Feeling Payne

I'm Kasey. Even though i don't want to be anymore. I tried to stop, but it was to painful not to do it. I cant handle it anymore, i just want to get it over with so no one could ever hurt me again, never ever again. One cut is all i will need to end this hopeless life I'm living. But just as the tiny blade was about pierce my pail skin, i heard a deep voice ring in my ears,"Kasey, stop. You mustn't sacrifice what you don't have. My child, you are far from your time to leave this earth, i have greater plans for you." Could that have been God? I have been a Christian for sometime before, but i lost God a long time ago, so why now? What was his greater plans for me? I didn't have time to look for the answers, because my mom had just walked right into my room, gasping, eyes wide, looking straight at the blade in my right hand. . . (Note: in this story Liam Payne doesn't do the things i say hee does in real life.)


3. Three

Update!!!! Hey guys, sorry for not updating in a LONG while, i kind of gave up on this book, but i've decided to give it another chance! So here ya go! ----------------------- We both got chocolate. How lucky is that! He says it's something he cant live without. It's the only thing i cant live without. I don't know what it is about Liam. He makes me feel different, in a good way. I grabbed some money out of my back pocket and handed it to the cashier. He was reaching for it when i saw his eyes fall downwards. By the look on his face, he had seen the scars on my arm. I guess Liam noticed, because he immediately pushed my extended arm away, while sliding my jacket sleeve over my cuts in one motion. He gave the cashier a 'say anything and you're dead' kind of glare as he paid for us. When the cashier stiffly handed then change back to Liam they didn't make eye contact. We walked over to the colorful egg shaped seats that were neatly set up around some tables. I grabbed a purple and white egg, and Liam grabbed a white and blue. "God that guy was such a dipshit." Liam spoke under his breath followed by a spoon full of Froo-Yoo. "Well i shouldn't have rolled up my jacket sleeves." It was really hot today, mostly because we're by the beach, but also because i was nervous being with Liam. He made me feel good when we hung out, even though we just met. "Still--" "Listen Liam, i appreciate you standing up for me, but i think i can handle it," he gave me a 'are you sure' look," trust me." I gave him a reassuring smile. He seemed to understand. Once we were done with our Froo-Yoos and a heated conversation on who is better: Batman or Spiderman, we decided to go out towards the beach for a walk. The sun was just setting on the horizon, no clouds in sight, almost no one on the beach, and the sound of waves crashing in my ears. We had taken off our shoes and socks, then hid them away in a bush. I loved the feel of the sand squishing between my toes and the salty water rushing up to meet my feet. Liam was currently walking beside me looking down at his feet with his hands in his pockets. He had a shy expression on his face. When he looked up at me after a while of silence he smiled. I blushed as he noticed me staring at him. "Kasey?" "Hmmm?" I had turned my attention towards the sunset, basking in the colors that spread across the sky. "You know you're really pretty right?" As soon as he said that he shyly looked away. My mind went blank. I wasn't expecting that to come out of his mouth. I thought he was going to say the sunset looked beautiful or something like that. Did he really just tell me i was. . . pretty? He's the first guy to ever tell me that. Wait, why do i care? Do i like him? No. I can't. That's too much for me. I cant believe i agreed to go on this date. Now i have to give him the whole 'sorry but i just want to be friends' speech. Wait. Why did i agree to go on this date? Oh yeah, that's right. Because of him. Because of that sandy brown hair that flicked right into his perfect face. Because of those luscious pink lips. Because of those huge brown eyes that welcomed me, felt for me, all the pain they held, his eyes told me he understood everything. Oh yeah, and those caterpillar eyebrows! There so cute you just want to wiggle them all day! Damn it. I do like him. I realized i hadn't said anything back to him yet, so i quickly turned my attention back to thank him. His eyes were wild in confusion. I looked behind me to see if anyone was there, but there was no one. Why was he looking at me like that? ". . . y-you like me?" Damn, did i say all that out loud?! "Y-yeah, you kinda did. . . " I felt my cheeks starting to burn up. Great, now i probably look like a tomato. The biggest, greatest, reddest tomato ever! If my face got any mor red i would probably win the reddest tomato contest! Uggghh. "Haha, don't worry, i think its cute when you blush." He gave me a cheeky smile which proved my theory. "Thanks." I managed to squeak out of myself along with a wide grin. What's wrong with me! I'm never this nervous around a boy. Heck, I don't even give them the time of day! Oh, and i DON'T GET BUTTERFLIES, but. . . . this time i did.


After my embarassing moment on the beach with Liam, he walked me home.

"Well, i had a really nice time with you today." I smiled to him.


"As well as i." 


We stood there in silence. It was starting to get awkward so i started up the stairs to my apartment. When i got to the top i turned around to wave goodbye, but i froze as he was walking up the steps right behind me.


"Woah! Didn't see you there!" My eyes grew wide realizing he probably had a perfect view of my butt.


"I forgot to say goodbye." He leaned in extremely close to me. Close enough that if i tilted my head up just and inch our lips would be touching. He leaned down and just when i thought he was going to kiss me, his lips touched my ear slightly and he whispered the words goodbye. Then he shyly turned on his heals and started down the flights of stairs.


i was frozen to the bone, while my heart was doing flips in my stomach. I tried to call out to him to ask when i would see him again, but i was at lost for words and nothing leaved my lips. 



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