Maybe your not who I really thought you were

what happens when everything seems perfect and all in place but then you realize everything is wrong and falling apart? what happens when the people you love turn on you? what do you do when your world crumbles?


27. promises are broken, is trust broken too?

*Jenna's POV*

I looked in the mirror. I thought to myself. 'Maybe they were right', 'maybe I should have died'. They didn't know how I ended up in the hospital but they were right. Maybe I should have been dead by now. I shouldn't have woken up from that coma. I should have died. Niall deserves so much better than me. I looked in the mirror studying myself. My stomach seemed to be bulging more than normal if that was  even possible. My thighs were so wide I didn't even know how Niall got me on his back before. How could he have been comfortable when he sat me on his lap. How does he even fit his arms around me. I need to lose weight. I thought to myself. I kept looking at myself. The demons inside telling me more and more things that I knew were true and I was just avoiding them all along. But I cant run from them anymore. Its just me in front of the mirror with the voices yelling out every flaw I could see. I lifted my shirt up now having full access to my stomach. I looked in my hand and saw the small piece of razor blade I managed to break off the last time it met my skin. I knew I had promised Niall and Haley I wouldn't do this anymore. But I didn't want to worry them and tell them the things everyone was saying. I didn't want to make the people hate me anymore. I lifted the small, cold piece of metal up to my stomach and slid it across. I didn't feel much pain, just a little sting but lots of relief. I felt a single tear slide down my cheek but I quickly reached up and wiped it away. I heard the demons screaming more at me now. They were telling me to do it again! cut more! cut deeper! I listened to them. I carved away at my skin making multiple cuts on each of my sides. Cut after cut. Blood ran down my sides now and I decided I should stop. This wasn't the right thing to do. I started crying realizing I had broke a promise with Niall. I went and layed down on the bed, on my back after I had cleaned up my sides and hid my blade back in its spot. I fell asleep soon after. After what felt like only 5 minutes later I felt warms lips on mine and I opened my eyes to see who it was. "Good afternoon sleepy head" It was Niall. I wasn't awake enough to talk so I just waved at Niall. He laughed softly. "Hey babe do you want to go to the club tonight? Everyone told me to come ask you because we all decided it'd be fun and we haven't all hung out in a while"  I nodded and reached up wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down beside me, ignoring the searing pain coming from my sides. All I wanted right now was to feel his warmth. He laughed softly "Babe as much as I want to stay here with you we should probably get ready if  we want to go to the club" he said as he had his arms wrapped around me. "C'mon babe lets get ready" he said to me. I leaned up and kissed him before rolling over him and went to my closet to see what I wanted to wear. "I looked in and saw a tight fitting black lace dress with long lace sleeves. It was really soft on the inside so I knew it wouldn't really hurt the cuts on my sides. I went to the bathroom and put my dress on and fixed my makeup then proceeding to put my hair up in a donut bun. I went back into my room and out on my black heels and then waited on Niall. He walked out of my bathroom wearing a blue button up shirt and some black jeans. He walked up to me and wrapped his arms around me. "Jenna you look amazing" he said looking down at me with the sparkle in his blue eyes. "You look better baby" I said back to him. He pulled me even closer to him and placed his lips on mine. I kissed him back and then I felt his tongue begging for entrance. I quickly granted his request. We stood there kissing like that for about 5 minutes until we heard someone walk in the room and we turned  around to see who it was. It was Harry "Okay you 2 before that goes any further and you decide you don't want to go to the club anymore because you want to do something else can we go to the club now?" Harry asked making us both laugh "Sure Harry lets go" I told him. I walked out of my room and Niall followed behind me and we went downstairs and met up with everyone else before heading to the club. We all walked inside and got into the cars and drove to the club. We got there and got in pretty quick and headed to the bar. A couple drinks later I felt a bit woozy so I decided to look for Niall. I looked around but couldn't find him. I went to all the boys and then Haley and  the rest of the girls but they said they hadn't seen him either. I walked around the club trying to find him but also making sure to keep an eye on everyone else so I made sure I wasn't alone. I looked up and saw Niall finally. He was talking to someone so at first I didn't want to bother him. But then I saw It was a girl. She was absolutely stunning. She was so skinny too. Then she leaned in and kissed Niall. I stood there frozen. It was ass if my feet were glued to the floor and then I felt warm streams of tears going down my face. I finally moved and went over to wear everyone else was and immediately burst into tears. Louis came up to me and wrapped his arm around me and told me he would take me home and I cold talk to him about it since he considered me as a sister and right then I was so glad because I had considered him a brother now and he was best friends with Niall and I knew I could talk to him.

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