It's like a diary but it's not

It's like a diary but it's not is about the life of James Duke. He writes all of his events in a book describing his feelings about his annoying friend Harry, his cow of an ex-girlfriend Susan, his maniac mother and his loving girlfriend Mary.


15. 25th December

Finally it’s Christmas day, thank the lord. Why did God have a son anyway, I mean why would you want to have children they are nothing but a huge pain, but then again he didn’t raise him,  he gave him away didn’t he? You know God broke one of his own commandments, ‘thou shall not sleep with thy neighbour’, how else did he get Mary pregnant with baby Jesus? The reason we celebrate Christmas is because it Jesus birthday, on the day I was born no one made a national holiday about that, it wasn’t a cause of celebration, to my Mother it was a cause a depression, for her it was the day her life ended. Dave didn’t ruin her life when was he born because I had already ruined it, I had already destroyed her body and gave her the job as a stay at home Mother. So moving on to the subject of Dave I was right, throughout the entire three course dinner he bragged about his life. His business expanded to another company, he now gets paid more, his wife won a hair dressing competition in May, and his twin Daughter Lilly was nominated for class President and his son Edward came runner up. I swear his head has grown another hat size after all that bragging, all the while he was asking me questions like “Have you had a promotion at work?” or “Have you moved to a bigger house?”  For each question I had to answer “No”, and he took pride in telling me what I should do. He offered me a job at his company; he said I could double my salary. I told him no. I don’t want to work for my younger brother, you don’t work for a family member unless you are desperate and I am not desperate.

After dinner we opened our presents, Mum got a dress from Dave and his family, 50 shades of Grey from Mary and me, Dad got some new slippers form me and Mary, but Dave got him a new TV (show off), I got a new mug form Mum and Dad, Dave got me a new suit and Mary bought me a new watch. It was time for Mary to open her present. She got a gold bracelet from Mum and Dad, a designer bag from Dave, and then she opened my present. She was shocked when she saw the necklace, her jaw was wide open, her eyes brightened with surprise, she couldn’t believe it. With a high pitched shriek, she leapt at me and gave me a big cuddle. She pulled back her silky hair so I can put on her neck. It was a magical moment; the true spirit of Christmas filled the room when she opened her present. It was Dave’s turn to give his wife her present, I knew he was going to outdo me, he had the money to. He has probably bought her “the heart of ocean” (you know that necklace in Titanic, with that massive blue diamond) or probably a golden tiara littered with diamonds and rubies, I couldn’t have been more wrong. His wife (Anna) got a little Chihuahua, she glared at him (I could have sworn her eyes turned red), “A dog! You brought me a dog!” Dave looked confused “But I thought you liked dogs?” Anna looked annoyed at this point “I told you I hate dogs, you know that I hate dogs and if you don’t you should, you give me a dog when your brother gives his girlfriend a necklace that he can’t really afford!” I was angry at that point, God, I know she’s upset about the dog, who wouldn’t be Chihuahuas are little rats that why they put them in bags, but there is no need to bring me into this. Anna stood still for a moment, completely silent, she was thinking something through, and then she looked at Dave, with a tear in her eye and said “I want a divorce.”

Anna made this whole speech about how it wasn’t the dog but everything else, they barely do anything together anymore, he works all day and barley makes time for her, he has forgotten everything about her, he even forgot their 12th year Anniversary, she told him she didn’t win the hairdressing competition she came third, and he just wanted to show off, he has neglected his wife to the point where she has had enough and she no longer loves him anymore. She ran out the room crying. Dave was blank, he had no expression on his face, I’m not sure he knows what has just happened. Minutes later Anna come back down the stairs with a suitcase; she didn’t say anything, her eyes were blood red from crying her cheeks were tearstained, she got into the car and drove away. No one said anything; we all stood outside and watched her drive away. Great. Now I’m going to have to drive them home…

We went back inside. I saw Dave sitting on the porch in the kitchen, looking out into the forest that surrounded the garden.  I went to sit next to him, as an older brother it’s my job to comfort the little brother, even if he is a complete jerk to me. “James, I’m sorry I have been a bit…well a bit of jerk to you. I suppose the reason is because you’re better than me.” I had to stop him there, I’m better than him; he must be so shocked that he doesn’t know what he is saying. “No it’s true, you’ve always been better than me, even though you’re not rich, and you have terrible hair, you have always been the better man. You’re kind and brave, smart and you have always been a good sport, you’ve always played fair, whereas I’m just a sore loser, I get competitive, remember that time when we were little and we played Go Fish, you were winning and I wanted I wanted to win so I cheated and said I didn’t have any kings even though I had three.” Oh yeah, I remember that.  I still beat him even though he cheated, he didn’t take it so well, he threw all the cards off the table, stormed out of the room crying, what a baby. “I wanted to be the best at everything, it got to my head, and I thought my life was perfect, because I thought it was better than yours, but I was too blind to see that it actually wasn’t.”

I didn’t really know what to say or do, I don’t handle these situations well, I am more of a suffer in silence type so I just patted him on the back, a friendly manly gesture. We tried to enjoy the rest of the day but it wasn’t exactly a Merry Christmas.

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