A Letter To Jocelyn

Nikki and her older sister, Jocelyn, were really close to eachother. They did everything together. One day, when they went to the top of a building, and sat on the edge of it, Jocelyn was trying to be funny and make Nikki laugh. She was standing on the edge, until she lost her balance and fell off. Nikki wasn't fast enough to catch her. It was all her fault that she died that day. Nikki writes a letter to her sister, weeks, months, or maybe a year after she died. She writes that shes going to die. She folds the letter into a paper airplane, and jumps off her roof. Before she could hit the ground hard, she feels strong arms catch her. She opens her eyes and sees that it is Louis Tomlinson from One Direction. Will Louis fall in love with her? Will love blossom between them? Or will She fall for a different member from One Direction? Will there be drama? Find these answers in "A Letter To Jocelyn".


1. Chapter 1

Dear Jocelyn,

My friend said this would be good for me. Like this was somehow talking to you in some way. Somehow I could say goodbye. That writting this goddamn letter would help let you go. I don't know if she's right. I don't know if she'd wrong. But as I have nothing left to do in this pathetic life, I may as well give it a go.


You've been gone now for a month, Two months maybe. It  could been a year for all I know. And I know nothing.


It's een rough, Jocelyn. I always find myself sitting on the roof, looking down at the street that took your life away from you. I always balance on one foot, dangling unnaturally close tot he edge, so if a gust of wind comes i might just fall onto the road below and lose mine. But the wind never comes. It's as if you're up in heaven, telling the gods not to let me fall. It's like you want me here.


But i don't want to be here.


I still can't wrap my head aroung the fact that you're gone. You're gone. The words don't seem to make sense to me. So many people have come up to me, with greif stricken terms of endearment. I always stare back at them. Confused at what they're talking about. You're fine?  I always think.  Why are they crying? But then i realize they do too, like everyone, loved you dearly. You had that effect on people you know.


I remember just a few days after it happened, this crazy old lady came up to me. She said how "sorry" she was. I snapped. I broke down in these random old lady arms. How could she be sorry? She didn't do anything at all. It was my fault. I should have caught you. But then i get angry at you. Even i wish i didn't.


Why did you lean over theedge, Joce? You leant too far. And i didn't even catch you. I hate blaming you. So i blame myself. People keep telling me it's not my fault. But it is. I know it is.


Some strangers came up to me, saying that it was suicide. My friend ended up having to drag me away from screaming at some thirteen year old that not even you, wth your astounding beauty would take your own life away.


Of course it wasn't suicide. You weren't the happiest , ost loving person i knew. You were perfect. You didn't take your own life away and if people said you did, I would make sure it was clear to the you were too good of a person to do that.


For some reason, I feel that's what hurts the most. You died in the most un-deliberate way possible. It was merely a mostake. I remember the moment so clearly, you laughing as you ran across the beam, one misplaced step and you fell.


You didn't even scream Jocelyn. Maybe you did. I just didn't hear it. I couldn't hear anything. Everything went slow as you fell and I was jolted to the spot. My knees gave away and everything went black.


I'm not sure how it happened, but I woke up in a hospital few hours later. The doctors refusing to tell me what happened. It didn't take me long to figure out what happened.


It just feels like youron this road trip and you're not coming back. It's like I want to find the fastest car I can, just so I can race after you, making sure you didn't slip through my fingers like icey sheets of water.


I feel tired Joce. Not beacuse I haven't slept or ate. Just beacuse I'm tired. Thee's this hole in my chest, where my heart is supposed to be. I think you took it to heaven with you. I think you're just waiting for me to join you. But knowing you, you'd want me to have a long life. A family. Everything you wanted, you've would want me to have.


 But I don't. All I ever wanted was you and you're gone now. You're gone and I'm alone.


Your smile won't ever light up this dark house building anymore. Your laugh doesn't ring through the walls.  Everything is silent. Cold. All I can  hear is this voice beckoning from up above. People would say I'm crazy. They would say "she's not talking to you okay? You can't hear people from heaven."


The thing is it's beckonong. It's me.


The voice isn't coming from heaven. It's coming from the roof.


I'm going to come join you. I know you'll be annoyed at first. You'll get that crinkle between your eyes as usual. But you'll sotfen up. You'll give me that little smile you always do when we make up. That little smile that show everything will be okay. That little smile that shows that when your in love, you need to fight and scream and shout just because if you didn't, that little smile wouldn't exist.


I love you so much. So much. More than I ever loved anyone. You're my family and my life and my sister, and you know I'm not the one for cliches, but you're perfect. You're perfect tp me and no one will ever fill the hole that you occupied.


I can't live without you, Jocelyn. I feel so bad for leaving everyone behind. I love everyone. Eveyone from Dublin street, my friends, my family. But above them I love you. And I'm not going to live with out you.


Which brings me here, the roof.


I can see some peole looking up at me, so I better finish this quick befor someone actually realizes I'm going to jump.


I'm going to fold this up into a paper airplane and throw it as I jump. Then maybe you can catch it from heaven and read it while I make my way up.


My feet are cold now. They're just swung over the edge. Dangling.


So finally, I didn't say goodbye when you left. So I will say it now. Goodbye Joce. But I guess I don't really need to, since I'll be seing you in a minute.


I love you so much. I let little notes here and there for the family, just so they know I love them.


I'm feeling dizzy now and my eyes are bit blurred. It's like my body knows what's going th happen to it is as it hits the unforgiveable ground,


I'm scared. I'm sacred of the pain. I'm scared of what I'm leaving behind. I'm really scared Joce. Usually when I'm scared we cuddle up on the couch and watch a sappy moves eating chocolate. Not now. Now I'm scared and the only way that will help is that I end it now. Quick.


My whole body is shaking and my words are getting messier as I write last words I'll ever write. I love you and I'm sorry.


I'm going to tke my last breath and fold this letter up.


See you soon, Jocelyn.


Love, your sister, Nikki.


I threw the paper, and took my last breath. And jumped, but I felt strong arms help me stay alive before i could hit the ground, and end this pathetic life of mine.

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