I Just Want to be Loved *Completed*

When Brittany's mum get's remarried, she got a surprises when she finds out who her new step brothers are. When she starts living with one of them and his friends, and starts 'dating' one of them, she starts to question herself. Was her life to complicated? What's going to happen when her past catches up with her? Will Louis ever tell her his secret? Are one of the boys going to fall for her? What will Liam do when she becomes known as 'Mummy Direction'? And most importantly, will the boys be understanding about her past and help her in the future?

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38. Wait...What??!?

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Buzz Buzz Buzz

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It was a calendar on my phone going off. I looked at the screen and felt tears falling down my face.

I picked Danny up grabbed my comforter off of my little bed. I laid Danny back down, and then quietly walked so I wouldn’t wake any of the boys since it was midnight. When I got upstairs I went and sat on the couch.

I curled myself up in my blankets and sobbed uncontrollable. I just couldn’t help it. I mind was filling up with all the memories I cherished and would do anything to relive.

I just wanted to lie in down and remember.

I wanted to remember the time he was around.

I wanted to remember the time that he would look at me and smile.

I wanted to remember the time when he would cry and I would pick him up and calm him down.

I wanted to remember all the times he called me Mummy.

After a while, I heard someone wake up and walk upstairs. I tried to stop crying and I wiped my eyes, but the tears just kept flowing.

“Britt?” Louis asked when he saw me. When I didn’t respond, he walked over. When he sat me, he slid under the comforter next to me and cradled me in his arms.

“Britt, what’s wrong?” he asked and I just kept crying into his shoulder. “Come on, it’s your Boobear, you can tell me anything.”

“No, I can’t. You wouldn’t understand,” I told him.

“Please, you can tell me,” he said and started to rub circles in my back.

“It-it’s Brett’s birthday today,” I sobbed. Tears were streaming down my face faster than ever.

“How old would he have been?” he asked slowly.

 “Three,” I said and put my face into his shoulder again.

“It’s okay,” Louis said to me.

“No, it’s not. I just want to be with him. I miss him so much,” I cried.

“It’ll be okay. Brittany, I promise you that it’ll be okay. I’m here for you. I’ll always be her for you.” Louis was telling me sweetly. “You can tell me anything, I will never judge you. You just need to remember that everything will be okay.” As Louis kept talking, I fell asleep in his arms to the sound of his soothing voice.

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*****

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“Everything is going to be okay,” Jake said as I cried into his shirt.

“No, nothing is ever going to be okay,” I said threw my tears.

“Have you told your mum yet?” he asked.

“No, I don’t know how to tell her,” I cried.

“Just say, ‘Mum, I’m pregnant.’”

“It’s not that easy,” I told him.

“Yes it is. Just saying those three little words will make everything easier. Anything else you come up with is just going to the more complicated version of that.”

“Maybe I should just get an abortion and not tell anyone anything,” I muttered and Jake pushed me back from the hug and looked me straight in the eyes.

“No, you are not doing that.”

“I know! It’s just, I don’t know how to be a mum! I’m only fifteen!”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be here for you. Your mum will be too, but you have to tell her.”

“But she’s going to be angry. Especially since I don’t know who the dad is.”

“Jus-just tell her that it’s me,” he said.

“What?!?”

“Yeah. Just tell her that I’m the dad. I’ll be there when you tell her too.” I was starting to stop crying.

“No one would believe that we had sex,” I told him.

“Come on. Think about it. I’m always here. I sleep here. We’re always together. And, you’re really pretty. Just let me be the dad. Please, please, please, please, please, please, ple-,” I cut him off.

“Okay, okay. You can be the dad,” I said and laughed.

“Yay!” he screamed.

We then sat in my room and waited for my mum to get back from work.

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*****

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When I woke up again, it was around noon. Louis and I were still under my comforter, and he was asleep with his cheek resting on the top of my head.

I slowly moved from under of the comforter, careful not to wake up Louis. Then I headed back downstairs.

“Hey sleepy head,” Harry said when he saw me. He went to mess up my hair, which was already messed up, but I slapped his hand away.

“Fuck off,” I told him and went into the closet.

“Girls and their mood swings,” I heard Niall mutter. I went and grabbed one of my shoes and chucked it at him. “Owwwww!”

“Sucks to suck,” I said simply as I walked out of the closet and into the bathroom. I shut the door and turned on the shower.

I started to cry again. I just couldn’t help it. I missed my baby so much.

I did something that I haven’t done since before I was in the hospital. I took off my phone case, and put the blade that was in it in my hand.

When I got into the shower, I slide down and put my face in my hands. I held off with the blade for as long as I could. I was hoping that the need to cut would go away.

It didn’t.

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*****

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When I got out of the shower, I dried off and held some toilet paper to the cuts on my legs until the stopped bleeding.

When I opened up the bathroom door, I was fully dressed, and had my makeup and hair done. I had every intention of going with the boys to their sound check like I did before every show, but when I took a step out of the bathroom door, I sank to the floor. I put my hands over my face and started to cry.

“Britt!” Zayn yelled when he saw me. He ran over and sat down by me. “Are you okay?”

I nodded into my hands, but he didn’t believe me. I wouldn’t have believed me either. I was a mess.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, and I shook my head. It was so hard for me to tell Louis, and I didn’t want to have to say it again.

“Tell me, please.”

I shook my head again.

“Are you okay?” Liam asked as he walked down the steps holding Danny. I looked up, and when I saw the cute little baby, I cried harder.

“Tell us what’s wrong,” Zayn said and I shook my head.

“Guys!” Liam yelled up the stairs. “There’s something wrong with Brittany!”

I heard three steps of feet running down the steps. All of the boys were around me now. They were all asking what was wrong.

I gave Louis a pleading look, and he understood. He grabbed the guys and pulled them to the front of the bus.

When he was done telling them, they all looked at me sympathetically. When they started to walk back over to me, I said, “Go away,” and all but Niall went upstairs.

“Go away,” I said again as he sat down by me and wrapped his arms around me.

“Is this the mental breakdown that you were talking about in the interview?” Niall asked and I nodded.

“Britt, you can always tell us anything. We’re here for you.” I nodded again and put my head on his shoulder.

“Do you want to come with us to the sound check?” I shook my head.

“Do you want us to bring Danny with us?” I nodded.

“Do you just want to be alone?” I nodded again and Niall gave me a kiss on the head and he stood up. “If you need anyone to talk to, just come to one of us. We’ll listen.”

I nodded again, and Niall walked upstairs. I just put my head back into my hands and kept crying.

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*****

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“Britt, you need to get up,” Liam told me sweetly. They had just gotten back from their concert, and I was still by the bathroom door.

“You haven’t moved in hours,” Louis said.

“Have you eaten anything?” Zayn asked and I shook my head.

“Niall and I have made a decision,” Harry announced and I looked up at him.

“You promised us your birthday party that we could get you drunk,” Niall started.

“So, you’re going to go to a club with us,” Harry finished. They both had evil smiles on their faces, and I could feel my eyes widen.

“No,” I said and shook my head. “No, no, no, no.”

“You promised,” Niall told me.

“But-,” I was cut off by a dress being thrown at me.

“You’re wearing that,” Liam said.

“But-,” I started again, but was once again cut off.

“No buts. You’re going, and that’s final,” Zayn said.

The boys stood around me for a few minutes. They were trying to make me go and get dressed, but I refused to. I didn’t want to go.

“Boys,” Louis yelled. “Go upstairs!” Without argument, they walked to the top floor. “We can do this the easy way,” Louis said with an evil glint in his eyes, “or the hard way.”

“It’s not happening,” I said. “I’m not going.”

Louis then grabbed my arms and pulled me up. “Hard way it is,” he said.

“Wha-,” I yelled and he took my shirt off. He didn’t say anything about the marks on my stomach, since they were all scars. He hadn’t seen my legs though, and I’m sure that he wouldn’t be very happy with me if he did.

“What are you doing!” I yelled and he pulled my dress over my head.

“Getting you dressed,” he replied. My jaw dropped and he pulled me over to the couch that was by the bed. He shoved me down and took my pants off. Since my cuts were at the top of my thighs, he couldn’t see them.

Then Louis walked away in into the closet. He came out two minutes later holding a purse and a pair of shoes.

I just sat there as he put my shoes on my feet, then he took my hand and lead me to the bathroom.

He made me sit on the toilet as he brushed my hair. Then he took out a curling iron and added a few curls. When he went into my makeup bag, he pulled out my thing of sparkles.

“Louis, don’t,” I said because I knew what he wanted to do. He poured about half of the sparkles into his hand and clapped his hands over my head. “Louis!” I yelled and he laughed.

“I don’t think that you want me to do this part,” he said and held up my makeup.

“Uggggggg,” I complained and took it from him.

“I’ve got to go and get dressed, but do you’re makeup. You look like a zombie.” With that, I was alone. I went and shut the bathroom door, and I heard the boys walk down the steps and into the closets where they were getting ready.

When I looked in the mirror, I was slightly shocked at what I saw.

On one hand, Louis had done a really good job on my hair, but on the other, I saw that Louis was right. I did look like a zombie.

The makeup that I had put on earlier was covering my face and my eyes were red and puff from crying.

I took makeup remover and wiped of the trails of mascara that went from my eyes to my chin, and then I did my makeup over again.

When I was done, I walked out of the bathroom and grabbed my phone from off the floor by the door where it had been since this morning. Then, I went and sat on the couch as I waited for the boys to be ready.

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*****

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Half an hour later, we were inside of the club. It was loud, full of people, and smelt like alcohol. I knew that it was probably a really stupid idea to bring Danny with us, but I didn’t really care. He was used to loud sounds, and he was going to stay with Liam who wasn’t going to get drunk.

The boys had stopped at McDonald's on the way here and they had made me eat so I wouldn’t be drinking on an empty stomach. Even though I didn’t want to get drunk, I knew that I had no choice, and I’d rather drink with something in my stomachbesides stomach acid.

Liam was even on the boy’s side with everything. I was a little shocked by the fact that ‘Daddy Direction’ was okay with the boys getting ‘Mummy Direction’ wasted.

“This way!” Niall yelled and he took my arm and led me into a room towards the back of the club. There was a curtain door, but it was a lot quieter back here than out there with all of those people.

“Where’s Harry?” I asked when I noticed that the curly haired boy was missing.

“Getting drinks,” Zayn answered with a smile on his face.

“The party don’t start till I walk in,” Harry sang as he walked through the curtains holding a trey full of shots. He looked like he had already had some drinks, even though we had only been here for about two minutes.

“Dear god,” I muttered.

Harry sat the trey down on the table in front of me. “Drink,” he demanded.

“Never drink alone,” I said and smiled. All the boys but Liam grabbed a shot and drank it. “You guys are great romodles for your kid,” I said sarcastically. Danny was watching our every move, and I hoped that he wouldn’t remember this.

Niall handed me a shot. “Now drink.”

“Isn’t a brother supposed to stop his little sister from drinking, not encourage it?” I asked.

“Well this brother is Irish, so no. Now drink.”

“You’re not helping the fact that people think you have a drinking problem,” I noted.

“All of Ireland has a drinking problem!” Niall yelled.

“Stop trying to change the subject!” Louis screamed.

“Drink!” Zayn added.

“Uggggg!” I complained and grabbed a shot and drank it.

Harry handed me another one, and I glared at him, then swallowed it.

After every shot, I would get handed another one.

After I downed the seventh shot, I blacked out.

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*****

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When I woke up, I had a killer headache. When I was over the pain in my head, I noticed something was off.

I wasn’t in my bunk, I was upstairs on the couch, and I wasn’t alone.

My clothes were lying on the floor, and when I stood up, I saw who was lying behind me…

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Louis.

 

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