And they will try to stay away from each other (and fail every time) because what they have is dangerous, shaky. One wrong word and everything will collapse. They are time bombs, ticking closer to each other until they explode and make the world fall into place.
a Nate Ruess fanfiction.
Warning: self-harm


6. Back To December

 So this is me swallowing my pride 

Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night 

And I go back to December all the time 

It turns out freedom is nothing but missing you 

Wishing I realized what I had when you were mine

 I go back to December, turn around and make it all right  

I go back to December all the time 

 (one year later) 

  Sandra is late. 

She swears explicitly as she rushes around, furiously yanking a comb through her ratty red hair and trying to brush her teeth at the same time. She glances at the clock. Half an hour. Her boss will kill her. 

By the time she's almost ready she's an hour later. She decides to call in sick. Once that's done, she looks outside. It's pouring rain outside, pattering against the window. It gives her usually shabby apartment a look of coziness. She dresses warmly and braves the storm, stepping outside and giggling. She's always loved the rain, since she was a little girl. 

The streets are next to empty (desolate) since it is a Monday morning and everyone is working or inside.  She's walking while looking down, not paying attention. There's hardly anyone out, anyways. It's not like she'll run into someone- 


"Watch it!" She grimaces and almost falls onto the concrete but the person catches her.

 "Whoa, there. You all right?"  

Navy eyes (why aren't they sky blue?) meet hers. 

It's Nate.

  "Nate?" His eyes widen. 


She laughs, but stops almost immediately (it's been a while since she's really laughed. Almost a year, actually).  

"Hi," she says, twirling a lock of wet hair around her finger. She's nervous.

"Hi," he says back, softly. "Um... how you've been?" 

"Terrible," she tells him. He always told her the truth (except for that one time) so she decides to repay the favor.

  "Me, too," he agrees. She notices he's fiddling with the sleeves of his jacket and she wonders why (she doesn't remember the last time he did it).

  "Do you... want to grab a bite to eat?" He asks. 

She wants to say no, is about to say no, but somehow her lips form the word yes. 

So there they are, sitting in a IHOP and eating pancakes and she's making him laugh and it's almost like old times (except he's painfully far away from her, there across the table) and he makes her laugh and it's so  comfortable(so right) that she never wants to leave.  And his eyes are slowly shifting from navy to sky blue, like she remembered.

He reaches for the syrup and his sleeve rides up and suddenly Sandra knows, she knows what he's been doing.  

"Nate," she starts, grabbing his hand. "Look at me." 

He looks up, eyes still that lovely cerulean and smiles. 

"What is it, Sandy?"

  She grabs his wrist (his eyes are immediately darker) and tugs up his sleeve.

"Oh my god,  Nate."  

Because there on his pale skin is lines, scars from where she can clearly see a blade gliding over his skin, many times by the look of it. 

"You promised," she cries, still staring in horror at the scars. "You promised me!" 

He doesn't look up, but speaks quietly. 

"For  you." 

His words are so quiet she asks him to repeat them. 

"It was for  you. I stopped for  you. And when you left, I didn't have you to do it for anymore." 

The knowledge that this was partly her fault makes her eyes well with tears.

"You have to stop." 

And then he looks up, eyes so dark their almost black.

 "I can't."

 So she leans forward and kisses him, and that feeling of rightness she missed (so much) is back and she knows she will never, ever be able to leave him again. 

"For me," she whispers, holding both of his hands tightly. 

"For you," he repeats, staring at their hands. He looks up (his eyes are sky blue) and laughs, kisses her again. 

"For  you."

  But tell me you love me, come back and haunt me

Oh, and I rush to the start

Running in circles, chasing our tails

Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy

Oh, it's such a shame for us to part

Nobody said it was easy

No one ever said that it'd be so hard

I'm going back to the start  

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