Escape

What's the point of screaming if no one gives a damn?
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I took happiness by dragging a blade across my skin, it made me feel relief...

Self harm.
Little Mary doing it.
Well.
I was about to do much more.

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10. What's it like?

"So what's it like? Depression you know." He asks, as I sit on his lap and he brushes my hair with his fingers.
"It's like... Your drowning. But everyone around you is breathing."
It had been two weeks since the day on the bridge, and now I can happily say that Luke and I are going out. But the bullying continues. He doesn't go to my school and he lives quite far away.
Lucy still bully's me. But now she punches me and brings knifes into school and threatens to kill me.
I don't cut any more.
I burn.
I pick up a match and hold it to my skin and watch as my skin withers. I tell my teachers that I've been cooking alot, and they don't suspect a thing.
Luke knows I cut and try's to stop me, but it doesn't work.
As I leave that evening I draw the razor blade from my pocket and I throw it angrily into the river.
Again I have suicidal thoughts. But I try to cancel them for Luke's sake.
The next day at school Emily interrogates me. She saw me leaving Luke's house.
She's started stalking me.
"I saw you leaving lover boys house last night. Poor guy. Does he know what he's signed up for. A fat ugly bitch like you, haha. Kill yourself you slut." She gets out the knife and shakes it in my face and then walks away cackling.
That night I stay up until midnight cutting and burning.
And then I cry.
Cry because I want to be someone else.
Cry because I'm fat.
Ugly.
Useless.

 

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