Turn This Around

He was beautiful, like an angel, handsome like a god, but what he possessed within was frightfully dark, dangerous and deceiving. You look into his eyes and you're staring into hell itself and you realise he is the demon in which haunts you in you're sleep.

When Natalie Carter, the new girl in town catches the eye of the biggest asshole in school she soon discovers she's going to need more than a feisty attitude and snarky come backs to get rid of the male who stalks her. Challenged with school, making friends and trying to find her place in the world, she really doesn't need Harry Styles on her plate. Harry Styles was not good, in fact he was far from it. He was a demonic creature who had crawled from the fiery pits of hell in Natalie Carters eyes.

There is no escape once your being hunted.

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57. Chapter Forty-Nine

Chapter 49

Mine and Harry's fingers intwined as we exited the bathroom, the warmth of his large hand enveloping mine brought me a small amount of peace as I tried not to think about the fight we'd undoubtably have later on. I did well to push my annoyance to the back of my mind, although it wasn't hard to stay annoyed with him when he was actually getting on with my cousins. The thought brought a small smile to my fave as we walked back into the living room.

Everyone was positioned in the same place as they had been before, only Stefan had come out from wherever he had been hiding and was now stationed on one of the sofas. There was a loud clattering coming from in the kitchen where Grandma was busying herself with the task of finishing off dinner. I released Harry's hand once we entered the room, shifting across the roo to sit with Stefan whilst Harry returned to play whatever murderous game Tobias had chosen.

I never really understood why boys loved to play such violent killing games. To be honest I'm not very keen on them, because I don't enjoy watching fights in which people look as though the intend to murder one another. Some of the ways they kill each other in those games is disgusting and completely sick and the graphics just make it ten times worse.

Yes, I did grow up with a bunch of rough boys who weren't exactly gentle with me but they were play fights. The worst that could haven was someone running off crying or getting a bleeding nose. The boys had toughened me up and taught me self defence in which had certainly come in handy with the two Vincent brothers. But these games almost encourage fighting and war and I think that playing games like this too often can corrupt ones mind and turn them into someone like Adam and Luke. Violent, brutal and bloodthirsty.

I plonked myself down on the sofa by Stefan, trying to avoid glancing at the blood splatter T.V screen. I find it hard to believe they can stare at all the graphic blood and gore for so long without hurling their guts up, I'm fighting to keep it down with a single glance. I prefer racing games or any other game that only involves shooting animals, robots or non existent monsters, not humans.

"So, what are you doing back here, I thought you were still at Uni?" I asked Stefan as I picked up a pillow pressing it to the side of my face to prevent stealing a glance at the god awful game my boyfriend and cousin were playing.

It had been some time since we'd seen one another and I remember our farewell very clearly. It was January about four years back when he was leaving for university. It was very hard for me to say goodbye as I had lost my father only a few months earlier and Stefan was a huge support in what I thought was the end of my life. I had been very close with my cousins and his departure had impacted me greatly, but I managed to pull through with Tobias, Jai and Mitchell who had helped me keep my world spinning in my time of great grief.

Tobias and my Aunt and Uncle moved to London about a year back and that really sucked because we'd been really tight since then and he really liked it because he always used to traipse after me trying to get my attention whilst I always looked up to my older cousin.

The past few years my life has quite literally been falling apart, my dad passing, my cousins moving, me moving. Then Harry appeared and at first I thought he was actually going to ruin me and that I was going to lose what little life I had left. First he brought me anger, fear and nothing but trouble but I soon discovered there was more to him. He gave me a sense of security, he cared when my mother did not and then he gave me his heart and his love and I gave him mine. He fixed a girl who was strong, yet broken and barely holding on to what little she had left. Saved me and I'm still trying to save him, but he is more broken than I am, he is shattered into a billion pieces, wrapped in a world of insecurity, pain, violence, hatred and loneliness.

"Well, I've got a few weeks off and it turns out that Mum, Dad and Toby are moving back." Stefan explains, snapping me out of my thoughts.

A surge of annoyance crashes through my body like a tsunami and the urge to scream eats it's way through me before I force it down. My cousins are moving back here now that I'm not here, how convenient. It is actually so irritating after missing my two practical brothers so much that they come home when I am gone. It makes me grumpier than I already am, but I don't show it.

"Mum and Dad are still in London, Toby and I got back today after Grams called us last night saying you were back in town. We're staying here for the next couple of days till mum and dad get here with most of our shit." He finishes.

It warms my heart hearing Stefan explain that he and Tobias came back early just to see me. My cousins care about me and missed me just as much as I did them. The knowledge of this brought a wide grin to my face and I found myself giving him a hug. His muscular arms coiled around me, crushing my lungs in the process. God does he have a strong grip.

As I withdrew from Stefan's bone breaking embrace, I glanced at Tobias over the pillow I still clutched to hide the bloody T.V screen. His eyebrows were furrowed in deep concentration as his thumb rapidly slammed against the buttons on the white controller grasped tightly in his hands. He was to absorbed in the game he was playing to notice me slip off the couch, silently slinking across the floor on all fours like a cat.

Scooby came over to me and cocked his head, looking at me like I was stupid. He was probably right though, I was a bit of an idiot. I leant down, pressing a small kiss to his soft head, earning myself a lick on the wrist in return. Scooby trotted away rather pleased with himself before settling down by the curly haired male who he'd never met before.

I heard Stefan quietly laughing, knowing all too well that Toby was about to be given a heart attack once I pounced. He always got so into games that he practically lost himself until someone obstructed his view or sneaks up on him.

"Sneak attack!" I chortled before tackling my cousin round the waist, knocking him on his side as the most girly scream I had ever heard him produce escaped his lips.

The whole room went into a frenzy after Tobias' feminine squeal. Grandpa who had been lightly dozing woke with a start, yelling something about getting his shotgun as he rapidly got to his feet, causing poor sleeping Teddy to fall from how lap, waking with a frightful start. Teddy yelped in shock, darting around the room like crazy which started Nova off who had been peaceful up until now. I watched as Scooby took this as the perfect opportunity for Harry's face to become acquaint with his wet tongue. His little front paws pressed against Harry's hard chest as Scooby slobbered all over his face, whilst desperate attempts were made to push the fearless
Dog who just wouldn't stop coming back off. A dull thud sounded from behind me, Stefan's body falling from the couch as he erupted into loud laughter. All this chaos because of one girly squeal from Tobias.

I was flipped onto my back, seconds after my attack, Tobias now recovered from the shock of my surprise tackle and ready to fight back. My wrists were clamped between his fingers as he pinned my hands above my head, preventing me from making any more movement. I squirmed in his tight grip, I had forgotten we weren't kids anymore and that I had lost the height race and he was now considerably stronger. We'd grown up, him more than me.

"Pinned ya." He laughed, raising my wrists slightly before thudding them down again just to prove his point.

I rolled my eyes, boys were always so cocky and so sure of themselves, I was always underestimated. Just because we hand seen each other in sometime and I was quite a bit smaller than him he thought he had won so easily. However, he had my hands pinned but my legs were still free and his groin rather unprotected.

"Nope, not quite." I smirk.

The moment I raise my knee Tobais realises from past experience where most of the power lies within me, the legs. At the last possible second he releases one of my wrists, pushing it down before it can do damage to his groin.

I groan in defeat, maybe I am useless against them now, they're tanks and I'm a puny squirrel. I'm going to get beaten up if I'm not careful and it'll end up being me who runs of crying after a play fight.

"Watch the balls, always watch the balls." Tobias says to Harry. "She tends to go for the spot which evokes most pain."

I turn my head towards Harry to see he had managed to get the slobbery dog from his face and now held Scooby squirming at arms length. I rolled my eyes as Harry nodded his head in agreement with Toby.

"I've been hit there too many times." Harry spoke. "I'm actually considering buying a box."

"That's probably a good idea." Tobias laughs at Harry's joke in which I do not find amusing .

"Shut up." I mutter.

this was the weirdest most uncomfortable position I've ever been in. Tobias has me pinned beneath him whilst he and Harry discuss where I usually hit in self defence and considering getting groin protection to prevent me. I glare at the two males, wishing to knee them both in the groin but knowing that after this discussion I wasn't going to come near hitting them where it hurt.

"Nat, you do know if you ever want to have kids Harry's groin needs to be intact." He teases just to provoke my embarrassment, something in which he and Harry have in common.

I felt my cheeks flare red with a hot blush and the need to run away and bury my face in a pillow compelled me to shove Tobias off. I was quick to scamper too my feet, hurrying across the room to where Stefan had recollected his calmness and was now sitting back on the sofa. In one swift movement I dived onto the sofa, burying my face within the cushions.

"Dinners up!" Grandma hollered from the dining room.

Stefan's wight lifted from the couch as he stood, the sound of scuffling feet bringing me relief as I realised they were leaving. I didn't move though, I wanted the hot flush on my cheeks to disappear before I had dinner. Someone might mistake my cheeks for a tomato or worse, Tobais will joke about it. He's an irritating little shit when he wants to be.

I jumped slightly upon feeling a warm, familiar, large hand on my back as the cushions dipped with his height. I didn't have to look to know it was Harry, my body was so accustomed to him that I could tell it was him by using any one of my senses, not just sight. A shudder ran down my spine as he slipped his hand beneath the borrowed sweatshirt and under my shirt, his fingertips finding warm skin.

I rolled over onto my back, forcing his hands away despite wanting to be lovingly caressed by Harry's gently palms. I was in the strangest mood, I keep switching between being angry with him and being happy. This moment I'm angry because he was caused part of my embarrassment and he should've known I wasn't in the best of moods and the it would only piss me off further.

Harry's fingers wriggled under the hem of Stefan's sweatshirt, attempting to bring it up and remove it from my body. I slapped his hands away, pulling the fabric back down the small distance it had been risen. This is what I mean by he's not sorry for being a possessive jerk, he can't stand me wearing Stefan's hoodie so he tries to take it of proving my point that he can't handle other male presence.

"I'm still angry." I snap. "In fact, angrier."

"Look, I said I was sorry." He rolls his eyes and I resist the urge to punch him.

"Sorry doesn't cut it." I reply harshly. "You don't see murderers getting let off because they say a word that has little or no meaning behind it. The word is a cheap escape in which is used to apologise without having to mean it. Just like you don't, Harold."

Harry looked a little taken aback, my words rousing a flash of hurt In his beautiful green eyes. I really hate hurting him, but what I said was true, you can say sorry, but the word is meaningless. Your not truly sorry if you say the word and do the exact same thing again and again and again. The word becomes meaningless when it's repeated too many times and I'd rather he not say it if he's going to be so overly protective again.

I watch as he sadly hangs his head, fingers knotting together on his lap, unsure what to do with them as I won't allow his touch.

"I'm going to have dinner." I announce.


*


Dinner went surprisingly well, no one appeared to notice the tension between Harry and I apart from Stefan who I had openly spoke to about Harry's possessive ways. Various conversations were tossed up between us such as life in Cheshire, my birthday and boxing was a very common subject of interest. I was slightly surprised no one brought up the question of how Harry and I met, although I wonder if Grandma took the bait last night over the phone and figured I was uncomfortable discussing my love life with them or anyone.

After dinner I ended up as a pillow for Tobias who had crashed not long ago after a large serving of chocolate cake. I'd just been sitting here the he came over and lay his head in my lap, falling asleep almost instantaneous. Harry sat on the other side of me, watching my every move so intently that I thought his eyes might melt. I felt a little cruel for deliberately evoking jealousy within him as I twirled Toby's hair around my fingers knowing he desperately wanted my fingers to be tangled within his mop of soft curls.

"You two should probably get home, it's getting pretty late and Tobias isn't much fun anymore." Grandpa chuckled.

I really didn't want to go, I was quite content sitting here playing with Toby's hair. I really didn't want to leave when I knew the moment we got home all hell would break loose. I wanted to put off the imminent fight as long as possible. I didn't want to leave.

"I think I'll stay, Tobias needs a pillow but Harry can go." I joked to almost everyone in the room but Harry.

"Tobias will be fine, he falls asleep anywhere." Grandma smiled as if remembering the time he fell asleep under the barbecue.

I nodded, gently lifting Toby's head from my lap and placing it down on the sofa without waking him. I watched for a moment as he shuffled around a little, rolling over onto his front becoming comfy again before i stood to full height.

I glanced over at Harry who had already risen from his spot on the sofa and now stood with his hand extended towards me. Begrudgingly I took Harry's hand before we followed Stefan and my grandparents to the front door leaving knocked out Tobias on the sofa.

After a few hugs were exchanged and a couple of hand shakes for Harry we thanked my grandparents for dinner. I became more and more reluctant to leave with every squeeze of the hand Harry gave me and every one I didn't return. I didn't want to fight with him and I hated being unresponsive to the small gestures of affection I receive. It hurts me as much as it does him when I force myself to reject his love. I don't want to, but if I accept them it's like there's nothing wrong and it gives him the green light to continue with his suffocating possessiveness.

"You're not allowed to leave Doncaster unless you come and say a proper goodbye." Grandpa orders.

A sinking feeling wells in my stomach as I realise we'll probably be leaving tomorrow. They'll probably ask why and I'll have to come up with some lie as to the reason Harry and I are leaving so soon. I shouldn't have come, I should have known Harry would end up doing this and now I've gotten attached to home and I don't want to leave, especially not tomorrow.

"Promise." I smiled through the pain.

Harry clasped my hand again as we said a final goodbye before he lead me towards his car. The gravel crunched underfoot as we moved across the drive where the car was parked on the opposite side. Harry pressed the unlock button on his keys and I heard the familiar click and saw the two lights back lights flashed in the darkness, illuminating the last few metres of to the car for but a moment signalling it was now open. With light hesitation I snatched my hand away from his, reaching for the door handle and roughly yanking it open. I quickly clamoured into my seat, pulling the seatbelt strap across my chest.

I took a sideways glance at Harry as he hopped into the drivers seat, doing up his own seatbelt before starting up the engine, I quickly looked away as he turned towards , opening his mouth as if to say something but decided against it realising my reluctance towards him at the moment.

The drive home was in complete silence, Harry's eyes focused on the road ahead of him, one hand on the wheel, the other sitting palm up on my lap as if asking me to hold it. He clearly doesn't understand that I am angry at him and when I am angry it doesn't mean he gets to hold my hand unless hits to prevent me from slapping him. Though it pisses me off that he thinks he can do what he likes and get away with it, it saddens me to see him so desperate for me to return his love and affection. I know he is insecure with himself, that's why he does all this irritating overprotective shit, he needs to learn to like himself and know that I love him even though he's not perfect because perfection is boring.

I tug the hood of Stefan's oversized sweatshirt up over my head as I feel tears well in my eyes, threatening to spill down my cheeks. I'm glad I forgot to give it back tonight, because it makes the perfect barrier to shield my tearful face from Harry's view. Pressing my forehead against the window I try and focus all my attention on the dark silhouettes of passing objects, trying to figure out what they are as a distraction from the sadness I feel. I just want Harry to believe in himself so he can trust me in the way I trust him.

A sob racks my body making it clear that the game I was playing with myself wasn't a very good distraction. Holding my breath I pray Harry doesn't realise I'm crying as it will only evoke questions out of him and more pain for me as he will try and comfort me. But he is the reason for my tears because of the pain he puts himself through. The constant hating on himself and despising the way he is. Nothing hurts more then watching the person you love pain them self, hate them self and make them self suffer. Harry doesn't get it though, he doesn't understand that I love him so much that I feel every little pain that he inflicts on himself, every time he puts himself down. He is the reason for my smile and my tears. I don't know what to do anymore, I don't know how to make him trust in me and believe that I love him more than anything in the world. Even my father.

My tears hold so many emotions as they slip freely down my cheeks, hurt, anger, pain, love, sadness. I can't contain my sobs any longer, they fall from my mouth in quick rasps as I brush the salty droplets from my cheeks.

"Nat?" Harry asks worriedly.

All I won't you to do is hold me, tell me that you love me and trust me, I want you to believe in yourself and love yourself and to know I love you more than breathing, more than life itself and you do deserve me. I can't live without out you, but I can't live with knowing you hate yourself. I want to peel away the layers of clothing, strip away everything that separates us and hold you and all your imperfections whilst you hold me and all mine whilst we're wrapped round one another in an unbreakable chain of love.

But you hate yourself.

Through my tears I realise were parked in front of my house and I realise this is only the beginning of a long night. Harry's seatbelt clicks undone from my right and I feel his body shift across the gap between us, hovering over my body. Harry's warmth radiates from his body, heating my cold, tearstained skin.

"Please tell me why you're crying." He pleads.

The fat teardrops fall from my eyes much more rapidly as he wraps his arms around my shaking body. I can't believe how stupid he is, it's obvious that he is the reason. I mean I've only been angry with him, who else would be the reason for my tears.

"Because of you!" I exclaim angrily.

My hands dart out, pushing as hard as I can against his chest, trying to push him away from me. His eyes widen a little, in surprise as I force him back into his seat before swiftly tugging my door open without a second glance.

The cold bit at my skin as I step out into the night, but I was to upset too notice it or the howling wind that whipped round my head. I felt numb. All the emotions flowing through me right now were overwhelming my senses and all I felt like doing was screaming.

Slamming the door behind me I stomped angrily across the gravel, kicking up small stones as i went. My fingers fumble in my pockets in search for the keys in which would open this door, giving us access to the indoors. Cool metal brushed my fingertips, signalling that I've found them. Tears blur my eyes causing me to stumble up the stairs onto the front porch, almost dropping the keys in the process.

Inserting the correct key into the lock I give it a twist, rattling it slightly till the door swings open. Once inside the hallway I kick my shoes off without bothering to undo them properly. I probably damaged my wedges but I honestly don't care.

I hear the door close and the lock click into place before two dull thuds of Harry's shoes hitting the floor. His socked feet pad along the wooden floor growing slightly louder as he moved towards me, but before he can reach me I spin around, sending him a glare.

"Natal-"

"Why don't you trust me!?" I yell, cutting him off.

He looks slightly taken aback by my sudden outburst or either the question itself or maybe both. Harry quickly recovers form his slight surprise, taking a couple more steps towards me. I see hurt flint in his sorrowful green eyes, his eyebrows furrowing into a deep frown causing the cute little crease between them that I always want to kiss away.

I take a step back as he raises his hand to brush a wind blown strand of hair from my face. I push my hair back myself, pinning him with another harsh glare. Harry drops his hand back down to his side where it hangs limply and unsure of what to do with itself just like his left one.

They look so wrong hanging by his sides, there's barely ever a moment when we're not touching one another. He always has his hand on my body, because he likes to have that contact and know that I'm there, where I'll always be even if he doesn't believe it.

"I do trust you, Natalie." He whispers.

Harry attempts to take my hand, thinking that its okay to do so now, but it's not. I snatch my palm away, shaking my head in disagreement. As much as I want to feel the warm touch of his skin against mine again, I know what he says can't be true. If he did then he wouldn't constantly worry about me leaving him for someone else.

"That's bullshit!" I hissed. "If you trusted me you wouldn't be such a possessive asshole when I speak to other guys! You think my hello means goodbye Harry I'm leaving you!"

I watch as Harry's expression changes from sad to angry in just seconds. Fire burns behind his emerald green eyes as we stare each other down. I knew my words would evoked anger within Harry, he didn't like being called names, but I knew my words were true. This was the beginning of World War Three.

"I am not a possessive asshole!" He yelled.

"You know what, Harold. You're right." I snapped taking a step towards him until I was right up in his face. "You're a possessive, insecure asshole who can't handle his loyal girlfriend speaking to a guy who comes under the friend only category because you think I'll leave you."

My words angered Harry further, his eyes darkening as he grew further enraged. His fists clenched and unclenched by his sides as he fought desperately to contain his anger, my words obviously jabbing him in just the right places.

What I said was true, he was possessive, insecure and at times an asshole and I want him to know it. He doesn't understand just how frustrating it is to have him constantly preventing me from communicating and getting too close with males in which happen to be friends or family. I want him to keep me protected from Adam or Luke, but guys I've know all my life aren't threats to me nor our relationship.

Harry has it in his head that he's not good enough to be with me, his insecurity makes him fear I'll leave him for some other guy in which he thinks would be more suitable to my needs. I have only one need and that need is Harry. I'm not going to leave him like every other person he ever cared for did, I refuse to be added to that list because I love him.

"I didn't have sex with you for no reason!" I scream. "I was a virgin and I gave myself to you because I love you! Do you really think I would let you take my innocence just to leave you later on!"

Harry remains silent as I continue to yell at him. I don't think he'd get a word in even if he tried because I would only cut him off and continue screaming.

"I slept with you because I want to be with you and only you!" I cry in desperation. "It really hurts knowing you don't trust me when you're the only one I've ever been with and that I trust you even though you've slept with other girls."

I don't like thinking about all the other girls he's slept with before me, but I trust him not to go fuck that stupid slut Melody again. I've never been in bed with anyone but he's too insecure to even trust me with speaking to a guy without worrying I'll ditch him for the other guy.

"I do trust you!" Harry exclaims. "It's them I don't trust!"

He has got to be joking! They're my friends, it's not like they've had the chance to ask me out for the past eighteen years. If they didn't do it then, why would they do it now and besides they know I Harry's my boyfriend and since they are decent guys they aren't going to try anything. I'm so sick of this possessive, insecurity shit!

"You know what, fuck this, fuck you and fuck this relationship." I scream before quickly turning on my heel and escaping down the hall, leaving Harry standing gobsmacked by the front door.

"I can't do it!" I cried out. "I can't be with you if you don't trust me."

Tears blurred my vision as I tried to find the way to room through clouded vision. Rapid gasps sounded as I struggled to breathe, my chest feeling tight after what I had just done. I stumbled left and right, searching for the staircase as I pressed a hand over my chest, trying to calm my broken heart.

I couldn't quite believe I'd did that, I didn't want to but trust is important in a relationship and he obviously doesn't trust me. My fingers grasped the railing as I ascended the stairs as quickly as possible, wanting to put as much distance between Harry and I as I could before he came chasing after me. I blindly stumbled down the hall after tripping thrice on the stairs but I was too upset to feel the pain of any falling other than in love.

The pain that comes with loving someone so badly is unbearable. Harry hurts me so much, the way he despises himself and all his insecurities are what kill. I love him for who he is, just the way he is and I never want him to change. There is no need for him to feel insecure when I see him for who he is, a beautiful man with a heart of gold and the most and a loving touch. I know his past has been difficult and harsh on him and that he may have committed a few sinful acts, but that doesn't change anything on the way I view him. No one can change the way I feel about him, though I hate hearing him say he would give his life for me, I'm going to say it myself...

I would die for him.

His constant possessiveness is just to much to bare though, I can't be with him if he doesn't trust me. I am not the kind of girl who would cheat or leave him for someone else and it really pains me knowing that he's scared of me doing that. I couldn't do that, I just wouldn't, I love him too much to hurt him in that way. It breaks me to think I just broke up with him, I never wanted to do that. But I'm hoping and praying that when he wakes up tomorrow he'll realise he is suffocating me under his possessive hand and I can't breathe unless he released me from his cage and puts his trust in me. Trust I will never break.

"Natalie!" Harry desperately cried out.

My head snapped back in the direction of his call. Although my vision was blurred I could just make out Harry's figure through the teary haze. The tone of his voice was antagonising, it made me want to run back and throw myself at him so I could stay in his strong arms forever. I restrained myself though knowing I couldn't live like this, I just couldn't live under Harry's shadow forever so I continued to blindly run.

I curse myself for choosing the room at the very end of the hall as Harry's pounding footfalls grow nearer and nearer. My body aches for him and I know if he catches me I won't be able to withdraw myself from him, because I love him too much and I hate the way I'm making him hurt.

My socks skidded on the wooden floor as I reached my room, coming to a sudden holt outside the closed door. My stomach lurched as I thought I would fall for a split second and crash down on the floor giving Harry enough time to catch up and cradle me in his strong yet gentle arms. But by some miracle I managed to catch myself, grabbing the door handle to steady myself. I had some difficulty opening the door as my hands were shaking so much and I could barely see through the haze of tears glazed over my eyes.

The door fell open and this time I did lose my balance and topple forward into the room. I let out a scream as I fell through thin air, my body heading straight towards the creme carpeted floor. My hands hit first, a sharp pain shooting up my arms as the impact jarred them. The rest of my body fell with a dull thud and I felt the wind knocked out of me as my stomach hit the floor.

Heavy sobs escaped me, my body curling up into a ball as I hugged myself for the warmth I could no longer allow Harry to supply me with. I can't let him cage me up and keep me away from my friends all for himself. I have to be given some freedom and I need him to put his trust in me like I've put all mine in him.

The wetness of my cheeks increased as Harry crouched down beside me. Fingertips gently touched over my side, testing his luck. I didn't make any move to respond in a positive or negative way as a mental battle raged inside my head. It was taking everything I had to stop myself from throwing my arms around him, feeling the warmth of his bare skin, touching him, kissing him, feeling him, showing him my unconditional love.

"Are you okay?" Harry gushed. "Tell me where it hurts."

Pain? What is pain?

Pain is not falling off you bike or tripping over you're own to feet. It's not scraping your knee along concrete or breaking a bone. Pain is much more. Pain is falling in love. It is the horrendous feeling you get in your chest as your heart shatters over and over again. It is like having a knife jabbed repetitively into you're chest by that one person who is the reason for your smile but also the reason for your tears. It is having your heart torn out and trampled under the by that very person who is the reason for its powerful beat.

Love is pain and heartbreak is torture.

I am numb to everything but the unbearable ache in my heart.

With all the will power I had left I rolled to the side, evading his warm touch. The tears slipping down my cheeks were quickly brushed away by the pad of my thumb. Harry didn't speak but I knew he was watching me, waiting for me to either run or throw myself into his longing arms. If I ran he would only chase me until I was too tired to run anymore. He'd scoop me up in his arms and lay me down in bed where he'd curl around me so tightly that even in his sleep I could not escape whether I wanted to or not. Harry is afraid. Afraid I will leave him like everyone else he ever loved. I would never leave him. It is him who is leaving himself. I am a human, he had no right to cage me up and keep me all to himself. I need some freedom though I am his and he is mine. His possessive ways make it clear that his insecurities make him afraid I'll leave him for another man. But in reality, his lack of trust in me is only pushing us apart.I don't know how I can keep him anymore because he is becoming succumbed by his ominous dark past and I don't know how to save him. This is my last possible resort and by far it is the most awful because it is breaking both of our fragile hearts.

"My heart that's what hurts." I snarl. "Because you don't trust me."

I peered up at him through dark, wet lashes, fists clenched tightly at my sides. Harry gazed at me his eyes dancing with such desperation it almost killed me. It was becoming difficult for me to breathe, watching him break before me. His lip quivered as he absorbed my words, processing them and coming to the conclusion that he was the one hurting me, he was my pain. Tears welled in his eyes as his, threatening to spill over and trickle down his cheeks much in the same way as mine

"Baby, please don't."


"Baby!" I spat. "I'm not your baby, not anymore, not if your going to be a possessive prick."

Harry's face contorted in pain, a sharp breath sucked through his lips as I stumbled to my feet. I had to bite my lower lip to prevent the waterworks from starting up all over again as I watched a single tear slip down Harry's soft cheek.

He looked so vulnerable as he stood before me. The few times I had seen him break down before were over his past heart breaks and abandonments, but this time it was me. I was inflicting a great hurt on him and I knew this because I was hurting myself. After loss and suffering both of us had been mentally scarred but we had found haven in one another. He mended me, but he was a harder case and I haven't done enough. If only I had, then we wouldn't be having this fight, we'd probably be cuddled up under a blanket on the sofa watching a movie with goofy grins on our faces. But no, we are here because I couldn't save him properly. I had taped most of his heart back together, but a few pieces remained lost and it's no easy to put a puzzle back together when you don't have all the pieces.

Harry took a small step forward, his whole body shaking as another salty drop slipped down his beautiful cheeks. I watched as he lifted his arm, extending it towards my hand in an attempt to take hold of it. Trembling fingers fell away empty as I stepped back, evading his touch.

"Natalie." His voice came out as barely a whisper. "Please, don't leave me. Please don't do this."

I couldn't bare the sight of him so closely in comparison to a wounded puppy. Emerald green eyes gazed at me through a glassy haze, begging me not to do this. Lips trembling as he desperately tried to hold himself together just a little longer. It was excruciating to watch him like this so I had to look away.

But a moment after I had averted my gaze the unceremonious thud of Harry's knees giving way, impacting with the ground got my attention again. He knelt before me, the position he now held making me feel even worse than I already was. His tears dotted the carpet as he leant forward, grovelling at my feet, begging me to take him back.

I had never seen him quite so desperate before. It was one of the most painful experiences I have ever witnessed. Harry lowering himself to the ground where he put himself as the lowest class. A ghastly sob escaped my mouth as I gazed down at the strong, beautiful man I had fallen so deeply in love with become so desperate.

I wanted to take him back at that moment, but I knew that would be letting him win and giving him to all go to keep me shackled to his wrist so I couldn't associate with anyone but him. I couldn't do that though, I had to win this time, I had too or I would end up with a chain array he'd to my ankle, barely allowing me to reach the front door. I had to be brave, if I wanted to get the best out if this I had to be brave and choke all of the pain down.

"No, Harry, I don't want to be with you if you're going to continue keeping me caged up like a fucking parakeet." I snap.

The intense hurt I can see flashing in his green eyes increases as he takes in my every word. It's like a stab in the heart for every word he hears fall from my lips and it's like someone's tied a rope round each of the four chambers of my heart and each of the ropes are being pulled in a different direction, slowly tearing it apart as I watch him absorb them.

"I-I'm only trying to p-protect you." He softly sobs.

"Protect me?!" I yell. "From my friends? From my family? That's not protection, that's possession!"

I watch as Harry expression changes from one of complete and utter torture to one of anger, yet behind his eyes I still see the pain. With his hands contorting into fists he pushes himself up from his lowly position, stretching back up to his full height. I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to prepare myself for what angry outburst he was about to release.






"So you're leaving me?! Like everyone else did, everyone I ever loved?!" He yells. "No one loves me and no one ever will because I am too fucked up and too bad a person for anyone to ever care for! I was a mistake! Unwanted from the moment I was conceived and there on after to the day of my birth and still I am alone and hated and unwanted. I never asked for my fucking life! I'd rather be dead than have to suffer through any more of this living hell, but I just can't bring myself to taking it!"

I took a surprised step back, his hurtful words biting at my heart and killing me from within. I believe I now have a small idea of why Harry never speaks of his father, but that thought was pushed to the back of my mine as I focused on his cruel words. They were clearly targeting my weak spot, the spot that made me want to confess my undying love for him over and over again and tell him how much I want him and always will want him as I gently kiss him at random intervals and show my deepest affection for my one and only lover.

"I do love you! I do want you!" I scream enraged. "Now get the fuck out of my room you cruel, selfish, insensitive bastard!"

I angrily stomped across the room towards the spot where his duffel bag had been set down. Lifting it from the ground I clasped it in two hands, moving back to the spot where Harry still stood. He hadn't made any attempt to move, in fact he had crossed his arms over his chest in an act of refusal.

My eyes narrowed into a harsh glare, fingers curling in the material of his bag as I tightly clenched it. Once I decided I was close enough I stopped, drawing the object towards my chest. Using all my might I hurled the bag straight at him. His eyes widened a little as the bag came hurtling towards him at rapid speed and full power. Quickly he uncrossed his arms just before the bag impacted against his chest sending him back a step.

"Stop being such a b-"

"Fuck off or I swear I will strangle you!" I cut him off before he could use anymore hurtful words.

Harry didn't respond, but he did promptly turn on his heel, marching boldly across the room. Once he reached the doorframe he stopped, turning back to face me. Our eyes locked for a moment, his features softer now, hurt and pained again.

"You said you'd never leave me." Harry quietly whispered as a tear trickled down his cheek glinting in the light. "I should have known better though because that's just how my life works. They come and they go."

I watched as he turned again, disappearing through the door. My mouth hung open for a few seconds after hearing those words. Yet again he's going for my weak spots, mentally torturing me with all he's got and I wasn't going to let him get away with that bullshit.

Sprinting across the room I returned to the hall, grasping the frame as I stared after the boy heading towards the guest room.

"I love you, you stupid asshole, but if you don't stop being so possessive then it will be you leaving yourself, not me leaving you." I yell after him. "Think about that!"

My words were the truth. I would take him back in a heartbeat if he promised to work on being less possessive, I have the right to my own freedom and he can't control me. But if he doesn't try than quite simply he doesn't want me enough to continue this relationship. I am almost a hundred percent sure he will try though because I am the only person who he has left to care for him, though he won't admit it he knows I am all the love he has left.

And Love conquers all.

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