Not To Deep.

"I'm no one. I'm worthless." I said as I pulled out the sharp blade."You can't do anything right.Everyone hates you." I cried.I faced the blade towards me,showing my reflection."Ugly whore,just pitiful." I said mimicking the words of others.
I know who I am and I know who I'm not,I guess I just listen to what others think of me.
A strike of pain shook through my body.I let out a silent scream of both pain and pleasure.
"Remember.." I thought. "Not Too Deep."


3. The Truth.

Alexa's  POV

We were all in Zayn's car heading to our house.Lou and Harry were 'Trying' to rap to Drake which was blasting.

We got out of the car and walked to the house.Lou walked fairly close to me."Its like 80 degree's. Aren't you hot."

I was but not sweating.I'm anemic so i was cold all the time."No.Not really." I said with a shy smile.He shook his head and put his arm around me.

It was so nice,to actually feel the warmth f someone you loved next to you,loving you,treating you with respect.

"Louis." Zayn called.Louis wiped around with a smile.

"Yes?Zayn?" He said cheekily.

"Please,Stop touching my sister." He said sternly.Louis put his arms out as if the cops had caught him red handed.I hated it when Zayn ruined our moments.It may not mean anything in you're eyes,but in my eyes,Every touch from him to me,felt like magic.

Zayn walked towards me.He didn't look happy.The other boys already walked in,Zayn wanted me to stay with him."Why do you let him touch you like that?" My eyes widened.

"What do you mean?" I shuffled my feet.

"Alexandra Alessa Malik.You know what im talking about." I sighed.

"I don't know.."He paused then narrowed his eyes down at me.

"You like him don't you..?!" I smirked and than walked inside.I knew He was angry.He didn't want me to date anyone considering I was only 16.Zayn was 17 and Louis was 18 considering he was held back a grade.

"Alexa!" Harry called.He was standing by the laundry basket.Uh oh.

"Look what we found!" Liam said.They each had a bra on their heads except Louis,He didn't seem to be happy.

I gasped."Get those off you're heads!" I said running towards them.Harry laughed and flung it back into the basket,as did the other boys.I picked up the basket and glared at the boys.I climbed up the stairs and went into Zayns room.I stacked his trousers in his drawer and his jumpers and tees in the closet.

I walked to my room and laid the basket down on my bed.I walked to my closet when I passed my mirror.I stood up tall and looked around my waist and every speck of my body.


I thought.

Fat and ugly.

I pulled up my shirt.My ribs were showing but I still had the little pouch.Farther down were my hip's.My hip bones showed,But only barley.

Above my hip bones were faint scars.I never really cut on my stomach but only If I needed to.

I sighed.I went to pull my shirt back down when my door slammed open.Harry peeked his head in.

He saw...

I thought.I pulled my shirt down and gave a dimply smile.He didn't buy it.

"What were you doing?" He asked.I gulped.

"Oh nothing!I was checking my weight lose. I lost 5 pounds since I last checked!" He nodded but didn't reply in smile like he usually did.

"Then let me see.Pull up you're shirt." I did the opposite and clung on to my shirt.

"Why should I?" He cocked his head.

"Why not? You said you were losing weight.." I felt like I was going to cry but I shook it off.

I walked to the mirror,Haz standing behind me.I slowly lifted the silk tee and revealed it all.

Harry breathed heavily." What did you do?"  

I pulled down my shirt once again.I felt warm strong arms wrap around my small waist.

"Why?" He asked."Why would this?" I felt his warm breath on my neck,Warm from his sobs.A tear rolled down my cheek.

"I'm sorry...." I mumbled.

"Why would you?Is there a reason? You always come to me with problems,Why not this one?" He didn't lift his head once. Every time he spoke,His lips would graze my neck.

"I didn't want to bother you..You have you're own problems to worry about.I don't want my problems on you're plate too."

He looked in the mirror,but stared at me."You could tell me anything you needed to." He let go and grabbed my hands flipping them showing off my wrists.He rubbed of all the makeup I used to hide them.

"How did you-"

"I know because I used to.I know because I have the same cover up with the same waxy smell and the same texture.I know what it feel's like.."

I looked up into his deep green eyes."Why?How?"

"I was teased when I was little.I was called things,Horrible things.Homo,Fag,Gay."

I knew this because I was there.I was never to leave Zayn's sight as a kid but I knew how he felt.All because off one thing that was different about him.

I was the one that let him into our group.It was only me,Liam and Zayn at the time.

I laid on the bed with him and let him finish.


"I never want you to cut,Ever again." I nodded.

"It'll be really hard but I'll try." He smiled and hugged me.

We had been laying on the bed so he had to hover over me to hug me,And plant a friendly kiss on the cheek.

"Don't tell Louis." He nodded.

"I won't if you wont." He said with a cheeky smile.

I heard the door creek open and a depressed looking boy came out,Louis.

"Lou!" I said with a smile.

"You were only supposed to apologize to her and thats it. Niall just ordered pizza and it's here.Come down when you're done..." He said.

"What?Boo thats not what was-" It was to late,Louis was already down the stairs.

Haz looked at me,He looked sorry. Haz was the only one that knew I liked him.

"Just let him cool down and I'll talk to him,ok?" I said. He nodded and we walked out of my room.

(A/N SECRETS OUT! Harry knows about her secret but now she knows his.What do you think will happen between Alexa and Louis and forming a rivalry triangle,Harry!What does Zayn think about the whole thing? Find out in the next chapter!.xx) 






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