Every Possibility |Harry Styles AU|

Kathryn is currently battling leukemia for the past years of her life. She tries to keep a happy image up for her mother, who won't let go. But all Kathryn is trying to do is live life as much as she can before she passes away, but gets more than she ever expected with the one and only Harry Styles, the most powerful and dangerous narc there is. As the wheels change in every direction for both of them now they have to find a way to have life over death, but they might as well both be dead.

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6. Chapter Five.

[a/n: short. i didn't want to keep it waiting]

Recurrent
.

The word kept replaying in Kathryn’s head.

She was recurrent. Moving backwards; not moving forwards.

As much as she wanted to stop thinking about it; she couldn’t. They were fresh in her mind; always there.  Her mother’s cries were still fresh in her brain, too, even though the conversation was let asset six days ago; almost a week. She hadn’t thrashed around and cried, though. While her mom has tears running down her face, she stood speechless, then muttering only one sentence, “I want to go back to my room.”

I was getting better! She thought. And she was. She was getting healthier. Even if nothing was confirmed; she could feel it. She could feel it inside her; how silly it was for her to move; to think freely. There was not as much pain as she was accustomed to.

She’s hated looking in the mirror. Her hand was throbbing in pain; it felt numb. That is when she had made the stupid decision of sneaking out tonight. She had punched the mirror; not necessarily breaking it; not even close. She knew her hand was bruised. What part of my body isn’t bruised, she thought sarcastically bitter. She wasn’t even thinking straight; when was she? She had gone outside again—snuck out again. And after what she had gotten herself in last time she snuck out, she was obviously fucking stupid to come back out.

Who knows who she might end up running into this time? It could be a rapist—someone who actually hurt her right then and there, showing no mercy. Well, she thought. At least he won’t stalk me.

She hadn’t seen the green eyed guy with the curly hair, Harry. It made her feel relieved, but not really.

She inhaled slowly, something she had accustomed to do; not wanting to be in pain. And it was more stupid now; it was freezing outside and there she was. She could get a disease and die sooner rather than later. It would fuck up everything sooner.

Things were different than they were just a couple of weeks ago. A couple weeks ago, she would be sneaking out of the hospital to have fun, to not be bored, to be as free as she could. Now, now she doesn’t even know. She didn’t know if she should even go on, if she should even try; she was trying, and trying really hard before, and there she is now with the stupid disease still lingering in her veins.

Kathryn sat down on the bench on one corner of the rusty playground, with her knees pulled up to her chin. She stared out imaging it in the daytime with all the small children playing; sliding down the slides, their tiny legs swinging on the swings. The images bring her back to the last time she able to play and enjoy herself in the park. Ironically enough, it was the first time she felt the symptoms of feeling sick.

She sighed loudly, not wanting to think about it.

She felt weak, she felt sick, she felt like the world was collapsing on her, but of course all those statements were true.

And for the first time in a long time, she let it out. She let it all out, she let herself cry, and she let all the angry, sad, and pathetic tears out.

**

Harry stumbled out of the bar; his mind feeling fuzzy from all the alcohol he had consumed in less than two hours. No, he wasn’t drunk (at least in his eyes, he wasn’t; just a bit tipsy).  Harry was one who could handle his drinks. This wasn’t the case; he was far from being sober. He had let himself go. He has been letting himself go for the past few days without being very in control of it.

He would just go out for the night to whichever bar his brain led him to. This—getting drunk was his way of restraining himself. No, it wasn’t the best way to do so. But so far, it has worked for him like a charm. All these days have passed with him getting drunk and he hasn’t gone out to see her; not once.

The alcohol though, could keep him away from her physically, but not mentally. No, certainly not mentally. She had always found a way around into Harry’s brain. He didn’t even know why that was. Yeah, he had been stalking—watching this girl for a long time, yet he still didn’t have a clue why; or could even fathom an excuse. He just did it. God, I’m so damn stupid, Harry thought. He was acting ridiculous.

He had dragged himself into this; he dragged himself way too deep into this.

It was kind of weird to him. He yet, didn’t understand why he was so drawn to her the second he laid eyes on her.

Another reason, he told himself as to why he couldn’t get her out of his mind, is that she had collapsed that day. No, he didn’t know what the hell was happening. Of course, he had wanted to know; craved to know. It was killing him inside.

His brain ached. He was putting too much into all this.

He hadn’t realized he had started wandering off in the wrong direction he had remembered his car was parked, the wrong way he remembered his hotel was at.  

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