How To Move

All of those people who new about her past didn't blame her for being scared. She found herself trusting no one. And when she had to escape to a strange city with new opportunities she finds herself moving from Sweden to England.
Only one problem, she had nowhere to live. A strange opportunitie arrives and one things led to another, she is now living with two fifths of One Direction.
The issue at hand although is that even though she falls for a boy, she has to do everything in her power to make him stay away. She isn't safe to be with.

PS. The cursive text is a sign that they are speaking swedish!!


10. Chapter 10:

I really hated feeling like this

I really hated feeling like this. I have never been that skinny girl with the perfect face. Yes I could admit to thinking myself cute at some times but I still wasn’t anywhere near being a model. Every time someone gave me a sideway glance that told me I wasn’t attractive at all, yeah that made me feel miserable. I wanted guys to think I was hot. I wanted to be that girl that could wink at someone and they would come running, but I will never be her. I will never be the girl who starves herself to be like others want her to be. And this is where I go against myself, I want to be that girl that everyone else wants to be. But I am not the kind of person who cares that much, I don’t care enough to go on a diet. I know I shouldn’t complain but I’m just a girl with stupid dreams. If life would have handed me the cards of being the skinny girl I wouldn’t have argued, but the question then is; Would I have been me or someone else? Everything I am today has been influenced by how I look and what my experiences are.

Throughout my whole life I have always been told I wasn’t pretty enough or fit enough. I was fat and ugly and was bound to be alone for the rest of my life. The only person who has always told me I was beautiful was my mother, she insisted on that I was the most beautiful creature alive. She always told me that not only was I beautiful on the outside, my inside was a thousand times more wonderful. I loved her for trying but the other people who always told me that I wasn’t good enough, made me believe them. And maybe that’s why I didn’t believe Louis when he told me he found me sexy. I wasn’t sexy and he knew that and he was just saying that to make me feel better. But some part of me secretly wished that wasn’t the case, that part hoped Louis did naughty things when he thought about me.

Yes I know that is a very risky thing to think about but I couldn’t help myself.
I was now standing in the kitchen slowly making pancakes. I had napped for a half hour and then I forced myself to start making food. And the fact that I kept hearing Niall asking the boys if he could wake me up so I could cook, yeah that pushed me a little too. I should probably mention that the kinds of pancakes I make are those really skinny ones. Not like American ones. Anyway, I was through making about twenty of them and was beginning to fry the next batch. The boys were all in the living room playing video games, which I was thankful for. It gave me time to myself, to dwell a little. I wasn’t very good with people anymore, I had been cut of from any kind of social life for so long I almost have forgotten how to small talk.

“How’s it going?” Louis walked up next to me, making me jump. I hadn’t heard him approach. He laughed at my reaction and stuck his finger in the pancake batter.

“It’s going fine, but you’re not going to like that.” I pointed at his finger as he stuffed it in his mouth. As soon as he got the taste of it his face scrunched up and he went to grab a glass of water.

“Ugh! That was gross!” He drank a glass and then refilled it and drank some more.

“I told you you wouldn’t like it.” I shrugged and lifted the finished pancake onto a plate where I had placed the rest of them. I grabbed the bowl with the batter and poured some into the frying pan.

“Yeah but how can that be so icky now and then become so damn good?” He looked at me confused and I just shrugged. I actually didn’t know, I just knew it did.

“I guess my hands work magic?” I asked and he laughed. I smiled and stayed silent as I waited for the pancake to finish. I felt his gaze on me I didn’t turn my head in his direction. I knew he wanted to talk about what happened earlier but I didn’t

“Jo…” I sighed and shook my head. “Look at me.”

“I don’t want to right now…” I whispered and looked at the floor after I placed more batter in the pan. He put his finger underneath my chin and lifted it up so I was looking at him.

“How are you feeling?” His eyes looked at me with such worry and the question was loaded with so much more than those simple words. I closed my eyes as I felt the tears coming again.

“Not that good.” He sighed and I felt him put his arms around me. He was now hugging me to him tightly and I sighed. I loved being in his arms but he was leaving soon. I stared to think about how that guy had made me feel and I began sobbing loudly. He hugged me tighter and I gripped his shirt as if I didn’t want him to let go, which I didn’t want him to do. He released me only to put his hands on the sides of my face. He stared into my eyes as patted my hair.

“You shouldn’t listen to what other people say. You are the most beautiful person in the world, and no one can take that away from you.” Instead of reacting to his sweet words the way I should have I laughed at them. He looked at me confused and I shook my head,

“You sound like my mother.” I saw anger flash through his eyes and I backed away, fear written all over my face. “I’m s-s-sorry-y.” I stuttered and looked at the floor. My old fears coming to the surface once again. He took a step forward and I took one backwards as quickly.

“Johanna, please. I’m not going to hurt you.” I tried to steady my breath but all I could do was shake my head.

“Please just… S-s-stop.” I put my hand up when he tried to walk towards me again. I looked at the floor and he sighed.

“Jo, I’m not angry with you. I just… I’m angry at the fact that you think no one could ever be attracted to you.” He sighed again and I knitted my eyebrows together. I heard what he was saying but I wanted to block it out. I placed my hands on the counter, it felt like my knees were about to give in.

“Well when you are told your whole life that you are not worth anything that kind of affects you.” My voice sounded weak and I felt weak. Louis stepped forward and I didn’t stop him. He placed his hand on my cheek and made me look at him.

“I am going make you see how beautiful and wonderful you are.” He dropped his hand and walked out of the kitchen. I closed my eyes and sighed. I took a deep breath and realized that it smelled burnt. I sighed and went to finish the rest of the pancakes, after throwing the burnt one out.

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