware of anything. 
"I remembered we have cookies- oh my god! What happened to the pictures, and why are you upset sweetie?" He said.
I respectfully stood up and walked up the stairs to the bedroom and bathroom. 
He followed me. 
"Lil. What's wrong?" He asked while trying to take my hand. 
I slapped his hand away and started to run. I went to my dresser got out my knife and went to the bathroom an locked the door.  I stared to talk to myself at his point.
"Okay. Well, you can loose some weight here," I cut across my stomach.
"Here," I cut across my legs. 
"And here," I cut across my Arms. 
"Babe! Lily! Open the door!" Harry banged on the door. 
I bursted out in tears. 
"Are you okay?!?!" He was in a panic. 
Blood was all over the floor. 
I slowly dropped to my knees and fell to the ground in fettle position. 
Harry kept trying to get the door open on one of his attempts I felt something hit my head and everything when black. 


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