How To Move

All of those people who new about her past didn't blame her for being scared. She found herself trusting no one. And when she had to escape to a strange city with new opportunities she finds herself moving from Sweden to England.
Only one problem, she had nowhere to live. A strange opportunitie arrives and one things led to another, she is now living with two fifths of One Direction.
The issue at hand although is that even though she falls for a boy, she has to do everything in her power to make him stay away. She isn't safe to be with.




PS. The cursive text is a sign that they are speaking swedish!!

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33. Chapter 33:

Letter to You.
Alright. You and I need to talk. Yes you and me. You’re the one who’s reading and I am the one who is telling my story. I want to explain a few things that haven’t been very clear in what I have been telling you. As you might have understood previously in my life I had a relationship that wasn’t the best and the man I thought I loved beat me. To come to present day in my story I was now running from that said man. He had swore to go to any extend to have me, and if he couldn’t have me no one could. I knew when I moved in with Harry and Louis that this would come to bite me in the ass but I didn’t expect it to come the way it did.

You see, the story is already finished. There is already an end to the things you are now reading about. I do not want to spoil the story for you by telling you the end, mostly because I need to explain my own actions, but I feel like I need to explain something right now. I need to explain the fact that I am telling you both good and bad things about Michael. My intent is not for you to believe that I still love him or that I feel sorry for him.
I do not mean for you to think that I blame myself for being beaten, even though the thought appears in my head every so often. I know it is not my fault directly that I ended up being almost dead in the hospital that last Saturday in June. Although the decisions that I made ended up being the wrong ones, I was truly in love. By showing you all the sweet moments he and I had, I’m trying to get you to understand why I stayed. He was so sweet when he wasn’t angry and in the beginning he was nothing but a gentleman. If you think about it, how can you not fall in love with a British, tall and dark man who offers you affection?

I also think that my intent with showing you his good sides is something a lot more subconscious. I want to believe that there is something good in everyone, even Michael.

I can practically fell the stares you are giving those words. You might not agree but let me explain further.

I think there is good in everyone but I also know that there is bad too. The saying ‘nobody’s perfect’ really applies to every human being. But the fact that we still want to believe that some people are, doesn’t that they actually are. As I was saying, everyone has something bad in them. Some people let the bad take over, they become evil through and through. Like Michael. He really did have a good side, and I don’t know if I was the one who brought it out of him or if he had been like that before, but he let the bad side take over. He couldn’t control himself and I know that is not an excuse.

I guess I am telling you this so that you can pity me instead of hating me. I was weak enough to cling to the first person who showed any kind of affection towards me. What I wish for you to learn form this is that no matter how lonely you might feel, or how hopeless life might be seeming, do not let anyone take over your life. You were given this life to live, not be a puppet for a man who has issues. You deserve better.

Xoxo Johanna

***

We actually made it to the Eye without being seen by anyone. The line wasn’t that long, probably because everyone was at home cuddling up in front of a fire or something. Louis paid, since riding this thing was bloody expensive, and we got our own little coupe. The ride was supposed to take an hour so I snuggled up to Louis after we sat down and he hugged me tight. I sighed in content and closed my eyes. I loved feeling the warmth radiating from him. He kissed my forehead and I opened my eyes to look at him. He was staring at my face with a loving expression on his. I smiled back at him and sat up a little straighter. We hadn’t gotten very far up yet so the only see worthy thing was Big Ben. I looked at it and admired the structure. I loved building and watching them, seemed a little geeky maybe but if they were beautiful who could blame me.

We both stayed quiet and just enjoyed being here together. I knew he was staring at me as I was staring at Big Ben. I was in absolute trans as I thought about the situation we were in and what was going to happen in a couple of days. Although my thoughts were a little sad I smiled when I thought about the reason. I loved the man next to me, and I would do anything for him.

“Louis.” I spoke softly and turned my head towards him. He gaze focused on me and I smiled, I had apparently interrupted his thoughts. “What are you thinking about?” I wasn’t asking the question like I was interrogating him, I was just curious. He smiled and grabbed my hand.

“About you.” He leaned forward and kissed my lips lightly. I giggled and smiled the biggest smile ever.

“What about me?” I titled my head to the side and waited for him to answer.

“I was thinking about last night.” He whispered and blushed. My smile grew bigger and I squeezed his hand. He looked up at me and smiled. “It was amazing. You were amazing.” Now it was my turn to blush. I looked at the floor and bit my lip. His hand lifted and he brought it up to lift my chin. He made me look at him. He stayed quiet and I felt a tug at my heart.

“It was amazing.” My words sounded out of breath and my heart was racing. Last night had truly been amazing but the only thing I had felt afterwards was guilt.

“Johanna, I…” He hesitated as if he was thinking about if he really wanted to speak his mind or not. I smiled at him, encouraging him to go on. He swallowed and looked me with slightly frightened eyes. Instead of speaking I waited for him to speak. “Why did you leave me this morning?” I cringed back slightly since I hadn’t been expecting that question. I studied his face and realized he was afraid I really did regret the actions of last night.

“Louis. Please stop thinking I did something I didn’t want to do. That is not the fact at all.” He smiled weakly at me and our hands intertwined once more. “As of lately I’ve been having these flashbacks…” I drifted off and felt my body screaming for me to stop speaking. I was looking at my hands that were holding on to Louis when he spoke up.

“You’ve been thinking a lot about Michael.” It wasn’t a question but I nodded anyways. I couldn’t look up at him because I almost felt like I had cheated on him. “What kept you up that night?” His words were so soft I almost didn’t hear them. I looked up at him and he looked at me with loving and worried eyes. I smiled slightly and squeezed his hands. I took a deep breath before telling him about the awful memory.

“It was the first time he blamed me for cheating on him. I had been talking to a man on the bus when Michael came on and saw us. The minute we got home he kneed me in my stomach and kept on hitting me after that.” I wasn’t looking at Louis anymore. I was looking out onto London. We were further up now so you could see a lot more. No tears fell from my eyes. Last night when the memory attacked me I was unprepared. But now, telling Louis about it, I felt safe and secure. I knew that he would never treat me like Michael did. Louis actually loved ME, not who he wanted me to be.

“Johanna I would neve-…”

“Never hurt me. I know.” I turned my head and looked at him. “Louis, I’m not comparing the two of you.” I smiled at him and he nodded.

“I know that. But I think that on some level you’re afraid that I might be like him.” His gaze dropped to the floor and my heart broke a little. I sighed and shook my head, even though he couldn’t see it.

“That might be the fact but I will forever be afraid of him. I am not afraid of you Louis. That’s the difference. He made me think I wasn’t anything without him and he would beat me if I showed any sign of independence. Before I even agreed to get to know you, you told me you would stop at nothing until I understood that I was beautiful.” I shook my head again and let out a small laugh. “It’s a life long mission but you’re set on making me feel good, you love me and he didn’t even love his own mother.” He looked up at me and smiled. I couldn’t help the smile that formed on my lips, when he smiled he truly looked like a kid. His face was so pure and innocent that it was hard to believe it’s the same man who had so much passion in his eyes yesterday. He let go of my hands and placed one on the side of my face and the other one on my hip. He pulled me close and pecked my lips.

“I really do love you.” I smiled and let out a small laugh as I pecked his lips. “And I’m sorry for doubting you so much, I shouldn’t do that.” I shrugged and placed my hands on the sides of his face. I leaned so close to him that when I spoke our lips brushed against each other.

“It’s okay. Do you know why its okay?” He shook his head, his eyes starting to close. I left him lean closer and my smile grew bigger. “It’s okay because I love you and all your little things.” I smiled a cheeky smile as he quickly leaned back and looked at me with sassy eyes.

“Really?” I giggled and nodded. “That was such a mood killer.” I sighed and shook his head. I shrugged and scooted away from him.

“Well I guess we’ll just sit here, quietly, until the rides over. No kissing. No cuddling.” I sighed dramatically and only seconds after I felt his arm wrap around my waist. I giggled as he pulled me close to his body. His lips found mine. They felt so soft and comforting. The kiss wasn’t anything like we had experienced before. This one was loving, beyond compare to the movies. It was the most wonderful kiss I had ever had and I pulled him closer. I didn’t want it to end. I didn’t want him to disappear.

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