white noise chocolate

We all have our problems and with ours we need each other in order to solve them. We need to help each other, we need to understand each other. We need to love each other, make each other feel one another. Another. Other. Kiss me Niall, please, because there won't be another. Love me Niall, please, because I need to feel your touch before I go.


11. There Goes My World

I feel something cold beneath my fingers. I wake up again, and find I've slumped to the floor for the fourth time. I exhale and lean back in the hospital seat. The beeping of the machines connected to Ireland were like a lullaby now. Steady, gentle, not rushing. 

The sun was trying to peek through the thick curtains and I wondered what time it was. I pulled my mobile from my pocket and checked the time. Ten in the morning. I watched her chest rise and fall. 

I think way to soon as the door slides open and her father walks inside. 

"Niall," he nods. 

I stand. "You do this and you'll regret it." 

"It has already been done." 

I crushed my teeth together. He wasn't serious. 

"Mr. Brolin," a doctor walked into the room. "We need you to sign these papers before we can proceed." 

I looked up to the ceiling, trying to hold back my anger, my tears. "You're serious." I cross my arms, trying to regain heat into my body but nothing was happening. It was so cold. 


My eyes quickly darted around the room. Until I found the voice, the sweet, still, confused voice. 

"Niall, he's gonna do it, isn't he?" Ireland asked me from the door.

I nodded. 

"He can't, this can't happen." 

I nod again, before placing my head in my hands, rubbing up and down. More and more doctors filled the room and soon her father got close to me. 

"You can leave now," he said. 

"You actually have the nerve to tell me to leave when you are killing the girl I love? I'm not fucking going anywhere and you are a crazy fucker if you think I will." 

He swallowed before he looked away from me. 

"The oxygen supply is stopping now," said a doctor. "The breathing tube released."

I bit my bottom lip hard, rough. I looked back to the doorframe and still saw her there. She was watching confused and towards her body towards me. I kept my arms tight around me.

"I'm sorry," I mouthed as she looked at me once again. She begun to vanish, disappear but this time it would be forever. I would never see her eyes, touch her soft skin, talk to her voice. 

"I'll never forget you," she whispered and I wanted to punch something. Destroy something.

This is what alone felt like. 

This is what lost feels like. 

I wanted to run away, find a cave and hide myself inside of it. I didn't want to be found, I wanted to strangle her father. I wanted to bring her back to life. 

Why do the best things in life always--.

"Wait," started the doctor. "Her heart is still beating." 

"What?" Her father began.

I ignored it. It's just the leftover oxygen leaving her body. Her heart would stop soon, along with mine. 

"Four minutes," said the doctor. "Beating is regaining speed."


I looked up towards the bed. 


"D--Dad?" Her voice. I dropped my arms, falling to the floor. My knees hitting the hard floor. 

It was the same voice. 

"Ireland?" He was crying, he didn't have the right. 

"W--What's going on?" 

"Nothing," he started. "Everything is fine." 

No it isn't. 

I stood up. She said she would never forget me. Why was it so hard to believe it? 

"Ireland?" I started. 

She blinked as she looked towards me. Everything was the same, but she looked even better in real life. Her eyes narrowed. 

"It's Niall." 

"Dad, when did you sign a boy band?" 

"I didn't," said her father. 

"Ireland, it's me. Your b--boyfriend."

Her bottom lip dropped and I thought I sparked some type of memory. Anything. 

But. "I don't know you."


"I'm sorry," she continued. "I'm not dating anyone." 

There goes my world again. 

My fingers brushed along her arm and she squeezed her arm closer to her body, away from me. 

"Niall--," her father started.

But I was already turning. Leaving. Gone. 

I didn't make it far. My body hit the opposite wall and I slid down onto the floor. Finally letting my tears hit the linoleum floors. 

The hallway was hectic, but my eyesight was still. Nothing moved. 

No one moved. 

I didn't know what to do. 

Until. It was crazy, but I pulled my mobile from my pocket and called the first name that came across the screen. 

"Niall?" The voice on the other side was rough. "What's wrong? Are you crying?"

"Please come. I need you," I wiped my eyes, letting my head hit the wall. "Liam, I need you." 

"I'm leaving now." 

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