white noise chocolate

We all have our problems and with ours we need each other in order to solve them. We need to help each other, we need to understand each other. We need to love each other, make each other feel one another. Another. Other. Kiss me Niall, please, because there won't be another. Love me Niall, please, because I need to feel your touch before I go.


10. I Want To Feel You Inside Me; Now

Okay, I have to be careful with this chapter cos this story is rated Y :) It's going to be very sugar coated, sorry to all my smut lovers..


I woke up in a cloud of white. I soon realized I was in my bed, the white covers surrounding me. I was laying on my right side, my left arm not blending into the white. It was draped in red, the blood was soaking into the sheets. 

When did he stop? When did I say it was enough. 

I didn't. I never did. I never told him to stop, I let him continue. I must've drifted into my other world, because here I was. Bleeding, confused, and thirsting for him. I turned onto my back, the ceiling fan was spinning softly. 

The room was glowing with white. I ran my hands through my hair. 

"Niall?" I questioned, searching for him. I listened, but no answer. 

My lips were soon overflowing with electricity. I brought my fingers close to me lips, closing my eyes gently. 

The brightness was leaving and when I opened my eyes, I was looking up into the blue eyes of Niall. 

"I thought you were gone," he breathed.

"What? I'm right here."

"No, you wouldn't wake up and I could see you. I should have never did this," he ran his fingers lightly over the scars. 

I sat up, "I'm here, though, but maybe it was because of actual physical harm from someone breathing."

He exhaled, "I'm destroying you." 

"No, you make me feel like I'm breathing, like I'm human…again."

"By hurting you? There must be another way."

"There is," I mumbled. I looked up at him, placing my hand over the side of his face. "Make me feel everything." 

"Everything?" He whispered.

"I want to feel you touch me…everywhere. I want to feel you inside me, I want you to make me feel." 

"Oh," he breathed. "Are you sure?"

"I've never been more sure about one thing in my entire life." I didn't let him continue, I didn't want him to start talking. 

The only talking should be us moaning each other names. 

I could feel him tugging at my shirt, and soon it was over my head and landing somewhere on the floor. I felt for the buttons of his trousers, releasing him. Our lips never broke apart and he felt amazing with his shirt gone and now skin touching skin. 

He was in between my legs and our foreheads touched, he broke apart from my lips. "Three," he whispered. I looked up into his crystal blue eyes. "Two," he whispered. He was counting down, he was warning me, making sure I was ready. 

I've been ready. 

"One," he finally mumbled and I felt his tip at my entrance. His forearms were on either side of my face as he watched my face. 

I closed my eyes as he slowly entered me. My bottom lip dropped, so this is what love feels like. This is what amazement feels like. I could feel his lips everywhere and it was a like a cherry on top of a sundae. 

Delicious and colorful. 


I woke up again. My body ached but I felt amazing at the same time. I woke with a smile and the sound of beating next to my ear. I rose my head, my chin laying on the bare chest of Niall. His head was off to the side, his hair was disheveled, probably from me. 

I looked down his neck and saw the red lines. I followed the lines all the way down his chest.

Did I do that? 

I slowly sat up and reached for my clothing on the floor. I was getting dressed, the scars bright red from my wrist to my elbow crease. I kept tracing the lines as I went into the bathroom. The sun was bright as it shone through the sunroof. 

Everything was turning white again. I looked into the mirror and saw myself drowning. I was drowning in white, I was vanishing. 

Niall, he was making me feel alive and therefore I was disappearing. I was so confused. I felt like I was being torn from here. What was happening. 

"Niall," I said, not too loudly but not quietly. 

"Yea?" He muttered. 

"Niall," I kept repeating. 

"What is it, Ireland?" He sat up and looked around the room until his eyes landed on me, they widened. He stood up and walked towards me completely naked. I normally would get distracted but this time I wasn't. "What's going on?" 

"I don't know." 

He reached and placed his hands on my arms, but instead of touching my skin his fingers went through me. Like dust, like thin air. 

I felt like I was being pushed, torn away. 

"Ireland?" It was his turn to question me. He sounded worried, and I looked down and saw my toes completely vanish. 

I looked back up at him, "Go to the hospital. Something's wrong." 

"Okay," he mumbled as he turned and reached for his clothing. Pulling everything onto his body but before I could see him fully clothed I was gone. 

~~Niall's POV~~

I ran outside of the flat, running down the stairs and towards the car. I was reaching high speed limits as I went to the hospital. 

I didn't care where I parked or if the car was locked. I didn't care about anything. I ran inside the double doors and to the intensive care unit. 

"Sir, Sir!" I heard a woman yell. 

I stopped and turned back. "I need to go to Ireland Brolin's room."

"I'm sorry, but no one is allowed today for visit."

"What?! You don't understand, I need to get back to her. If I don't, something bad will happen."

"I'm sorry," she started again. 

"Ugh," I exhaled, but this was time to make irrational decisions. Just do it, Niall. Go. 

So I did. 

I ran, the nurse yelling after me. 

"Hey, wait!" I turned my head to see the hospital security. 

I ran faster, but they got closer too soon. I finally found Ireland's room and opened the door. 

"Yes, I would like to stop breathing support." It was her father. 

My bottom lip dropped as I felt the rush of security behind me as they held my arms behind my back. 

"No!" I yelled at him. "How could you?! You can't do this! I love that fucking girl!" 

Mr. Brolin exhaled, "Niall it's been months. I need to let her go."

"It's not over, please don't do this." I dropped to my knees and the security guards were surprised by my action. My hands were still handcuffed as the tears rose into my eyes, and then dripping to the floor. "You can't. She's everything to me. Please, I love her." 

The floor was becoming blurry from my tears. I looked up, and then stood. 

I stepped closer, the guards searching for a way to get me out of the room without being disrespectful. 

I looked down at Ireland. My eyes scanned down her neck, across her shoulder and down her arm. My eyes narrowed. The scars. The cuts I placed on her arm, they were there. Right there on her arm. 

My touches, my wounds, were scarring themselves into her real body. 

I fell onto the chair beside her. 

"Please un-cuff him," said her dad. 

I felt the handcuffs release from my wrists, but I placed my hands on my knees. 

"Niall," he started again. "Please you need to understand."

"I do understand," I said back to him, for the first time looking away from Ireland and towards him. 

"Yes you love my daughter, but she's my daughter. You're young, you'll find someone else but this is my little girl. I can't let her go through this torture, she deserves to be free." 

"Because she's your daughter is the reason you shouldn't sign that death certificate."

"You don't know if she will die." 

"Stop lying to yourself. It only makes you feel better about yourself for a short time."

He exhaled again, I started to hate it. "Tomorrow morning. That's when the decision will be made." 

"You're making the wrong decision," I muttered towards him before turning back to Ireland. I reached for her hand and smoothed my fingers over her knuckles. 

I would fight for her, because without her. 

Without her….

I don't know what I would do. 

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