The Two Sides Of Royalty

It is the year 1910, and Jane May has been arranged to be married to the Duke of Dorset on her 16th birthday. She understands that this experience will change her life forever, changing her status from a normal teenager in the 19th century to the Duchess of Dorset, but she wants the best of both worlds: to keep her 2 year relationship with her lover, Edward, but at the same time, to marry William. She has wanted royalty from a young age, but knows that by marrying the Duke, she will not be able to see Edward.
Unfortunately, she does not have the choice to decide the path of her life, and so life of a Duchess begins. She adores the privacy, William, and the expensive dresses she receives, but she also has to keep her secret: sneaking out to see Edward. As her life as the Duchess of Dorset goes on, she finds that William is not the perfect Duke, or the prince of her dreams. He has some dark secrets too...

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17. Realisation

I have spent hours with Victoria, explaining to her about birthing advice and the things that are expected to come.

It is 9 at night, and I am tired, from the confrontation and explanations.

I turn away and decide to go to sleep.

I look up at the ceiling to my new room and think. About the times that William and I had together, the first day I entered the palace, the first kiss.

My eyes well up as I think of the day I knew about Charles in my stomach, and the night that he came into the world.

Words that William said, the way Charles looked, and my happiness.

I remember all of a sudden the rose garden behind the palace, where William and Charles played together, when I had time to myself, and the day that I fell in love with William, and realisation hit me hard.

But after all of this, I realise that no matter how hard I fantasise that William had true feelings for me, I cannot bring myself to believe it anymore.

When I told myself that maybe there was more to being a Duchess than to produce offspring for him, more than being the woman in the background al the time, I realise that I was wrong all this time.

William goes wherever his mood takes him. He can love me for a minute, then the next he would ignore me. One moment he would say that he wouldn't be anywhere else but next to me, and then the next he doesn't want me to him. I have grown tired of his mood swings.

I realise that there isn't more to being a Duchess than to give the Duke babies, and to be faithful to him no matter what, even if he wasn't faithful to me in any way.

That it was fine for him to leave the palace because he was angry at me, and not return for days, having me locked up in a small room for three days, worrying about him whilst he can go and meet a new woman who is set to be the new Duchess of Dorset.

It is and will always be acceptable for a Duke to go against his word, but everything is still fine, but it is not fine for a Duchess to go against her word, to stay late outside the palace and not to return for days, and it is not fine for a Duchess to go and meet a past love, but it is alright for a Duke to do such a thing.

When I think of this, my past, the times that I have been with William, I realise how foolish I have been to think that what I felt actually was love, because it wasn't. Not in the slightest.

Now I know how cruel he can be, and that he has broken my heart to pieces.

What awaits for me in the future doesn't matter anymore,  just as long as Charles in safe.

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