It all started with a smile

What happens when you meet a guy that makes you smile? What happens when you fall in love with that guy that you know will never love you back? What happens when you build your walls up so high that you don't see what's really going on? What happens when he tries to remove the wall, brick by brick? Will you push him away? Will you break his heart? Or...Will you let him show you what love really is? Find out in "It all started with a smile"

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19. I believe I can flyyyy :)

I paced back and forth in my small bedroom, looking from my mirror to the clock. Connor was gonna be here any minute. I double checked my purse, I had all my important stuff in there, but what if I need something more.

I blushed as I looked down remembering the exact color of Connor's eyes. You guys are gonna think I'm nuts, but yesterday, it seemed like he was gonna kiss me... multiple times. But he never did. One side of me wanted to grab his perfect little face and pull his lips to meet mine, but the other side wanted to push him away and ignore those butterflies and all of this weird feelings.

Yesterday was perfect, I got to meet Kian, and he was really nice, I got to hang out with Ricky, and he was a pleasure to be around, and, the best of all, I got to hang out with Connor, and just talk to him, see him, touch him.. Wow.. The way he kissed my cheek from time to time, well constantly, the way he wrapped his arms around me from behind to show me how to swing, the way he smiled at me, the way his head slightly leaned in... Wow... 

I felt myself getting heated and when I looked in the mirror again, I was blushing... And it wasn't cute at all... I hated when I blush, and I knew that I did that a lot when I was around Connor. He just.. he made me smile, he made me want to live my life, he made me laugh, he made me feel alive...

I looked at the clock again and it was time, he is gonna come soon. My hands began to get sweaty, my knees started getting weak, even without seeing him. Wow.. I was so in love.

I'm gonna be alone with him, in the plane and in LA... And I was house looking with him, like a real couple.. Yesterday felt like we were just that. It felt just like I was his and he was mine, but that is so far away from the truth and well, reality.

I grabbed my purse and made my way downstairs to be greeted by Ed. He smiled widely, obviously happier since he got  a job.

"So you ready for your date with Connor?" he teased. I gasped and covered his mouth

"Don't say that, it's not a date. We're just friends Ed, and that's all we'll ever be" I said, and let a small sigh escape my lips, he knew I wanted more. But it's not possible, why would Connor freaking Franta want to date me? The average girl, with so much baggage.

The door bell rang and I was quick to shove Ed in the other room before he embarrassed me and I opened the door with a wide smile on my face.

Connor's POV

We're just friends Ed, and that's all we'll ever be.

I shouldn't have heard that. Don't blame me, I wasn't stalking, I just happen to hear it before I rang the bell. Those words, wow.

You know you're hooked to some girl, when those simple yet meaningful words, hurt you so much that you just have to stop for a second and remind yourself that everything will be fine.

But it won't. We'll stay friends, she'll get a guy, and I'll just stay with Taylor, because I know there is no way I would want any other girl besides Tammy, so why bother look.

She opened the door, and it would be an understatement to say that she took my breath away, she gripped it right out of my lungs.

She was dressed in a casual attire, but it still looked amazing on her, everything looked amazing on her. She was wearing this simple pair of jeans that were ripped slightly on the thighs and she was wearing this dark purple hoodie that said "Warning, I have issues" and some vans. I know it's simple, I know, but I guess that even if she wore some stuff worn by hobos, she would look amazing, well I would always think that.

The hoodie, well I knew she had issues, we never really discussed them all at once, but I wanted to know, I wanted to help her carry the baggage.

The best thing she wore when she opened the door, was that huge, beautiful smile. Damn...

I know that smile was caused because of me, well I hoped so, but I knew that she will never be mine.. Ever.. and that killed me inside, even if I didn't show it on the outside.

I pulled her body towards mine in a affectionate huge, I placed my head on top of her's and smiled weakly. This was the only time I ever felt like she was mine. I just liked to give myself false hope I guess...

She wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her head in my chest, I could feel her breathing, the smell of her perfume, the smell of her hair, I could feel her warmth radiating towards me. I loved these moments more that anything, I can't even explain it, but when you're holding the one you love, yes, love. You feel at peace, you feel fulfilled, you feel whole in a way...

Suddenly we heard someone clearing their throat... Not this again.

Tammy's POV

Nice going Ed, really... Nice going.

Just as I was about to let myself melt in his warm embrace, you just had to butt in. 

I felt whole, at peace, I felt like everything was gonna be alright, I felt hope that tomorrow the sun will shine and that this rainy life will finally get a rainbow (wow, aren't I deap?)

"Sorry to disturb that touchy moment, of two friends, finally seeing each other after those horrible 9 hours apart, I have no idea how you guys survived" Ed said, with a sarcastic voice and a smirk on his face. Please don't embarrass me.

Connor laughed  and smiled widely.

"I know, those were the roughest 9 hours of my life" he joked, but it still made my heart skip a beat

"Nice to meet you sir, I'm Connor Franta, i'll be taking your daughter to LA and bringing her back as soon as possible, and hopefully she'll be whole" he joked and they both laughed it off as they shook hands.

"Nice to meet you Connor, call me Ed" he said simply and placed a hand on my shoulder

"You two have a good time" he said and I turned around, mentally thanking him for not embarrassing me any further. I kissed his cheek and said quickly before exiting

"We will"

When I looked down I noticed I was holding Connors hand, I guess when I exited and walked down the steps I got a hold of his hand. I blushed and released it before mumbling

"I'm so sorry" and then I looked down, embarrassed. 

I heard him chuckle and say

"Don't ya worry about that" I looked up and saw that beautiful smile I loved so much, so very much. That smile I grew fond of for a short period of time, that smile that just made my whole life so much brighter, I remembered seeing him for the first time, wishing I got to know him, got to see why he was smiling, why he was always positive, why he looked so darn happy while I looked like I was about to fall apart.

Maybe because Connor has a perfect life, or it just seemed like it. Come to think of it, I don't know a lot about Connor and his life, I was so concentrated on my own little bubble, that I didn't even think about his, maybe it wasn't as perfect as I thought, but that smile, damn, it was perfect.

We got inside the taxi, siting together in the back seat wasn't so nerve racking as I thought it would be. We small chatted  through the whole ride to the airport, I asked him about his day, and how he was feeling, what kind of houses does he like...

"Tam babe, don't be nervous, I'm here, I'll be here the whole flight through and just act as though you're in a car" Connor said as we took our sits, him taking the one near the window, because I was too big of a coward to do so.

"Yeah, a flying car, about to take off, and bring us to certain doom" I said and he laughed, surprisingly I laughed along. Maybe this flight thing will be just fine, I mean he is right there with me.

"If you ever feel scared or whatever, you can do what you did when you exited the house" Connor said as he placed his hand between our sits, wow, was that offer tempting...

I nodded and bit my lip, something started happening and I did what first came to my mind, I grabbed his hand. 

Connor's POV

Please Tammy, just take me on my offer, I want to hold your hand again...

I know she didn't do it the first time on purpose, but it felt so fucking good to hold her hand, it felt right and it felt like I should have done it a long time ago. She was nervous I could tell by the way she looked straight forward and the way she bit her lip

And then she did one thing I wanted her to do, she took a hold of my hand, squeezing it in fear as the plane started slowly raising from the ground. I smiled down at our hands, they looked perfect together, I laced my fingers through her's, wanting to keep holding her hand longer this time.

It felt like heaven. She was the closest thing I had to heaven.

"Tammy, let's just talk about something to get your mind off of it" I said smiling widely. I just couldn't get over the fact that I was holding hands with her and to people around us it probably looked like we were dating, and that she was mine. Dear God, I hope she becomes just that.

"I want to talk about you, and your life and your struggles, because it seems like you have a perfect life Connor" she mumbled, but I heard everything she said.

She took interest in me, and my life, I guess that's a good sign.

"What do you want to know about me Tams?" I asked, my voice coming out softer than ever. I just couldn't keep myself from glancing at our hands a couple of times before she finally looked at me and said with a unsure smile on her face

"Everything, but you don't have to tell me everything, I mean you can, but you don't have to, I mean i'm here whenev-" she wanted to keep just trailing off her thoughts but I cut her off by kissing her cheek quickly

"I know, I know. I want to talk about it... Hmm..." this was the first time I had to tell someone everything. It surprised me that she thought I had a perfect life, I didn't..

"Well..." I started pouring out everything I had felt and everything I've been through, hoping that she would do the same afterwards. I, on purpose,  left out the girlfriend part. I wasn't going to tell her that and make her pity me and my awful love life, I'll just tell her some other time. She listened carefully and when I talked about bad things, like my grandfather passing away, she would squeeze my hand, trying to comfort me, and that little worried face of her's just made me want to kiss her, and make her smile again...

"So that's my life, and then I met this beautiful girl, and she's.... the best friend I ever had, well besides O2L, but they're all boys, so you're the best girl friend I ever had" I said lastly, and just saying that made my heart flutter, oh how I wish I was her boyfriend.

She smiled at the last thing I said and blushed while looking down and smiling even wider with every second that passed

"I want to tell you about my life" she managed to say and look up. My eyes widened, was she serious?

"I'm all ears Tams" I said and squeezed her hand, loving the feeling of our skins, touching, Yes it was getting kinda sweaty, but who the fuck cares, I'm holding her hand.

"Well the first memory was when I was 5, bouncing around the new house, smiling, thinking "hey I got new parents, yay" I was the happy kid, I don' know why even. I mean it was my 7 home so far, but still I was happy. I remember hugging my new parents and them hugging me back, and then all of a sudden, all the love. Was gone, like it never existed. I was too young to understand it then, but they got bored of me. The woman got pregnant, finally and well she didn't need me anymore, so that meant new home. Since then I just feel scared to love someone and the thought that first goes to my head is "They'll leave me sooner or later".. Not to love means not to hurt. That was what I though throughout my life... Everyone pushed me aside, threw me under their carpet, no one was willing to share the love they had in them, I knew they did. Ed is the only person that truly loves me, he's the only one I can call my parent, my dad.

When I was 14 and living in Canada I experienced a lot of hate, and a lot of hurt. I was bullied constantly, I was. I was the kid that sat in the corner and everyone pointed fingers at and laughed at. I was the kid that moved around, the kid that never had friends, the kid that was always new, always. I wanted to start cutting, but I never did, I didn't want to give them that satisfaction of thinking they pushed me so far that I actually wanted to harm myself, I started feeling so depressed that I actually wanted to die when I came here. And then I met you. And I saw that beautiful smile, that just seemed so much brighter than my whole life. You were so much brighter than anything around me.. So much brighter and I just wanted to be near you and just find out everything about you, and see the reason for that smile" she said. Her voice getting lighter when she started talking about me. Wow, she went through a lot, everything that she just said explained absolutely everything I didn't understand about her.

She.. She was even more beautiful in my eyes... I was speechless...

She didn't open up easily, she didn't let anyone near her, or get attached to her, she didn't let anyone love her that easily. Well too late Tammy, too late.. Because I already do...

Well kinda sucks, but I hope you still like it. And pretty pretty please I know you guys are reading this, I know you do. Can you just take some time to just comment and tell me what you think of my story? And the chapter in general, anything would do. I just want feedback to find out if I'm doing a good job. Thanks for reading, hope you have an amazing day :) xx

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