A letter to Death

My letter to Death about whyI simply can't go.

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1. Dear Death

Dear Death,

My name is Ava  I am 15. But I guess you know that because you're expecting me soon. I bet there's a space reserved for me where ever I may go when it happens. I don't think I want to know where it is. When I was little I imagined white fluffy clouds and dazzling angels who sang songs of happiness. Now when I think of you all I see is black. I see you crouched in the darkness, just watching, waiting for the moment to take my life away. I wonder if you watched me on the day that they told me I only had about 12 months. Did you see the way tears rolled down my cheeks and how when I got to my room I screamed for what seemed like hours? Did you care? Of course not, who ever does?

I come with a request Death. I am asking for time. Do not misunderstand me Death because I do not want to spend time with my family. Even if I did there isn't one I could spend it with. They died in a car crash when I was 4. I've lived in a care home for my entire life. I can't say that I miss them because I simply don't remember them and how can i be expected to miss people I dont really know? No, it is most certaintly not my family but someone who I see as a lot more precious.

His name is Leo. He's 16 and he was in the bed next to me in the hospital that I am forced to live in for my final few months. When I first got here I refused to talk to anyone and I simply stared at the wall every second of the day. I didnt eat, sleep or drink; even the nurses were starting to give up hope. He didn't say anything to me that first time, he just walked up to me, crouched down so his face was level to mine and smiled. His smile was so insanely perfect i couldnt help but let a small flicker of a smile return. He then just sat in front of me and watched me. He did this again the next day but he brought food with him. Again he didn't say anything, just sat down and started munching on one of the the five biscuits he had brought. I was starving and couldn't help but gaze at the biscuits. He must of noticed because after a while he reached over and handed me one. I hesitated but took it and slowly gulped it down. 

"My name is Leo." he whispered. I nodded and we ate in silent company, Over the days he got me eating, drinking and finally, 3 weeks after he had first come up to me I looked him in the eyes and said my first words in what seemed like a life time,

"I love you."

He gazed into my eyes for an eternity before leaning forward and brushing his lips against me. I know it sounds corny but I saw fireworks burst in front of me. He broke away and whispered into my ear,

"Good, because I love you too." before walking off.

That was yesterday Death. Today Leo got released from the hospital on the all clear. Well not exactly but it looks as if his tumour isn't growing and he should be ok for the moment. But it seems Death I won't be. He told me I needed to ring him and gave me his number but first Death I need to speak to you.

You see Death I can't go. I've never had a particularly charmed life and luck has never been my speciality. There's never a place I can call home or someone I can say is my parent. I've never had friends and I apparently have months to live. Months. That's not enough time with him Death, there needs to be more. The thing is that I have discovered something for the first time that I really never thought would be possible. Something worth living for. 

I was going to end it there. With the big dramatic line. But I think you deserve to remember me Death. You need to as I wont be with you for a while. So while my name is and always will be Ava I think a more appropriate sign off is needed. Goodbye Death. I can't really say I hope to see you soon because I don't.

Yours sincerely,

Life.

 

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