Turn This Around

He was beautiful, like an angel, handsome like a god, but what he possessed within was frightfully dark, dangerous and deceiving. You look into his eyes and you're staring into hell itself and you realise he is the demon in which haunts you in you're sleep.

When Natalie Carter, the new girl in town catches the eye of the biggest asshole in school she soon discovers she's going to need more than a feisty attitude and snarky come backs to get rid of the male who stalks her. Challenged with school, making friends and trying to find her place in the world, she really doesn't need Harry Styles on her plate. Harry Styles was not good, in fact he was far from it. He was a demonic creature who had crawled from the fiery pits of hell in Natalie Carters eyes.

There is no escape once your being hunted.

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58. Chapter Fifty

Chapter 50

For some time I lay on top of my bed, back flat against the mattress as I stared up at the ceiling. My heart felt heavy, almost as though it was weighing down on my chest, anchoring me to the bed. My brain and body felt disconnected, i was no longer in control of my movements, but my mind was racing a million miles per hour. It was like my mind and body no longer coexisted and had decided to become two separates and in all honesty I felt lifeless.

I had never experienced a break up before, the short relationship I had with Mitchell never really counted because we never became official and we ended on good terms. This was different, Harry and I had ended in a screaming match and harsh words designed only to hurt one another. Not only was it a harsh ending but it was also the worst possible time because we're stuck together until at least tomorrow unless he decides to leave me here and drive home on his own. We were practically at war and both of us were going to have to endure an uncomfortable drive home unless Harry decided to find the key to the shackles he had chained me to him with. I need to be free, I can't bare his possessive acts anymore, he needs to stop and he needs to trust me otherwise there can't be an us.

Reality was finally beginning to settle in, realisation hitting me square in the face. This could be it for us unless he learns to let me breathe. I had been confident earlier on thinking he would quickly come to terms with the way I feel about his controlling ways and at least try to resolve our dispute. But now I'm beginning to doubt myself, a few hours have past since the end of our argument and I haven't heard a single squeak from the insecure man. I was almost afraid he really had driven off and left me here but I quickly convinced myself I would have heard the roar of the car engine or the slam of the front door.

I don't think I've ever been so afraid in my life, afraid of losing the boy I was trying so desperately to save from his devouring dark past. Tonight was going to either end in my worst nightmare where he would become succumbed by darkness and I would never be able to reach him again or I would stick another little piece of his broken heart back together and we would both become closer, happier and stronger. Though I prayed for the latter, the former idea was there creeping in the back of my mind haunting me with possible outcomes of my greatest fear.

The urge to run to him suddenly consumed me, electricity sparking as my mind and body reconnected, suddenly becoming one again. Though I desperately wanted him, wanted to know if he'd stay I forced myself to stay put. Slowly I sat up, taking deep breaths as I tried to control my rapid heart that was dying to run to its other half.

If this had any chance of working out between us I needed to stay put and keep calm otherwise I'd lose and be forever chained to Harry like I was a pet dog. I can't live with that, he's going to pull me underwater and if he continues on like this I'm going to drown. But considering he hasn't made any attempt to fix this situation it means he still doesn't believe he is good enough and that he's letting me go because he thinks I can find someone better. This can't be fixed unless he comes in here and frees me of the shackles that keep me chained to him on his own terms. I can't force him to do it, but I can help persuade him to believe in himself and realise I don't want anyone but him and to show him he is good enough. I need to turn this around before it's too late.

The moment the idea sprang to mind I found myself scrambling from the end of my bed. My feet barely touched the carpet as I ran towards my desk on the other side of the room. I had a plan, but this was the last one. It was my final hope to prove to Harry my undying love for him, and it had to be deep otherwise there just wouldn't be any point to it.

My breath was erratic as my fingers sifted through the draw of paper bellow my desk in search for a blank one. An assortment of colours flashed past my eyes as I fumbled through the range of papers. In a few short moments I discovered a blank sheet of lilac paper. I carefully cradled the blank page between my fingers staring at the pretty colour in which would soon become filled with with my awful scrawly writing and imminent tear drops. But that didn't matter because it was only the meaning behind the words of my last hope letter that were important.

After setting the sheet of paper down on the smooth wooden surface of my desk I lowered myself down into the white compute chair behind it. My fingers reached towards the penholder, plucking a simple black ballpoint from within the container. I scribbled on my hand for a moment just to make sure it worked before I started piecing together the difficult task of producing a love letter in which I put all my heart and soul into.

The swirl of black ink appeared on my palm after a couple of moments of abusing my hand with the pointed tip. I was ready to write, the only question now was where to start. I tapped the pen against the wooden desk, pursing my lips as my mind searched for a way to start. I had to think a moment before I figured it out.

The very beginning.

The tip of the pen touched down on the lilac paper, it's ink dancing behind the ballpoint as I began pouring my heart out onto the page.





Harry,

I know you remember the first time we met. It was my first day as you nearly ran me flat with your motorbike. You stalked me later on that day and pinned me against the wall, I never saw it coming. You terrified me to the point where I was constantly coming up with ways to evade you. I wanted absolutely nothing to do with you then all I wanted was to run.

Then you took me to that club where I met Tori and she told me about how you saved her from a man with the intention of raping her. I looked at you differently and realised that my thoughts and accusations had been wrong and to weren't heartless. You proved that further when you did the same as you'd done for Tori again only this time you saved me. Watching your fists pummel into Adam's face was frightful and I still feared you but I am eternally grateful for what you did.

You took me back to your place and for the first time I saw a totally different side to you and I found myself feeling something entirely different to the hatred I had felt towards you earlier that day. You were gentle, sweet, kind, apologetic and perverted which still hasn't changed, but that's the way I like it. I remember when I first kissed you and ended up blushing like an idiot before you kissed me again. Your mouth was so warm, your lips were soft and you tasted so sweet.

The first time I wore a dress for you, you took me out to a club. I got a little tipsy and you ended up chasing me through the crowd until you finally caught me. You took me back to your place where I was touched first time by you and I still have only been touched by you.

I remember how you trued to take me out on a proper date for dinner. That ended badly because we didn't even get to the first course as you went off to hunt down Adam whilst I was in the bathroom. I was so confused when you disappeared and then angry when I saw you and Adam brawling behind the restaurant. You wouldn't listen to me when I told you to stop and neither of you were going to back down so I told you I didn't care and ran off. That was a lie though because I worried about you all day and all night because I didn't know if you got home or if you were even okay.

I remember how I found you about a week later drunk off your ass over me telling you I didn't care and you were trying to beat up Adam and a couple of friends outside that pub. I nearly had a heart attack when I saw you, I was glad for about two seconds that you were alright but then I realised that after a few short minutes you might not be. You could barely stand up straight yet you were trying to murder Adam and the two males you'd picked a fight with. I shoved my way through the gathered crowd to reach you an then by some amazing miracle I got rid of them and had to hold you back to prevent you from chasing drunkly after them. You were adorable that night, slightly irritating but you were so cute. I cleaned your cuts and bruises up, you were like a little kid, a very cheeky one who went through my underwear draw and deviously managed to get me to palm him through his boxers. Sometimes I wonder if you even remember that, you were seriously drunk.

I remember the day you spilled your darkest secrets of your past to me on that stormy night. It made me care for you more and slowly begin to fall for you because you were different and no one understood you just like no one understood me. We understand each other now because we can both relate.

The day we became a couple is still clearly imprinted in my mind, how you gave me your paper plane necklace and came to that dance with me that ended up being a complete disaster before becoming a happy miracle. I don't like remembering certain aspects of that dance in which I'm sure you don't either. But I'm happy to remember the chase and how I ended up between you and a tree and the events that occurred once back at my place.

I remember how you showed me the waterfall and we swum and there were candles and I thought it was sweet. Then you showed me your hideout and it saddens me to think you stayed there all alone for days on end with only the comfort of Boo your teddy bear.

Your boxing match gave me really bad anxiety as I worried about you 24/7 every day leading up to that fight. You thought I was stupid, but I really cared about you and didn't want to see you get hurt. I was happily amazed when I found out you'd won after spending half the night throwing up outside out fear.

Then Luke found me when I got lost going for a run. He hurt me and threatened to do the same to you. I escaped and fortunately was saved by Louis who you happen to hate. He promised not to tell you because I wanted to keep you safe and protect you for once. He broke his promise and told you what happened though. I'm sorry for not telling you, but it was because I loved you and didn't want you to get hurt that I didn't.

In some ways I'm glad you found out because if you hadn't you would never have heard me say I love you. It frightened me when you didn't return my words of affection after they accidentally blurted out of my mouth so I ran. You chased me though like you do every time I run and dragged me back inside.

I was afraid you were only going to make me suffer more than I already was after you didn't reciprocate, but then you said it and I had never been so happy in my life. You took me in your bed that night and I don't regret it, not one bit.

When I fell asleep after we made love, you snuck out and I followed you. Watching you beat Luke to a pulp terrified me and I just couldn't take watching your eyes go black and seeing you attempt to beat Luke to death. It was frightening so I had to run, because that's what I do best.

We didn't talk for a while but you came back on my birthday. That day was.. interesting, but I love every minute of it because it was with you. From the strange shopping experience to the uncomfortable, awkward and taunting dinner to you making love to me in the last few hours of my birthday.

I remember everything about you, about us, from the very first moment we met and I don't regret a minute of it, not one.

I love you, Harry, just the way you are and I wouldn't change anything about you for the world.

You don't believe you're good enough for me and you don't think you deserve me. You have this constant hating towards yourself and insecurities that make you crazy and possessive because you worry that I'm going to leave because you're a bad person and you don't deserve someone as perfect as me. You are wrong though, I am not perfect, I'm just as far from perfection as you are, if not further. I have my fathers blood on my hands, he died because of my selfishness and anger. I may not have killed him directly but I will always blame myself, I'll always feel his thick blood on my hands and the weight of his death in my chest. I'm going to carry that for life, just as you will carry your losses and abandonments. We were both two broken people before we met, but we mended each other, used our broken parts to make a whole and bring us happiness again.

I don't think I ever told you this but I used to be suicidal, I put my friends and family under stress and pressure after my father died. They had to constantly keep an eye on me for months after his death after. I completely lost my mind for a while, I just didn't want to live after what happened to my father, he mean the world to me an once he was gone I didn't want to live without him.

After some time I finally realised I was being selfish and only putting more pressure on my friends and family. One day I just woke up and thought of what it would do to them all if they lost me as well as my father. If I'd taken my own life it would only cause them more grief and further suffering in an already difficult time.

You are the reason for my smile now, Harry, you bring me the happiness my father once gave me again and you make me feel complete again.

But you are also the reason for my tears. It really hurts knowing you think I'll leave you for somebody else, why you would think that is what I don't understand. I've given you everything, my heart, my soul, my body, my words and my love. What more do I have to give? You can have me, all of me and whatever else you want, you only have to ask. And I want you in return. Your sweet words that fall from plump pink lips; that cheeky smile that curls on the corners of your mouth; your beautiful green eyes that swirl and sparkle with whatever emotion you feel; your strong arms that hold me in sleep and when I'm upset; your loving touch that barely ever evades my skin; you're beautiful heart that opened up an let me in; your strong will to protect me and keep me safe; you're godlike body that envelopes me in your love, passion and lust as we are connected in the most loving way possible; your soft curls that I know you love having my fingers comb through; I could continue but I only have one page and it's not going to be adequate for the amount I want to say if I finish the list. I've given you everything I have to give yet you worry I'll leave you. If I had wanted to I would have done it a long time ago and I'd never have told you I love you or asked for you to make love to me. Hell! I wouldn't have even bothered to write you this, but because I love you and want you and need you I have.

I know you are insecure though you won't admit it, and I'm not asking you to. I know you have lost everyone you ever loved. You've been abandoned and hurt and left alone most of your life but I'm not going to follow everyone else because I make my own rules.

I want you to know that I never intend on leaving because you are my other half and I need you. I love you so much Harry, more than anyone else, even my dad. I want to be with you, no one else because you're the guy I fell so madly in love with that I drove myself to breaking up with you just for you to realise how deeply I really feel for you. It breaks my heart to see you so self loathing and insecure, it's like a bullet to the head every time I see you torture yourself. I want to hold you and kiss you and cuddle you until I see your beautiful smile. You have nothing to hate about yourself, be ashamed of or want to change. I see an angel-like creature that fell from the sky because people hurt him and broke him so god put you on earth for me to find. We're meant to mend each other and breath life into one another's lungs, make each other happy.

I don't care about your past committed wrongs and sins, that was then and this is now. You are everything I want, and everything I need. Our faults and mistakes make us who we are, the world would be a pretty boring place if everyone was perfect and the truth be told I can't imagine life without you in it. I'd rather be dead than without you.

You don't have to worry about me leaving you, Harry. I'd choose you over any man no matter what. You could be a broke, homeless man living on the streets and I would choose you over the richest man in the world. I would throw everything for you, because you are worth more to me than any amount of gold.

Looking back on that first day when you nearly ran me over on your bike I've come to realise I actually got on behind you and we've been riding up mountains, down hills, over rocks, underground and through the ocean ever since. It had been insane, wild and crazy and I still can't figure out how were alive. I'm not ready to get off, not now or ever and I'm not going to just let you go after all we've been through. No matter how hard you push and pull I'll keep riding, riding with you through every obstacle that comes in our way. We could make it easier though is we work together to resolve our problems than against each other. We could be riding smooth road rather than the rocky terrain we started on and are still bumping across.

As much as you kill me, you make me stronger and so much more determine to hold onto you. You're the one and only man I have loved like this in my life and I want you to be my first and last. The thought of losing you terrifies me, I don't know how I'd cope if you disappeared from my life. We've both been through so much pain, suffering and loss and I really don't know what it would do to either of us, the thought alone frightens me.

The very separation between us now is killing me. Your side of the bed is cold and there is an empty ache in my chest. Sleep is not an option as you aren't here to hold me. You make me feel so safe, especially in sleep. The way you wrap around me makes me feel so secure whether we're cuddling or spooning. Please come back, I need you and I want you and I love you.

As I said earlier I don't regret a thing.

Not meeting you;

Not Hating you;

Not fearing you;

Not caring for you;

Not feeling for you;

Not falling for you;

Not loving you;

Not our intimacy;

Not giving you my heart;

Nothing.

I would do it all again, exactly the same way in but a moment.

I want you to come back and hold me and keep me warm and love me the way you do so perfectly. It is unbearable the way things are between us right now and it's breaking my heart. I don't want you to be alone, I want to fill the empty hole in your heart and love you like no other ever has or ever could. I will not leave you, Harry. I never did and I never will.

I fell in love with a broken boy with a beautiful heart who I wished would believe in himself. He forced his way into my life and now I never want him to leave. He is my angel, my protector, my imperfectly perfect lover. I fell in love with you, Harry and there's no going back.

I love you,

-Natalie.





My fingers curled tightly around the edges of the purple paper, my already messy handwriting was barely readable now, smudged with salty tears and terribly messy scrawled lettering. Though he would probably struggle to read my writing that had come from deep within my heart, I pray he believes every word of it and realises just how much he means to me and that I love him just the way he is. I want to make him happy, but it's difficult to do that when someone is so self loathing.

Teardrops continued to fall down my cheeks in a steady river like flow. My fingers shook as I gently folded the piece of paper in three, concealing my meaningful words within the outer sides of the purple page. More tears splattered down onto the paper leaving dark splatters against the purple. Collecting my pen again I wrote Harry's name as neatly as possible across the front third of the paper, a heavy sob falling from my mouth as I finished the 'Y'.

"P-please let him see." I quietly whispered, tracing my fingers over the black swirls that spelt his name.

I want him more than anything in the world, but it's not just want anymore, it's need. Life had been hard, harsh and painful before Harry and I just don't know if I can survive anymore heartbreak and hurt. He's gone and brought my true smile back and glued the broken pieces of heart back together. It's too late to say goodbye. There won't be one because it'll be the end. The end of happiness, my smile, my love.

I've never been in love before, but I know he's the one I want to spend my life with. It's too late, I've fallen to hard to let him go and I will chase him even if he pushes me down, I'll get back up until he realises I Love him more than anything. I want to give him the love he deserves and never got, the love he needs.

Taking a shaky breath my hands pressed to the hard wood of the desk surface, using my palms I pushed my trembling body upwards. My hair fell around my face as my hands remained pressed flat to the wood even though I was standing on my feet. My eyes fluttered closed as I tried to calm my breathing and steady my racing heart. Deep breaths were inhaled and exhaled from my lungs as I tried to calm myself before proceeding. My mind was alit with thoughts and fear, there was the treacherous thought of losing the only love of my life bouncing around in my head, making me anxious. I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life.

With a final heavy exhale I straightened up, pushing my wavy locks out of my face. The letter I had written was clutched closely to my chest as I began my walk across the room. I didn't bother to take a glance in the mirror because I already knew I looked a right mess, but seeing myself would make me lose what little confidence in getting Harry to trust me that I have left.

Despite my attempts to calm myself, the moment my fingers touched the cool metal door handle my heart rate rocket up again, beating a million miles an hour. With a simple twist of the wrist the door swung open revealing the dark, gloomy hallway.

Poking my head out of the doorway I peered down into the abyss of darkness trying to spot the guest room from here. The pitch black of the early morning wasn't helping my already shaken nerves, it was almost as though it was trying to intimidate me into staying in my room and forgetting Harry. If today was a few months ago then I probably would run and hide, but I was beyond being afraid now, since I met Harry I had become stronger, braver, more courageous and nothing was going to stop me from getting to him now.

I waited a couple of seconds to give my eyes some time to adjust to the dim light. Through the darkness a bit down the hall I could just make out a crack of light peeking out from beneath the door I figured must lead to the guest room where I had banished Harry.

My chest ached when I realised he was behind that door all alone with his fragile heart in shards around him. Tears glistened in my eyes as I pictured him sitting on the bed, staring blankly out the window, becoming lost in his own darkness as it. gnawed away at his insides, slowly consuming him. I never want him to be alone again, I never want to lose sight of him, he is to precious. I just want to wrap my arms around him and tell him how much I love him.

Pressing one hand to the wall for support, I slowly inched my way towards the faint light. With every step I took I became more and more desperate to get to him, to see if he was okay. A few of the frightening last words he had spoken earlier were suddenly springing back up in my mind no matter how far away I had pushed them down.

'I'd rather be dead than have to suffer through any more of this living hell, but I just can't bring myself to taking it!'

I hadn't really registered to any of those words earlier as I had wanted to hear nothing from him, but now they were frightening me. Harry had considered taking his own life before, he hadn't actually told me that, but I had kind of presumed. What if i was the last straw and he'd killed himself whilst I was just down the hall from him? What if he just couldn't take it anymore? I will have failed in trying to help and lost the only person who truly made me happy and I don't think I can take that.

My mind was screaming at me with the most irrational thoughts, deliberately trying to taunt and scare me. It was becoming difficult to breathe again and I wasn't sure if I could bring myself to opening the door, afraid of what I might find behind it. My brain felt as though it was under attack with the cruel and frightening thoughts that kept coming up, every one if them creating a sharp jabbing pain. I wanted to scream, but I forced myself to keep moving, fighting everything that tried to stop me from reaching my goal with everything I've got left in me.

The doorway loomed before me, the dim light pooling around my feet from beneath the door. I didn't know what I was going to find behind the wooden barrier, but I was sure as hell scared of the possibilities. Gulping down my anxiety I lifter my arm, curling my trembling fingers around the handle. I hesitated for a moment, pausing only to press my ear to the door in hopes to catch the sound of even the faint movement or signal he was still alive. When I heard nothing I felt what little of my y I had left drop into the pit of my stomach where it was dissolved into nothingness.

The tips of my fingers fell away from the cool metal, eyes widening fearfully as I stared at the intimidating wood. I was afraid to open the door now that if heard nothing from within the depths of the room. Silence was such a frightening nothingness, it sparked fear and anxiousness within me as I stared at it with a heavy chest.

What if he really did kill himself? It would be my fault again and I would have killed two people I loved so greatly. I wouldn't be able to live with myself.

For once I was great full for my curiosity as I found myself taking the door handle between my fingers again. I needed to know he was alright, he had to be, I don't want to lose him in the same way I lost my father, where the fault was on me.

My lower lip became clamped between my teeth as I slowly twisted the doorknob. The intensity of the moment weighed down on my shoulders like the world, it was a gut wrenching minute that felt more like an eternity. The most simple task had turned into a complete battle between my brain and my broken heart which was now only running on pure will power. My breath hitched in my throat as I watched the door creak open, bright light streaming out into the hall.

Taking a hesitant step into the room, I peered around, the first thing I noticed was a fist sized hole in the wall which hasn't been there before. It was quite obvious Harry had punched it using all the welt up anger within him as it now gaped at me like an open mouth. I couldn't care less about the wall though, what frightened me was the bloodstains smeared across the white material of the still made bed.

My heart rate spiked upon seeing the crimson red contrasting so vastly with the white duvet cover. I could only pray he'd just spit his knuckles punching the hole in the wall and managed to drip blood across the bed. But there was an awful feeling in my stomach as he was nowhere insight.

My eyes darted frantically around the room for his oh so familiar body again before landing on the bathroom door. It was pulled shut, concealing whatever was behind it from my desperately searching eyes. Without hesitation I sprinted across the room, tugging it frantically open. My heart pounded as I pulled the shower curtain back before it completely stopped in my chest. The white porcelain bath was empty and Harry wasn't there. I took a step back, wrapping my arms around my shoulders fearfully.

Maybe he left.

I darted back out of the bathroom over to the window where I yanked the black curtains back. My hot, desperate breath fogged up the glass as I tried to see our the window. My eyes searched through the dead of the night, squinting out into the blackness. Through the darkness I could just make out the outline of his car.

"Harry?" His name fell from my lips in a faint whisper.

I would rather have him leave then to still be here somewhere in my house where I couldn't find him. It gave me the frightening impression that my fears had truly come to life as his disappeared.

I blinked back tears as I turned on my heel, ready to search the entire universe to find the boy I loved. I'd taken only two steps when I caught sight of a body lying curled up beside the bed. I halted, scampering over to the boy practically lying under the bed. He had been hidden from sight when I first entered the room, but on my way out he had been quite obviously seen.

I fell to my knees beside him, relieved to see the rise and fall of his chest as he lay curled up on the floor. Harry hadn't gotten out of his clothes and was still lay fully clad in tight jeans that looked rather uncomfortable to sleep in. A shirt I had left at his house a couple of days ago was clutched closely to his body, the soft fabric pressed to his cheek where I figured he must like it because he could smell my scent. A tear fell from my eye as I gazed down at him so desperate to hold onto what little of me he could.
It saddened me to see him like this, as though he thought he didn't even deserve to even sleep in the bed and watching him clutch my shirt because he yearned for it to be be who lay with him. The duffel bag that lay beside him with half its contents scattered across the floor made it obvious he had gone out of his way to find the small item of clothing that gave him little comfort.

Watching him rub his cheek against the shirt broke my heart into non existence all over again. He needed me to love him and I could see he would grab onto anything that gave him the feeling that he was with me. I didn't want to see him like this, I couldn't just leave him on the floor.

Quietly I stood from beside the sad, sleeping boy not wanting to wake him and exited the room. Navigating down the hall a little further wasn't difficult now that the bright light shining from Harry's room stretched out into the hallway. It was simple to take a few extra steps to the hall cupboard where I knew we kept a couple of spare mattresses. Pulling the door open I grabbed the closest one, yanking it out into the open where it fell to the floor. After closing the cupboard again I collected the mattress from the wooden floor and dragging it into the room.

I set it down on the floor quietly as not to wake Harry. This was the best I could do for him right now, I wasn't strong enough to lift him onto the bed, but I could roll him onto the mattress where he'd be more comfortable. Leaving him on the hard floor wasn't nice.

I Shuffled the mattress towards him where it rested just behind his back. Gently I placed my hand upon his shoulder but quickly retracted it after feeling just how cold he was, even through his clothing. Harry had always been so warm, like a my own personal walking heater and feeling his skin so cool made me realise this was what he was like before we met, cold and lifeless because he lacked in love and had no one to give his to. He thought I'd just given up on him and left him like everyone else and he was giving up again. It scared me knowing that he had already slipped back into the darkness, where he was alone, cold and emotionless. I didn't want him to fall back, but I was losing him, he was slipping through my fingers and I couldn't hold him much longer.

Tears fell down my cheeks, dampening his white shirt with tears as I gently rolled him over onto the soft mattress. A small whimper escaped his plump, pink lips as he fell onto his back onto the more comfortable surface.

The way he lay was slightly awkward and uncomfortable looking as he lacked in a pillow to support his head of curls. I reached up over him towards the closest pillow in which lay upon the beds. My fingers clasping around it as I tugged it from where it lay upon the thicker mattress which he would have been much more comfortable on if he had of just lay down there. But no, he had to make things more difficult and fall asleep on the floor where I had to carry out the difficult task of getting his muscly body on a mattress and tucking him in. After retrieving the fluffy pillow from atop of the bed I gently wriggled my hand beneath his head, soft curls tangling between my fingers as I did so. They were soft beneath my fingertips as I lifted his head, careful not to wake him from his deep slumber. The pillow slipped in beneath his head, propping it up slightly so he looked less uncomfortable.

I watched for a moment as he wriggled around a little until he became comfortable curled in a ball with my shirt still cuddled close to his body. It was heartbreaking to watch him so vulnerable and so seemingly innocent. I felt like the bad guy who had gone and ripped his heart out and thrown it out the window piece by piece. I'm not though, I love him and because I love him he has to be hurt a little to realise that. It is a little harsh, but it's better for us in the long run. He has to learn or he'll be like this forever and I can't take that, I can't handle being caged up like some bird.

Stumbling to my feet I retrieved a blanket from the end of the bed in which had narrowly avoided the blood droplets that had fallen from Harry's split knuckles. I don't know what I'm going to tell my mum when she finds out there's a huge gaping hole in the wall, I can't tell her that Harry punched it. But she'll probably believe me if I tell her we were playing baseball inside and I smashed the hole in the wall, I've got a pretty mean swing.

As I spread the blanket over Harry's long body I caught sight of something brown and fluffy out of the corner of my eye. Standing from my crouched position beside Harry's head I moved towards the half empty duffel bag in which I had spotted the small object peeking out the side off. Stooping down a little I reached for the small brown bear, gently holding it between my fingers as a sad smile graced my face.

I had been noticing Boo tangled beneath Harry's sheets or stuffed between his pillows a lot lately. He'd tried to hide the fact he slept with the small brown whenever I'm not there with him. I haven't said anything because I know he'll get upset and angry but I know the small bear has sentimental value to him and I think it's sweet he sleeps with Boo. Harry's bear brought him comfort when he was younger, it was the only thing that he had to talk to and vent his pain and anger to. It makes me so sad knowing he used to sit in that dark cavern all alone for days with only his fuzzy brown bear to keep him company as he cried out all his emotions.

Though he won't admit it, the bear means a lot to Harry which is proved by the fact he brought it here with him. I gently cradled it in my hands, allowing my thumb to brush over its head feeling the soft fur against my skin. A tear fell from my eye, dripping onto Boo's fur as I stared down at Harry's only source of happiness when he was small.

Quietly sobbing I sank back to the floor beside Harry's sleeping body, the bear still held delicately between my fingers in fear of damaging his much loved possession. Gently I placed his small bear in the crook of his elbow so when he woke it would be the first thing he saw. I collected the letter from the wooden floor from a couple of metres away where I had set it down earlier to retrieve a mattress for the curly haired male lying fast asleep before my very eyes. I held it between my fingers for a moment, staring down as the purple paper in which Harry's name was scrawled across. I prayed it would be enough to make him believe how much I loved him and that he could trust me, but most importantly I prayed it would give him some confidence in himself so he would realise he wasn't a bad person, that he was good.

I carefully tucked the page securely under Boo's right arm, making sure that Harry's name was faced towards him so he wouldn't mistake it for some random piece of paper that had just ended up with his bear and carelessly brush it off without reading it or even giving it a second glance. I hoped that when he woke he'd realise I had gone out of my way to move him onto a mattress where I hoped he'd be more comfortable, written him a letter, given him his fuzzy friend for comfort and tucked him into bed because I love him and care about him so much. I just want him to know that, just that and I'd be happy.

It brings me so much pain knowing he doesn't believe I truly care. I just wish he would believe me and realise that I love him and care about him and want him to be happy. It is hard to keep trying to get him to trust in me because everything I do and say to prove my unconditional love doesn't seem to be enough for Harry. I have stuck with him and given him everything I have whilst here he is still doubting my love. This is it, this letter is the last possible way I can prove to him my love and if it doesn't work I will be ruined and heart broken and unsure of what to do with the rest of my life. I don't see any future for me without him, if our relationship does t make it through the night I don't know what will happen next.

Will he leave me here?

Will we go back home and will I find out days later he's left town?

Will he just turn back into the emotionless male who sleeps around and doesn't give a fuck about what people think of him?

Will I be able to handle the loss of my first and only love?

Will he?

All I could do was hope and pray we were strong enough to survive the creeping darkness trying to break us apart. I was trying to fight it back, I have been since the beginning, the only question is will Harry keep trying or will he just give up and believe the one lie he has ever known and ever felt... That nobody cares.

My fingers softly ran through his unruly curls as I leant down to press a sweet kiss to his cheek. Tears splattered against his skin, falling from my eyes as the fleshy pink of my lips lingered for a moment, savouring what could be the last ever touch of my mouth to his smooth, soft skin.

"I love you, Harry." I quietly whispered, gazing down at his beautiful features one more time.

I got to my feet, tears glistening in my eyes as I put one foot in front of the other, forcing myself towards the door though I desired only to run back and wrap my arms round him.

"Natalie?!" Harry's raspy voice rang out from behind me, confusion and desperation clear as crystal in the quiet tone.

I didn't look back though, I knew I couldn't so instead I switched the lights off and pulled the doors out, Harry's second cry for me ringing in my ears like music played too loud. I wanted to go back and stay with the broken boy who was in desperate need of being cared for. I loved him to bits and it was hard to not go back and give him my tender affection. The only thing that was keeping me from going back was my fathers voice in my head telling me to be strong, it was for the best and that every thing would be okay and it would all work out in the end. So I listened and I walked back down the hall to my room without looking back. My father father was still helping me, teaching me and loving for me, even if he was only a voice in the back of my mind guiding me along the way, though he was gone, I still felt like it was him and I would listen because I owed him for what I did that disastrous night and I would owe him forever because he lost his life.

With tears trickling down my cheeks like Niagara falls I shut the door behind me releasing a loud sobs as I pressed my back to the hard wood. My face became buried in my hands as I attempted to muffle the heavy sobs falling unintentionally from my mouth. Breath was becoming scarce, the sharp sobbing making it hard for me to get a good breath in leaving my lungs screaming for vital oxygen. Nothing mattered anymore though, not breathing, not pain, not anything but the curly haired male I had left next door, Harry was the one and only thing of importance to me right now. Saving him was my only aim and I wasn't going to give up, not unless he did.

Further sobs racked my body a I slowly slid down the door, my spine digging into the hard wood as I slumped down onto the floor in my own pool of tears.

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