Adventure Time

I never liked my roommate, Liam Payne.
In fact, I globbing hated him.
His bratty attitude, evil glares and his ugly carpet.

And honestly, he didn't like me either.

And then it happened.
The accident that shipped us off to a teambuilding camp.
And now I'm stuck here, with Liam and his stupid friends. In situations to make our bond 'stronger'.
Turns out it's more than that.
It's an experiment.

God save us all.

_______

Adventure time,
Come on grab your friends,
We'll go to a very distant land,
With Walker the Freakshow,
and Liam the sour puss,
The fun will never end,
Its adventure Time!

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1. The limit

‘I’d be chatting on the interweb, maggots pray upon the living dead. I had no interest in the things she said. On the phone every day, I’ll permanently hit the hay hay.’

Before I understood what was going on, I thought someone tried to lift the mood by singing the most awkward song in existence in class. Math has never been a favorite for many of us, even the teacher sometimes seems to lack the ability to seem interested in what he’s teaching us. More like ‘trying to’. And we all know that college isn’t exactly the place were the most exiting things happen. 

And for a fact, I know some people who would actually try to do something like that. For example, there’s this guy in the back of the class who never pays any attention and just plugs his ipod in and sings along with it quietly while the others try to actually pass for this class.

Great observation, Walker.

But I soon realized nobody was actually singing. In fact, everyone was staring at me like I just shot in someones face with a freaking gun. (which I didn’t before all of you jump to conclusions that I’m a mental person. Which I might be labeled as after that class.) Then I came to the realization it was someone’s ringtone.

Someone’s being mine.

Normally you would just awkwardly laugh, excuse yourself, and turn it off to minimize the damage. But it was to late for that since someone changed my ringtone into a song that would burn into your hearing system and leave permanent damage. As I recognized the song, I gave myself the mission to shut it down before the chorus came on.

Too bad I was frozen in shock and tried to retain a potential panic attack. It would have been quite helpful to have the ability to ‘move’.

‘I called her on the phone and she touched herself, she touched herself, she touched herself! I called her on the phone and she touche-‘

I managed to kick my backpack hard enough to hit the phone and turn it off. It would probably be broken, or worse, damaged, but that didn’t matter at that moment because ‘Wow I can get sexual too’ stopped playing. I tried to focus back on my papers, but something stopped me.

Something being the whole class’s eyes burning holes into my back.

“Walker!” I lifted my head to be met with the teacher’s gaze. Not some sort of romantic, intense gaze. Jesus, no, that would’ve been plain awkward. And slightly creepy. How pedo of me to think so. It was more like, an angry gaze.

He angrily scribbled something down on a piece of paper before shoving it in my hands and pointing to the door. 

Did he want me to leave? Wow, Walker, you just reached a new level of stupid. Pointing to the door usually means, get the fuck out. I was utterly confused, because if I believe myself, I didn’t really do anything. I challenged him by looking from the door, into his eyes, the door, into his eyes, the door, eyes, door, eyes… Come on man, you gotta catch my drift here. 

“Are you challenging me, young lady?” he spat angrily and stomped his foot. 

“I’m not challenging anyone, I just don’t under-“ 

“Get out of my classroom, you piece of grief!” He interrupted me, and by the look on his face, he would nearly start to cry.

Excuse me? Piece of grief? Should I be offended? Or should I just laugh at his face and call him a ‘doowally’ and cackle away in satisfaction? I sighed, but obliged, packing my stuff and stalking awkwardly across the classroom. Trying to ignore the stiffled laughter's, I roughly slammed the doors behind me. Only to open them again to say ‘sorry’ and then close them again.

How nice of me.

I was standing in the middle of the school hall with my backpack slinging over my shoulder, and my hands in my hair. Or as you could say; birdsnest.

Since summer I discovered this mahoosive knot in my hair that wouldn’t go away. Believe me, I tried really hard. But I wasn’t going to show it to anyone, because they would probably tell me to cut a chunk of hair off, which I wouldn’t allow myself to do. So I just kept hiding it underneath my other hair, like a professional would do. Problem solved.

Well profesh, Walker. Well profesh.

But not really, because it would show up at random times and then people would scream and point at it, and then ask me if they could touch it. 

I always told them I was growing a dread-lock.

Damage control.

Since I had obviously nothing to do, - not that I don’t own any friends, I do have a couple of them. One. But that’s not the point here - I decided to go back to my dorm room.

Oh yes, minor detail.

My roommate, Liam freaking Payne, is the most annoying, most mentally disturbed person I have EVER met. He hates me, and my love for him is equal. We can’t stand each other. But let me tell you something about Liam Payne. When you forget to remove your cup from the table, or forget to put your plate in the dish washer, he will come after you. And when you interrupt him while he’s watching some of his crazy ass TV-shows on his computer, hell will break loose.

And I never actually saw what he was watching on that computer. For the sake of being single he might even be watching porn. I once tried to break into his computer, but the only thing I saw was a suspicious looking folder called ‘Liam’s super secret map of funilarity’ before Liam came in the room and started screaming and slamming with the door like a psychopath.

Reminder: Sneak into Liam’s laptop and find hidden porn stash.

I fished the key to our dorm room out of my bedraggled backpack, and silently prayed for liam’s absence. He will start asking me questions why I’m already ‘home’ and then he will laugh at me. And if you thought that was it. You’re wrong. It doesn’t stop there. One time he saw me tripping down the stairs so he laughed at me the whole day, every time he saw my face. And when I thought it was over because I was finally in bed, he bursted in my room just to laugh in my face again.

Please don’t be here, please don’t be here, please don’t-

“Oh hello Barney, Why are you back so early?”

Freaking damnit!

“Why are you back so early?” I challenged him, almost vomiting over the ugly, orange carpet when I saw him sprawled across the couch. No shirt on.

It wouldn’t matter anyways if I did vomit on it, because that carpet belonged to Liam. He bought it last year on his trip to India. He told me NOT to walk on it because it had a lot of ‘emotional’ value to it. So I respected that rule.

But you don’t vomit on purpose, do you?

“Hey, Liam?” I asked sweetly as I poured myself a glass of orange juice.

“What?” he twisted his head to watch me, and to make sure I didn’t touch his carpet. 

“There’s this thing called a shirt. People use it to avoid getting frozen to death. Or in your case, to hide their mutated, nasty body from humanity.” I smirked, taking a sip for my glass before continuing. “Spare the children, Liam. And the anterior chamber of the human eye.”

Okay, I admit, that was a lie. Of all people I’ve seen, Liam has one of the hottest bodies on campus. But why compliment him on it if I can make him cry? 

He glared at me, turning red out of anger. “I see why you’re wearing a shirt then.” he tried, but his comeback didn’t really hurt me. At all.

I walked over to the carpet and looked at it. “You know, if you look close enough,” I acted like I inspected it, “you can see it’s actually really ugly.”

“Take that back!” He sneered, throwing a pillow to me.

I scoffed. “It’s just a carpet, get over it.” I rolled my eyes and flipped through a magazine that was placed on the tiny table in our kitchen.

Liam smirked as if he knew something I didn’t and returned back to watching the telly. After a while of peaceful silence, Liam broke it with his annoying singing voice.

“I called her on the phone and she touched herself, she touched herself, she touched herself! I called her on the phone and she touched herself!”

Why is he still talking. 

Wait.

WAIT.

I knew that song.

I gasped and turned my head around so quickly it almost flew off. “You motherfucker!” I yelled. “You changed my ringtone! It was you!”

He was in hysterics now, struggling to breathe. He wiped a tear away from his eye. “Turned out even better then planned!”

I was frozen to the spot. That motherlumper. I can’t face the world for another two weeks all because of that pesty little kid. I looked at his smug face with disgust, and walked over to the carpet, orange juice in my hand.

“Oh dear, my hands are shaking!” I gasped whilst fake dropping the glass for the sake of fun.

“Don’t you dare Walker!” Liam walked up to me but he was too late.

BANG

There it was. The ugly carpet was now soaked in orange juice. Liam’s face turned red. I admit, I was getting quiet scared.

“You are dead.” He hissed and walked up to me.

And now Walker, is a good time to get your ass out of here.

Holla at me.

I ran up the mini-stairs that led to my bedroom. I slammed the door shut and blockaded it with a chair and an umbrella holder. I thought he had left me and returned to his carpet to cleaned the shit out of that thing, but then I heard a growl. Seriously, it was a full on dog growl and it was quite frightening.

“Open the door Walker!” he rammed his fists on the door. “You’re so gonna get it!”

I ignored him and turned to my bed, flopping down on it, face down. Breathing in the fresh washed sheets, I sighed. Maybe Liam isn’t that bad after all. If I just apologi-

“You WILL be sorry!” Liam spat and slammed on the door some more.

Nah, never mind what I just said about Liam not being bad. I was wrong. Hey, people make mistakes right? We all know I do. Yes, yes, this is good. Everybody makes mistakes. Everybody has those days. Everybody knows what I’m talking a-

Liam pinned me down and held my arms above my head. Smirking, he hovered above me like a monkey does in the zoo.

Okay Walker, now is not the time to think about monkeys. Think about how Liam is hovering above you. Potentially holding a knife. Or a gun. Or Wilhelmina Charlie Soapbox Tiana Snuggle McGillicutty. 

I didn’t choose the name for that stuffed animal by the way.

“How did you get past my obstacles?” I gasped, surprised by his actions.

“Shut up, Walker.” He growled. I stared into his eyes, anger taking over quickly. But when I tried to kick him off, he just laughed and pinned me down again.

I sighed. “So you’re just going to stay like this?” he nodded, smirking. “How intimidading.” I mocked, rolling my eyes. He just stayed there. “I won’t get off until you apologize for what you did, you … mean person.”

“Meh, I’ll just sleep like this, no problemo.” I closed my eyes and tried to block out that filthy peasant on to of me. 

Another fact about Liam is, despite his mean-ness, that he never really knows what he’s doing. He’s quiet insecure and people say he’s actually a caring-person. But don’t believe that shit, here’s the real Payne.

A Payne in the ass that is.

No wait, that sounds wrong.

Suddenly, the door flung open and I heard all these laughing people. All manly voices.

Oh, no.

“Dude, is that Walker?” 

Harry, who just had stumbled over my obstacles, stared at us in shock, which wasn’t really surprising if you found two people who really can’t stand each other in bed. One on top of the other. Yeah, it kind of gives you the wrong message.

“Walker!” I heard Louis’ cheer coming closer before Liam got knocked off me.

You see, Louis is the only friend of Liam I like. He’s just funny and not rude. And most important of all, he doesn’t treat me like a piece of grief. Louis is actually a good friend of mine. You know that one friend I was talking about? Yes, that’s Louis. 

And, well, Zayn’s okay too. He doesn’t really say something. He just occasionally rolls his eyes and he’s always staring at people. Kind of creepy, but fine with me.

One who I really can’t stand, is Harry Styles. Arrogant, cocky, no manners. Maybe he can’t help it, but he sure doesn’t know how to be ‘polite’.

Niall Horan. Nah, don’t like him either. Always picking Liam’s side. He’s also always emptying our fridge, which isn’t very much appreciated. 

“Walker I missed you!” Louis hugged me, earning a huff from Liam and Harry. “Was Liam being mean again?” he glared at Liam.

“WHAT? ME?” he stared at us in disbelief. “I didn’t do anything! She stained my carpet!”

“You embarrassed me in front of my math class!”

“You made fun of my abs!”

“You don’t have abs, you bloody idiot!”

“Wanker!”

“Suck a dickhorse!” I stopped, and thought about what I said. “I mean, horsedick.”

And then a miracle happened. Something that I will always remember. Something, I will just never forget. Zayn picked my side.

“Liam, just leave her alone.” he spoke and slightly smiled in my way, before returning to his phone.

Everyone froze. Like, seriously, no one moved. It was deadly silent for a full 30 seconds. I finally returned back to earth and closed Louis’ mouth which had dropped open so far it almost dragged over the floor.

“Nigga say what?”

That was me. In times like this, when I’m really confused and I have no idea of what the fudge is going on, I tend to get all chav up in people’s faces. I don’t know, it just happens. Anyways, I’m waiting for either Harry or Liam to flip out in 3, 2-

“Zayn, shut up.” Liam pushed Zayn’s shoulder before leaving the room, Harry following after him. But not before giving me a cold glare and mouthing ‘you will pay’ to me. Well, I’m used to that.

They all left eventually. It was really awkward since no one talked to each other (except for Niall who had no idea of what was going on) so they decided to leave. I love it when they leave. It’s just so … peaceful. I leaped on my bed and hugged my pillow. Taking my iPod, I turned it on before turning the lights off. I listened to my iPod on shuffle.

‘There is a house built out of stone
Wooden floors, walls and window sills…
Tables and chairs worn by all of the dust…
This is a place where I don’t feel alone
This is a place where I feel at home.’


A tear slid down my cheek. I know, I don’t really have a reason to cry. But listening to this song, is kind of the same as watching the titanic. It’s bad. When I hear this song I start crying so bad, my tears stream out of my nose. It looks like someone just whacked a tree branch in my face. Multiple times. Let’s just say it doesn’t look very attractive. I slightly resemble a gargoyle.

‘And I built a home
For you
For me

Until you disappeared
From me
From you

And now, it’s time to leave and turn to dust…’


And that’s when I fell asleep.

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Chapter End Notes: Hello Guys! So this story was a bit based on  Adventure time obviously (: 
Does anyone watch that actually? It's freaking awesome. I totally recommend watching it. If you see it/ already saw it, tell me what you recognized of the show in my story! 
I hope you liked it! I really enjoy writing it and I hope you guys don't mind if I continue it. So if you want me to; REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! There are going to be a lot of movie quotes in this story. From  Adventure time, stepbrothers, Disney, Swoozie, And much more! So prepare for a WHOLE lot of cray cray. 

The songs featured in this chapter are;
Wow, I can get sexual too - Say anything 
To build a home - The cinematic orchestra 

Hope you liked it! See ya soon! x

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