Letters to My Love

As I move on, away from my dearest, I write him letters, until the very day we are together again.
(My chapters say Day One, etc. They do not go in that literal chronological order, They go by the times I written them. So, Day one would be my first letter, day two my second one and so on.)

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12. Day Twelve

9/8/14

Dear Mario,

It's hard. Everything I do is complicated. I told you that I didn't want to do anything like that with you again. But I was only talking about sex. I don't wanna have sex with you, not now. Every time we do I end up feeling useless. It only seems like that's what you want from me. But I want to be with you and talk to you. But then again I don't know about that either. You're too complicated and you always blame me and assume I do things when in reality you're probably the one who's doing it. And you're currently not trying anyways.

What really sucks here is how much I love you. I could never stress enough. I tell you, and I show you and yet you take it for granted. I care for you too. I care a lot. I care about your health (both physical and mental). I care about what you like and dislike. I love and care for you a lot. I'd miss anything to stay at home and take care of you if I had to.

And in the midst of all this love and care I have for you, you don't have mutual feelings for me. You might "love" me yeah, but it doesn't compare. You drain all of my love from me and don't even return it. I help you with your insecurities and all you tell me is that I'm a "big girl" who shouldn't bitch so much. What the fuck. You hurt me so much. I don't want to hurt anymore. You hurt me so much. You never helped me with my problems you only hurt me more. I was broken, but you shattered my pieces even more.

Everything would be better if you really cared. If you treated me like you treat your friends. Its a waste. I really love you and I don't want to be with anyone else but I will get up and find someone better if things continue this way. And I'll love them even more than I ever loved you. You won't even be a faint memory by that time. 

I'm sorry if this letter hurts you. I am honestly sincere about that apology. I don't even mean to hurt you, but I need to feel better. I need to feel loved. I need to be selfish. Sorry. I treat you like a King and you treat me like shit. I need to be treated like Princess, even better a Queen.

But again I love you so much. And they say that the love you get is the love you think you deserve. But honey, I don't deserve this.

 

- Small Butterfly

p.s: i don't understand why you don't want to be my friend. Things would go a lot better.

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