It all started with a smile

What happens when you meet a guy that makes you smile? What happens when you fall in love with that guy that you know will never love you back? What happens when you build your walls up so high that you don't see what's really going on? What happens when he tries to remove the wall, brick by brick? Will you push him away? Will you break his heart? Or...Will you let him show you what love really is? Find out in "It all started with a smile"

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12. Is this love?

Me? Hate him? He has it all fucking wrong! I love him! That's the fucking problem! I rushed into the bathroom and we hasn't far behind

"I-I-I-I'm so sorry Tammy" since when does Connor stutter. I grabbed a towel and wet it with water and started rubbing it onto the shirt.

"Since when do you stutter Connor?" I asked weakly. He looked taken back by the question. 

"Since I thought I was gonna lose you as a friend" he whispered. I glanced up at him. He was so flawless. I know he didn't think that, I know he was self conscious, well I guess we're the same sometimes.

I didn't knew what to say to that, and after a couple of seconds of silence he said

"Tam Tam, I don't want to lose you. You're my best girl friend, I think of you as a sister" 

Connor's POV

SISTER! REALLY CONNOR!? I am so stupid! I could have told her about my strange feelings towards her, but no! I had to say she is like a sister to me! Fuck! 

I guess I'm too afraid of these feelings and I don't completely understand them, they're new to me. Her head snapped up and I saw a hint of hurt in them, but just a slight amount. Nothing to actually make me think about.

She looked down again and she said

"Ok, I don't want you as my friend. I don't want you anywhere near me, okay? Did you really want to hear that. Because that's exactly what I'm thinking"

"You don't mean that" I practically begged. Those words hurt me worse than anything in my life, who knew words could hurt as much. She looked up at me, determination written on her face.

"I mean that. Now go." she said. My eyes started watering and before I knew it, I rushed out of the bathroom. No one ever saw me cry. No one! And neither will she.

Tammy's POV

You had to do it Tamara. You just had to. I repeated that to myself over and over again, but the tears wouldn't stop running down my cheeks. I hated saying that. And hurting him.

I could have sworn I saw some tears in his eyes. But I was probably loosing my mind by that time.

I had to say that, I had to say that for MY own good. I can't be hurt by him again, I know I couldn't see him with his girlfriend, kissing. I would have died, and him saying I'm a sister to him, well it made it even worse.

I took off my shirt and started rubbing it with some soup on a towel, but the coffee wouldn't come out. Suddenly I heard a knock on the door

"Go away Connor!" I shouted while trying to keep my voice calm. Rose walked in slowly with her face full of concern.

"Tammy" she said as she saw my face. All puffy and red from crying. She kneeled down beside me and hugged me, without even saying another word. 

When she pulled away she grabbed my shirt and threw me the shirt I wore when I came in here.

"We always have extra one's. Don't worry about this one, it will be thrown in the washer" she said and patted my head.

"Damon arrived and now he's at the cash register and Violet came and she is cleaning the tables. Our shifts are over so if you want we can go somewhere and talk" she said quietly. I nodded and got up rubbing my eyes.

I have to admit it felt good talking to someone about Connor and all of the things I felt for him. She listened carefully and she didn't judge at all! 

"Look, you did the right thing love. If you think that it's better to be nothing with him, than to be his friend than that's completely fine. It's your choice, and it's how you feel. Just give each other some space to figure everything out and then you'll know for sure, trust me" she said as she smiled at me. 

I don't know if I can survive giving him some space. Yes, I pushed him away and wanted space but I always felt relived when I saw him. I just didn't have the guts to admit that to myself.

The chapters are quite short I know, and I'm sorry. But I'll do double updates from time to time :( Hope you enjoyed it and please tell me your opinion on the story in the comments. And tell me what you think about me writing in Connor's POV and about Tammy's decision ;) Thanks fro reading xx

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