I Just Want to be Loved *Completed*

When Brittany's mum get's remarried, she got a surprises when she finds out who her new step brothers are. When she starts living with one of them and his friends, and starts 'dating' one of them, she starts to question herself. Was her life to complicated? What's going to happen when her past catches up with her? Will Louis ever tell her his secret? Are one of the boys going to fall for her? What will Liam do when she becomes known as 'Mummy Direction'? And most importantly, will the boys be understanding about her past and help her in the future?

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72. Crazy

It has been a few days since Louis and my fight. He'd forgiven me and I'd forgiven him. He promised me that he wouldn't cut again, but I couldn't believe him. I know that he would try, but I also knew he would fail. Every cutter at at least one point in time tries to stop cutting, but they don't always succeed.

I'm teaching Louis how to be a vampire and it seems to be going pretty well to be honest. We'd figured out his other emotion and it was a lot better than feeling pain and loss. Well, anything is better than feeling pain and loss.

His is compassion. I would love for compassion to be mine, but I'm not that lucky.

The other boys don't know about him being a vampire. Harry knows, of course, because we seem to always tell Harry everything.

He's both of our food sources, but we know that it will soon be too much for his body to handle and we'll have to tell another one of the boys so we don't literally drain Harry dry.

I still haven't told anyone about the voices. They were terrifying to me and I wish they would go away. I have no control over them. They come and go as they please. I still haven't seen another hallucination of anything.

Well, hearing things that aren't there is considered hallucinating, but whatever.

Some days are worse than others. Today, well, today was the worst day yet.

.

.

.

.

.

Louis and I were lying on the couch watching a movie when they started up again.

"Come on, just do it!" Zayn said to me.

"I know it's hard," Harry added.

"You need to be here for your baby," Niall said.

"I'm still angry that you killed me," Meghan told me.

I flinched at the last one.

“Are you okay?” Louis asked and I nodded. “Are you sure? Are you hungry or something? If you are I could make you some food, or you can just go to Harry who’s upstairs.”

“It’s not that,” I said quickly and shook my head. “It’s nothing like that.”

“Then what is it?”

“Nothing.”

“There’s something. You’ve been acting weird for the past few weeks and I thought it was just that you were keeping a secret from me, but even though I know it, you’re still jumpy.”

“It’s nothing,” I said again.

“Tell me.”

“Don’t pressure me into telling you things,” I snapped and Louis put his hands up in defense.

“I’m sorry, it’s just that I’m curious, that’s all.”

Well that sucks, doesn’t it?”

“You can tell me, I’ll understand.”

“No, you won’t.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Your emotions are different from mine.”

“I get that, but why can’t you just explain to me how it feel?”

“It feels like I’m getting my heart ripped out,” I said and Louis flinched.

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I get and a pain in my chest and it feels like there’s a weight on my heart pulling it down and then it just becomes unbearable.”

“I get how you feel,” Louis said and I shoved him away from me and stood up.

“No, you have no idea!” I screamed. “You don’t know how it feels to lose your children. To lose all of them. I’ve lose three of my babies. Three. Most people don’t even lose one! I was seventeen when Brett died! I got to have him until he was eighteen months old. I tried to kill myself because I lost him! Then I lost both of my other babies before they even had the chance to breathe!” I yelled. “You may have just lost one, but your emotions on that are dialed down. Mine are enhanced. The pain is all just magnified by ten! I have to live with these feelings for the rest of forever and I don’t think I’ll be able to manage that. I don’t know how much longer I’m going to last before I go crazy and I kill someone else.”

“Someone else?” Louis asked and I just shook my head.

“You killed me,” Meghan said and her image appeared.

“Go away,” I said to it in a shaky voice and Louis looked at me like I was crazy.

“You killed me,” Meghan repeated.

“I’m sorry,” I said to her. “I’m so very sorry. I wish I didn’t. I regret it more than anything.”

“Brittany, who are you talking to?” Louis asked. He looked a little like he was scared for my sanity, which he should be because it was almost gone.

“You didn’t even tell anyone.”

“I wouldn’t be able to handle any of them leaving me if they knew.”

“If who knew what?” Louis asked. “Brittany, who are you talking to?”

“I’m sorry,” I said to her and she just shook her head and faded away. “I’m sorry.”

“Who were you talking to?” Louis asked for the third time but I just ignored him and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Brittany, I’m worried about you.”

“Don’t be.”

“I’m worried about you,” Louis said.

“When will you join us?”

“Why can’t you be with us?”

“You’re a part of the family.”

“Your mother is worried.”

“I’m worried.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Why did you leave?”

“We need you.”

“You killed me.”

“Nothing’s the same.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I regret it.”

“You were a vampire.”

“I need you with me.”

“Everyone misses you.”

“I’m still angry at you.”

“You’re missing out on so much.”

“You killed me.”

“You’re gone.”

“Come back to us.”

“Be with us.”

“I love you.”

“I miss you.”

“I love you so much.”

“I love you more than anything.”

“Just be with us again.”

“You’re a vampire.”

“You killed people.”

“You killed me.”

“You killed everyone.”

“You’re crazy.”

“The fans say that we’re better off without you.”

"They're right."

"They were so right."

The voices kept talking. They were getting louder and louder to the point that they were screaming. I covered my ears with my hands and I fell to my knees. They were just so loud. It felt like my head was going to explode.

Tears were streaming down my face and I was shaking so bad that I ending up laying on my side on the ground screaming out.

Louis was behind me, running his hands though my hair and trying to calm me down. I had my eyes clamped shut and I knew Louis was crying because every couple of seconds a drop of water would hit my neck.

After several minutes, the voices started to quiet down and after a few more, they stopped.

I sat up, still shaking and Louis wrapped his arms around me.

“What just happened?” he asked and I just shook my head and hugged him. “What’s wrong?”

“Everything,” I whispered. “Everything is wrong.”

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