Snow angels

I find myself alone on the streets all at once, it seems. I run from home, from my mother, and a threat which i fear. My only companions are my dog and a scar.

Desmond, of course he's here again- the beautiful stranger. His face like a knife and his words that stick in my mind. I know, he's special. He knows things that nobody should know.

This is my story. A story of love, loss and temporary insanity. Read if you please.


4. Dreaming

When Hailey arrives there is even more hugging. There is also more explaining, more sympathetic looks, and more sarcastic comments on my part.


"You can never, ever do that again." Hailey commands me. She twists and twirls her golden-red hair nervously. Every second minute, she finds an excuse to hug me.


"I'm staying with Zahra tonight." I say, with a weak smile. My proposition sounds temporary, and yes, I doubt I will stay with Zahra for long.


"What about you parents?" Hailey asks her. 


"They won't notice..." Zahra shrugs, though i know she is a little upset admitting it.


"You can stay at my house any time." Hailey nods to me. I grin at her offer, because I know that her parents most certainly would find out about me residing in the same house. Hailey's family hugs after every single meal. They help each other with homework and projects, and they tell each other everything. They can be irritating, surely, but it's nice for a change.


Still, I  have to say no. Her family would find out instantly. " I won't be staying here for long, don't worry Zahra." I say. My two friends look concerned for me for a moment. Worried about the future, i suppose.


But so am I, after all. All i can say is that I won't stay for long.


"Shit, um." Hailey touches her head nervously. "Can I stay the night?" she asks, obviously not wanting to leave me in my Oh-So fragile state. Zahra nods, and while my red headed friend makes a few phone calls to her parents, Zahra and I just exchange looks. 


She looks so worried, that I wave my hands and say; "Slumber partay!" In the girliest voice I can muster. I realize that my giddiness is highly innapropriate for the occasion- You know, me pretty much disapearing for a few days. Yeah. That.


Still, stubbornly, i refuse to talk about anything, and they eventually give in and it is just like any old sleepover.


I'm tired, but we stay up late talking as usual. A usual, Hailey and I will go on long rants about something completely unimportant, while Zahra stays quiet. Sometimes, i will forget she is even there, and then she will say something perfectly witty and calm, and we'll laugh. She doesn't laugh often, but when she does, she laughs hard.


"We should call Felix." Zahra points out after a long silence on her part. We each have our own blanket wrapped around us.


"Good point." I say. It would be nice to say that I have other friends to call, but really, Felix is the only one I can think of.


"Mr. Valentine." Hailey snorts, and I giggle too. His name, Felix Valentine, we have decided sounds like a name that would belong to an 80's porn star. We told Felix, and he agreed whole heartedly.


Suddenly, I contradict myself. "Wait, no. We should just keep it between the three of us." I love Felix as a friend so much, but i feel like my judgement would be clouded by his pretty cheekbones and sparkly blue eyes. Besides, I don't think i would be able to deal with more concerned looks. 


By the time it reaches 10:30 pm, we are becoming more tired, Zahra has the excellent idea to fetch us glasses of sugary soda. I know this is a completely horrid idea, because i need sleep more than anything. But when Zahra returns with the cola, I can't resist.


"My brother is awake, but my parents are asleep." Zahra informs us, carefully giving us the soda. Truthfully, I instantly regret it as the drink hits my system, and i start to feel less tired.


"So Hailey." I say in an exceedingly gossip-y voice. "How about this Collin." I hate Collin honestly. He is as cocky as physically possible, and has the "Rich popular kid" attitude. But i know Hailey crushes on him, so i swallow my hatred of him and deal with it.


"He said hi to me today." She blushes, and Zahra looks annoyed. I probably look annoyed as well, but our conversation goes on. 


It's nearly midnight by the time we consider sleep. Angel is asleep under the bed, making his little squeaky snores. 


"Rylee." Hailey says after a long silence. I have assumed she is asleep, so i'm a but surprised by her talking. 


"Yeah." I say softly, so not to wake anyone up. 


"Why does your mom want you to go to a mental hospital." She displays a side of herself that I don't see very often. Sometimes i even forget there is a quiet sensitive side of her, and she is something other than just a hyper kid.


"I don't know." I lie.


"Oh." She murmurs. 





I don't fall asleep. I'm exhausted, but I don't fall asleep. I stare at the ceiling that I helped Zahra paint. The light is dim, but i can still see the graphic monsters, hills and valleys, dismembered eyeballs, and hidden names of our friends.


It took us the entire last summer, and plenty of ladders. Twice, i actually fell. It was painful, but i succeeded not to break any bones.


"Hey, Hailey." Zahra whispers. She must think I'm asleep, so i play along.


Hailey and her converse and I can barely hear. I let myself sink against my pillow.


"I'm worried about Rylee." Zahra says.


"Does she really have... problems." Hailey whispers.

I know they are just concerned, but i bite my tongue until it bleeds. I hate the thought of people saying there is something wrong with me, when there isn't. I hate people talking behind my back. I roll over, and they shut up for a minute. 


"We should tell her mom that she is here." Hailey whispers finally. I bite my tongue hard so i don't scream at her. I can't believe she would betray me that easily. 


They fall asleep, but i don't for a while. How can I?




I don't recall sleeping, just being safe in someone's arms. It isn't real, i tell myself. But it feels warm and as real as possible. 


I know this feeling.


"I'm tired." I murmur in a quiet voice, pressing my face into his chest. My hair is long, and it swirls down onto my arms. It is also decidedly NOT green. My face is longer and thinner, so I am not me. Or, at least, i am a different me. I'm confused, but i remind myself that it's just a dream.


His soft hand strokes my hair, and i feel him kiss my forehead. It feels natural, just like a perfect routine. He smells like cold water.


I look up at Desmond, and I'm not surprised. We sit as close as we can on the overstuffed chair. 


"Are you sure your okay?" He whispers in his silkily deep voice. Finally, I recognize the tears and makeup on my face. He rubs smeared mascara from my chin, and i smile into his arm.


"Desmond?" I say to him. I don't finish my sentence, because the thin sleep that I have sunk into breaks, and I am awake. Hailey breathes softly, and i pull my knees to my chest. I force myself to be discusted by the dream I just had.


I hang my hand over the bed, and Angel wakes up instantly. I walk over the window, where creamy moonshine pours in. Angel follows me along. He is the only white thing in a dark room.


Outside, there is a tall figure in a black trench coat. I don't have to look at his face to know that it's him.


"We need to go, Angel." I whisper to the dog. Talking aloud gets it out of my system, even if I'm just talking to a dog. "I can't stay. They will call my mother and-" 


I stop talking, because i choke. I don't know if its to stop my sobbing, or to hold down the sick in my stomach.


Zahra's stairs are really long, so it takes me a while to reach the bottom step. My little white dog walks slowly, unsure of himself on the metal steps. His claws leave little "tic tic" sounds.


I felt a bit bad stealing Zahra's food, but she has plenty. I gather a tuperware of cat food, and as much cereal as i can fit in my back pack. The nice lavender color of it's fabric has already faded to a weird brown from the slushy streets. 


I check the clock- 5 am. It's still dark out.


My throat keeps on making little tightening sounds, as i choke on air. My eyes water, but not from tears. 


I hear heavy footsteps, and i jump onto my heels. I crouch behind their shiny breakfast bar. The footsteps are to loud to belong to Hailey or Zahra. 


"Angel!" I hiss, but instead of listening to me, he runs off to greet the new person- whoever they are. His little white butt skids around the corner and out of sight.


Clenching my teeth, i sit in place for a few seconds.


"Hey, dog?" A scratchy deep voice says,  acknowledging Angel. My teeth clench harder. It's Trevor.


"Sorry about that!" I squeak, running out. There is no denying that i am here anymore. 


Trevor's face registers no surprise. His eyes are so dark brown they appear black. His face is encruseted by acne, and he has black circles surrounding his eyes that are from a combination of drugs and guy-liner.


Other than being a heroin addict, he just generally looks creepy. I have never trusted him, and I don't plan to.


"Rylee?" He says in his terrible scratchy voice. His hands curl around themselves, and he never stops moving.


"Yup." I say simply. I feel terribly uncomfortable.


"What are you doing here?" He asks, but doesn't look like he cares too much.


I cross my arms over my chest awkwardly, as I feel like he is looking there far to much. I don't know if Trevor likes me, or is just generally perverted, but i feel uncomfortable in his gaze. 


Still, for some unknown reason, I tell him my story. Bits and peices, but more than i have told even my closest friends.


"My mother is going to die." I say suddenly. The choking in my throat sounds like i'm crying, but i'm not. Or I am. Either way, it sounds bad.


He nods. Anybody else would resort to sarcasm or laughter. But he believes me instantly. 


"I was told." I mumble. "She will die. I need to change it." I grab his arm tightly. "I. Need. To. Change. It." My voice was low and unrecognizable.


"What is going to happen to her." His constant glancing stops, and he looks strait at me. I have never had a full conversation with Trevor, somehow. I have avoided him with a passion. But in this questionable situation, he is the only one that understands. 


"She will be shot. She will die of a punctured lung." I make sure that I make it clear, not just for him, but for myself. 


"Here." He says, instantly assessing the situation. He places something in my palm. A gun.


Instantly, I gasp. I don't know why- I've learned how to use a gun before. But the heavy metal pistol in my hand seems to get heavier and heavier. I hold it carefully with two fingers, as if I could accidently pull the trigger.


"A gun." I say to Trevor, stating the obvious.


He nods his head slowly. He doesn't smile much, I realize. 


He looks at me with his coal-dark eyes and says; "Be careful Rylee." The whole thing makes me shiver a bit, but i know the gun will certainly be useful so i put it in my backpack.


"The safety is on, right?" I ask, to ensure that I don't shoot myself in the ass.


He nods. I don't bother continue the conversation. My deep mistrust of him remains. But I nod back in thanks, and leave the house as quickly as possible.


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