It's like a diary but it's not

It's like a diary but it's not is about the life of James Duke. He writes all of his events in a book describing his feelings about his annoying friend Harry, his cow of an ex-girlfriend Susan, his maniac mother and his loving girlfriend Mary.

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6. 15th November

Mary is going to visit her parents this weekend, I can’t go of course because I have to work this weekend, I only have Sundays and Thursdays off so I can’t miss work it is too important. So I said goodbye (it took her forever to leave) as soon as the door closed I flung my jacket off, kicked off my shoes and threw my tie to the ground, Ha! I’m not going to work today, I’m calling in sick.

So I rang up work and put on my best acting voice, tired weak and painful letting out a groan or shriek of pain whenever I hit a vowel and said “Hello. I don’t think I’ll be able to come to work today, my brain is spinning in my head!”24 vowels in there must have been convincing because I got the day off.

So today I’m relaxing and tonight I’m partying hard. It started out perfect; the first 10 minutes are the best because you’re just starting to relax, before you start to get bored. All of a sudden a car pulled up, now I don’t normally look out the window every time a car pulls up that would just be weird, but for some reason I looked, and getting out the car was Mary. I panicked, I started to pick up all my cloths and hurled them into the bath tub, and meanwhile my brain was asking me questions “Why is she here? What has she come back for?” I heard her feet come running up the stairs her keys and key rings where jingling, like alarm bells. In a rush I dived into the bath tub and pulled the shower curtain across for cover. If she had forgotten something it wouldn't be in the bathroom.

How wrong I was. She had forgotten something in the bathroom she had forgotten to use the toilet; it must have been my chili con carnie that we had last night. The smell was disgusting it was like a corpse had been rotting in horse manure for a year. I was trying so hard not gag and make a noise I really don’t want to go to her parent’s house again not after what happened last time.

It was a real ‘Meet the Parents’ moment, I never smashed the late mothers urn, no, I think it was much worse than that. I woke up  and decided to have a shower so I made my way to the bathroom, when I realized I left my shampoo in my suitcase, so I went back to get it and noticed Mary wasn't in her bed. I made my way to the bathroom and saw that it was in use but the door was open, I assumed it was Mary since she wasn't in bed. So I quietly closed the door and locked it and sneaked into the bathtub the steam blinded me I could only see the outline of the body, I squirted some shower gel into my hand and started to rub it on Mary's back and shoulders, as I was rubbing I noticed that her shoulders were more broader than I remembered, then the head turned round and a big pair of blue eyes glared at me. It wasn't Mary.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”  It was Mary's Father. I fumbled my way out the bathtub tearing the shower curtain, I ran to the door and tried to open it, but the lock was stuck, I couldn't unlock it. Her Father Paul looked at me “Did you lock the door?” He asked in an annoyed tone. I stuttered the word “Yes” he then explained how the lock was dodgy and that they were waiting to get it fixed. So there we waited, naked because our cloths where wet until the fireman came to chop down the door. So can you blame me for not wanting to go. When she left I rummaged around for anything that is scented and chose my body spray.

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