What's the point of screaming if no one gives a damn?
I took happiness by dragging a blade across my skin, it made me feel relief...

Self harm.
Little Mary doing it.
I was about to do much more.


7. Help me please....

I sit on the bus, remembering the phone call...
"Hello, Samaritans answering your call! You can tell us anything, everything is confidential."
The woman on the phone sounded chirpy. She sounded like someone I could trust.
"I'm addicted to cutting. Every night I get a blade and cut my skin and it makes me feel... Happy for a moment. I get bullied online and at school. My mum doesn't understand... She abuses me if I do anything wrong.... I feel so unhappy, all of the time..." 
And that's when I burst into tears.
"Sweetie, it's ok, it's ok. I think you may have depression. You need to go you local clinic and talk to a doctor, ok? Promise me you will do that, honey?" She asks.
"Yes," I say uncertainly.
"Okay then. Ring us up if you ever need us again. Goodbye sweetheart. Good luck." 
And the line goes dead.

So now I'm in a clinic far away... I was on the bus for two hours. Te last thing I need is for someone to recognise me. I spot the clinic and I head towards it, steadily. By the time I've arrived there I'm gasping, panting for breath. I feel sweat dripping off my forehead but I brush it away. I walk in.
"Hello. What's your name and address?" The receptionist asks.
"Um... Caroline Blakely. I love at Seasonly views flats 10B, woodley, WG7 9GR." I say.
"Okay Caroline- your free to go through. Room 3, doctor Jonks. Good luck"
When I enter the room, that smell hits me- the smell of hospitals. I remember that smell from when I was in hospital constantly, when my brother was dying.
"Hello... Caroline. When yard yo here to see me today?" He asks.
"I'm abit... Troubled. I've been bullied for the last 3 years- online and at school. I constantly feel suicidal thoughts- the thought of death is a familiar to me. I can't cross a bridge without thinking of jumping off it. My mother abuses me at home when I don't do as she says. I constantly think dark thoughts and I push all the people who could possibly be close to me so that I can spend me spare time... Cutting." That's it. Admit it. Well done.
"Caroline... I'm afraid to say you have severe depression."

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