Turn This Around

He was beautiful, like an angel, handsome like a god, but what he possessed within was frightfully dark, dangerous and deceiving. You look into his eyes and you're staring into hell itself and you realise he is the demon in which haunts you in you're sleep.

When Natalie Carter, the new girl in town catches the eye of the biggest asshole in school she soon discovers she's going to need more than a feisty attitude and snarky come backs to get rid of the male who stalks her. Challenged with school, making friends and trying to find her place in the world, she really doesn't need Harry Styles on her plate. Harry Styles was not good, in fact he was far from it. He was a demonic creature who had crawled from the fiery pits of hell in Natalie Carters eyes.

There is no escape once your being hunted.


67. Chapter Fifty-Nine

Chapter 59

Harry and Mitchell stood in the back yard, hands curled into fists as they slowly circled one another. In the faint light of the setting sun I could just make out the sticky crimson liquid trickling down from Harry's nose, over the fullness of his lips before dripping off his chin. He made no move to wipe the blood from his face, he was too focused on Mitchell who had been the one to throw the first punch. My breath was heavy, hot puffs of air falling from my mouth as I sprinted towards the two brooding males. Kat and Jai stood a couple of metres away, shouting at the two of them, but the words didn't appear to register in their battle mode set minds. My legs pumped faster as I witnessed Mitchell throw a punch at Harry who easily blocked the blow with his forearm.

This was exactly what I had hoped to avoid but failed dramatically in. No one was meant to get hurt, Mitchell and I were meant to talk our differences out and find a resolution but look how that turned out. He stared bitterly at Harry as each punch he threw was easily brushed of as if his throws were merely an irritating fly buzzing around his head. Mitchell had no clue about Harry's incredible boxing ability, hence the reason for his frustration.

This was nothing to Harry, Mitchell was like a shrimp in his eyes. I was almost certain he could take His opponent out with a single punch if he wanted to. Mitchell was a football player, not a boxer and there is a vast difference between the two sports. He's certainly picked a fight with the wrong person and if he's not careful, he may discover he's bitten off more than he can chew.

I didn't hesitate in charging past Kat and Jai, heading straight towards the two males before anyone had a chance to stop me. I stopped about a metre from them, my watery eyes set in a harsh frown as I glowered at Mitchell.

"Get the fuck away from Harry before I knock you unconscious myself." I snarled angrily.

I was totally prepared to do it, the anger I had built up within me held more than enough power for me to put into a punch. I honestly would like to punch the asshole who I had once thought was my friend, but I'd clearly been mistaken. The guy wasn't Mitchell anymore, either he'd changed or there was something that fired his pure hatred toward Harry.

Mitchell twisted his head towards me, his harsh brown eyes locking with mine. His eyes used to be warm and playful, I'd never seen him so sinister looking in my life. I was unsure of whether I wanted to go hide behind Harry or stand in front of him and bravely defend him against the most hurtful thing about Mitchell, his cruel words.

Fortunately for me I didn't have to come to that decision as Jai and Stefan took ahold of one arm each before yanking him away from Harry. A shaky sigh of relief fell from my lips as I darted forward, my trembling arms wrapping round Harry's waist as I buried my face into the crook of his neck.

"A-are you alright." I quietly cried into his shoulder.

His warm touch gently slid round my waist as he coaxed me closer, holding me protectively in his strong arms. Blood splattered against my skin and onto my dress as small droplets fell from his face. I couldn't care less about the mess he was making of my dress, I just wanted him to be okay.

"Yeah." He grunted. "But what the fuck is going on because I just got punched in the face by your psychopath friend for no reason!"

"C-can we please talk about it later?" I asked. "I just want to get out of here."


Harry gently laced his fingers with mine as we glanced at the commotion fifteen metres away. Almost everyone was yelling at Mitchell and he was yelling back furiously. I didn't want to stick around any longer, I wanted to escape tonight’s episode of my everyday drama. Everyone was too caught up in the moment to notice Harry and I slip away from the chaos and leaving without even saying so much as a goodbye.

The ride home was in silence, neither of us making any attempt to speak. The paper I still held in my hand crackled every time I moved my fingers. I was almost afraid of talking to Harry about his mental problems. I didn't want to upset him but the lack of disclosure on the subject really hurt me. I knew about his anger issues but that was all the information about his mind I had been given. I wish he would be more open with me, I really don't like discovering things about him from other people. I want to hear it from his mouth so I don't have to feel so stressed about speaking to him about it.

I watched as Hardy wiped his bloody nose on the sleeve of his plaid shirt, sneering dark blood onto the fabric. I found my hand resting on top of his thigh, feeling the need to comfort him. My fingers lightly squeezed around his thigh through his pair of skin right jeans. A small smile was sent to me as he removed one of his own large palms from the steering wheel before he rested it atop of mine.

The car pulled up in front of the house, my palm falling away from his leg as we both turned away to get out. We silently moved across the gravel to the porch where Harry hastily unlocked the front door. I fiddled nervously with the paper ado followed him inside, kicking my shoes off as he closed the door behind me.

I could feel myself growing more anxious with each passing minute, he was already upset about being punched in the face by one of my friends and I really don't think adding this little piece of paper is going to improve his mood. I know he knows that the tension between Mitchell and I is something to worry about. I wish I didn't come back, I never meant for anyone to get hurt but they did and it's my fault. This whole trip has been a disaster and it's probably best to leave before I can do anymore damage to the threadbare friendships I have here, one has already been destroyed. The image of Mitchell's face as it contorted into that proud grin as he handed me Harry's criminal record will be burnt into the back of my mind for all eternity. I can't believe the person he's turned out to be, he used to be so much fun but that Mitchell is gone now and I'm left looking at an empty shell which looks like him but his hollow eyes say different.

Tears welled in my eyes as the frightful memory of staring into his empty soul through those hollow, brown eyes evoked more pain. I didn't want things to end like this, I didn't want to leave everyone behind with such awful feelings and hurt I have caused for others and myself. Why do I have to lose someone to gain someone, it's not fair.

Strong arms coiled around my body, breaking me from my thoughts as I was pulled into the warmth of Harry's chest. He was the only thing I had right now and I was terrified at the idea of him suddenly disappearing from my life. Harry was the best thing that had ever happened to me and I don't think I could bare losing him also. His fingers gently touched over my back, delicately caressing my spine as he tried to comfort me as a few small tears leaked down my cheeks. Breath trembled from my lips as small sobs racked my body causing the dampness of my cheeks to increase as my fingers fisted the front of his shirt.

"Don't cry, beautiful." He whispered. "It's gonna be okay."

His gently words were somewhat soothing as I nuzzled my face into the crook of his neck. Sweet kisses were pressed to my temple as he spoke reassuringly in my air. But as hard as I tried to believe him, I couldn't shake the feeling that things were about to get a hell of a lot worse.

My heart felt heavy in my chest as I thought of all the things written on the scrunched paper I had curled within my grasp. It saddened me to think of all the things he had to go through alone, the things he had to do. I wanted to help him and comfort him but I was almost too scared to even speak about the things in which lay on the paper. Harry kept them from me for an obvious reason and I knew he would snap once he discovered I knew. He was afraid of what I'd think of him but I still feel the same way about him as I did when I woke in his arms this morning.

Some of the things he has done are not good but that doesn't make him a bad person. Harry is just lost and confused, he's been abandoned by his family which almost certainly would lead to him getting into the wrong groups. The hurt inflicted on him made him want to seek revenge, rebel and it shaped him into a person who had to be harsh and cold. He didn't want to be hurt anymore so he hid himself away and built up his high walls, blocking everyone out from the real him. I understand why and I do not care for the past crimes he has committed and the things he had done. The only thing that matters is who he is truly, who he is now and he should know that I love him no matter what he has done.

My fingertips gently ran down his strong arms, curling round his wrists as I brought them from around my back. Our hands became linked as I stared down at them, gently brushing my fingers over his busted knuckles. Harry's palms were warm against mine as they gently squeezed around my own, trying to comfort me. He had such a gentle touch for someone with hands as big as his. The feeling of his fingertips delicately caressing and touching over my body was one of the many things I love about Harry. Though his exterior appears frightening at times, the real Harry had the softest touch and the most loving heart.

I tilted my head up towards him, peering at his through my long lashes and the haze of tears. Despite everything and everyone Harry was my Fallen Angel. My beautifully broken Angel and no one could make me feel any different. My love for him will always be there like that darkness that nestles in each of our chests.

You don't get to choose who you fall in love with, it just happens and no one can stop it no matter how hard they try. You can tear people apart though, rip them from the person they love and shatter their hearts. Mitchell is attempting to do exactly that but I won't let him, I refuse to let him take Harry from me. He had no right to do that, especially after all the years he and Jai spent trying to put me back together. I was never complete though but with Harry I feel wholesome again and Mitchell should be happy. I don't understand why he wants to take my happiness away after I finally found it. Does he enjoy me being broken because I'm almost certain he wants me to shatter all over again?

"Natalie, what's going on?" Harry asked softly. Please tell me because I'm so fucking confused right now."

My lips was taken between my teeth as I studied his face. His expression read nothing but worry, his eyes desperately searching mine as he waited for a response. Blood continued to trickle from his nose whilst his eyebrows were deeply set in a frown the crease between them becoming evident. I watched as he used his shoulder to wipe the blood away after noticing my eyes lingering on the sticky crimson. The blood smeared across his already stained shirt, making more of a mess as the red liquid was smeared across his cheek. He looked such a mess though he looked better than the screwed up state I was in.

His eyes fluttered closed as I released one of his hands. Bringing my thumb up to his lips I brushed the pad over them collecting the substance. I wiped my hand on the skirt of my dress without a care. I was already wearing his blood so what difference did a little more make. I leant up, delicately placing a small kiss to his lips as I procrastinated. I wasn't ready to speak about what has been going on between me and Mitchell of late. I need a little more time to think and clear my head after tonight's insanity.

I was distraught seeing Harry wearing his own blood. I never thought Mitchell would go as far as attempting a knockout on him when he was completely oblivious to what was going on. The pain I felt for Harry was almost unbearable, I hadn't disclosed him in the information because I wanted to keep him safe but now he has indulged in Mitchell's anger and I have to tell him. I hadn't anticipated Harry being targeted the moment after I ended the conversation with Mitchell. He was completely unsuspecting and now incredibly confused about the whole situation. This has all become such a disaster.

"Let’s clean you up first." I whispered.

I turned towards the stairs, Harry's hand still clasped between my fingers as I attempted to lead him down the hall. I didn't get very far though, taking about two steps in the direction of the staircase before Harry abruptly yanked me back. I yelped in surprise, my hand pushing to his chest before I could fall into him. My breathing was shaky as I peered up at him. He was scowling now, his facial expression clearly stating that he wasn't stupid and knew I was now avoiding answering his question.

My eyes widened as his large palms caught hold of my hips, fingertips pressing into me through the thin material of my dress. I was taken by surprise as he spun me around, before I was pushed a little roughly up against the wall. I gasped as my back connected with the solid walling, knocking the wind from me. Harry's eyes darkened with anger as his body pressed forcefully against mine a hand slamming either side of my head as he glowered down at me.

I gulped nervously, cowering into the wall with hopes of it consuming me. My chest rose and tell rapidly as Harry's sharp breaths puffed out over my skin, raising goosebumps at the back of my neck. He was beyond pissed off, steam was practically coming out of his ears as he loomed intimidatingly above me. I hated the way he was when he became angry, it terrified me. The way his eyes darken and his movements become more forceful always make me worry about losing him to the forever waiting darkness. It's happened twice already, he came back to me, yes but there is always that fear of him being completely possessed by it and unable to find his way out.

"Don't play coy with me." He growled. "I know exactly what you're doing."

My heart rate quickened as his eyes turned a shade darker, the vibrant green disappearing along with his calm composure.

"He can judge me, he can glare at me, he can punch me but he can’t hurt you!" Harry yelled. "Unless you tell me what's going on right now I'm going to hunt him down and tear him apart limb from limb because I can’t handle seeing you upset like this anymore, baby!"

Even though his rage and the desire to tear Mitchell apart were quite frightening, his love and desperate need to care and protect me shone through. Harry had no concern for his own wellbeing, he was willing to do anything for me no matter what he had to go through. He lies to himself and everyone when he says things don't hurt him when I know they do. Harry pretends he is unbreakable when on the inside he cries and I really despise the way he speaks of getting hurt as if it were as painless as walking.

He doesn't understand the way he hurts me when he says such things. It's like a continuous cycle that flicks back and forth between us. I didn't want him to get hurt because someone has hurt me, that's already happened to day and I feel terrible about it because it’s all my fault. I know he only wants to protect me but who will I have to keep me safe if he throws himself around so carelessly and the results end up being fatal. I would rather bear the pain of a thousand nails being jabbed into be than see Harry hurt or worse...


I let my hands slide up Harry's sides, slipping up over his back. I could feel his heart beating wildly as my right hand settled just beneath his left shoulder blade. His chest rose and fell rapidly against min, raspy gasps take past his lips before being sharply puffed out in hot breaths. My main objective right now was to calm the angry beast that had come out to say hello. More like yell it a quiet voice in the back of my mind giggled.

Harry's head fell against my shoulder, his curls tickling against my cheek as I tried to sooth him. My fingers slipped up his neck, gently tangling within the mess of curls atop of his head. With great care I began combing my fingertips through the thick locks as my fingernails scratched lightly at his scalp. My other hand was positioned on his back, gently rubbing circles into him through the fabric adorning his tense torso. My fingertips gently massaged his taut muscles as Harry's body seemed to relax into my touch. A feeling of relief washed through me knowing he wasn't going to punch anymore holes in the walls, at least not yet.

The warmth of his lips were felt on my neck, his mouth delicately caressing my skin. I think Harry realised the way he had just been acting frightened me and now he was trying to make up for it. I knew he would never hurt me but there were times where his anger got the better of him and the darkness swirled amidst his usually beautiful eyes. It was the thought of losing him that scared me. Not Harry himself but the idea of the darkness swallowing him whole and taking the sweet, caring guy I had come to know away from me.

My nose nudged the side of his head, lips lightly grazing against his ear as I softly whispered my love in his ear. His breathing was steady again but his heart was still a little fast but I left that to the words that were leaving my lips. Time passed slowly as all-encompassing love for him fell from my lips. Harry meant everything to me and I desperately wanted him to know it. Soft gasps of breath were taken as he whispered his love back.

A small, sweet departing kiss was left to my jaw before Harry let out a sigh and our amorous embrace broke apart.

"Sorry." He quietly spoke, wiping his bloody nose on his sleeve again as he motioned towards the mess of his blood he'd left on chest, shoulder and dress.

"It can be washed." I shook my head, dismissing his apology.

"Can you please tell me what's going on now because I'm worried about you?" He spoke gently. "I'm pretty sure Mitchell has a problem with me because I was punched in the face for absolutely no reason. What's wrong? When he was mentioned earlier today you threw up, I know something's not right. Why are you trying to hide it from me?"

My heart contorted in agony as I gazed into his twin pair of vibrant green eyes as the swirled with emotion. He blinked at me questioningly through the length of his lovely long eyelashes, patiently waiting for an answer. Harry looked so vulnerable in the dim light, confused, worried and upset as his blood continued to trickle from his nose. He looked like a small broke child and seeing him in such a state made me realise just how delicately I needed to hold his heart in the palm of my hand. He was so fragile, so important to me that I was afraid revealing this information would break him but doing the opposite was definitely going to result badly. I had no choice but to reveal the information.

My eyes flicked around the floor quickly as I searched for the scrunched up ball of paper in which I had dropped at some point. It took me a moment to find it, reaching down I collected it from beside one of Harry's shoes, clutching it between my fingers. Green eyes watched my movement curiously, cocking his head a little to the side as he tried to figure out the significance of the paper.

A shaky breath fell from my lips as I looked at him, unsure of how exactly to begin.

"Do you remember our early days when you terrified me?" I spoke quietly. "There was that time when I was on the phone to him and Jai and you came to my front door and got pissed off."

Harry nodded his head slowly as he recalled that day. A sharp breath was drawn between my lips before I slowly continued.

"I was in the middle of telling them about you and how much you scared me. I despised you with everything I had at the time because you were and asshole, perverted and I was pretty sure at some point you were going to rape me then kill me." I choked on the horrid words as I forced them out. "I vented everything out to them before you showed up at the front door."

I immediately regretted speaking as I absorbed his facial expression. His beautiful eyes held an immense look of sadness, hurt flashing in them as he inhaled sharply. I felt as though I'd just gone and squeezed his heart too tight, shattering it beneath my fingertips. This was the exact reason I didn't want to share this information because I knew he was only going to be hurt and what I had said wasn't even the worst of it. The way I had felt about him at first was not something I wanted him to indulge in, my thoughts weren't kind.

I took a step towards him, my empty hand gently catching hold of one of his. Our fingers tangled together as I squeezed his hand lightly. My assumptions and previous thoughts about him were all wring and now long gone except maybe the pervert part, he's my pervert.

"I was wrong about you though." I whispered in reassurance before pressing a small kiss to each of his fingers. "The other day when you offered to bring me here I called Mitchell and he didn't take the whole idea of you and our relationship at all well even though I told him I was wrong and you weren't anything like what I had assumed you to be, I just had to crack your shell."

I paused for breath as Harry silently waited, his usually talkative tongue silent as he processed the information.

"Our covers action didn't end well and the fact he didn't show up with Jai when we went to Starbucks got to me." I could feel tears begin to brim in my eyes as I took a deep breath before continuing. "Jai's eyes said it all when I asked where he was. Mitchell was avoiding me and that's what made me sick. One of my best friends who I trusted and who I thought would support me was disowning me because I was with you."

My lips trembled as the hot tears streamed down my cheeks, my pain showing openly as I quietly sobbed. It was finally starting to settle into the pit of my stomach that tonight was the end of Mitchell and my friendship. It ruined everything now because I was almost certain he was going to get a whole bunch of copies of the piece of paper I held between my fingers and hand them out as though they were a flyer to everyone I knew, all my friends and family and everyone. They would all find out the past person Harry was and like Mitchell had they would believe everything. The only person I can think of who would still actually support me was my mother. Out of all people it would be her, the woman who I had been a polar opposite of my whole life.

She was the only person who had seen Harry's true colours, the bright, beautiful, brilliant side of him. Out of everyone, my mother was the first person to see that he had a beautiful heart and pure soul even before me. She welcomed him into her home without knowing him and at first I had thought she was just charmed by his good looks but I was wrong. Evelyn Carter was deeper than I thought, she hadn't been charmed by him. She had seen inside him, past the darkness clouding his heart, her motherly instinct told her he was good.

When I get home the first thing I'm going to do is hug her, tell her how much I love her and thank her for kicking my sorry arse out the door to go out with Harry. If she hadn't of been the persistent woman she was I would never discovered the beautifully broken man known as Harry. Though our mother daughter relationship was barely existent she would be there for me unlike people who I thought were my friends. I was going to forget everyone here because this is no longer my life, mum can sell this house, sell the farm and I will never return to this godforsaken place. I'll start again in Cheshire where I have true friends like Niall and Tori, people who know who Harry is but care for him even if he does know it or refuses to acknowledge it. I will go to sleep with a smile and wake up with one just as bright because I know I have people around me who love and care for me just as much as I do for them. I will smile because my mother decided Cheshire was where she wanted to move and I will smile because I'll wake up to the touch, the scent, the sound, the taste, the sight and the love given by Harry.

I will ink this place out of my mind because what I thought had been heaven was looking much worse than hell.

"He came after you today because he basically asked me to choose between him and you." I spoke bitterly. "I chose you and the answer will always be you despite everything it says on this piece of paper."

I turned his hand over so his palm faced before I gently pressed the paper into it, curling his fingers round it. I paused a moment as my tearful eyes flicked up to meet his, my hands cupping round his as I kept the paper within his balled up fist.

"I want you to know that everything on here doesn't make me feel any different about you. I love you no matter what you've done or the problems you have."

My hand gently moved to his bloody cheek cupping it gently as I tilted his head to meet my eyes.

"I love you just the way you are, for who you are because," I spoke softly watching as a small tear slipped down his cheek. "B-because you're my Harry."

His eyes glistened with tears as I leant up to kiss the tip of his nose. A small smile cracked on his lips as he gazed at me longingly. I desperately wanted to grab him by the collar and drag him up the stairs to my room. I wanted to lay him down and kiss him to my heart’s content, feel his hot skin beneath me as I inhaled his breath. I wanted to show him every ounce of my love and give him every sliver of my heart. I wanted to become lost in him because he was my heaven and he was my safety and no matter what he had done he always would be. His body may be scarred, damaged and contaminated by the filthy fingerprints of people who had no care for him but his soul and heart were pure.

He was my Harry and that was all that mattered.

I took a step back, my touch falling away as I gave him space to read the crumpled piece of paper. Time seemed to pad by at an incredibly slow pace as he carefully opened it out. The booming sound of my heart sounded almost like a cannon as I silently prayed he would take my words to his heart and realise that I loved him even though I knew about his small mental problems and the crimes he had previously committed.

His body immediately tensed as he began to read, his eyes skimming along the lines. The horrified look expressed on his face made it obvious he was frightened by the thought of me knowing this information. I was aware of the need to tread lightly as continued to read so I kept my mouth shut allowing him to read it through without interruption.

His lip began to tremble as his eyes paused on a word, fists tightening around the paper as they balled up into fists. I watched in dismay as he abruptly tore the paper, ripping it apart. My heart felt the same way as the white page, watching him get upset was tearing me apart, the hurt and pain in his eyes almost unbearable to see.

The paper was torn over and over again between his fingers, the shredded pieces fluttering to the floor as he tried to rid himself of the horrid memories. He continued to rip the page until all that was left was tiny pieces of white confetti torn too small to read even a word.

I watched him carefully as he stared down at the tiny scraps of white, his chest rising up and down rapidly. The intensity of his eyes frightened me as he looked up, his gaze locking with mine as he stared at me in disbelief. Sharp breaths were taken past his lips as he clenched and unclenched his fists by his sides.

"He had every right to hate me." Harry spat. "I am a despicable person unworthy of even your presence."

I felt my heart shatter into pieces even tinier than the confetti scattered across the floor. I fist understand why he was doing this, why he was making himself suffer. He was pushing me out an away when I desperately wanted to help him, to love and care for him. It hurt hearing him speak in such a way. I understand he is not proud of the things he has done and he shouldn't be but that was the past, that wasn't even him. I hate the darkness with a passion, it haunts him and tortures him. His demons controlled him and it is their fault he is in the unstable state he is in.

Every cruel word he spoke in reference to himself was like someone throwing me on a pile of nails over and over again. I wanted to scream and cry and shout until my voice was gone and my throat left raw and rugged until he realises he isn't a bad person that he is beautiful and people love him but he refuses to believe it. I don't want him to suffer anymore, I want him to let me in and let me help and support him because he doesn't deserve any of this, he doesn't deserve to be alone. Harry deserves more love than anyone. I am here giving him everything I have, all my love and raw emotion.

He thinks he is alone when there are people who care for him like Ben and Tori, Nathan and Max, my mother and of course there's me. I love him with everything I have, with all my heart and all my soul. The saddest part is he doesn't properly feel it, he believes he doesn't deserve love and refuses to properly feel it. Harry is infuriating! He makes me want to hit my head on the wall over and over again. I thought we had broken through the wall last night but fucking Mitchell had to go and do this and ruin it all! Harry would have told me himself in time, he is still adjusting to the concept of love, he's still working it out but his self-hatred had been evoked again and it is all Mitchell's fault.

"Harry, please don't do this." I sobbed. "Please, just let me comfort you."

My cheeks became even wetter as tears began to flow more freely from eyes. I don't want another argument, he's hurting and I only want to comfort him. My fingers desperately brushed the salty droplets away as I met his gaze, watching his eyes flicker with anger and cry in pain as they turned a shade darker.

It was happening again and as hard as I tried I couldn't stop it, I couldn't stop the darkness from eating away at him. I couldn't hold on for much longer, he was slipping into a state where he was no longer the angel that fell to earth. He was turning back into the frightening man the darkness sculpted him into for one purpose and one purpose alone.

To survive.

Sobs racked my body as I gasped for what little oxygen could fill my lungs. My hand clasped to my chest as I took hold of the silver chain that hung round my neck, squeezing it tightly as I prayed for the beautiful Harry I loved to return to be. It was all I had left of him, his token of love and my hope for him to be able to fly again. Harry was fading though, his wings becoming papery thin like simple plane, his anger and pain taking him to a different place a place I couldn't follow though I wish I could.

"I'm disgusting and vile, not to mention being fucked up in the head! Why would you want to be around someone as sickening as me?" He cried.

I felt my own anger begin to burn within me at his words. I wasn't going to listen to anymore of his shit. I was fed up with the drama and this was not what I needed right now. I needed him to wrap his arms around me and tell me how much he loved me whilst I did the same to him like we had done only minutes before. I needed his love and his protective hold, I wanted is to be able to comfort each other whilst we both hurt. Harry was being a selfish bastard though and that is exactly why I smacked him across the cheek with as much force I could muster.

The sickening sound of my palm connecting with his cheek echoed throughout the silent house bouncing back to my ears to torture me all over again. The force of the blow had been harsh, roughly forcing his head to the left. My heart broke as a whimper tumbled from his quivering lips, tears rolling down my cheeks as I watched him. His eyes squeezed closed as he lifted his hand to touch over his cheek, still feeling the burn of my palm against his face.

Tears escaped his closed eyes as his back slid down the wall, body slumping to the floor. I was frozen to the spot as I watched my broken angel fell to the floor, his heart crumpled and torn like the tiny pieces of confetti surrounding him. Jean clad legs were drawn to his chest before his face became buried against his knees. I wasn't able to even steal a glimpse of his eyes, it was of no comfort to me though but I knew in my heart that they were green.

I stared in horror as I watched Harry cry. His sobs killed me as they reached my ears, wails of pain and agony as he released it all out of his chest. My heart contorted as I witnessed him in his weakest state, raw and vulnerable. This was his life, the life of a sad boy who no one loved and was all alone. He was used and tormented, his tears of pain burning down his cheeks unable to find comfort in anyone. The world hated him but he tried to love it because he had that sliver of hope that someone would come along and love him. But time passed any the darkness choked him as he became enveloped in loneliness, too afraid to die but in too much pain to live. He let it take him and the struggle to find himself within that bottomless abyss is near impossible. I failed him, I came along too late and I hate myself because I had finally done it, I had done exactly what I had promised never to do. Like his family I too had broken him.

My legs gave way beneath me and my bare knees hit the hard wooden floor beneath me. Pain shot through my body but I was willing to suffer it because my short pain was nothing compared to the long term pain Harry suffers. My pain was nothing compared to that of Harry's and it was in that moment that I finally realised just how damaged he was.

Crawling forward on my hands and knees, my body drew near him. My arms coiled round his trembling figure as I cried into his soft curls.

"I'm sorry." I sobbed. "I'm sorry you feel that way, I'm sorry you don't believe in love and I'm sorry I can't give you what you need."

The words flooded from my mouth as waves of my hot emotion slammed through me.

"I'm sorry that you have been hurt like this, I'm sorry for everything that has happened to you. You don't deserve any of it." My voice cracked. "You deserve so much more. You deserve more than me. You deserve someone who can save you."

I savored my last moments with him, my lips leaving delicate kisses to the top of his head. There was nothing left of my heart, it was gone and I was left with nothing but an empty chest as I lost yet another person I loved in my life. I squeezed my eyes closed as I buried my face in his mess of curls, inhaling his heavy scent for the last time before stumbling to my feet.

Halfway down the hall I paused, turning back as I gazed back at the crumpled figure.

"I'm sorry I couldn't save you."


(A.N I am crying!)

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