Letters to My Love

As I move on, away from my dearest, I write him letters, until the very day we are together again.
(My chapters say Day One, etc. They do not go in that literal chronological order, They go by the times I written them. So, Day one would be my first letter, day two my second one and so on.)


1. Day One


My love,

I beg your pardon if you would not wish for me to address you by this name. It's rather difficult to address you by any other small phrases and nicknames. But in other words, how have you been lately? It's gotten utterly complicated to contact you, knowing the fact that you have been avoiding me at all costs. It's heartbreaking, after holding on to all those "empty promises"; subtle gestures; explicit actions. 
My dear I've noticed that your actions and words don't agree. Most compatible like water and oil. Your mouth escapes the quiet "I love you" while your body expresses motions such as not being near and around me, ignoring my lifeless soul, and taking your own route.
I have come to inform you with some news, but because you are away in Ecuador, I had thought I should leave you a letter. More like a prose, because life is a story, and this is my story to you:

Darling, I have neglected to stay strong and believe that all of what we had is true. I had come to a conclusion in which I need time to grow. I'm not sure if this is our final good-bye, our last talk, but my dear, I've been confused and tired lately. You are a unparalleled, compelled human being I shall tell you, but your actions lead me to despair and confusion. In my aching heart, when I tell you the words "I love you", I truly mean it. And I go out of my way to show you that what I say is not a lie. You've neglected my actions and words of care, and believe meer lies. I've put up with all of your shenanigans, all of your horrid actions, all of your wrist-cutting words, and I have decieded to now focus more on me.
All of your kisses that trailed from the front of my forehead, down to my toes have sprouted into small flowers, reminding me of my outer beauty, and I thank you for that, my love. You taught me how to love myself, and I couldn't thank you enough. But, there's more to just doing that. You've wiped the floors with my ego, you've made me feel like I am nothing, and I am surprised that I actually feel worth so much more than having you by my side. You are nice, to a point where it crashes into your inner "demon".
My darling, to cut to the chase, I am tired of all these second chances I've given you. I came to my sense of mind, to put all of our picture (mostly the alluring gallery I have of you), all of our little notes, onto a USB drive, and I shall lock it away. And dear, I'm sick to my stomach to know that you would want to find someone new while I'm gone, so you could feel "loved". I personally do not want someone else. But, if you come to that decision, then fine, I shall not fight for you. I suffered a lot, and was mistreated. My years here in this small town will only be four, but four great years. By the time I graduate high school, I shall already have my Associates degree, then by the time I get to twenty, I shall have my Bachelors.
I am only telling you this because this opportunity I have at this school will be great for my future. And as I once told you my darling, it would be nice for our future. But dear, God is sending me away to make me a stronger person (in spirit, in flesh), and while I am away, I ask of you to do this;

Don't forget about me. I shall always be there. Talk to me. Text me, call me.
Visit me. Stop by once in a while, and I shall do the same.
Don't whore around. The eye sees what the eye wants, but stay faithful, for then you shall be blessed later on.
Study. Do good in school, for it shall bless you on later in life.
Be a good little boy. Listen to your parents, for they do a lot for you. You might be taller and more physically stronger than me, but I am more mature, and if given the situation, I would and could live and support myself.

My love, no longer shall I force you to love me. For that is your given choice. No longer shall I fight for you, for I am weak and need rest. If God willing, then I shall fight. But not this season. Dear, you need to mature, and be a "big man". Do remember that you are underage and cannot do it all, though. 
Mario, I write this to you at half passed three am (knowing that I have to work tomorrow), because I do love you, and yes in a context need you as well. I just wish that you would respect me and love me in the same context that I do as well. So my dear, I shall wait for you when you come back, so we can talk after.

-Small Butterfly

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