im not afraid

im 17, short, long blackish brown hair, big emerald eyes, i live for one direction, i never thought i would get the chance to meet those 5 beautiful boys, but i did.


18. I can't live without you

"I can't live without you, I can't live without you, I can't live without you baby." I sang softly, I hate taylor swift, with a fiery red passion, but I love this song. 
"I know, but why did you say yes to Zayn." Niall asked from behind me, I spun at top speed and jumped a few feet hurting my knee in the process.
"Shit! Niall... I thought I was alone." I glanced around the lit room, it's a small dressing boys that the boys were using today.
"You love me." He whispered, it's not a question or an accusation, it's a statement.
"I don't. Anymore." I lied through my teeth, he called my bluff and winked.
"Don't worry. Ill let you and Zayn play your little game, but your mine. Don't forget that." He spun and left the room, leaving me completely confused. I picked up a shirt that one of the boys had thrown on the floor and folded it, setting it down on the table. 
"Want a job?" Harry asked from the doorway.
"Uhm. I have to graduate." It's not an answer because I'd love a job but I need to focus on my senior year.
"It's after school, most days and you can keep it for as long as you want." Harry bribed, giving me his dimpled smile. 
"What's the job haz?" I asked, feeling worried about what he wants me to do.
"Stylist. Ours." A grin exploded on my face. This is literally the job that I've alway wanted, to be one directions stylist. I opened my mouth to answer but was interrupted by my phone, I picked it up and glanced at who was calling 'big brother<3' 
"Shit I have to take this." I stated, sliding the screen and pressing the phone to my ear. "Hello!" I said, happy to talk to Colton
"Hey sis!" He replied, I'm glad he's in collage, I miss him to bits but.
"Miss you." I sat on a chair and ignored Harry who's standing next to me waiting for an answer.
"You too. So I just got a call.... From mom.... She uh. Wants me to talk to you about your future. I didn't tell her I'm here.." When he said the words your future I felt my stomach do a flip, the only thing I want is to stay a kid.
"I have a uh. Job offer. It's a good job and I would have it for a long time." I stated, glancing at Harry.
"What is it?" Colton's always looking out for me
"One directions stylist." I whispered so quiet I doubt he heard me.
"Absolutely not. Your not going to be around Niall. After when he did to your knee he's not safe." How did Colton know about my knee!? I threw Harry a hard glare and rolled my eyes. 
"Why? I wouldn't need to go to an expensive collage, plus Zayn would look out for me. Niall won't touch me Colty." I begged, my heart breaking. 
"No. Your going to collage and getting a real career." Colton snapped.
"Fine. But just so you know this was that dream job I never wanted to talk about." I snapped, tears filling my eyes, I hit the end button on the screen and slammed it down on the table. 
"so....?" Harry trailed off, turning it into a question.
"Ill take the job." I stated, in the back of my mind the thought of Colton burning a hole in my conscience.
"Yay! Ill go tell Paul!" Harry ran off like a happy little boy and I closed my eyes, resting my head on the table.
"So your working for me now?" Zayn whispered from behind me, I slowly turned to see a cheeky smile on his lips. I felt one spread on my own as I realized what he's thinking.
"I don't know.... I probably shouldn't date the boss..." I teased, stepping away from him.
"Hmm. But we could have sex on the couch without getting in trouble." He winked and lifted me, being careful of my gimpy leg, and set me on the couch, kissing me. 
"Um." Liam basically hissed from the doorway, a glare painted on his face, I rolled my eyes and tried to sit up, Zayn kept me laying, no matter how hard I tried.
"So Harry gave me a job ." I gave up and laid back down, Turing to Liam as I said it.
"Is your boyfriend ok with that?" Liam literally spat the word boyfriend.
"Ok. One, EW, spiting is so tacky. And two, not that kind of job. I'm your new stylist." I said, Zayn chuckled and pressed his lips to my Collar bone, something that drives me to the wall.
"So we need to talk about what looks good on me and what you want to do, also how you should do my hair." He gave me a glare and sat in the chair opposite of us.
"Maybe in like a hour, me and Zayn were talking." I hissed, Zayn didn't stop kissing my neck and shoulders, probably trying to piss of Liam. I moaned softly as his tongue licked over my soft spot on my neck.
"Zayn. Get off her." Liam yelled, grabbing zayns collar and throwing him off me. Zayn swung at Liam and hit him square in the nose, sending a trail of blood.
"NIALL??!!!!!" I yelled, he soon danced into the room to see Liam and Zayn beating the shit out of eachother, Niall rolled his eyes an stepped forward, prying them apart. When they did Zayn spat blood at the floor and whipped his mouth with his new shirt. "Zaayyyyn!" I whined. 
"What?" His anger suddenly faded, Liam's stayed visible.
"I have to wash that shirt and it has your blood on it. EW." I snapped, I slowly peeled it of his body and held it at arms length away, I glanced back at him, he's got that half smile, the look that says 'this girls adorable', and is shaking his head a tiny bit. I glanced at his bare chest and felt my heart rate increase, he's perfect. Physically perfect. He chuckled loudly and I glanced up at his face. "What!?" I joked like a little girl.
"Your adorable, you know that?" He smiled sweetly, he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me.
"Gag." Niall hissed, storming out of the room, Liam glared at Zayn and gave me a small smile. 
"Bye may..." He muttered as he exited the room aswell.
"I'm tired. I also have school tomorrow... I have to go home. Do you have your car here?" I asked, "I can also call myself a cab, or walker can come get me or something." I stated quickly.
"I'll take a cab with you. I got a ride ere with haz but he left." Zayn draped his shirt over his shoulder and his other arm over mine.
"Lets go." I smiled and walked with him to the street corner, he hailed a cab and we crawled into it. I kept my head on his chest until we got to my house. "Bye?" I asked, he nodded and kissed me, walking into my empty house and heading to my room.
I'm not sure why but I feel like my life is missing something. I texted walker, telling him I'm up to chill tomorrow at lunch. I know I shouldn't but... Maybe he's what I need to help feel happy.


"I'm not cheating on you. I'm hanging with a friend." I said to Zayn at lunch, walker smiled at me and Zayn sat down.
"Go." Walker hissed, I looked at him and he laughed. "What?" He asked.
"Did you just tell Zayn to go?" I asked, feeling quite awkward
"I said yo...." He laughed and so did Zayn, leaving me feeling like a tard. I fake smiled at walker and turned back to face forward. We're sitting at the bar table so I'm in the middle of them. I picked up my burger and started eating it, feeling even more Awks. Zayns hand found my leg and started lightly running up and down it, I decided to ignore it and pretend to be oblivious to the tension in the air. I sipped my Pepsi and nearly choked when walkers hand started running up my thigh aswell. Zayn chuckled softly, thinking the my coughing was because of him, and walker chuckled because he knows it's because of him. I put my hands down and tried to push their hands off me but was unsuccessful. 
"Hey." Harry's voice came from right behind me, walkers hand dropped but Zayns stayed.
"Is Louis parking the car?" I joked, rolling my eyes.
"Nah. It's good now." Louis stated as he walked up, my eyes rolled and I threw a twenty on the bar to pay for my meal.
"Where are you going?" Harry asked in a superior tone.
"I'm not at work so your not my boss right meow. And I'm going back to school." I stated, walking from the restaurant to walkers truck. Within a minute he can out and opened it for me, we drove back to the school in silence, awkward silence. 
 "I have Gillespie." I stated.
"I have trots." He replied.
"She hated me!" I muttered, grabbing my things from my locker. I walked to my class and took a seat in the back, ignoring the sluts questions about Niall and Zayn in bed.
"She's such a slut. Watch. Next she will date Harry." A girl named Kirsten snapped.
"Mhm. So how's your fuck buddy?" I asked sarcastically. Everyone laughed but her, I gave everyone but my best friend a sarcastic smile and handed mr. Gillespie my assignment.
"Thanks." He took it from me and went to his desk.

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