Turn This Around

He was beautiful, like an angel, handsome like a god, but what he possessed within was frightfully dark, dangerous and deceiving. You look into his eyes and you're staring into hell itself and you realise he is the demon in which haunts you in you're sleep.

When Natalie Carter, the new girl in town catches the eye of the biggest asshole in school she soon discovers she's going to need more than a feisty attitude and snarky come backs to get rid of the male who stalks her. Challenged with school, making friends and trying to find her place in the world, she really doesn't need Harry Styles on her plate. Harry Styles was not good, in fact he was far from it. He was a demonic creature who had crawled from the fiery pits of hell in Natalie Carters eyes.

There is no escape once your being hunted.


61. Chapter Fifty-Three

~Chapter 53

Harry rubbed at his tearful eyes in a desperate attempt to stop the salty liquid from falling down his smooth cheeks. He looked so young and small and fragile and I had to withdraw my touch because I was afraid he might break. I had never felt such a way with Harry before, I'd never feared breaking him. He'd always been so strong and unbreakable, like he didn't have a fear in the world. The high walls he's built around himself a crumbling and crashing down and I'm starting to see the fragile, sensitive side of Harry he pretends doesn't exist and wants to keep locked up and undiscovered.

I'd barely moved back two inches when his hand darted out at lightning speed, grabbing me around the waist and pulling me back towards him. I felt his fingers against my back, fisting desperately at the thin material of the shirt I wad currently wearing. I wanted nothing more than to hold and comfort him in the way I he needed, the way he had been neglected of love all his life was heartbreaking, but I was here and I was going to fix it. My arms moved instantly to wrap around him, pulling him close and allowing him to bury his face into the crook of my neck.

Small whimpers escaped his lips as I pressed kisses to the side of his head, feeling his soft curls against my skin as they brushed against my cheek. It was beautifully painful to see him in such a way. Harry was completely open and vulnerable to me but it pained me to see his tears. My chest hurt ad I desperately tried to keep my own flood of emotion from bursting out, I needed to be strong, to show him I loved him more than anything. I needed to prove my unconditional love for this broken, confused, abandoned boy who had had nothing but pain inflicted on him his whole life and the weight of the loveless world he lived in weighing sob on his shoulders. I wanted him to trust me the way I trust him. This unnecessary conflict between him and every male I'm acquaint with is completely uncalled for as I wouldn't leave him for anyone else. No one could compare to Harry, no one could be as strong and brave as he is, nobody gets me like he does because we've been through similar events his somewhat worse than mine but similar all the same. We understand each other and mend each other and I am without a doubt that he is my soulmate. My beautiful, angel-like love.

"I love you, Harry." I whisper as my palm gently rubs over his quivering back. "I want you to be able to trust me and relax a bit when other guys are around. I'm not going anywhere, not without you."

Broken sobs racked his body as he choked on his own breath, tears flowing freely down his cheeks where they splattered down onto my shoulder. I didn't mind though, I wanted him to cry out all his pain and misery whilst I held him protectively. No one had ever done this for him, shown him how much they loved him. I wanted Harry to realise that I was here for him and I wanted him not because he forced his way into my life but because I'm glad he did and now I'm never going to let him leave.

"I-I'm sorry." He mumbled. "I-I'll try, I'll try to loosen up."

It was I that moment that my shackles fell from my wrists, rattling loudly as they fell to the floor. The weight on my chest had been lifted, I no longer felt as though I was being pulled underwater, suffocating as I tried to breathe. I knew he meant what he said, Harry had said it with sincerity and emotion. I think it's finally starting to get through to him just how much he means to me.

I squeezed him that little bit tighter, my heart leaping for joy due to his promise to try and give me some space, to trust me. I couldn't parent the wide grin that spread across my face as repetitive kisses were left to Harry's damp cheek. Things were starting to work out between us and it made me happy to finally have the relief of our argument being over.

"You know I would never leave you?" I kissed him lightly on the mouth. "You would have to force me to leave, like seriously mean it."

Harry didn't speak, just simply brought his lips to mine, leaving me at a loss for words as electricity sparked through me. I was glad to feel his warmth against my lips, his mouth gently caressing mine in a loving kiss. My eyes fluttered closed at the sensation of his tears lightly falling upon my cheeks as our mouthes united as one. My fingers wound through Harry's hair, lightly tugging at his roots as I lay back against the pillows. Harry followed, our lips remaining connected as he hovered above me, resting his weight on his elbows.

The mere contact of his lips and the heat radiating from his burning skin wasn't enough though. I didn't think twice about wrapping my legs round his waist, digging my heels into his lower back until his body rested atop of mine, enclosing me in his protective arms.

I love how he is so protective and defensive over me, it brings me a sense of safety and security but I am glad that we have come to an agreement where he doesn't try to murder my friends or family or anyone for simply laying a hand on my shoulder. Over time I've come to realise that Harry's protective nature not only infuriates me at times but also puts him in stupid situations which he could be hurt in. I would rather die than watch him be hurt because of me and because he doesn't know when to back down.

I know it's going to take time for him to relax whenever I'm in the presence of another male, it's not going to happen overnight. I can only hope that he'll behave himself, possibly even smile a little though he rarely smiles as it is. I don't know if it's wise introducing him Jai and Mitchell because Mitch is pissed off at me because he doesn't like Harry when they haven't even met. God knows what Mitchell will do to provoke Harry, he's my best friend but honestly he can be just as much of an asshole as Harry can be when he wants, he's hot headed, judgemental, has a short temper and will go out of his way to piss you off just to provoke a reaction. It'd be like two ticking time bombs just waiting to explode, it was bad enough with just one!

My touch lingered on Harry's face a moment to brush away a couple of tears. My train of thought was broken as he abruptly sat up, breaking away from the embrace we had once been united it. My eyebrows furrowed slightly as I peered up at him, desperately wiping tears from his face. I was left confused by Harry's sudden movements, unsure of why he had moved back so suddenly.

I sat up, curiosity written across my expression as I gently reached out for him. My fingers curled round his bicep in an attempt to bring him back down an join me beneath the sheets. The muscle beneath my fingertips immediately tensed, his arm yanked from my grasp as he pulled away.

"I'm fucking pathetic." Harry snapped angrily as tears continued to fall from his pretty green eyes, streaming down his cheeks, leaving a sparking trail in their wake.

I blinked at him, confused. Harry in no way was pathetic. I thought the way he cried in front of me was brave, very few males allow themselves to break down especially in front of a women. Seeing him cry pains me, yet I know it is good for him to let out his tears because they've been held back almost all his life. The Harry before I met him had been emotionless and unbreakable, he didn't give a fuck about anyone or anything, not even himself. He simply didn't care

"You're not pathetic." I shook my head. "You're a real man."

Harry laughed bitterly at my comment. I was almost tempted to run back to the bathroom, grab the letter and rub it in his face until he understood that I hated the way he put himself down because I loved him the way he was. I was getting pretty close to the point where I'd rip my hair out because I couldn't stand Harry putting himself down due to the fact he was insecure.

"Yes I am, I'm brawling like some bitch off one of those shitty soap operas." Harry fumed. "I'm a pathetic bitch stuck in a guys body."

That was the moment I lost it.

In two seconds flat I had sprinted back to my room, yanked the letter from the pocket of Harry's jeans that lay strewn upon the tired bathroom front and run back again. Adrenalin mixed with anger and ferociousness coursed through my veins as rapid breaths were taken between my lips. At that point I was just about ready to crack his thick skull open and shout to my hearts content till the damn message finally got through.

I don't understand why he can't accept the fact that I love him and I want him and I need him. That I think he is imperfectly perfect and has nothing to be insecure about. That if I wanted to leave him I would have done it ages ago, before I let myself fall in love with him. That I let him make love to me for a reason, that I loved being so intimate with him because it made me feel closer to him and made me love him more. I pour my heart out to him over and over again yet he never seems to believe me or absorb the information. It goes in one ear and out the other. It makes me feel as though he doesn't want to be loved, that he wants to live alone his whole life, broken with no one to fix him.

"Are you fucking stupid or something." I yelled at Harry as he stared at me gobsmacked from where he was seated upon the bed. "I tell you over and over again how much I love you and how much you mean to me but it never gets through."

My anger bubbled as more tears slithered down his soft cheeks. Harry didn't like me yelling at him, I didn't like it either but what hurts me most is that he still doesn't seem to believe that I love him despite his faults. I took a couple of strides forward, shoving the letter I had written in such desperation in his face.

"What don't you understand in this fucking letter! I love you but you don't seem to get that! You still put yourself down ant the hurts me so much!" I scream.

Harry remained silent, his eyes cast down, avoiding my gaze as tears began to fall from my own eyes. He was like a rock, a non-absorbent object that doesn't hear. I felt as though there was a invisible wall that stood between us and no matter how hard I banged against it or how loud I yelled he couldn't hear me. It was as though I didn't exist.

Tears streamed down my cheeks as my heart shattered again for what felt like the billionth time tonight. I hated Harry. I hated the fact I'd met him, I hated how he put himself down. I hated how he hated himself. I hated him for being so imperfectly perfect that it wasn't fair. I hated the fact I love him. I hated the way I don't hate him.

Harry drives me to the point of insanity and I can't stand hearing him hurt himself. I want him to smile and see the good in him the way I do. Harry is wounded and I try to help him, but maybe he is too broken for me to fix. I don't think I can save him anymore. It's too late.

"You're such an asshole!" I yelled. "You're unbelievable!"

Harry looked up at me wit glassy eyes, the look on his face resembling a wounded animal. It was to difficult for me to hold the a small, innocent gaze he was meeting my fiery one with and I had to look away.

My chest ached as I turned on my heel, my head was pounding and I could barely breathe. Small steps were taken as I paced back and forth running my fingers frantically through my tangled waves. My mind was racing for an idea, anything I could do to make him believe me, to trust me and to realise just how much I love him, something to cover all three. Nothing came to me though, I couldn't think due to the severe pain Harry was impacting on my heart, I could barely do anything.

"I don't even know what to do anymore!" I screamed at no one in particular.

Rage had completely taken over my body by now and I found myself striding towards the wall. I had never been so angry in my life, I was done, I had nothing left but my mind. Anger was what powered my body now and I was merely lost in the rage coursing as blood pounded in my ears. My hand rose from my side, fingers curling into a fist as I was completely consumed. I couldn't stop myself from bringing my knuckles down against the wall, my movement was uncontrollable.

A sickening crunch sounded as my fist broke through the plaster and my wrist vanished into the hole I had created in the wall. Pain shot through my hand, liquid spilling from knuckles as I created a hole to match Harry's only a few metres away. It felt good to release some of that anger, but it was still there and it still hurt.

As I brought my fist back from the gaping hole in the wall an awful thought seared through my brain like a sharp knife. I felt my knees quiver beneath me before giving way as the shattered pieces of my heart shattered again into pieces so small that not even a microscope would be able to see.

"You don't love me." I stated as my head fell to the floor.

I blinked down at my hands, one covered in sticky red blood, the other still clutching onto the letter. Tears splattered down onto the page, my own blood being added to the crimson already staining it. I didn't hear Harry's protests, I chose not to just as he chooses not to hear me. I blinked down at the words I had written to him. I stared at them in disgust because he didn't believe he didn't want to because he was incapable of loving someone.

"It's not the question of whether or not I want you." I spoke.

Before Harry had the chance to take the letter from me I had taken a corner of the letter in each hand. The moment he saw what I was about to do he darted forward but he wasn't quick enough. In one swift movement I tore the lilac paper down the middle allowing the two pieces to flutter to the floor.

"Or are you just in love with the idea of being loved?"

 I remember thinking how ironic it was that the two pieces of paper were like Harry and I. Two broken pieces that made a perfect whole, like us, lost and floating around looking for their other half.

I watched for a moment as Harry fell to his knees before me. His lips moved desperately but I couldn't hear what he was saying because rage now controlled me, rage and a broken heart. Harry tried to wrap his arms around me and pull me into the safety of his chest but I pushed him away in refusal.

Hurriedly I got to my feet, stumbling clumsily towards the exit as if I were drunk. Tears fell as I walked away, unable to control my own body, unable to feel or hear I turkey felt dead this time. With as much strength I could muster I turned my head back to steal one final glance at the man I had so foolishly fallen in love with.

He stared after me through eyes hazed with glimmering tears, fingers clutching at the torn paper as he knelt on the floor. His lips moved and this time I caught the words but only in the slightest whisper.

"I love you."




I stared after the beautiful girl who had completely lost it because of me. I had never seen Natalie in suck an enraged sort of way and it was me who had driven her there. I broke her. She was pure and kind and patient with me and I destroyed her. I destroyed the best thing that ever happened to me.

Everything she says us true, I am an insecure asshole and now she's gone. I know how she feels now, trying to tell someone something but they don't listen or hear. She doesn't think I love her but I do, I'm not in love with the idea of being in love. I love her so much but I just recked everything. I fucked up big time and now I've probably lost Natalie forever and that kills me.

Watching her walk away with absolutely no emotion made me realise that she was gone and I have no chance of bringing her back, not unless I try. Fuck! Why do I have to be such a prick! Why didn't I just listen and agree to work with Nat instead of against her!

I'm an awful boyfriend, I treat Natalie so poorly. We haven't even been on a proper date because I fuck up or do something stupid. I'm not romantic or polite, I'm a rude guy who wears black, rides a motorcycle and hates people who smile at my girlfriend because I'm jealous and insecure. I mess up so often and don't understand what Nat even see's in me yet she stays around on her own accords and that screws with my head a shit load. I should have accepted it a long time ago and stopped pretending that I was going to wake up and she'd be gone because she never loved me.

Why was I so blind? I should have seen it the first time she told me she loved me, even before she asked me to make love to her. Fuck, I'm such an idiot, she was so right when she said she didn't sleep with me for no reason. Natalie still had her innocence before she asked me to take it. I've hurt her over and over again but she stayed and that should have meant something.

She didn't tell me that Luke abused her because he threatened to hurt me, I should have known it then, before she even said those three little words. Natalie loves me more than she should and I just take that for granted. That's all I do, take and break!

I don't even know how to fix this, I swear she's done with me now. I know she'd sick of all my bullshit, I must be such a deadweight for her. As much as it pains me to say it, maybe I just shouldn't do anything.

I should let her go back to her life and stop distracting her from her school work. I should get out of Natalie's way and let her study for end of year exams in which I haven't got a chance in passing but she'll achieve with no problem.

I don't even know where she thinks this relationship would ever go. I can't buy her a diamond encrusted ring or support a family off training a few boxers every week. Hell! If we ever even had kids I'd probably end up sitting on the baby and killing it before it was a week old. All I can do is give her my pathetic love.

She deserves someone who gives her flowers and takes her on nice dates. Who wears a suit and tie to work. She deserves someone who will look after her properly and could give her the most expensive ring on the planet. Someone who will give her a million beautiful babies with wide smiles instead of rebellious smaller versions of me with dark curls and devil like smiles. Someone who will be able to support her and their family. Someone kind and smart and romantic. The complete opposite of me, someone who treats her right.

My fingers touched over the torn purple paper which was now covered in a mix of blood and tears from both of us. The words scrawled across the page had been destroyed by their very creator. My chest hurt thinking about the way Natalie must have sat their crying as she poured every bit of her heart and soul into the letter she had written to an awful monster who wrecked everything and didn't deserve an ounce of her love.

I don't deserve anyone's love. Everyone I ever cared for left me because I'm such a terrible person who causes nothing but damage, havoc and stress. No wonder why they left. I deserve to be alone because I'm selfish and violent and cruel. Why someone as pure and kind and beautiful as Natalie would ever want such a despicable person as myself, I honestly don't know. I bring nothing but trouble.

But for once I wad glad I was a thorough bred monster because if I was an angel I wouldn't be scrabbling for my phone in desperate need for help. The devil inside me gave me the drive I needed to push on, try and never give up because Natalie never gave up on me.

Clothes were tossed left, right and centre as I searched amongst the mess of clothes strewn across the floor in search for the stupid device. I had been so angry before that I'd emptied the contents of my bag and thrown, punched and kicked every inanimate object within reach. Eventually I had gotten so pissed off that I punched a whole in the wall which I feel awful about. If Nat takes my sorry arse back I swear I'll fix both those holes and try and be better though that is a bit unlikely as I'm a dick.

"Fuck!" I swore, kicking a pile of clothes towards the wall.

The sound of a heavier object hitting the wall echoed around the room, notifying me that I'd found the stupid object I'd been searching for. Crouching down I pushed aside a shirt and a pair of jeans before my iPhone came into view. I actually have no idea how it still works or why it's screen is completely shattered after everything I put it through. I swear it's unbreakable.

Collecting the phone from the floor I flicked the screen on, my breath hitching in the back of my throat as my lock screen picture popped up, lighting the screen. I swallowed down the lump in my throat as I remembered the picture being taken, pain stabbing at my chest with blunt knives.


"Harry." Natalie whined, tugging at the sheet in which I'd pulled up over my head.

She'd taken my phone and for the last five minutes had been quite content on filling my empty camera roll with a million selfies. I had watched for a as she pulled numerous faces at the camera I'd never used in my life, laughing at how awful she looked in each of them though I thought she looked beautiful in every single one of them.

I hadn't minded until after about five minutes when the camera was turned on me. Naturally she had become bored with photographing herself and wanted to take pictures of me. I wasn't a big fan of cameras or photos. I didn't like having my picture taken or having it as a memory because it always hurt, either you wished you could go back to that day or it hurt like a bitch remembering.

So to evade the limelight I had hidden beneath the sheets, hiding from the camera. Multiple attempts had been made to tug the sheet back but I had secured it carefully, hiding in as though it were a cocoon.

"Come on, Harry, just one." she begged. "You can delete it if you don't want it, delete all of them their hideous."

"Nooo." I wailed.

Natalie let out a laugh, amused by my reluctance towards the camera. I felt Natalie's hand on my hip, giving it a light squeeze.

"Fine, but let me back in bed." She bargained. "I want to cuddle."

I liked the idea of cuddling, it made me feel loved and wanted. The way Natalie said it made me like the action even more, she said 'cuddle' not 'hug'. I liked that word. Lifting one side of the sheet up I gave her access back into bed with me. A wide smile lit up her face as she crawled under, joining me beneath the sheets.

The warmth of her skin brushed against mine, raising goosebumps as she moved to lie beside me. My arm was moved under her head in a makeshift pillow, her pretty tickling at my bicep. I smile lazily as my other hand was taken in her own before it came to rest upon her stomach. I shuffled forward a little, fitting my boy behind hers as if we were two spoons.

A sigh of content fell from my lips as I sat up a little, nudging my T-shirt she was wearing down a her shoulder a little to reveal her smooth skin. I hummed in satisfaction as my eyes fell closed, lips touching sweet skin affectionately.

It was only when the sound of the shutter went off that I realised my phone was still in her hand. A laugh of success escaped her as she showed me the picture. Natalie was a sneaky little devil and I was stupid for being fooled.

"You said you wouldn't." I groaned, peering over her shoulder at the screen as she brought the image up

I was surprised when I actually found myself taking a liking to the picture. Our eyes were both closed as my lips touched over her bare shoulder, the sheets surrounding us in a world of white. Natalie looked like a goddess, her hair flaying out around he as she lay in my arms. I looked like I had a jungle on my head.

"You look beautiful." I mumbled.

"You look like one of those hot Greek Gods." She grinned up at me.


Natalie had known I liked the picture and set it as my background picture and lock screen. The image had evoked a few questions from some of my clients at work, one cheeky fuck even had the nerve to ask if we had sex after the photo was taken. I said yes, because he wouldn't fuck off but in reality we ended up with sheets tied round our necks playing superheroes for no known reason. Then we had a conversation about The Joker which lead on to an interesting conversation about Heath Ledger being the hot according to Natalie.

The picture brought back not only painful memories but I also wished we could go back to that day and start over before I messed this up. Rapidly I unlocked my phone, opening contacts as a wave of relief washed over me now the picture was gone.

Focussing back on the task at hand I began to scroll through the list of names searching for one in particular. It took me a minute to find her name and a second to call her phone. I knew I was probably going to be given a good kick in the arse for what I've done but honestly I don't care because I need help and I fucking well deserve it.

My bare feet paced back and forth along the carpet as the phone rang. Each ring seemed painfully slow and deliberately torturous, fingers were tangled in my damp hair, desperately yanking at the roots as I silently prayed she'd answer. Though the odds are unlikely as it's getting on to three in the morning I hope by some miracle the ringing of her phone is heard. My heart leapt a little as the fifth ring was cry short, the ringing ceasing as the phone was answered.

"Why the fuck are you calling me in the middle of the night, Harry!?" Tori groaned, the lull of sleep evident in her voice.

If I had of called Tori a year ago at 3am I wouldn't have felt bad about waking her, but now I do. Natalie's changed me so much, she shows me love and makes me feel again and that's why I can't lose her. She's the only human who has ever loved me and she does it so passionately. I love her more than anything. It's difficult to describe the way I feel for her, she's so beautiful, kind and gentle with me.

Natalie isn't like other girls who cake their faces in make up and wear next to nothing. She's naturally beautiful and her smile makes my heart go crazy. She likes sport and running around which most tend to avoid because they're worried about their hair, nails and make up getting ruined, she prefers jeans to dresses and she used to be into motorbikes. She doesn't even know how gorgeous she is though, inside and out and how sexually attracted I am to her. Natalie is on my mind every second of every minute of every hour of every day, guys literally drool over her and I hate that so much. I constantly want to be with her, touching her and kissing her and cuddling her because I'm so fucking in love with her that I don't think I can survive without her. Natalie keeps me moving, she's the reason I wake up everyday. I can't go back to my old ways were everything was turned off and tuned out. I didn't want to feel because all I felt was pain, pain because no one had ever loved me up until the girl that practically glowed appeared in my life.

"Harry!" Tori snapped. "You better not be messing around with me!"

I was snapped out of thought and back into the torturous reality where Natalie had lost it and gone from loving to hating me. She had every right to. I don't really know what compelled me to call Tori. Maybe it was the fact that she was the only decent girl I was friends with and despite the way we pretended not to give a damn about each other, we actually cared.

I remember the day we first met, it was at some pub, I don't remember which but I do know I was drunk off my arse. It's a bit of a blur as I was completely wasted but I do recall going out back to hurl my guts out. The world was spinning but in the dim light and my rotating world I caught a glimpse of red hair and heard the sound of desperate cries for help. I'd stumbled blindly towards her where I soon discovered a filthy old man was touching her in ways she clearly didn't want to be touched and in places you shouldn't touch unless you're romantically involved with someone or you're sleeping with a slut.

It had taken me but a moment to slam my fist in the side of his head and save the red headed girl from the dirty man. I think I passed out after that but that was the beginning.

"N-no, no, sorry, it's j-just..." I had realised how shaky my voice sounded and I was almost certain Tori would know something was up.

"What the fuck did you do to her, Harry!?"

And there it is.

"I was a dick and I made her think I don't actually love her." It was embarrassing having to tell Tori about my issues, it'll probably come back and bite me in the bum but I don't give a shit. Right now Tori is the only one who can give me advice about the unique specimens we call women.

"And how did you manage to do that?!"

"I pretty much said that her loving me was bullshit because I'm such a fucking screwup."

Red cheeked and incredibly flustered I carried on because I loved Natalie and I was willing to go through everything and anything just to be able to hold her in my arms again. I love her too much to lose, I'm not going to let her go.

"I'm not even going to ask. But god! You're such an idiot!" Tori exclaimed. "Do you even know how much shit you've put her through!? Natalie loves you so much, she'd do anything for you! I reckon you could pop the question and she'd say a yes straight up."

The thought of marriage had my stomach churning in an uncomfortable way. I don't think Natalie would say yes even if I gave her the prettiest diamond ring and we were ten years on. Would Natalie really want to be bound to me, an unpredictable man with a temper, anger issues and a shitload of other problems. Besides, I don't even think I'd ever have the balls to ask her for fear of rejection.

Do you think I don't know I fucked up!?" I exclaimed. "I don't need you telling me how much of an asshole I am! I need you to help me!"

"Chill out, Harry. That's what you need to do first. Calm down." She spoke gently. "You can't confront her if you're all angry and worked up, just breathe."

I knew she was right, if I went to find Natalie like this we'd just have another go at each other and since both if us are so stubborn we wouldn't back down, not until one of us hit a nerve.

My eyes fluttered closed as I took in a deep breath, exhaling slowly in an attempt to calm myself. Tori was quiet for a few minutes as I tried to calm my erratic breath and racing heart and if it wasn't for her bored humming that I occasionally caught a snippet of I would have thought she'd dozed off. More time passed and eventually my pacing had stopped and the frantic tugging of my hair vanquished as I sat quietly at the edge of the bed, my breathing steady.

"Tori?" I asked.

"I'm still here." She sighed.

I could tell she really just wanted to go back to bed and fall asleep but I was grateful she hadn't dropped off again and was here to help me. That's when I suddenly realised that I did have friends who cared about me, the real me. I had denied it for such a long time that it never really hit me that people like Tori, Ben, Nathan and Niall did care. I never had to be alone because I had friends there for me but I pushed then away and pushed them out because I deserved it. It had made me deny myself of ever letting anyone in, hell I locked myself away and let my anger for the world control my body.

The thought of slipping back into that state made me shudder. I never want to go back there.

"Good, you gonna help me or what?"

"Okay, okay, give a girl a chance to breathe."

Breathe. That's what Natalie wants me to do, let her breathe. Tori's words hadn't been any form of advice, just a common phrase used by plenty of people yet it still had significance to my current situation.

If Natalie takes me back I'm going to try really hard to stop being so overprotective. She's right as much as I hate to admit it, I'm constantly planning ways to kill guys if they smile or barely take a glance at her. I've been suffocating her with my controlling ways and I really do need to stop.

"You need to give Natalie space or you're going to end up punched or pushed away even further. Don't try to comfort her or hug her she doesn't want to be comforted, I'm guessing she wants to choke you."

She actually did threaten to strangle me tonight. It's weird how girls always seem to know what the others are thinking. It's actually quite creepy and it makes me wonder if females are telepathic or something like that.

I'm never going to figure girls out, their to complicated and complex. They're over emotional and you never know when they're going to snap but fuck, Natalie is so loveable. I want her back so badly. You never know what you really have until you lose it. Losing the best thing that has ever happened to you really sucked.

"Tell her how you feel, how much you love her and that you're sorry for being your usual asshole self. I don't know what you've done exactly but i do know you need to be a good listener when it comes to her talking to you about her feelings and how bad you hurt her before you go resolve the conflict between the pair of you, a meet each other halfway kind of thing," Tori explained. "Don't make any advancement on her, I know you can barely last two seconds without touching Natalie but this time you gotta let her make the moves on her own accords, don't overwhelm her."

I could tell Tori was trying to inflict a little more guilt on me for hurting Nat. The two of them get on really well and I think they're pretty good friends. It doesn't really surprise me that she's been doing that though I almost expected more.

What Tori was saying made little sense to me. I don't know if it's just because she's tired or I'm tired or maybe it's because I'm just a plain, stupid dick, there's even the possibility of all three. I managed to pick up a few important words such as Natalie, listen well, explain, love, space, discuss, resolve, agreement. It's very basic, but I hope the few words I have bouncing around in my empty head will be somewhat useful to me.

"And then the moment she brushes fingers over your thigh you fucking kiss her smack on the damn lips!"

Tori's sudden outburst came as a night of a shock, my fingers fumbling with my phone for a moment as I attempted to prevent it from falling to the floor. I was extremely confused now, first I'm meant to keep my hands to myself and now I'm meant to kiss her. What? Pressing my phone firmly back against my ear I frowned in a obvious state of complete and utter confusion.

"How do you even know this shit?" I questioned intrigued by Tori's interesting method.

"Well if you didn't notice I happen to be a girl and also happen to have gone through shit like Natalie." I can almost imagine her rolling her eyes, she does that to me quite often but not quite as much as Natalie has bed lately. "And also because that's how I wanted things to go when Ben and I had a huge fight."

She has a valid point, who other than another girl would know how they wanted their boyfriend to treat them in a situation such as the one Natalie and I had come face to face with. But Natalie is different and I don't know if she would want things Tori's way. Why does everything have to be made so difficult. It's not fair.

"Right, well thanks I guess." I shrugged a little despite having the knowledge that she couldn't see me.

"Harry?" She asked.


"I've never seen two people love each other as much as you and Natalie, you guys have something really special." She spoke gently. "She's the best thing that's ever happened to you, you've changed, you're not cold and unforgiving anymore, you're almost the real you so please don't give up, don't let her get away."


"Good, now go get your girlfriend back so you can give her some loving."

"Thanks Tori."

"No problem, asshole, but seriously get moving!" She exclaimed before hanging up.




Tears flowed down my cheeks at an insanely rapid pace as I cuddled myself up beneath a blanket. I was curled up on the couch downstairs because I couldn't stand the idea of being anywhere remotely close to the man who didn't really give a fuck about anything, anyone or even himself. I had taken evasive actin the moment I exited Harry's room, snatching fluffy green blanket from the end of my bed and scurrying down to the bottom floor.

The TV was buzzing quietly as an episode of Doctor Who played across the screen. I could barely make out the figures on the plasma screen through the fuzz of my tears, Matt Smiths godly looks were nothing but a blur in my tearful eyes. I wish I could just go home to where mum would comfort me and help me, she would know what to do. I'm stuck here though, with a prick who hasn't even bothered coming after me which only confirms my suspicions. Harry doesn't really love me.

I was naive to think a guy like him was even capable of love, he was only capable of want. From the very first day I met him I knew that if I let him in I was only going to get hurt and it turns out I was right. I should never have thought I could help Harry and save him from the darkness that was catching up to him. It was too late for him, he's been list for too long already and now he'll claw onto anyone or anything of which can give him the slightest bit of love.

Harry had made me fall in love with him, he made me drop my panties and open my legs for him. He took my innocence and god did I regret everything. Harry had been trouble from day one, I was warned over and over and over again yet here I was with my heart shattered into shout a million pieces because I didn't listen.

I feel sorry for Harry because he's never going to find anyone because he's such an insensitive dick. For all I care he can go back to his one night stands and fuck those sluts to the equivalent of his hearts content. I hope he contracts a disease from one of those whores or better yet, all of them! He could get them all pregnant, I don't give a fuck! I want nothing to do with him

I never want to see Harry again, I'm sick and tired of all this bullshit. He's done noting but toy with my emotions and pull at my heartstrings. I had fallen straight into his trap and now I was sitting alone with no one to comfort me but the Doctor and Empty dreams of what could have been . I wish the Tardis would appear in my living room and the Doctor would hop out, in his suede suit and bow tie just to come to take me away from this hell hole. Far, far away.



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