Turn This Around

He was beautiful, like an angel, handsome like a god, but what he possessed within was frightfully dark, dangerous and deceiving. You look into his eyes and you're staring into hell itself and you realise he is the demon in which haunts you in you're sleep.

When Natalie Carter, the new girl in town catches the eye of the biggest asshole in school she soon discovers she's going to need more than a feisty attitude and snarky come backs to get rid of the male who stalks her. Challenged with school, making friends and trying to find her place in the world, she really doesn't need Harry Styles on her plate. Harry Styles was not good, in fact he was far from it. He was a demonic creature who had crawled from the fiery pits of hell in Natalie Carters eyes.

There is no escape once your being hunted.

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68. Chapter Sixty

Chapter 60

Nothingness. A big gaping hole of nothingness was all that was left in my chest. I felt emptiness and a deep ache within me as I stood by the window staring out into the dreary night. The fluttering of my wet eyelashes as tears streamed down my cheeks matched the sky as fat rain drops pelted down against the earth to fill me with a further feeling of depression.

The sound of Harry's car engine coming to life signified the end as I watched the black vehicle drive away, through the pool of tears blurring my vision. There was an antagonising pull at my chest as the car grew further and further away, taking the man I was so desperately in love with along with it. The sickening snap of the connection I had with him forced a pained cry from my throat, the sound echoing through the empty house as Harry vanished out of sight and out of my life. Finally it settled into the pit of my stomach with the gut wrenching twist as I realised he was gone. My beautiful fallen angel had left without so much as a goodbye and I was thrown into a place I never wanted to end up.

Without him.

Harry had simply left. The duffel bag he had brought with him was left lying in the corner beside mine. He hadn't even bothered taking his clothes. he had left everything behind even his little tattered teddy bear. They remained exactly where he'd left them, clothes strewn across the floor, bear sitting on the windowsill and the covers we had tangled in last night were in the same position. It was like he had forgotten all his belongings deliberately just to make me suffer the way he had when everyone he loved left him. To give me a taste of what his suffering had been like and I felt his immense pain. I was left with nothing but his personal belongings, the fading touch of his fingertips and his crimson blood stained against my clothes and skin.

The cracking of lightening and the loud rumbling of thunder came as no surprise to me. I already knew the past had repeated itself but in a form much worse than the death of my father. Tonight I had lost two very valuable people in my life and I'd lost them to somewhere worse than death. I'd lost them because I wasn't good enough, I was weak and insufficient. Death was much easier, I didn't have to worry about the pain my father felt because it was over within a blink of an eye. God took him in his arms fast and painlessly, pinning him up in the sky as a twinkling star where he would forever smile down on me from the wonders of heaven. But the hurt and pain both Harry and Mitchell would have to bear wasn't going to be quick and painless like death. It would be a long-term suffering that was inescapable. We would all bare the loss of a loved one for days, weeks, months, years, decades. In time it would fade but it will always be there always gnawing at your heart no matter how hard you tried to push it away.

I will never be able to forget him. He will always be in my mind because he took all of me with him as he disappeared into the stormy night, he took everything I had, everything I gave him, and he took all of me. He took my heart with him but of all things he took I want him to keep it, I want him to have it because he has nothing else. Harry is though only person I have ever loved with such a passion and I don't think I will ever be able to fall in love again. He made too much of an impact on me, he meant too much and I threw everything for him. I will never love again because he has my heart and he always will because he needs it and he deserves it more than anyone else.

I don't care if the rest of my life is spent in loveless suffering. I don't care if I die alone with no husband or children. No one will ever be able to satisfy me, no one but Harry. My life will be long and torturous but I will live through the eternal loneliness for the man I love. I will remember cradling his fragile little heart in the palm of my hand as the tears fall down my cheeks. Because the time I had with him was beautiful, he gave me his everything and he brought me such happiness and those memories of him will never fade like his of me will because even though he doesn't know it, he saved me. I wish I could have saved him but I guess two broken people can never really be fixed because the cracks will remain and the switches of their broken hearts will always pull open no matter how many times you sew them back up.

One day Harry will find a girl who he will truly fall in love with and she will treat him with tender love and care. She will be calm and her mind will be sane unlike mine. She will know exactly how to deal with his pain and sorrows and she will be able to heal him and bring him out of the darkness I couldn't save him from. Harry will forget me, he will forget our love and everything we've been through. He'll never remember the first girl to give him her heart, her love and her virginity. I will become nothing more than a blurred face like the women he screwed but never gave a damn about. He won't remember me as Natalie Carter, I will simply become another face too unimportant for him to remember. I will be no one.

The flickering of the lights did not frighten me as I stood in the same position, staring blankly into the darkness that lay beyond the sheet of glass I stood before. I felt nothing, there was just a gaping emptiness within me. My emotions were gone, my feelings vanishing along with Harry as he evaded me. I wasn't afraid of the dark anymore. That's why when the lights finally flickered out I welcomed the darkness with open arms.

+++

Time ticked on by slowly, a minute felt like all eternity as it passed me by. The power was out but I wasn't afraid of being alone in the deserted house as the storm raged outside my bedroom window. I was beyond being afraid anymore, everything had been swallowed up by the emptiness in the pit of my chest. The house creaked and the floorboards groaned as the wild wind whirled around beyond the safety of the sturdy walls. It howled like a wolf as its partnering rain splattered against the windows giving off a sound that sounded more like stones but still I felt no fear. Even when the thunder cracked and the lightning struck I wasn't afraid but I still haunted by past memories. Only this time it wasn't my father I saw but flashes of my gentle touch on Harry and our entwined bodies as we cuddled in bed on nights much the same as these.

I couldn't get him out of my head, he was imprinted in my mind like a photograph only I couldn't rip it like Harry had done to his criminal record, I couldn't tear it until it was nothing but confetti the image in my mind was permanent and there was no possible way to ever be rid of it. All I could see was his vibrant green eyes and his long dark eyelashes in which framed them; the fullness of his plump pink lips as they curled up into a grin with the adorable little indents on either side of his smooth cheeks; his cute little button nose and the way he would so sweetly nuzzle against mine; his soft ringlets and the way the flopped about his face always urging me to push them back off his forehead; his large hands and warm fingers that would both affectionately touch and protectively defend; his sharp jawbone and stunning collarbones in which were often decorated in love bites passionately caused by my lips. I couldn't get rid of him no matter how hard I tried and I had accepted that because I didn't want to forget. I wanted to remember and suffer the way he suffered because only then will I be relieved of the weight of the failure to save a fallen angel that is no longer mine to have and to hold.

My fingers curled around one of Harry's many T-shirts I had put in bed with me to remind me of his warm scent. I still lay in my bloodstained dress, the last of his touches lingering on me still as I squeezed my eyes closed, gripping a shirt in one hand and Boo in the other. The small bear had once been the only thing Harry could condone his secrets and pain in was now cuddled to my chest held close to where my heart would be if it were still there. My mind finally stopped racing with thoughts as a heavy sigh of sadness fell from my trembling lips before I fell asleep alone as I would do for the rest of my life, wishing for the hold of the fallen angel I had failed to save.

Even in sleep I was restless, my mind unable to get rid of the image of him. I soon found myself awake again, my body curled in a tight ball as I snuggled up with Harry's possessions. I had almost hoped I would wake up and discover it was all just a dream. That Harry and I were curled up on the couch like this morning or even better, I the comfort of his bed back home. But much to my dismay I was still alone, the warmth of his body no longer surrounding me as I realised I'd woken up back into my worst nightmare.

The reality was heartbreaking, he was gone, gone without even saying goodbye or taking his things. Harry was desperate, desperate to escape me and that hurt so much because I loved him to all ends of the universe but he didn't believe it. As I had suspected he was incapable of feeling love, he's too scared to put his trust in someone and I can only pray he finds a girl he can put all his faith into. I really hope he does find her because all I want is for him to be happy, he deserves to be loved more than anyone and I hope someone will truly be able to show him their love.

It hurts though to think of him with someone else. Especially after how hard I tried to get him to see how deeply in love I was with him. Nothing I did was ever enough though, I would have died for him if that kind of danger ever arose. Maybe once I was dead he'd realise but then it would be too late. The struggle I went through to get him to see my love for him turned out to be a waste of time, effort and affection, he was gone and that hit me like a bulldozer.

The moment I saw him I promised myself I would never let myself fall into his trap. I was warned multiple times to get as far away from him as possible and to be careful but I didn't listen and now I'm know I'm going to have the biggest 'I told you so' thrown in my face. I was foolish and naive, I let him sneak his way into my heart and for a while he cuddled up to me within my chest. I thought we were actually going to make it and that I would be able to show the world proudly that they were wrong and Harry was the most amazing person I had ever met but now I couldn't because they had been right all along. You're only going to get hurt was what they said and look at me now, I'm not even hurt...

I'm completely and utterly broken, shattered and emptied of everything. I gave him everything I had to give and he took it and simply left, leaving me in a pool of my own tears.

Looking back on everything now I wish I had of done things differently. I wish Harry would have told me about his mental illnesses. If I had of known I would have understood his overprotectiveness and his constant fear of me leaving him for someone else. His anxiety covered all that and his compulsive actions and the tight hold he had on me even during sleep. Harry was terrified I'd leave him and I should have been able to read the signs and put it all together, I should have known.

His depression was what hit me hardest though because I hadn't noticed how sad he really was until tonight. I feel so terrible for not seeing it earlier, for not knowing he was depressed. I didn't even know he was on medication! Harry has kept so many important things to himself which he should have told me about because I could have helped him. He was going through all of this alone and keeping it all bottled up inside him whilst I thought he was just being an overprotective asshole because he hated other guys so much as glancing at me. Everything that poured out of my mouth last night could have been prevented if he had of told me about all this. I would have been able to understand and to slowly ease him from his anxiousness. He told me nothing but the fact he had anger issues which I had deducted practically the day we met.

Why didn't he just tell me?

Why couldn't he have let me inside his head and help him through his problems after suffering them alone for so long?

Why couldn't he grasp the simple concept of my desire to love and care for him?

Why would he think I'd judge him?

Why couldn't he be honest with me?

I want to scream! Yell! Cry! Harry infuriates me! He is so blind to the way I feel about him and now it is too late, too late for me to reach him about love and to hold his hand as he overcomes his troubles. Harry is alone again, alone and I don't want him to be. He needs someone to love and support him because quite frankly I don't think he can make it without someone giving them their everything. I want to be that person but it saddens me because it's too late and I can't. Harry doesn't want me anymore but I will always want him. He will forever be my beautiful fallen angel and no matter how dirty his wings get I will always feel this way. I hope he goes back to heaven one day because there he will finally find love.

***HARRY***

My fingers curled around yet another shot glass filled with tequila before I brought it to my lips, tilting my head back and swallowing the liquid down in a single gulp. I have no idea how long I've been here for, how many drinks I've had or how I even found this shitty little bar. I don't give a fuck though because all I want to do is down so much alcohol until either my brain turns to mush or until her face finally vanished from my mind. I want to drown myself in the range of poisonous liquids until I feel nothing anymore. I want the damn girl to get the fuck out of my head because it makes it so much harder for me to forget her. Over and over again I remind myself how she deserves someone so much more than me. I am the lowest of the low, the things I have done are appalling and she's crazy if she still wants to be with me after discovering I'm fucked up in the head and prostituted myself to earn enough money for me to survive. I'm such a contemptible person and it infuriates me to know she would want scum like me as a boyfriend. She's insane!

The fact I practically forced her into this fucking relationship makes me even more disgusting. I took her virginity on top of that which doesn't rest my case either. How vile I am makes me want to be sick and before you ask, no it is not the alcohol. I treated her so poorly and she spilled everything whereas I kept all of my shit to myself because I'm too ducking scared of what she will think of me. I'm an insecure bastard who is too lowly to deserve even being looked at by a stupid house fly. I am the lowest of the low and no matter how hard I try to be good for her, I try to be better there's always going to be some shit from my past that pops up an wrecks the whole fucking thing. I hate the way she doesn't care about everything I've done in my life, every filthy thing I've participated in. Does she not know I'm a crazy, fucked up guy who can't do a thing to make her happy?

I'm never going to be what she needs, or what she really wants. Natalie can go lie to herself over and over again but deep down inside I know she knows I'm bad for her. We are vast contrasts of one another and I knew it was never going to work out but being the selfish asshole I truly am I took her for granted. I made her fall in love with me, I made her give herself to me and I just took and took and took without even having to try. I robbed her of her innocence! It wasn't even special! I lost control and fucked her like the other fucking sluts I've been with over the past years and I hurt her! Her first time should have been gentle and soft and loving and with someone who is special, someone who will treat her properly.

I took everything from her and gave her nothing in return. The only reason she knows about the shit I've done and the fucking things I've had to suffer through ate because people have told her! Why can't Natalie see just how loathe some I am?! Why is she blind to my impurities and scars when it is so obvious I am not good, nor am I kind and there's no fucking

Way I'm ever going to be romantic. Even if our sick relationship survived we would never get anywhere but here! All we do us pick fights that neither of us are willing to lose. Natalie has that little feisty flare in her that I love but hate at the same time. It was that flare that drew me to her in the first place, the fact she wasn't going to be easy like other girls, that she was going to be a challenge. I wanted her and I got her and now I have spent her love. We would never make it to marriage or even proposal because I would never be able to buy her a ring that would portray the beauty of her soul, her heart and her image. All of her. I wouldn't be extravagant or anywhere near what she deserves and to make things worse I'd probably propose at the most idiotic moment like the moment she walked out of the toilet. I can't be romantic to save my bloody life! But I'm almost a hundred percent certain that if I proposed to her with a gummy ring on a crowded train she'd say yes to me because that's how much I've screws with her head.

She's probably want kids as well and then we'd be real fucked since it’s pretty obvious I'm not going to finish school with grades that are going to get me into a university let alone a decent job I'd be able to support a family with. My grades don't even exist, failing would be better than what I have currently. I'm such a letdown. Natalie would be the one with a great job whilst I was stuck looking after the damn kid I'd probably kill because I sat on it accidentally. Kids hate me anyway, I'm a big scary monster to them and my own child would probably never stop crying because I had traumatised it. I never want kids because they'd either turn out to be little shits like me or they'd end up as Natalie's that ran at the sight of me.

I know she wants that but I can't give those things to her, I just can't. Unless by some miracle I manage to pass end of year exams than I will be done for because I can't be a boxing trainer my whole life. Natalie is blind to just how much of a dead end this relationship was and although It hurts I know it's for the best because there's no point in dragging this damn thing out any longer. I've twisted her and poisoned her mind and as much as I hate her fucking friend Mitchell I'm glad he showed her what I've done because it gave me a wakeup call. Natalie can't be with me no matter how badly we want each other, I'm not enough for her and I never will be. I want her to forget about the awful man who took everything she had for his own selfish purposes I wish she could just erase me from her mind and forget everything I did and everything I put her through.

I wish I could just disappear from everyone's lives because I am only a burden on so many people's shoulders. I was a mistake and everyone knows it. From conception I was despised and hated and unwanted and to this very day I remain the same lost, alone boy who deserves everything he gets because he wasn't supposed to exist and honestly I wish I didn't.

Drink after drink I became even more immune to the pain as the alcohol coursed through my veins, mixing with my blood. I was beyond drunk but still I felt the pain of the girl I'd left behind, cold and alone in that dreary house. I didn't want to hurt anymore, I wanted the pain to go away but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't. She was always there like a ghost lingering before me, haunting my thoughts.

"I'm not giving you another drink, mate."

My vision blurred as I peered up from my empty glass at the male bartender standing behind the counter. The fact I could see three of the exact same blonde guy indicated I was rather intoxicated now and probably wouldn't even be able to stand yet I needed more.

Slapping my glass down against the neck top I sent the man a glare or at least what I hoped was the real one and not my blurred vision. I couldn't survive the night without more of this poison burning down my throat and fizzling through me like crazy. I want to either forget everything about the only girl who had given me love or either drink myself to death. I almost hoped for death, if I died then it would all be over and I wouldn't have to feel so much pain anymore. I'm no longer afraid of where I will go after death but whether its hell or not it's better than living. I'm just a good for nothing dickhead and it's not like anyone would really care or even notice my disappearance. They'd probably celebrate my death whilst my funeral commenced without a priest even showing. I don't give a fuck anymore, I don't have anything worth living for. The world would be a better place without me.

"Please." I begged. "Please, it's the only thing stopping me from killing myself."

I watched as the guys eyes widened in shock, his had grasping a random liquid and filling my empty glass with it. Though I did try to read the label I was too drunk to even make out a single letter due to the fact my vision was a blur and I wasn't just seeing double but triple. Whatever it was I couldn't care less though, as long as it contained alcohol than I was fine with it. My hands curled around the glass bringing it to my lips before I downed the liquid in one hit. The alcohol burnt down my throat, increasing my intoxication to an all new level as I felt my mind and my body disconnect, the power of the poison taking control of me just like the darkness does.

I felt myself get to my feet as another drink was poured for me. Grasping the glass between my fingers as I rapidly brought it to my lips, choking down my final glass of alcohol before everything went black

 

***NATALIE***

Sleep was what I had done little of last night. My mind was too busy racing with thoughts of the damn curly haired male who had left me so abruptly. I found myself wondering if he was home yet or if he had made it safely there last night. I was worried about him and I found myself constantly checking my phone only then realising I wasn't going to receive a text. Though it was probably the least of my problems I found myself questioning how on earth I was meant to get back or anywhere in fact. I had no form of transport, Harry had abandoned me here and left me stranded in the place I so desperately wanted to evade. Things had changed round here, the people more so than they actually country. Mitchell was a complete asshole now, he had been one before but he was just joking about it was like he had jumped through a portal in a parallel world and sent some serious jerk back whilst he had fun antagonising the serious dicks in the other world. It's frightening how fast people can change in such a short period of time.

I'm currently stumped by the whole situation, I don't want to call anyone and explain to them the shit that has gone down because I'll only break down into a fit of uncontrollable tears. I feel like such a failure, I couldn't save Harry and now I don't know if he's okay and I never will unless I can get home. He doesn't want to see me anymore and as much as that hurts I still care for him and I always will.

The next steps from here are currently undecided but when I get to the point of starvation because there is literally no food here I will figure something out. I didn't want the end of us to ever come but especially not like this. I had expected at least a goodbye. I feel so pathetic. It's almost the feeling of being played. I have him everything and he left me broken with the pieces of my heart shattered in the palm of his hand. I thought Harry was better than this, I thought he had improved but obviously I was wrong as he didn't even have the decency to say goodbye.

The hate I force myself to feel towards him is the only thing dousing some of the pain. I hate how he just left, completely left me here with no possible way home. I hate the way he never listens to what I say and how the words that full from my lips are never believed. I am sick of all his shit! I'm sick of him lying to me, hiding things from me and thinking I'll judge him! Harry is an idiot! If I was going to get all judgmental on him I wouldn't have stayed with him so long. I would have stayed longer, forever if I could but the choice of staying and leaving wasn't mutual. He just left. Harry is an asshole and if I ever see him again I'm going to slap him for being so self centred.

I threw everything for him and he doesn't even appreciate that enough to drive me home instead of leaving me here in this bloody house alone for god knows how long. Does he even care about the way I might feel? Is he even thinking about me the way I'm thinking about him?

'Probably not' the voice of my old self sneers at the back of my mind.

He's probably forgotten me already, just like all the other women he's been with. He doesn't care that I'm stranded in a place I now despise, I'm alone, there's a violent storm raging outside, I'm deeply hurt by his actions and the fact I'm not even in the comfort of my own home. He is selfish!

Right now I just want my mum, I want her to tell me it's alright but I can't because I want to suffer Harry's pain and only that sort of pain can be suffered alone. I know what being abandoned feels like now because that's what he has cruelly done to me left me in an insane state where I don't know what to feel anymore.

I want to hate him, I really do but my love for him overcomes that placid emptiness that I try to fill with hate.

Hate is a misused word much the same as love. A little girl wants a doll but her mother says no and 'I hate you' simply slips out of the child's mouth. It's the same with love, 'I love you' is such a commonly used phrase that it has lost its meaning and significance to most. Hate and love are terms that are never truly used in the correct way. When I was younger my father told me if you say a word over and over again it loses its meaning. I remember sitting in the backseat of the car saying sheep over and over again wondering if the word sheep no longer meant anything but they still did. It wasn't until today that I truly understood what he meant, he didn't mean saying the word repeatedly in one moment of time over and over again like I had done but he had meant words so commonly used but rarely ever meant like hate, love and sorry. The more you use the word it becomes more obvious that it was never truly meant the first time.

Tears sprung in my eyes as thoughts of my father flooded through my mind like a tidal wave. He was such an inspirational person, he didn't deserve to die and I wish my life had been taken in his place. I've been nothing but a letdown, dad should have lived so he could bring grins to even the saddest people's faces and inspire people with his words, teach them to look at the glass as being half full. I wish he could have lived so he could have helped Harry. I've failed him, I've failed Harry and I've failed everyone else I love. I'm a disappointment and I wish I could go back and redo that terrible night. I have become nothing but a burden to the people I love and though I try I can never lift that weight from their aching backs because I am too weak to make everyone smile.

I hate how weak I am.

I am unconditionally in love with Harold Edward Styles.

And I am so sorry that I have been such a disappointment, a failure.

These three terms have meaning when they come from my lips because they are true and came from what little was left from the girl who had become just as broken as the boy she fell so deeply in love with.

The tears slithered down my cheeks leaving small snakelike patterns in their wake. I wish I could have saved them all, I wish I could be what everyone wanted but I'm not and I never will be.

I have let them all down; my father; my mother; Mitchell; Harry; Myself.

The pain of failing all those brilliant wonderful people is heartbreaking because I have been unable to be what they want and to save them. I don't want to give up but it is only fitting to as I have nothing left of me but an empty shell. I'm giving up on myself because I am the truly out of people who I have left who will love and accept me. I have become nothing more than a pain in the ass to the people around me. The constant drama has taken over my life and I plan on forgetting everyone and everything and just go with the flow.

Nightfall arrives swiftly as I stare out the window into the same space as I have done all day. I have a small sliver of hope that he will return but with every passing moment the sliver only seems to decrease in size as my hope withers away. Yet I still cling onto that tiny tread of hope, praying for a miracle though I know it won't come. Harry has been gone a day now and I know I'm kidding myself by sitting here hoping. I don't know why I bother, by now he is probably at home, drinking himself stupid and losing himself to the darkness again. When I finally figure out a way to get back he probably will have already found a whole bunch of random chicks to sleep with to fill a tiny part of his loneliness and I will be forgotten. Just like each all the other women in his life I will become another face in a never ending strong of women he doesn't care for.

I don't want to go back to Cheshire and see Harry ever again but I don't want to stay here and see Mitchell ever again because he is the reason for Harry's flight and I will never be able to forgive him for taking away someone as important as Harry.

'Run.' The insane part of my mind says.

'Run and don't look back.'

What frightens me most is the fact that I actually want to listen to it.

'He's not coming back.'

Shaking my head a little I force the voice from my mind and focus my gaze back on the dreary night beyond the year streaked windowpane. Thunder and lightning crack and book throughout the stormy sky but I am unfazed by the weather that I used to be frightened by. I don't feel afraid anymore, the nothingness as swallowed every emotion I once felt but the pain of losing Harry.

Though it has only been about twenty four hours since I last saw him and spoke to him I have already realised that I cannot live without him. The stabbing pain in my chest is unbearable, knowing I can't call him mine anymore or being able to call him up before I go to bed to say goodnight and to tell him how much I love him is the most awful feeling I have ever felt. It pains me to think he will spend his nights with random women instead of me. That he will no longer have me to tell him how much he means to me and how much I love him and need him. He won't get to hear the words I never got to say to him because he left so abruptly. Harry will never know how strong and brave I think he is or how I envy him because he was able to survive alone when I had people around me who loved and supported me yet I still couldn't make it. Harry will never know he was my hero, that he saved me from my demons and the past that haunted me every night in my dreams and he will never know just how badly I wanted to so the same for him. Now he will never know just how much of an impact he has on me, just how broken he's left me and just how much pain I'm in knowing he's alone.

I am not living anymore. I am solely existing. Without him I am nothing.

As hard as it was I managed to tear my eyes from the world beyond my bedroom window. Tears slipped from my eyes as I drew the curtain across, officially giving up on everything. I had nothing left now, not even hope. Harry was gone and there was nothing I could do about it. My movement was slow as I dragged my feet across the floor to my bed, collecting my iPhone from where it lay atop of the covers. Taking it in the palm of my hand I turned it on, quickly unlocking it when I saw the message icon.

A burst of sudden hope exploded through my body as I hurriedly brought up the messages. My heart soon sank though when I realised it was only a message from my mother. I tossed the phone back down on the bed angry at myself for believing it was from him because the pain had grown again. With much disappointment I dragged my feet across the room to the bathroom. A further flood of pain washed through me as I took in the sight of the bathtub where we had made love only the other night. It felt like an eternity ago but it had simply only been two nights back.

The images of his content smile and his bare chest as he lay beneath me flashed through my mind as I gazed at the porcelain bathtub. The memory of us was wrapped around each other as close as it were physically possible was much the opposite of the distance between us now. Harry was miles away, trying to get as far away as possible from me. I shouldn't have let him go. I should have grabbed him by the wrist and kissed him all over until he realised just how much I loved him. I wish he would have listened to what I had said before I even have him the stupid piece of paper that still remained shredded on the hall floor. I told him I didn't care about the things he had done in the past though some of the things had been rather awful all that mattered was him. Harry was just confused, hurt and had a hate that burnt within him which had been what had fired his great anger towards everyone and everything.

The things he has done are understandable as he was never properly taught what was right and wrong. His father hasn't disciplined him or shown him the basics of life like my father had. Harry had grown up in an abusive environment where he was taught nothing but how to hate. I think Harry turned out pretty damn well after growing up in such a scarring way. I don't think Harry knows how much I truly understand him. My father taught me to look at things with an open mind and to search deeper rather than barely skimming the surface. My father showed me how to be observant and to delve deeper and the fact I lost my father helps me understand Harry even more because I felt confused, angry and I hated myself for what had happened to him. It was awful and I myself felt like doing things I shouldn't and I thought things I'm sure crossed Harry's mind all the time. I do understand why he did those awful things even though they were incredibly wrong but I never got a chance to explain myself because Harry just didn't want to listen.

He never does.

Tears dribbled down my cheeks as I turned towards the mirror and what I saw almost made me jump right out of my skin. The girl I saw looking back at me was unrecognisable and what was truly horrifying fitting was the fact that the girl was me. I grasped the rim of the sink tightly as I leant forward slightly, peering at my ghastly reflection. I looked like a zombie and that was exactly what I felt like, the walking dead, I existed but I did not live because my mind and soul were dead.

My skin was ghostly pale, salty tears streaked down my cheeks like the serpent like raindrops that slithered down the window. My hair was in its usual unruly state, falling around my face in a tangle of dark waves. A pair of dull eyes stared back at me with a hollow emptiness and a cold gaze. What really gave me the effect of a real life zombie was Harry's blood in which was still smeared across my neck and staining my dress. I was no longer Natalie Carter, the girl who played with fire but I was now Natalie Carter, the girl who got burnt.

I was a stupid girl. A stupid, naive little girl who fell in love with a broken boy. Curiosity killed the cat. My curiosity was what got my hooked on him in the first place and it was my curiosity that got me hurt. Harry thought I was perfect but truth be told I'm far from it and curiosity is probably one of my major flaws. Fuck! I'm probably the most imperfect person alive and he thought I was perfect! Harry makes me so angry but so passionately in love with him at the same time!

A scream of fury left my lips as I ripped the mirror from the wall and roughly smashed it to the floor. The sound of the shattering shards as they fell to the floor brought me a feeling of success as I now didn't have to look upon the monster I saw in its reflective glass. Right now I hated everything about myself because I had failed the one person I knew I had to save and now he was gone.

Ferocious tears fell from my eyes as I stormed from the bathroom and out of my bedroom. My feet stomped heavily across the floor as it groaned beneath me. Being alone was the most horrible feeling you could ever experience but being alone and stranded was even worse. I was trapped here, unable to see a person I didn't know.

I couldn't leave.

I couldn't escape.

I couldn't even find civilisation.

I was a caged now, trapped and I was losing my sanity. With every passing minute I was becoming more and more like a wild animal and there was little time left before I knew I was going to explode.

Suddenly something caught my ear and my nod froze halfway down the stairs. I listened silently for the sound to come again, my chest heavy with anxiousness. The sound of knocking on the front door came again and before I could stop myself I was flying down the stairs at top speed. Pumping my arms and legs as fast as I could, I powered my way down the hall towards the looming front door. My hopes soared as I gripped hold of the handle, pulling it open without thinking twice.

But just as quickly as they had risen they fell, this time hitting rock bottom when I saw the monstrosity standing before me.

(A.N Hey guys, you all probably think I'm a bitch for firstly breaking Nat and Harry up and now leaving you with a cliff hanger, don't shoot me! I hope you guys are enjoying this fanfic as much as I am writing it even though it might not be going how you want it to right now but don't cry! I've got big plans for Harry and Natalie this story isn’t over yet! I'd really love it if you guys could follow me on twitter, it might motivate me to update quicker, *wink wink, nudge nudge* lol.

My twitter name is @natiallofficial

Tweet me!

Who do you think Natalie opened the door to?

Love you guys!

~Natiall)

 

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